Skip to main content

Full text of "An account of the life of the Reverend David Brainerd, minister of the gospel; missionary to the Indians from the honourable Society, in Scotland, for the propagation of Christian knowledge; and pastor of a church of Christian Indians in New-Jersey. Who died at Northampton, in New-England, October 9th, 1747, in the 30th year of his age"

See other formats





L I F E 







Who died at Northampton, in New-England, 
Oodober 9th, 1747, in the 30th year of his age. 

Chiefly taksn^ from his own DIARY, and other PRIVATE 




EXTRACTS from Mr. Br ainerd*s JOURNAL, 




///UjCd^^^ ^^-^-^^ ~ 


The E D I T O R*s 


1^ is acknowledged on all hands that one 
method of conveying religious and jno'fal inJlruHion is 
hy example. This is a medium of dijfeminating truths 
mid extending the influence of virtue y which is accom^ 
modated to every capacity , and adapted in a peculiar man^ 
ner to meet the feelings of mankind. Examples y drawn 

jf{flfy* exhibit the deformity of vice, and the beauty of 
virtue ; not with the languor of mere fpeculation, but 
with the energy offlriki/tg faB, in which the legiti" 
mate effeEl offentiment isfeen: The example furnifh&d 
in the following pages is that offlriB and almofl ufiva- 
tying piety. The chriflian lije of Mr. Brainerd^ 
though Jhort, was lovely. It was fueh as has flrik- 
ingly adorned the doctrine of God our Saviour, and^ 
as delineated in this volume ^ prefents the rnofl falutary 
injiru^lion to all defc rip t ions of men. It is removed 

from oflentatious feeming zeal on the one hand, and a 

flupid jnaclion on the other ; from enthufiafm, and form'- 
ality. Here we may fee the leading fentiments of the 

gofpel, having their ge?iuine influence on the hearty and 

A i; reduced 


4 The E D I T O R*s 

reduced to a uniform praci'ice ; the realfpirit ofchrijli- 
anity.firipped of all difguife, and forming an obvious 
contrajl to the barren indevout lives of thoufands of 
profeffors. Mr. Brainerdwas achriflian, not in name 
only ; but in reality, in life, in the progrcffive ardour of 
true godlinefs. His religion was fupernaluraU and ex- 
perimental ; founded in holy love, conflituting a bond 
of union to God, embracing all the intcrcjis of his gov- 
ernment ^ and refembling his pure nature. It was. not 
the 7nere decency of a reformed life, the popular goodnefs 
of the prefent day. It reached the heart, and formed the 
■chara&er of the whole man* It did not conftfl in a be- 
ing profelyted to one party or the other, but in a cor- 
dial, unco?iditional, perfevering devotednefs to God 
through the grace which is by Jefus Chrifl. Since 
injiances of equal piety are rare, efpecially at the pref- 
ent day, it is happy for the caufe of religion thai fuch a 
life has been preferved from oblivion, and that, through 
the medium of the prefs, it may be fpread abroad, as an 
objcdl of refrefloi?tg contemplation to Gpd*s people, and 
/IS afource ofrcjlraint and conviBion to finners. T^he 
ILife of Mr, Brai?ierd, prefentedto the public k by Pref- 
ident Edwards, of which the following, excepting fome 
few retrenchments, is an exa£l copy, has always been 
read with pleafure and improvement by the friends of 
pure chriflianity. And the editor cannot but flatter 
himfelf, that, under the bleffing of God, the prefent edi- 
tion may have its utility, in the fecurity of the fame 
gr^at obje5ls, the conviction of finners, and the edifica- 
tion and confolatiQn of fome ^ at leaji, of the children of 



Zio7i, ■ 77'<? autheiiticity of 'what is exhibited in the 
Life and 'Journal of Mr, Brainerd, can admit of no 
doubt ; fince the former was publifJjed by a gentleman 
'whofe reputation for leaj-ning^ integrity, and univerfal 
piety ^ is eflablifhed even beyond the cavils of impie- 
ty itfelf and was compiled by him chiefly from Mr. 
Brainerd^s own Diary ; and fince the latter was writ' 
ten by Mr. Brainerd^s own hand, was attefiedby fever^ 
al reputable miniflers of the gofpel, a?id'was publijhed 
under the fan 61 ion and patronage of the Society for prop- 
agating Chrifiian Knowledge in Scotland. With re" 
fpeB to the retrenchments which have been made, the 
editor has ex^rcifedbis befl judgment , Nothing, infa6f, 
has been fiippreffed which was of importance to anim' 
partial dif play of Mr. Brainerd's charaBer ; nothing 
but what had either been repeatedly fold before, or was 
local, or referred to circumfian-ces in which the reader 
cannot be interefled. The objeB of the retrenchments 
was merely to exclude what was fuperfuous, ^dthout 
concealing a Jingle trait of charaBer , or a fngle fenti^ 
ment ; to reduce, injhort, all that was confide rably 
valuable within afmaUcr compafs. Whatever opinion 
the critical reader may have of this alteration ; wheth- 
er he may think it an amendment or difj'ervice, the edi- 
tor is confdent, that the volume, as it is nowprefentcd, 
will be deemed by all the friends of experimental religion 
as a valuable pojfcj/ion. " If we have a t a fie for moral 
beauty, if we love what conflitutes the glory ofGodhim- 
felf, we fhall find jatisfatlion in perujing the following 
pages. May ivefi^id fpiritual improvement alfo. May 

A 3 we 


we bepro?npted, in imitation of this eminent fervant of 
God, to gird up the loins of our minds, to make an habits 
ual confecration of ourf elves to the will and fej'vice of 
Gody and like him find, in our own progreffive experi^ 
ence, that the ways of wifdom are ways of pleafant- 
nefs, and that all her paths are peace, ne ferious 
reader will unavoidably make an efiimate of his own 
fpiritualflate, inacomparifon with what Mr. Brainerd 
appears to have experienced, and the manner in which 
he lived. The trial will be f eve re ; but if made judi- 
cioufly it can have no ill effe6i. As, however, Jo/ne of 
God's people, who are rather prone to view things on 
the dark fide, may be in danger of mifcalculating^ it can- 
not be improper to obferve, that a man may be a real 
chriflian, though he be not of the fiature of Mr. Brai- 
nerd. His life is not exhibited to the puhlick view as a 
Jlandard, to the complete meafure of which every one 
mufl come or not befaved» It is believed that the fpir" 
it of vital chrifiianity is in its nature every where the 
fam^e, and that, in the general, the fame things in kind 
mvfl be experieticed, the fame affeBions exercifed, and 
the fame holy converfation maintained : But of true 
chrifiians there are undoubtedly fame of a larger, and 
fome of a f nailer growth . If we have the diflinguifhing 
evidences of a fate of grace, though not with the fame in- 
dubitable clearnefs with which Mr. Brainerd. Jeems to 
have been favoured, we are alkwed to entertain hope to- 
wards God,and foould do wrong to rejcB the confolations 
which infinite mercy may prefent us. Thefirong ought 
to bear the infirmities of the weak ; and the weak, in-. 

■ fiead 


Jlead of Jinking into a dejeBed unpy qfitable defpondency^ 
ought to prefs forward to perfeBion. 

It is manifefi that Mr Brainerd was, from his con* 

Jlitutional habit, inclined to melancholy. His bodily 

health was generally low. And the peculiar circum^ 

fiances into which he was thrown in the prefecution of 

his pub lick duty, confpired with his natural infirmities 

to plunge him often into extreme dejeBion, This de^ 

jeBion the carelefft! reader may impute to his particular 

views of chrifiianity. But they ought not tobecort^ 

founded. This dejeBion formed no part of his religion. 

It was merely animal. His religion, in faB, was his 

_ only relief from his depreffions. That the reader may 

be exempted from that unhappy portion of his experience 

and enjoy the infinitely precious part, the divine co}7fo^ 

lations with which he was favoured, is the fervent 

prayer of his friend andfervant in 'Jefus Chrijt, 


Worcester, May 29th, 1793. 


•^•^*->»'<$^2?<§X^?©:<f=£>V< *t-< 


TN the fubfcription papers the publick had a partial encouragement 
that (hould the fubfcribers be numerous, there would be a diminu- 
tion of the price. The expectations of the Editor are not fully anfwer- 
ed in this refpefl. But had they been anfwered, the addition cf moye 
than fifty pages to the number mentioned in the conditions will be con- 
fidcred as an ample equivalent to fuch a benefit, and be a fecurity frona 
all poflible imputation. 

— =».»->ik®»'5^@<^^{gM-^s^^- 







^roDi his Birth, to the time i£:be?2 he began to devote 
himfelf to //jf S T u d Y ^Z" D i v i n i T Y , //z order to his 
being fitted for the Work of the Ministry. 

[1^ yfR. David Brainerd was born April 20, 1718, 
iVJL at Haddam, a town belonging to the county 
ofMiddlefex, in the ftate of Connedicut, New-En- 
gland. His father, who died when this hisfonwas 
about nine years of age, was the Worfliipful Hezeki- 
ah Brainerd, Efqj anafliftant, or one of his Majefty's 
Council for the then colony, and the fon of Daniel 
Brainerd, Efqj a juftice of the peace, and a deacon 
of the church of Chrift in Haddam. His mother 
was Mrs. Dorothy Hobart, daughter to the Rev. 
Mr. Jeremiah Hobart, who preached a while at 
Topsfieid, and then removed to Hempflead on 
Long-Ifland, and afterwards remioved from Hemp- 
'flead (by reafon of numbers turning Quakers, and 
many others being fo irreligious, that they would do 
nothing towards the fupport of the miniftry) and 
came and fettled in the work of theminiliry at Had- 
dam : Where he died in the 85th year of his age ; 
Of whom it is remarkable, that he went to the pub- 

10 The life of 

lick wor/hip in the forenoon, and died in his chair 
between meetings. And this Rev. gentleman was 
fon of the Rev. Mr. Peter Hobart, who was firft 
minifter of the gofpel at Hingham, in the county of 
Norfolk in England, and by reafon of the perlecu- 
tion of the puritans, removed with his family to 
New-England, and was fettled in the miniftry at Hmg- 
ham,in MafTachufetts. The mother of Mrs. Dorothy 
Hobart (who was afterwards Brainerd j was daughter 
to the Rev. Mr. Samuel Whiting, minifter of the 
gofpel, firft at Bofton in Lincolnfhire, and afterwards 
at Lynn in MafTachufetts, New-Engiand : He had 
three fons that were miniflers of the gofpel. 

Mr. David Brainerd was the third fon of his pa- 
rents. They had five fons and four daughters. 
Their eldefl fon was Hezekiah Brainerd, Efq; a juf- 
tice of the peace, and for feveral years a reprefenta- 
tive of the town of Haddam, in the General AfTem- 
bly of Connedticut. The fecond was the Rev. Mr. 
Nehemiah Brainerd, a worthy minifler at Eaftbury 
in Connedicut, who died of a confumption, Novem- 
ber 10, 1742. The fourth was Mr. John Brainerd, 
who fucceeded his brother David, as miffionary 
to the Indians, and paftor of the fame church of 
chriflian Indians in Newrjerfey : And the fifth was 
Ifrael, ftudent at Yale-College in New-Haven, who 
died foon after his brother David. Mrs. Dorothy 
Brainerd having lived feveral years a widow, died 
when her fon, (whofe life I am about to give an ac- 
count of,) was about fourteen years of age : So that 
in his youth he was left both fatherlei's and mother- 
]efs. What account be has given of himfclf, and 
his own life, may be feen in what follows.] 

I WAS, I think, from my youth, fornethingfober, ' 
and inclined rather to melancholy, than the contrary 
extreme ; but do not remember any thing of convic- 
tion of fjn, worthy of remark, until I was, I believe, . 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. ii 

about feven or eight years of age j when I became 
fomcihing concerned for my foul, and terrified at 
the thoughts of death, and was driven to the per- 
formance of duties*. But it appeared a mclancholj'" 
buiincfs, and deftroyed my eagernefs for play. And 
alas ! this religious concern was but Ihortlived. 
However, 1 fometimes attended fecret prayer ; and 
thus lived at eafe in Zion, u- it bout God in the world, 
and without much concern, as 1 remember, until I 
was above thirteen years of age. But fome time 
in the winter, 1732,! was fomething roufed out of car- 
nal fecurity, by I fcarce knew what means at firif ; 
but was much excited by the prevailing of a mortal 
ficknefs in Haddam. 1 was frequent, conffant, and 
ibmething fervent in duties, and took delight in read- 
ing, efpecially Mr. Janeway's Token for Children; I 
felt fometimes much melted in duties, and took 
great delight in the performance of them : And I 
fometimes hoped that 1 was converted, or at leaftin 
a good and hopeful way for heaven and happinefs, 
not knowing what converfion was. The Spirit of 
God at this time proceeded far with me j 1 was re- 
markably dead to the world, and my thoughts were 
almoft wholly employed about my fouFs concerns ; 
and 1 may indeed fay, almoji I was perfuaded to be a 
chrijlian. I wasalfo exceedingly diftreiled and mel- 
ancholy at the death of my mother, in March, 1732. 
But afterwards my religious concern began to de- 
cline, and I by degrees fell back into a confidcrable 
degree of fecurity ; though 1 Hill attended fecret 
prayer frequently. 

About the 15th of April, 1733, I removed from 
my father's hcufe to Ea(l-Haddam, where I fpent 
four years, but llill without God in the world ; though 


* The rrader will find from the general current of Mr. Brainerd's writings, ihatoy 
the term duty, he doth no' mean any real, genuine compliance with the law or gou 
pel, but certain external perlormanccs, the rclult of ronviilion and concern, and 
entirely compatible wiih leiguing enmity of Ueitr; to C;o4> 

12 TheLIFEof 

for the moft part I went a round of fecret duty. I 
was not exceedingly addidted to young company, or 
frolicking (as it is called.) But this 1 know, that 
when I did go into company, I never returned from 
a frolick in my life, with fo good a conicience as I 
went with : It always added new guilt to me, and 
made me afraid to come to the throne of grace, and 
fpoiled thofe good frames, I was wont fometimes to 
pleafe myfelf with. But alas ! all my good frames 
were but felf righteoufnefs, not bottomed on a defire 
for the glory of God . 

About the latter end of April, 1737, being full 
nineteen years of age, I removed to Durham, and 
began to work on my farm, and fo continued the 
year out, or near, until I was twenty years old, fre- 
quently longing, from a natural inclination, after a 
liberal education. When I was about twenty years 
of age, I applied myfelf to fludy ; and fome time be- 
fore, was more than ordinarily excited to and in du- 
ty : But now engaged more than ever in the duties 
of religion. I became very ftrid:, and watchful over 
my thoughts, words, and adions j and thought I 
muft be fober indeed, becaufe I defigned to devote 
my felf to the miniftry ; and imagined I did dedicate 
myfelf to the Lord. 

Sometime in April, 1738, I went to Mr. Fifke's, 
and lived with him, during his life*. And I remem- 
ber, he advifedme wholly to abandon young compa- 
ny, and aflbciate myfelf with grave elderly people : 
Which counfel I followed ; and my manner of life 
was now exceeding regular, and full of religion, fuch 
as it was : For I read my Bible more than twice 
through in lefs than a year, I fpent much time every 
day in fecret prayer, and other fecret duties : 1 gave 
great attention to the word preached, and endeavour- 
ed to my utmofl to retain it. So much concerned 


• Mr. rilkc was the pallor of the church in Haddam, 


was I about religion, that I agreed with fome young 
perfons to meet privateh'' on Sabbath evenings for re- 
ligious exercifes, and thought my felffincere in thefe 
duties ; and after our meeting was ended, I ufed to 
repeat the difcourfes of the day to myfelf, and recoi- 
led: what I could, though fometimes it was very late 
in the night. Again on Monday mornings, I ufed 
fometimes to recoiled: the fame fcrmons. And I 
had fometimes confiderable rnovings of affedionsin 
duties, and much pleafure, and had many thoughts 
of joining to the church. In fliort, I had a very good 
outfide, and refted entirely on my duties, though I 
was not fenfible of it. 

After Mr. Fiflce's death, I proceeded in my learn- 
ing with my brother ; and was flillvery conllant in 
religious duties, and often wondered at the levity of 
profcffors ; it was a trouble to me, that they were fo 
carelcfs in religious matters. Thus I proceeded a 
confiderable length on a felf righteous foundation; 
and riiould have been entirely loll and undone, had 
not the mere mercy of God prevented. 

Some rime in the beginning of winter, anno 1738, 
it plcafed God, on one Sabbath day morning, as I 
was walking out for fome fecret duties (as I remem- 
ber) to give me on a fndden fuch a fenfe of my dan- 
ger and the v\rath of God, that I ftood amazed, and 
my former good frames, that I had pleafed myfelf 
^^'ith, all prefently vaniflicd ; and from the view, 
that I had of my fm and vilene[s, I was much dif- 
trelTed all that day, fearing the- vengeance of God 
would foon overtake me ; I was much dejected, and 
kept much alone, and fometimes begrudged the birds 
and beaits their happinefs, becaufe they were not ex- 
pofed to eternal mifery, as I evidently faw I was. 
And thus I lived from day to day, being frequently 
in great diflrefs. Sometimes there appeared moun- 
tains before me to Obllrud my hopes of mercy ; and 


14 TheLIFEof 

the work of converfion appeared fo great, I thought 
I (hould never be the fubjed: of it : But ufed how- 
ever, to pray and cry to God, and perform other du- 
ties with great earneftnefs, and hoped by fome 
means to make the cafe better. And though I, hun- 
dreds of times, renounced all pretences of any w©rth 
in my duties (as I thought) even in the feafonof the 
performance of them, and often confefTed to God 
that I deferved nothing for the very bcft of them, 
but eternal condemnation : Yet {till I had a fecrct 
latent hope of recommending myfelf to Godi)y my 
religious duties ; and when J prayed affectionately, 
and my heart feemed in fome meafure to melt, I 
hoped God would be thereby moved to pity me ; my 
prayers then looked with fome appearance of good- 
nefs in them, and I feemed to mourn for fin ; and 
then I could in fome meafure venture on the mercy 
of God in Chrifl, (as I thought ;) though the pre- 
ponderating thought and foundation of my hope was 
fome imagination of goodnefsin my heart meltings, 
and flowing of affedlions in duty, and fometimes ex- 
traordinary enlargements therein, &c. Though at 
fome times the gate appeared fo very ftrait, that it 
looked next to impoflible to enter, yet at other times 
I flattered myfelf that it was not fo very difficult, 
and hoped I fhould by diligence and watchfulnefs 
foon gain the point. Sometimes after enlargement 
in duty and confiderable affe(5tion, I hoped I had 
made a good ftep towards heaven, and imagined 
that God was affected as 1 v/as, and that he would 
hear fuch fincere cries, (as I called them) and fo 
fometimes when I withdrew for fecret duties in great 
diftrefs, I returned fomething comfortable ; and thus 
healed myfelf with my duties. 

Some time in February, 1738,9,1 fet apart a day for 
fecret faffing and prayer, and fpent the day in al- 
moft inceffant cries to God for mercy, that he would 


^ Mr. DAVID BR A I NERD. 15 

open my eyes to fee the evil of fin, and the way of 
life by Jefus Chriil. And God was pleafed that day 
to make confiderable difcoveries of my heart to me : 
But ftill I trufled in all the duties I performed ; 
though there was no manner of goodnefs in the du- 
ties I then performed, there being no manner of re- 
fpecft to the glory of God in them, nor any fuch prin- 
ciple in my heart : Yet God was pleafed to make 
my endeavours that day, a means to Ihew me my 
helpleflhefs, in fomemeafure. 

Sometimes I was greatly encouraged, and imagin- 
ed that God loved me and was pleafed with me, and 
thought I fhould foon be fully reconciled to God ; 
while the whole was founded on mere prefumption, 
arifing from enlargement in duty, or flowing of af- 
fections, or fome good refolutions, and the like. 
And when, at times,, great diftrefs began to arife, on 
a fight of my vilenefs and nakednefs, and inability 
to deliver myfelf from a fovereign God, I ufed to 
put off the difcovery, as what I could not bear. Once, 
I remember, a terrible pang of diftrefs feized me, 
and the thoughts of renouncing myfelf, and ftand- 
ing naked before God, ftripped of all goodnefs, 
were fo dreadful to me, that I was ready to fay to 
them as Felix to Paul, Go thy way for this time. 
Thus, though I daily longed for greater convid:iori 
of fin, fuppofing that I muft fee more of my dread- 
ful ft:ate in order to a remedy, yet when the difcov- 
eries of my vile hellifh heart were made to me, the 
fight was fo dreadful, and fhewed mc fo plainly my 
expofednefs to damnation, that I could not endure 
it. I conftantly ftrove after whatever qualifications, 
I imagined others obtained before the reception of 
Chrift, in order to recommend me to his favour. 
Sometimes I felt the power of an hard heart, and 
fuppofed it muft be foftened before Chrift would 
accept of mc j and when I felt any meltings of heart, 


i6 TheLIFEof 

I hoped now the work was almoft done : And hence, 
when my diftrefs ftill remained, I was wont to mur- 
mur at God's dealings with me; and thought, when 
others felt their hearts foftened, God fliewed them 
mercy : But my diftrefs remained ftill. 

Sometimes I grew remifs and fluggirti, without 
any great convictions of fin, for a confiderable time 
together; but after fuch a feafon, convictions fome- 
times feized me more violently. One night Ire- 
member in particular, when I was walking fblitari- 
ly abroad, 1 had opened to me fuch a v\tw of my 
fin, that I feared the ground would cleave afunder 
under my feet, and become my grave, and fend my 
foul quick into hell, before I could get home. And 
though I was forced to go to bed, left my diftrefs 
fhould be difcovered by others, which I much fear- 
ed j yet I fcarce durft fteep at all, for I thought it 
would be a great wonder if I fhould be out of hell in 
the morning. And though my diftrefs was fometimes 
thus great, yet I greatly dreaded the lofs of convic- 
tions, and returning back to a ftate of carnal fecurity, 
and to my former infenfibility of impending wrath; 
which made me exceeding exa6t in my behaviour, 
left: I fhould ftifle the motions of God's Spirit. When 
at any time I took a view of my convidlions of my 
own finfulnefs, and thought the degree of them to 
be confiderable, I was wont to truft in my convic- 
tions : But this confidence, and the hopes that arofe 
in me from it, of foon making fome notable advances 
towards deliverance, would eafe my mind, and I 
foon became more fenfelefs and remifs : But then 
again when I difcerned my convidlions to grow lan- 
guid, and I thought them about to leave me, this 
immediately alarmed and diftrefifed me. Sometimes 
I expeded to take a large ftep, and get very far to- 
wards converfion by fome particular opportunity or 

means I had in view. 



The many difappointments, and great diftreffes 
and perplexity 1 met with, put me into a moft hor- 
iibie frame of contelling with the Almighty ; with 
an inward vehemence and virulence, finding fault 
with his ways oi dealing with mankind. I found 
great fault with the imputation of Adam's im to his 
pofterity : And my wicked heart often wiihed for 
ibme other way of falvation than by Jefus Chrift : 
And being Uke the troubled fca, and my thoughts 
confufed, i ufed to contrive to efcape the wrath of 
God by fome other means, and had flrange projec- 
tions, full of Atheifm, contriving to difappoint God*s 
defi^ns and decrees concerning me, or to efcape 
God's notice, and hide m)'felt from him : But when, 
upon refled.ion, I favv ihefe projections were vain, 
and would not ferve me^ and that I could contrive 
nothing for my own relief, this would throw my 
mind into the moil horrid frame, to wifli there was 
no God, or to wilh there were fome other God that 
could control him, 6cc. Thefe thoughts and de- 
lires were the fecret inclinations of my heart, that 
were frequently atting before I was aware ; but alas, 
they were mine ! although I was affrighted with 
them, when I came torei!e(5f on them : When I con- 
fidered of it, it diilrcired me, to think that my heart 
was fo full of enmity againjl God ; and it made me 
tremble, lefl God's vengeance Ihould fuddenly fall 
upon me. I ufed before to imagine my heart was 
not fo bad as the icriptures and fome other books 
reprcfcnted. I ufed to take much pains 
to work it up into a good framei a humble ilibmif- 
fivc difpoiition ; and hoped there was then fome 
goodnefs in me : But it may be on a fudden, the 
thoughts of the ftridtnefs of the law, or the fovereign- 
xy ot God, would fo irri'ate the corruption of my 
heart, that I had fo watched over, and, hoped I had 
Drought to a good frame, that it would break over 
B all 

i8 T II L L I F E o r 

all bounds, and biirll: forth on all fides, like fiood: 
of waters, when they break down their dam. But 
being fenfible of the necefTity of a deep humiliation in 
order to a faving clofe with Chrift, 1 ufed to fetmy- 
^felf to work in my own heart thofeconvid:ions, that 
were requifite in fiich an humiliation : As, a convic- 
tion, that God would be juft, it hecaft me off forev- 
er ; and that if ever God Ihould bellow mercy on 
me, it would be mere grace, though I fhould be in 
diftrcfs many years firft, and be never fo much en- 
gaged in duty ; that God was not in the leaft obliged 
to pity me the more for all paft duties, cries, and 
tears, &c. Thefc things I ftrovc to my utmoft to 
bring myfelftoa firm belief of, and hearty affent 
to ; and hoped that now 1 was brought off from my- 
self, and truly humbled and bowed to the divine 
fovereignty ; and was wont to tell God in my pray- 
ers, that now I had thofe very difpolitions of foul 
that he required, and on which he fliewed mercy to 
ethers, and thereupon to beg and plead for mercy 
to me : But when 1 found no relief, and was fliil 
oppreffed with guilt and fears of wrath, my foul was 
in a tumult, and my heart rofe againfl God, as deal- 
ing hardly with me. Yet then my confcience flew 
in my face, putting me in mind of my late confef- 
iion to God of his juifice in my condemnation, &c. 
And this, giving me a light of the badnefs of my 
.Jieart, threw me again into diflrefs, and I wiflied [ 
had watched my heart more narrowly, to keep it 
from breaking out againft God*s dealings with me, 
and I even wiflied 1 had not pleaded for mercy on 
account of my humiliation, becaufc thereby I had 
loll all my feeming goodnefs. 

Thus, fcores of times, 1 vainly imagined myfeli 
humbled and prepared for faving mercy. 

While I was in this diflrelfcd, bewildered, and 
tumultuous ftate of mind, the corruption of my 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 19 

heart was efpecially irritated with thefe things fol- 
lowing : 

I . The ftricflnefs of the divine law. For I found 
it was impoflible for me, after my iitmoft pains, to 
anfwer the demands of it. I often made new refolu- 
rions, and as often broke them. I imputed the 
whole to careleiTnefs, and the want of being more 
watchful, and ufed to call myfelf a fool for my neg- 
ligence : But when, upon a ftronger refolution, and 
greater endeavours, and clofe application ot myfelf 
to falling and prayer, 1 found all attempts fail, then 
1 quarrelled with the law of God, as unreafonably 
rigid. 1 thought, if it extended only to my outward 
a(5tions and behaviour, I could bcarv/ith it : But I 
found it condemned me for niy evil thoughts, and 
fins of my heart, which I could not poffibly prevent. 
I was extremely loth to give out, and own my utter 
helplelTnefs in this matter : But after repeated dif- 
appointments, tliought that, rather than perilli, I 
could do a little more Hill, efpecially iffuchand fuch 
circumflanccs might but attend my endeavours and 
llrivings; I hoped tliat I fliouldftrivemore earneftly 
ly than ever, if the matter came toextremity (though I 
nevcrcould find the time todomyutmoff, in the man- 
ner 1 intended:) And this hope of future more favour- 
after, kept me from defpair in myfelf, and from fee- 
ing myfelf fallen into the hands of a fovereign God, and 
dependent on nothing but free and boundleis grace t 
2. Another thing was, that faith alone was the 
condition of falvation ; and that God would not 
come down to lower terms, that he would not prom- 
ife life and falvation upon my fuicere and hearty 
prayers and endeavours. That word, Mark xvi. 16. 
He that helieveth not, jhall he damned, cut off all hope 
there : And I found, faith was the fovereign gift ot 
God j that i could not get it as of myfelf, and could 

B % not 

20 TheLIFEof 

not oblige God to beftow it upon me, b)' any of my 
performances. Eph. ii. i. 8. This, I was ready to 
fay, is' a hard fiyi'igy JVho can hear it P I could not 
bear, that all I had done (liould ftand for mere noth- 
ing, who had been very confcientious in duty, and 
had been exceeding religious a great while, and had 
(as I thought) done much more than many others 
that had obtained mercy. I eonfefled indeed the 
vilenefs of my duties ; but then, what made them 
at that time feem vile, v/as my wandering thoughts 
in them ; not becaufe I was all over defiled like a 
devil, and the principle corrupt from whence they 
flowed, fo that I could not poffibly do any thing that 
was good. And therefore I called what I did, by 
the name of honeft faithful endeavours ; and could 
not bear it, that God had made no promifes of falva- 
tion to them. 

3. Another thii7g was, that I could not find out 
what faith was 5 or what it was to believe, and 
eome to Chrift. I read the calls of Chrifl, made to 
the weary and heavy laden ; but could iind no way, 
that he directed them to come in. I thought, I 
would gladly come, if I knew how, though the path 
of duty dirc6ted to were never fo difficult. I read- 
Mr. Stoddard's Guide to Chrifl: (which I truflwas, 
in the hand of God, the happy means of my conver- 
fion) and my heart rofe againft the author ; for 
though he told me my very heart all along under con- 
victions, and feemed to be very beneficial to mc in 
his directions ; yet here he failed, he did not tell me 
any thing I could do, that would bring me to Chrift, 
but left me as it were with a great gulf between m.e 
and Chrilt, without any direction to get through. 
For I was not yet effe(5tually and experimentally 
taught, that there could be noway prefcribed, where- 
by a natural man could, of his own ftrength, obtain 
that which is fupcrnaturai, and which the h.igheft 
angel cannot give. 

4. Another 

M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 21 

4. Another thing that I found a great inward op- 
poiition to, was the Ibvereignty of God. I could 
not bear, that it Ihould be wholly at God*s pleafure, 
to fave or damn me, jufl as he would. That paf- 
fage, Rom. ix. 11 — 23. was a conftant vexation to 
me, efpccially verfe 21 . The reading or meditating 
on this always deftroyed my feeming good frames : 
When I thought I was almoft humbled, and almofl 
refigned to G«> J's fovereignty, the reading or think- 
ing on this palTage would make my enmity againft 
the fovereignty of God appear. And when 1 came 
to refle6l on my inward enmity and blafphemy, that 
arofe on this occafion, I was the more afraid ot God, 
and driven further from any hopes of reconciliation 
with him ; and it gave me fuch a dreadful view of 
myfelf, that I dreaded more than ever to fee myfelf in 
God*s hands, and at his fovereign difpofal, and it 
made me more oppofite than ever to lubmit to his 
fovereignty ; for I thought God dcfigned my dam- 

All this time the Spirit of God was powerfully at 
work with me; and I was inwardly prefled torelin- 
quifh all fclf confidence,' all hopes of ever helping 
myfelf by any means whatfoever ; And the convic- 
tion of my loil eftate was fometimes (o clear and 
manifefl: before my eyes, that it was as if it had been 
declared to me in fo many words, '* It is done, it is 
done, it is forever impoflibleto deliver yourfelf." For 
about three or four days, my foul was thus diflrefTed', 
cfpecially at fome turns, when for a few moments I 
fccmed to myfelf loll and undone ; but thicn would 
Ihrink back immediately from the fight, be- 
caufe I dared not venture myfelf into the hands of 
God, as wholly helplcfs, and at the difpofal of his 
fovereign pleafure. I dared not fee that important 
truth concerning myfelf, that I was dead in trefpajjcs 
and fms. But when I had as it were thrufl: aw;iy 
B 3 thcfe 

0,% TheLIFEof 

thefc views of myfclf at any time, I felt diilrefled to 
have the fame difcoveries of myfelf again ; for 1 
greatly feared being given over of God to final flu- 
pid-ity. When I thought of putting it off to a more 
(on-venieut fcafon^ the convi<ftion was fo clofe and 
powerful with regard to the prefenttime, that it was 
the bell time, and probably the only time, that I 
dared not put it off. It was the fight of truth con* 
cerning myfelf, truth refpe(5ting myflate, as a crea- 
ture fallen and alienated from God, and that confe- 
quently could make no demands on God for mercy, 
but muft fubfcribe to the abfolute fovercignty of the 
Divine Being j the fight of the truth, I fay, my 
foul fhrankaway from, and trembled to think of be- 
holding. ThuSy be that doih evil {2iS all unregener- 
ate men continually do) hates the light of truths 
neither cares to eome to it^ becauie it will reprove his 
deeds J and fliew him his jufl deferts. (John iii. 20.) 
And though, fome time before, I h^d taken much 
pains (as I thought) to fubmit to the fovereignty of 
God, yet I miflook the thing ; and did not once im- 
agine, that feeing and being made experimentally 
fenfible of this truth, which my foul now fo much 
dreaded and trembled at a icu^to^, was the frame of 
ibul that I had been fo earnefl; in purfuit of hereto- 
fore : For I had ever hoped, that when I had attain- 
ed to tliat humiliation, which I fuppofed neceffary 
to go before faith, then it would not be fair for God 
to caft me off; but now I faw it was fo far from any 
goodnefs in me, to ov/n myfelf fpiritualjy dead, and 
dcftitute of all goodnefs, that on the contrary, my 
mouth would be forever flopped by it : and it look- 
ed as dreadful to me, to fee myfclf, and the relation 
I ftood in to God, as a finncrand a criminal, atid he 
a great judge and fovereign, as it would be to a poor 
trembling creature, to venture off Ibmc high preci- 
pice. And hence 1 put it off for a minute or two, 


Mr. DA VI D BR A I NERD. 23 

and tried for better circumftances to do it in ; either 
I muft read a pafTage cr two, or pray firil, or fone- 
thing of the hke nature ; or elfe put off my fubmif- * 
fion to God's fovereignty, with an objection, that I 
did not know how to fubmit : But the truth was, 1 
could feenofafety in owning mylelf in the hands of a 
fovereign God, and that I could lay no claim to any 
thing better than damnation. 

But after a condderable time fpent in fuch likeex- 
crcifes and diftrefles, one morning, while I was walk- 
ing in afoHtary place as ufual, I at once faw that all 
my contrivances and projections to effect or procure 
deliverance and falvation for myfelf, were utterly in 
vain ': 1 was brought quite to a ffand, as finding my- 
felf totally loft. I had thought many times before, 
that the difficulties in my way v/ere very great : Buc 
now I faw, in another and very different light, that 
it was forever impoiliblc forme to do any thing to- 
wards helping or delivering myfelf. I then thought 
of blaming myfelf, that I had not done more, and 
been more engaged, while I had opportunity (tor ic 
feemed now as if the fcafon of doing was forever 
over and gone) but I inlfantly faw, that let me have 
done what I would, it would no more have tended 
to my helping myfelf, than what I had done ; 
that I had made all the pleas I ever could have made 
to all eternity ; and that all my pleas were vain. 
The tumult that had been before in my mind, was 
now quieted ; and I was fomething eafcd of that 
diitrefs, which I felt while ffruggling againlf a light 
of myfelf, and of the divine fovereignty. I had the 
greateft certainty, that my ftate was forever mifera- 
ble, tor all that I could do ; and wondered^ and was 
almolt aitonidicd, that I had never been lenflblc of it 

In ih.e time while I remained in this ftate, my no- 
tions; r'.'f" '/ 'n-r my duties, were quite different 

B 4 from 

214 TheLIFEof 

from what I had ever entertained in times paft, 
Before this, the more I did in duty, the more I 
thought God was obliged to me ; or at leaft the 
more hard I thought it would be for God to caft me 
off; though at the fame time I confcfTed, and thought 
I faw, that there was no goodnefs or merit in my 
duties : But now the more I did in prayer or any 
>other duty, the more I faw I was indebted to God 
for allowing me to alk for m.crcy ; for I iaw, it was 
felf intereft had led me to pray, and that I had never 
once prayed from any refpecft to the glory of God. 
Now Ifaw, there was no nccelTary conne(ftion be- 
tween my prayers and the beftowmient of divine 
incrcy ; that they laid not the lead obligation upon 
God to beftow his grace upon me ; and that there 
was no niore virtue or goodnefs in them, than there 
would be in my paddling with my hand in the wa- 
ter, (which was the comparifon I had then in my 
iP-ind) and this becaufe they were not performed 
from any love or regard to God. I law that 1 had 
been heaping up my devotions before God, fading, 
praying, &c. pretending, and indeed really thinking, 
at feme times, that I was aiming at the glory of God ; 
whereas I never once truly intended it, but only my 
own happincfs. I faw, that, as I had never done 
any thing for God, I had no claim to lay to any thing 
from him, but perdition, on account of my hypoc- 
rify and mockery. O how different did my duties 
now appear from what they ufed to do ! 1 ufed to 
charge them with fm and imperfection ; but this 
■was only on account of the wanderings and vain 
thoughts attending them, and not becaufe I had no 
regard to God in them ; for this I thought I had : 
But when I faw evidently that I had regard to 
pothing but felf intereft, then they appeared vile 
jnockery of God, felf worlhip, and a continual courfe 
pf lies j fo that I faw now, there was fomething 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 25 

^vorfe had attended my duties, than barely a few 
wanderings, &c. for the whole was nothing but 
felf worfhip and an horrid abufe of God. 

I continued, as I remember, in this ftate of mind, 
from Friday morning until the Sabbath evening fcl- 
jou'ing, July 13, 1739, when I was walking again in 
the fame folitary place where I was brought to fee 
myfelf loll: and helplefs (as was before mentioned) 
and here, in a mournful melancholy ftate, was at- 
tempting to pray ; but found no heart to engage in 
that, or any other duty; my former concern, and ex- 
trcil'e. and religious affections were now gone. I 
thought the Spirit of God had quite left me ; but 
ftill was not diifreffed : Yet difconfolate, as if there 
was nothing in heaven or earth could make me 
happy. And having been thus endeavouring to 
pray (though being^, as I thought, very flupid and 
ienfelefs) for near half an hour, (and by this time the 
fun was about half an hour high, as I remember) 
then, as I was walking in a dark thick grove, un- 
fpeakable glory ietrmd to open to the viev/ and ap- 
prehenfion of my foul : I do not mcao any external 
brightnefs, for I faw no fuch thing; nor do I intend 
any imagination of a body of light, fome where 
away in the third heavens, or any thing of that na- 
ture ; but it was a new inward apprehenfion or view 
that I had of God, fuch as I never had before, nor 
any thing which had the leafl: refemblance of it. I 
flood ftill, and wondered and admired ! I knevv' that 
I never had feen before any thing comparable to it 
for excellency and beauty : It was widely diflerent 
from all the conceptions that ever 1 had had of God, 
or things divine. 1 had no particular apprehenfion 
cf any one pcrfon in the Trinity, either the Father, 
the Son, or the Holy Ghofl: j but it appeared to be 
divine gloiy that I then beheld : And my foul re- 
joiced with joy unfpeakable, to fee fuch a God, fuch' 


26 T H E L I F E o F 

a glorious divine Being ; and I was inwardly pleaf- 
ed and fatisfied, that he fhould be God over all for- 
ever and ever. My foul was fo captivated and de- 
lighted with the excellency, lovelinefs, greatnefs, 
and other perfections of God, that I was even fwal- 
lowed up in him ; at leaft to that degree, that I had 
no thought (as I remember) at firft, about my own 
falvation, and fcarce rcflecSted there was fuch a crea- 
ture as myfelf. 

Thus God, I truft, brought me to a hearty difpo- 
fition to exalt him, and fet him on the throne, and 
principally and ultimately to aim at his honour and 
glory, as King of the Univerfe. 

I continued in this flate of inward joy and peace, 
yet aftonifhment, until near dark, without any fenli- 
ble abatement ; and then began to think and exam- 
ine what 1 had feen ; and felt fweetly compofed in 
my mind all the evening following : I felt myfelf in 
a new world, and every thing about me appeared 
with a different afped: from what it was wont to do. 

At this time, the way of falvation opened to me 
with fuch infinite wifdom, fuitablenefs and excellen- 
cy, that I wondered I fliould ever think of any other 
-way of falvation ; was amazed that 1 had not drop- 
ped my own contrivances, and complied with this 
lovely, blefTed, and excellent way before. If i could 
have been faved by my own duties, or any other way 
that I had formerly contrived, my whole foul would 
now have refufed, I wondered that all the world did 
not fee and comply with this way of falvation, en- 
tirely by the righteoufnefs of Chrifl:. 

The fweet relifli of what I then felt, continued 
with me for feveral days, almoil: condantly, in a 
greater or kfs degree : 1 could not but fweetly re- 
joice in God, lying dovv-n and rifing up. The next 
Lord*s Day I felt fomething of the fame kind ; though 
iiot fo powerful as before. But, not long after, was 



again involved in thick darknefs, and under great 
diilrels ; yet not of the fame kind with my diftrefs 
under convid:ions. I was guilty, afraid and afliam- 
ed to come before God, was exceedingly preiTcd with 
a fenle of giiilt : But it was not long before i felt, I 
truft, true repentance and joy in God. 

About the latter end of Augufl, 1 again fell under 
great darknefs ; it feemed as if the prefence of God 
was c/^a^ gone forever. Though I was not fo much 
diftreffed about my fpiritual flate, as I was at my be- 
ing fhut out from God's prefence, as I then feniibly 
was. But it pleafed the Lord to return gracioufly to 
me, not long after. 

In the beginning of September I went to college*, 
and entered there : But with fomc degree of reluc- 
tancy, fearing left I fliould not be able to lead a life 
of flrid: religion, in the midft of io many tempta- 
tions. After this, in the vacancy, before I went to 
tarry at college, it pleafed God to viiit my loul with 
clearer manifeflations of himfelf and his grace. I 
was fpcnding fome time in prayer, and felf examina- 
tion ; and the Lord by his grace fo ihined into my 
heart, that I enjoyed full allurance of his favour for 
that time ; and my foul was unfpeakably refrefhed 
with divine and heavenly enjoyments. At this time 
cfpecially, as well as fome others, fundry pafTages of 
God's word opened to my foul with divine c]earnefs» 
power and fvveetnefs, fo as to appear exceeding pre- 
cious, and with clear and certain evidence of its be-, 
ing the word of God. I enjoyed confiderablc fweet- 
ncfs in religion, all the winter following. 

In January, 1739,40, the meafles fpread much in 
college j and I having taken the diAemper, went 
honic to Haddam : But fome days before I was tak- 
en lick, 1 fcerned to be greatly deferted, and my foul 
mourned tlic abfence of the Comforter exceedingly : 


* Ysic College in Ncw-Haveu. 

sS T H E L I F E o F 

It feemed to me, all comfort was forever gone ; I 
prayed and cried to God for help, yet found no pref- 
ent comfort or relief. But tlirough divine goodnefs, 
a r>ight or two before I was taken ill, while I was 
walking alone in a very retired place, and engaged 
in meditation and prayer, I enjoyed a fweet refrelh- 
ing vifit, as I truft, from above, fo that my foul was 
raifed fir above the fears of death ^ indeed I rath- 
er longed for death, than feared it. O how much 
more refrefhing this one feafon was, than all the 
pleafures and delights that earth can afford ! After 
a day or two I was taken with the meafles, and was 
very ill indeed, fo that I almoft defpaired of life : 
But had no dillreffing fears of death at all. How- 
ever, through divine goodnefs I foon recovered : Yet, 
by rcafon of hard and clofe fludies, and being much 
€xpofed on accoimt of my frefhmanfhip, I had but 
little time for fpiritual duties ; my foul often mourn- 
ed for want of more time and opportunity to be alone 
with God. In the fpring and fummer following I 
had better advantages for retirement, and enjoyed 
more comfort in religion : Though indeed my am- 
bition in my ftudies greatly wronged the adivity 
and vigour of my fpiritual life : Yet this was ufual- 
]y the cafe with me, that i/ube multitude, of ?ny thoughts 
'within mey God^s comforts principally delighted my 
foul'. Thefe were my greateft confolations day by day. 
One day I remember in particular (I think it was 
in June, 1740) I walked to a conliderable diftance 
from the college, in the fields alone at noon, and in 
prayer found fuch unfpeakable fvvectnefs and de- 
light in God, that I thought, if I muft continue il:i]i 
in this evil world, I wanted always to be there, to 
behold God's glory : My foul dearly loved all man- 
kind, and longed exceedingly that they fhould en- 
joy what I enjoyed. It feemed to be a little refcm- 
?-]:inrr of Heaven. 


Mr. DAVID B R. A I N E R D. zq 

Oa Lord's Day, July 6, being facrament day, I 
found fome divine life and fpiritual refrelliment in 
that holy ordinance. When I came from the Lord^s 
table, I wondered" how my fellow ftudents could 
live as I was fenlible moft did. Next Lord's Day, 
July 13, I had fome fpecial iweetnefs in religion. 
Again Lord's Day, July 20, my foul was in a fweet 
and precious frame. 

Sometime in Auguft foliowins;, I became fo weak- 
ly and difordered, by too clofe application to my 
ftudies, that I was advifed by my tutor, to go home, 
and difengage my mind from ftudy, as miich as I 
could ; for I was grown fo weak, tliat I began to 
fpit blood. 1 took his advice, and endeavoured to lay 
afide my ftudies. But being brought very low, I look- 
ed death in the face m>ore fteadfaftly ; and the Lord 
was pleafcd to give me renewed ly a fweet fcnfe and 
relilli of divine things; and particularly in OcTtober 
13, I found divine help and confolation in the pre- 
cious duties of fecret prayer and feif examination, 
and my foul took delight in the bleffed God : So like- 
wife on the 17th of Odober. 

Saturday^ OBoher \%, in my morning devotions, 
my foul was exceedingly melted for, and bitterly 
mourned over my exceeding finfulnefs and vilenefs. 
I never before had felt fo pungent and deep a fenfe 
of the odious nature of fin, as at this time. My 
foul was then unufually carried forth in love to God, 
and had a lively fcnfe of God's love to me. And this 
love and hope, at that time, cad: out fear. Both m.oni- 
ing and evening I fpcnt fome time in felf examina- 
tion, to find the truth of {Trace, as alfo my fitnefs to ap- 
proach to God at his table the next day ; and through 
infinite grace, found the Holy Spirit influencing 
my foul with love to God, as a witnefs within myfelf. 

Lord's Day, Oclobcr ig, in the morning I felt 
my foul hutigerin^ and thirftivi r.^tsr righteouf^irfs. 

30 T H E L I F E o F 

In the forenoon when I was looking on the facfa- 
mental elements, and thinking that ^efus Chrift 
would foon he Jet forth crucified before me., my foul 
was filled with light and love, fo that I was almoft 
in an ecftafy ; my body was fo vveak, I could fcarce- 
]y ftand. 1 felt at the fame time an exceeding ten- 
demefs and moft fervent love towards all mankind ; 
fo that my foul and all the powers of it fcemed, as it 
were, to melt into foftnefs and fweetnefs. But in 
the feafon of the communion there was fome abate- 
ment of this fwcet life and fervour. This love and joy 
caftout fear; and my foul longed forperfc(^t grace and 
glory. This fweet Iram.e continued until the evening, 
when my foul was Iweetly fpiritual in fecret duties, 

Monday, OBober 20, 1 again found the fweet af* 
fiftance of the Holy Spirit in fecret duties, both 
morning and evening, and life and comfort in relig- 
ion through the whole day. 

Tuefday, OBober 2i, 1 had likewife experience 
of the goodnefs of God mfhedding abroad his love in 
fny heart, and giving me delight and confolation in 
religious duties. And all the remaining part of the 
week, my foul feemed to be taken up with divine 
things. I now fo longed after God, and to be freed 
from fin, that when I felt myfelf recovering, and 
thought I mull: return to college again, which had 
proved fo hurtful to my fpiritual interefl the year 
paft, I couid not but be grieved, and I thought I had 
much rather have died ; for it diftrelfed me to think 
of getting away from God. But before I went, I 
enjoyed feveral other fweet and precious fealons of 
communion with God, (particularly Odober 30, and 
November 4,) wherein my foul enjoyed unfpeakable 

I returned to college about November 6, and 
through the goodnefs of God felt the power of relig- 
ion almoft daily, for the fpace of fix weeks. 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 31 

November 28, in my evening devotion, I enjoy- 
ed precious difcoveries of God, and was unfpeaka- 
bly rcfrefbed with that pafTage, Heb. xii. 22, 23,24. 
That my foul longed to iving away for the paradife 
of God ; I longed to be conformed to God in all 
things. A day or two after, I enjoyed much of the 
light ofGod^s countenance^ moft of the day ; and my 
foul refled in God. 

Tuefday\ December 9, I was in a comfortable 
frame of foul mod of the day j but efpecially in 
evening devotions, when God was pleafed wonder- 
fully to affifl: and ftrengthen me ; fo that I thought 
nothing fhould ever move me from the love of God 
in Chrifl Jefus my Lord. O! one hour ivith God 
infinitely exceeds all the plealures and delights of 
this lower world. 

Sometime towards the latter end of January, 
1740,1, I grew more cold and dull in matters of re- 
ligion, by means of my old temptation, viz. ambi- 
tion in my 0:udies. But through divine goodnefs, a 
great and general awakening fpread itfelf over the 
college, about the latter end of February, in which 
I was much quickened, and more abundantl}'- engag- 
ed in religion. 

[This awakening here fpoken of, was at the be- 
ginning of that extraordinary religious commotion 
through the land, which is frefli in every one's mem- 
ory. This awakening was for a time very great and 
general at New- Haven ; and the college had no 
fmall iliare in it : That fociety was greatly reform- 
ed, the ftudents in general became ferious, and ma- 
ny of them remarkably fo, and much engaged in 
the concerns of their eternal falvation. And how- 
everundefirablethcitTucof theawakeningsof thatday 
have appeared in m.any others, there have been man- 
jfeHly happy and abiding effects of the imprefiions 
then made on the minds of many of the members of 


32 T H E L I F E o r 

that college. And by all that I can learn concerning 
Mr. Brainerd, there can be no reafon to doubt but 
that he had nuich of God*s gracious prefence, and 
of the lively actings of true grace, at that tirnc : But 
yet he was afterwards abundantly fenftble, that his 
rehgious experiences and afFed:ionsat that time were 
not tree from a corrupt mixture, nor his conduct to 
be acquitted from many things that vyerp imprudent 
and blamable ; which he greatly lamented himlelf, 
and was willing that others lliould forget, that none 
might make an ill improvement of fuch an example. 
And therefore, although in the time of it, he kept a 
conflant Diary, containing a very particular account 
of what paffed from day to day, for the next thirteen 
months, from the latter end of January, 1740,1, 
forementioned, in two Imall books, which he called 
the two firfi: volumes of his Diary, next following 
the account before given of his convictions, conver- 
lion, and confequent comforts ; yet, when he lay on 
his death bed, he gave order (unknown to me, until 
after his death) that thefe two volumes Ihould bede- 
ftroyed, and in the beginning of the third book of 
his Diary, he wrote thus, (by the hand of another, 
he not being able to write himfelf) — " The two pre- 
ceding volumes, immediately following the account 
of the author's converfion, are loll, if any are de- 
iirous to knov/ how the author lived in general, 
during that fpace of time, let them read the firlf thir- 
ty pages of this volume ; where they will find fome- 
thing of a fpecimen of his ordinary manner of liv- 
ing, through that whole fpace of time, which was 
about thirteen months ; excepting that here he was 
more refined from fome imprudencies and indecent 
heats, than there ; but the ipirit of devotion running 
through the whole, was the fame." 

Jt could not be othervvife than that one whofe 
heart had been fo prepared and drawn to God, as 


M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 33 

Mr. Brainerd^s had been, fliould be mightily enlarg- 
ed, animated and engaged, nt the fight of fuch aa 
alteration made in the college, the town and land, 
and To great an appearance of men*s reforming ("heir 
lives, and turning from their profanenefs and immo- 
rality, to ferioufnefs and concern for their falvation, 
and of religion's reviving and floitrifliing almoft ev- 
ery where. But as an iritemperate imprudent zeal, 
and a degree of enthufiafm loon crept in, and min- 
gled itfelf with that revival of religion ; and fo great 
and general an awakening being quite a new thing 
in the land, at lead as to all the living inhabitants 
of it ; neither people nor miniftershad learned thor- 
oughly to diftinguifh between folid religion and its 
deluiive counterfeits ; even .many minil-liers of the 
gofpel, of long Handing and the bed reputation^ 
were for a time overpowered with the glaring ap- 
pearances of the latter : And therefore iurely it was 
not to be wondered at, that young Brainerd, but a 
fophimore at college, fiiould be To ; who was not 
only young in years, but very young in religion and 
experience, and had had but little opportunity for 
the ftudy of divinity, and ftill lefs for obfcrvation of 
the circumftances and events of fuch an extraordinary 
ftatc of things ; A man miufl diveR himfelf of all 
reafon, to make ftrange of it. In thefe difadvanta- 
geous circumftances, Brainerd had the unhappinefs 
to have a tind:ure of that intemperate indifcrcet zenl, 
which was at that time too prevalent ; and Vv-as led', 
from his high opinion of others that he looked upon, 
better than himfelf, into fuch errors as were really 
contrary to the habitual temper of his mind. Ond 
inftance of his niifcondudt at that time, gave great 
ofFence to the rulers of tlie college, even to that de- 
gree that they cxpeHcd him the fociety ; which it is 
neccffary fnould'liere be particularly related, v/ith its 

C in 

34 TheLIFEqf 

In the time of the awakening at college, there 
were feveral reUgious fludents that aflbciated them- 
felves one with another for mutual converfation and 
afliflance in fpiritual things, who were wont freely 
to open themfelves one to another, as fpecial and in- 
timate friends. Brainerd was one of this company. 
And it once happened, that he and two or three 
more of thefe his intimate friends were in the hall 
together, after Mr. Whittelfey, one of the tutors, 
had been to prayer there with the fcholars ; no oth- 
er perfon now remaining in the hall, but Brainerd 
•and thefe his companions. Mr. Whittelfey having 
been unufually pathetical in his prayer, one of Brai- 
nerd 's friends on this occafion afked him what he 
thought of Mr. Whittelfey ; he made anfwer, " He 
has no more grace,than this chair." One of the frefh- 
men happening at that time to be near the hall 
(though not in the room) overheard thofe words of 
his ; though he heard no name mentioned, and knew 
not who the perfon was, which was thus cenfured. 
He informed a certain woman that belonged to the 
town, withal telling her his own fufpicion, viz. that 
he believed Brainerd faid this of fome one or other 
of the rulers of the college. W^hereupon flic went 
and informed the redbor, who fcnt for this frefliman 
and examined him ; and he told the redtor the 
words that he heard Brainerd utter, and informed 
him who were in the room with him at that time. 
Upon which the redtor fent for them : They were 
very backward to inform againft their friend, of that 
which they looked upon as private converfation, and 
efpecially as none but they had heard or knew of 
whom he had uttered thofe words j yet the rc(5]:or 
compelled them to declare what he faid, and of whom 
he faid it. Brainerd looked on himfelf greatly abuf- 
ed in the management of this affair ; and thought, 
that what he faid in private, was injurioufly extort- 


ed from his friends, and that then it was injurioufly 
required of him (as it was wont to be of fuch as had 
been guilty of fome open notorious crime) to make 
a pubh'ck confeflion, and to humble himfelf before 
the whole college in the hall, for what he had faid 
only in private converfation. He not complying 
with this demand, and having gone once to the fep- 
arate meeting at New-Haven, when forbidden by 
the redlor, arid alfo having been accufed by one per- 
fon of faying concerning the red:or, that he wonder- 
ed he did not exped: to drop down dead for fining 
the fcholars who followed Mr. Tennent to Milford, 
though there was no proof of it (and Mr. Brainerd 
ever profelTed that he did not remember his faying 
any thing to that purpofe) for thefe things he was 
expelled the college. 

Now, how far the circumftances and exigences of 
that day might juftify fuch great feverity in the gov- 
ernours of the college, I will not undertake to deter- 
mine j it being my aim, not to bring reproach on 
the authority of the college, but only to do juflice to 
the memory of a perfon who I think to be eminent- 
ly one of thofe whole memory is blejfcd. The reader 
will fee, in the fequel of the flory of Mr. Brainerd's 
life,* what his own thoughts afterwards were of his 
behaviour in thefe things, and in how chriitian a 
manner he conducted himfelf, with refpe(5t to this 
affair \ though he ever, as long as he lived, fuppof- 
ed himfelf much abufed in the management of it, 
and in what he fufFered in it* 

His expulfion was in the winter anno I74i,a> 
while he was in his third year in college.] 

* Panicularly under the date, iVcdne/day, September 14, 1743. 


36 T H E . L I F E o F 


From about the time that he jir ft began to devoie bi/nfelf 

• mdre efpecial!}' to the Study 0/' Divinity, until 

he 'was ' exam'iiie'd'and licenfed to preachy by the As- 

s o c I A T I b N 0/' M I N I s T E R s belonging, to the eajlern 

diftri^ of the caunty ofF airfield in Connecticut, 

[TV yjR. Brainerd, the fpring after his cxpulfion, 
IVl went to live with the Rev. Mr. Mills of Rip- 
ton, to follow his iludies with him, in order to his 
being fitted for the work of the miniftry ; where 
lie fpent the greater part of the time until the af- 
fociation licenfed him to preach ; but frequently 
rode to vifit the neighbouring minifters, particu- 
larly Mr. Cooke of Stratfield, Mr. Graham of South- 
biiry, and Mr. Bellamy of Bethlehem. 

Here (at Mr. Mills's) he began the third book of 
his Diary, in which thec^ccount he wrote of him fclf, 
is as follows.] 

Thurjday, April i^ 1742. — I feem to be declining 
with refpecl; to my life and warmth in divine things : 
Had not {o free accefs to God in prayer as ufuai of 
late. O tliat God would humble me deeply in the 
dull: before hirn. I delerve hell every day, for not 
loving my Lord more, u^ho has (\ Kn\k) lo-ved me 
and given himfclf for ?7ie ; and every time I am ena- 
bled to exercife any/grace renewedly, I am renewed- 
ly indebted to the God of all grace for fpecial aflift- 
ance. Where then is boafing ? Surely it is excluded , 
when we think how we are dependent on God for 
the being and every ad: of grace. O if ever 1 get 
to heaven, it will be becaufe God will, and nothing 
elf c; for 1 ver did any thing of myfelf, but get 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 37 

away from God ! My foul will be aftonidied at the 
unfearchable riches of divine grace, when I arriveiat 
the manfions which the bleffed Saviour is gone be- 
fore to prepare. 

Friday, April 2. — In the afternoohl felt fomething 
fweetly in fecret prayer, much refigned, calm and 
fcrcne. What are all the ftorms of this lower world, 
if Jefus by his Spirit does but come walking upon the 
feas ! Some time paft I had much pleafure in the 
profpcft of the heathen's being brought home to 
Chrifl, and defircd that the Lord would improve me 
in that work : But now my foul more frequentl5r 
defires to die, to be with Chriji. O that my foul 
were wrapt up in divine love, and my longing de- 
fires after God increafed. In the evening, was re- 
frefhed in prayer, with the hopes of the advance- 
ment of Chrift's kingdom in the world. 

Saturday, April 3. — Was very much amifs thii; 
morning, and had an ill night lad night. I thought, 
if God would take me to himfelf now, my foul 
would exceedingly rejoice. O that I may bealwa^'-s 
humble and refigned to God, and that God would 
caufe my foul to be m-ore fixed on himfelf, that I may- 
be more fitted both for doing and fuffering. 

Lord's Day, April ^. — My heart was wandering 
and lifelefs. In the evening God gave me faith in 
prayer, and made m.y foul melt in fome meafiire, and 
gave me to tafte a divine fweetnefs. O my blefTcd 
God ! Let me climb Up near to him, and love, and 
long, and plead, and wreftle, and reach, and ftretch 
alter him, and ior deliverance from the body of Jin and 
death. Alas, my foul mourned to think 1 Ihould 
ever lofe fight of its beloved again \ O come Lord 
^efus ! Amen. 

[On the evening of the next day, he complains 
that he feemed to be void of all relilh of divine things, 
felt much of the prevalence of corruption, and faw 
C3 ill 

3? TheLIFEof 

in himfelf a difpofition to all manner of lin ; which 
brought a very great gloom on his mind, and caft 
him down into the depths of melancholy ; fo that 
he fpeaks of himfelf, as aftonifhed, amazed, having 
no comfort, being filled with horror, feeing no com- 
fort in heaven or earth,] 

Tuefday^ April 6. — I walked out this morning to 
the fame place where I was laft night, and felt fome- 
thing as I did then j but was fomething relieved by 
reading fome pallages in my Diary, and feemed to 
feel as if I might pray to the great God again with 
freedom ; but was fuddenly ftruck with a damp, 
from the fenfe I had of my own vilenefs. Then I 
cried to God to wafh my foul and cleanfe me from 
my exceeding filthinefs, to give me repentance and 
pardon j and it began to be fomething fvveet to pray ; 
And I could think of undergoing the greatefl fuffer- 
ings in the caufe of Chrifl, with pleafure ; and found 
myfelf willing (if God fhould fo order it] to fuffer 
banifhment from my native land, among the hea- 
then, that I might do fomething for their fouls* lalva- 
tion, in diflireffes and deaths of any kind. Then 
God gave me to vvreftle earneftly for others, for the 
kingdom of Chrifl: in the world, and for dear chril- 
tian friends. I felt weaned from the world and from 
my own reputation amongfl men, willing to be def- 
pifed, and to be a gazing flock for the world 
to behold. It is impoflible for me to exprefs how 
I then felt : I had not much joy, but fome fenfe of 
the majefty of God, which made me as it were trem- 
ble. I faw myfelf mean and vile, which made me 
more willing that God fhould do what he would 
with me ; it was all infinitely reafonable, 

Thurfday, April 8. — Had raifed hopes to day ref- 
pediing the heathen. O that God would bring in 
great numbers of them to Jcfus Chrifl. I cannot but 
Hppe I fhall fee that glorious day. Every thing in 



this world feems exceeding vile and little to me : I 
look fo to myfelf. I had I'ome little dawn of com- 
fort to day in prayer : But efpecially to night I think 
I had fome faith and power of interceffion with God, 
was enabled to plead with God for the growth of 
grace in myfelf ; and many of the dear children of 
God then lay with weight upon my foul. Blelfed be 
the Lord. It is good to wreflle for divine bleflings. 
Friday y April 9. — Moft of my time in morning de- 
votion was fpent without fenfible fweetnefs ; yet I 
had one delightful profpecSt of arriving at the heav- 
enly world. I am more amazed than ever at fuch 
thoughts ; fori fee myfelf infinitely vile and unwor- 
thy. I feel very heartlefs and dull ; and though I 
long for the pre fence of God, and feem conftantly 
to reach towards God in defires, yet I cannot feel 
that divine and heavenly fweetnefs that I ufed to en- 
joy. No poor creature ftands in need of divine grace 
more than I, and none abuie it more than I have 
done, and ftill do. 

Saturday y April lO. — Spent much time in fccret 
prayer this morning, and not without fome comfort 
in divine things, and I hope had fome faith in exer- 
cife : But am fo low, and feel fo little of the fenfible 
prefcnce of God, that 1 hardly know what to call 
faith, and am \ pojfefs the Jins of ?r,y youth, and 
tile dreadful fin of my nature, and am all fin ; I can- 
not think, nor ad:, but every motion is fin. I feel 
iome faint hopes, that God will, of his infinite mer- 
cy, return again with fhowers of converting grace to 
poor gofpel abufing finners ; and my hopes of being 
improved in the caufe of God, Vvhich of late have 
been almoft extindt, feem now a little revived. O 
that all my late diftrelfes and awful apprehenfions 
might prove but Chrift's fchool, to make me fit for 
greater fcrvice-, by learning me the great leffon of 

C4 Lord's 

40 TheLIFEof 

Lord's Day, April 1 1 . — In themomin^, felt but lit- 
tle life, excepting that my heart was foniething 
drawn out in thankfiilnefs to God, for his amazing 
grace and condefcenlion to me in paft influences and 
alliftances of his Spirit, Afterwards had fome fwcet* 
nefs in the thoughts of arriving at the heavenly 
■world. O for the happy day !. After pubiick wor- 
Ihip God gave me fpecial alliftance in prayer;! 
wreflled with my dear Lord, with much Iweetnels % 
and interceiTion was made a fweet and delightful em- 
ployment to me. In the evening, as I was view-, 
ing the light in the north, was delighted in con- 
templation on the glorious morning of the refurrec- 
tion. ^ 

Monday, April ii. — This morning the Lord was 
pleafed to lift up the light of his countenance upon me 
in fecret prayer, and made the feafon very precious 
to my foul. And though I have been fo depreffed 
of late, refpeding my hopes of future lerviceablenefs 
in the caule of God ; yet now I had much encour^ 
agement refpedting that matter. I was fpecially 
alTilkd to intercede and plead for poor fouls, and for 
the enlargement of Chnft's kingdom in the world, 
and for fpecial grace for myfelf, to fit me tor fpecial 
fervices, I felt exceeding calm, and quite religned 
to God, refpe€ling my future improvement, when, 
and where he pleafed : My faith lifed me above the 
world, and removed all thofe mountains, that I 
could not look over of late : I thought I wanted not 
the favour ofman to lean upon j for I knew Chriirsfa.. 
vour was infinitely better, and that it was nomatter 
when, nor where, nor how Chrift fhould fend me, nor 
what trials helliould flillexercife mcwith,if ] might 
be prepared for his work and v/ill. inow found fweet- 
]y revived in my mind the wonderful difcovery of 
infinite wifdom in all the dilpenfations of God to- 
wards me, which 1 had a little before I met with my 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 41 

great trial at college : Every thing appeared full of 
the wifdom of God. 

•Tuefdavy April 13. — Saw myfelf to he very mean 
and vile ; wondered at thofe that (hewed mc reCpect. 
Afterwards was fomething comforted in fecret re- 
tirement, and was aififted to wreftle with God, with 
iome power, fpirituality and fweetnefs. Bleifed he 
the Lord, he is never unmindful of me, but always 
fends me needed fupplies, and, from time to time, 
when I am like one dead, raiies me to life. O that 
i may never diilruO: infinite goodnefs. 

Wednefdayy April i^. — My foul longed for commu- 
nion with Chfift, and for the mortification of in- 
dwelling corruption, efpecially fpiritual pride. O 
there is a fweet day coming, wherein the weajy will 
be at reft. My ioul has enjoyed much fweetnefs this 
day in hopes of its fpeedy arrival. 

Thurfday, April 1 5 . — My defires apparently center- 
ed in God, and I found a fenfible attradiion of foul 
after him, fundry times to day : I know I long for 
God, and a conformity to his will, in inward purity 
and holinefs, ten thoufaud times more than for any 
thing here below. 

Friday and Saturday , April \6 .x'^ . — Seldom prayed 
without lome lenlible fweetnefs and joy in the Lord. 
Sometimes I longed much to bedijfohedafidto be with 
Cbrift. O that God would enable me to gro^jD in 
grace every day. Alas ! my barrennefs is fuch, that 
God might well fay. Cut it down. I am afraid ot a 
dead heart on the Sabbath now begun : O that God 
would quicken me by his grace. 

hordes Uay'y April 1 8. — Retired early this morn- 
ing into the woods for prayer ; had the afliftance of 
God's Spirit, and faith m exercife, and was enabled 
to plead with fervency for the advancement of 
Chrift^s kingdom in the world, and to intercede for 
dear abfent friends. At noon, God enabled mc to 

v»' re flic 

4« TheLIFEof 

wreftle with him, and feel (as I truft) the power of 
divine love in prayer. At night, faw myfelf infi- 
nitely indebted to God, and had a view ot my Ihort 
commgs : It leemed to me, that I had done as it 
were nothing for God, and that I never had lived to 
him but a few hours of my life. 

Monday^ April 19. — I fet apart this day for fading 
and prayer to God for his grace, efpecially to pre- 
pare me for the work of the miniftry, to give me di- 
vine aid and direction in my preparations for that 
great work, and in his own time iofcnd me into his 
harveji. Accordingly, in the morning, endeavoured 
to plead for the divine prefence for the day, and not 
without fome life. In the forenoon, I felt a pow- 
er of interceflion for precious immortal fouls, for the 
advancement of the kingdom of my dear Lord and 
Saviour in the world ; and withal, a moft fweet re- 
iignation, and even confolation and joy in the 
thoughts of fufFering hardfliips, diftrelTes, and even 
death itfelf, in the promotion of it ; and had fpecial 
enlargement in pleading for the enlightening and 
converfion of the poor heathen. In the afternoon, 
God was with me of a truth. O it was blefled compa- 
ny indeed ! God enabled me fo to agonize in prayer, 
that I was quite wet with fweat, though in the fliade, 
and the wind cool. My foul was drawn out very 
much from the world ; I grafped for multitudes of 
fouls. I think I had more enlargement for finners, 
than for the children of God ; though I felt as if I 
could fpend my life in cries for both. 1 enjoyed 
great fweetnefs in communion with my dear Saviour. 
I think I never in my life felt fuch an entire wcan- 
edncfs from this world, and fo much resigned to 
God in every thing. O that I may always live to 
and upon my bleiTcd God. Amen, Amen. 

Tuefdciy^ April 20. — This day I am twenty four 
years of age. O how much mercy have I received the 



year pail ! How often has God caufed his goodnefs to 
pafs before me 1 And how poorly have I aniwered the 
vows 1 made this time twelve months, to be wholly 
the Lord's, to be forever devoted to his fervice ! 
The Lord help me to live more to his glory for time 
to come. This has been a fweet, a happy day to 
me : Blefled be God. 1 think my foul was never 
fo drawn out in interceffion for others, as it has been 
this night. Had a moll: fervent wreftle with the 
Lord to night for my enemies ; and I hardly ever fo 
longed to live to God, and to be altogether devoted 
to him j I wanted to wear out my life in his fervice 
and for his glory. 

Wednefday, April Zi, — Felt much calmnefs and re- 
fignation, and God again enabled me to wreftle for 
numbers of fouls, and had much fervency in the 
fweet duty of interceffion. I enjoy of late m.ore 
fweetnels in interceffion for others, than in any other 
part of prayer. My blefled Lord really let me cG?ns 
near to him^ and plead with him. 

[The frame of mind, and excrcifes of foul, tliat 
he expreffes the three days next following, Thurf- 
day, Friday, and Saturday, are much of the fame 
kind with thofe exprefled the two days paft.] 

Lord's Day, April 2 ^.-*-This morning fpent about 
two hours in fecret duties, and was enabled more 
than ordinarily to agonize for immortal fouls ; 
though it was early in the morning, and the fun 
fcarcely fhined at all, yet my body was quite wet 
with fweat. Felt much prdfed now, as frequently 
of late, to plead for the meeknefs and calmnefs of the 
Lamb of God in my foul ; Through divine goodnefs 
felt much of it this morning, O it is a fweet difpo- 
iition, heartily to forgive all injuries done to us ; to 
wifh our qjreateft enemies as well as we do our own 
fouls I BlelTcd Jefus, may I daily be more and more 
conformed to thcc. At night was exceedingly melrcd 



44 TheLIFEop 

with divine love, and had fome feeling fenfe of the 
blelTednefs of the upper vt'orld. Thofe words hung 
upon me, with much divine fweetnefs, P/al. Ixxxiv. i 
7. ney go from Jirength tojhength, every one of them I 
/;? Zion appeareth bejoreGod. Othe nearaccefs that " 
God fometimes gives us in our addreffes to him ! 
This may well be termed appearing before God : It is 
fo indeed in the truefpiritual fenfe, and in the fweet- 
eft fenfe. 1 think I have not had fuch power of in- 
terceffion, thefe many months, both for God*s chil- 
dren, and for dead finners, as I have had this even- 
ing. I wifhed and longed for the coming of my dear 
Lord: I longed to join theangelick hofts in prail'es, 
wholly free from imperfecftion. O the blcflTed .mo- 
ment haftens ! All I want is to be more holy, more 
like my dear Lord. O for fandlificaticn ! My very 
foul pants for the complete reftoration of the bleffed 
image of my fweet Saviour ; that 1 may be fit for 
the bleffed enjoyments and employments of the 
heavenly world. 

Farewell, vain world ; my fou! can bid adieu : 
My Saviour 's taught me to abandon you. 
Your charms may gratify a fenfual miad ; 
Not pleafe a foul wholly for God defign'd. 
Forbear t' entice, ceafc then my foul to call : 
'Tis fix'd, through grace ; my God fliall be my all. 
While he thus lets me heavdnly glories view. 
Your beauties fade, my heart 's no room for you. 

The Lord refrefhed my foul with many fweet 
paffages of his word. O the New ^erufilem ! my 
foul longed for it. O tht Jong ofMofes and the Lamb ! 
And that bleffed fong, that no man can learn, but 
they that are redeemed from the earth ! And the glo- 
rious white robes y that were given to the fouls under 
the altar ! 

Lord, I'm a ftranger here alone ; 
Earth no true comforts can afford : 
■ Yet, abfent Irom my dearelt one. 
My foul delights to cry. My Lord ! 



Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 4^ 

Jefus, my Lord, ir.y only love, 
Poffefs my foul, nor thence depart : 
Grant me kind viius, heavenly dove ; 
My God (hall then have all my heart. 

Monday J April%6. — Continued in a fweet frame of 
mind ; but in the afternoon felt fomething of fpirit- 
iial pride ftirring. God was pleafed to make it a 
humbling feafon at firft ; though afterwards he gave 
me fwectnefs. O, my foul exceedingly longs for 
that blelfed ftate of perfecStion of deliverance from 
all fin ! At night, God enabled me to give my foul 
up to him, to caft myfelf upon him, to be ordered 
and difpofed of according to his fovereign pleafure ; 
and I enjoyed great peace and confolation in ^o do- 
ing. My foul took fweet delight in God to night : 
My thoughts freely and fweetly centered in him, 
O that I could fpend every moment of my life to 
his glory. 

Tucfdayy April 27. — Retired pretty early for fecret 
devotions ; and in prayer God was pleafed to pour 
fuch ineffable comforts into my foul, that I could do 
nothing for fome time but fay over and over, O my 
fweet Saviour ! O my fweet Saviour ! Whom have I in 
heaven^ but thee? and there is none upon earthy that I 
dtjire befide thee. If I had had a thoufand lives, my foul 
would gladly have laid them all down at once, to have 
been with Chrifl. My foul never enjoyed fo much of 
heaven before ; it was the moft refined and mod fpirit- 
ual feafon of communion with God I ever yet felt : I 
never felt fo great a degree of refignation in my 
life : I felt very fweetly all the forenoon. In the af- 
ternoon I withdrevv to meet with my God, but found 
myfelf much declined, and God made it a hum- 
bling feafon to my foul : I mourned over the body of 
death y that is in mc : It grieved me exceedingly, 
that I could not pray to and praife God with my 
heart full of divine heavenly love. O that my foul 
might never offer any dead cold ferviccs to my God. 


46 Th E L I F E or 

In the evening had not fo much fweet divine love as in 
the morning ; but had a fvveet feafon of fervent inter- 

Wednefday, April 1^, — Withdrew to myufual place 
of retirement in great peace and tranquillity, and 
fpent about two hours in fecret duties. I felt much 
as I did yedcrday morning, only weaker and more 
overcome. I feemed to hang and depend wholly on 
my dear Lord ; wholly weaned from all other de- 
pendences. I knew not what to fay to my God, but 
only lean on his bofom, as it were, and breath out my 
defircs after a perfedt conformity to him in all things. 
Thirfting defires and infatiable longings pofTefTed 
my foul, after perfed: holinefs : God was fo pre- 
cious to my foul, that the world with all its enjoy- 
ments was infinitely vile : I had no more value for 
the favour of men, than for pebbles : The Lord 
was my all ; and he overruled all ; which greatly 
delighted me. I think my faith and dependence 
on God fcarce ever rofe fo high. I faw him fuch a 
fountain of goodnefs, that it feemed impoflible I 
fhould diftruft him again, or be any way anxious 
about any thing that fhould happen to me. ' I now 
enjoyed great fweetnefs in praying for abfent friends, 
and for the enlargement of Chrift's kingdom in the 
world. Much of the power of thefe divine enjoy- 
ments remained with me through the day. In the 
evening my heart feemed fweetly to melt, and, I trufl, 
was really humbled for indwelling corruption, and 
I mourned like a dove, 1 felt that all my unhappinefs 
;arofe from my being a finner ; for with rcfignation 
I could bid welcome all other trials ; but fm hung 
heavy upon me j for God difcovered to me the cor- 
ruption of my heart : So that I went to bed with a 
heavy heart, becaufe I was a finner; though I did 
not in the leaft doubt of God's love, O that God 
would purge aw(iy my drofs, and take away my tin, 
and make mc fevcn times refined, 


Mr. DAVID bra I nerd. 47 

Thurfday'y April %<^. — Was kept ofFat a diftance 
from God ; but had fome enlargement in interceflion 
for precious fouls. 

FriJjy, April 'p. — Was fometbing dejeded in fpir- 
it : Nothing grieves me fo much, as that I cannot 
liveconftantly to God's glory. I could bear any de- 
fertion or fpiritual confli<^s, if I could but have 7ny 
heart all the while burning within me with love to 
God and defires of his glory : But this is impoffibie ; 
for when I feel thefe, I cannot be dejed:ed in my 
foul, but only rejoice in my Saviour, who has deliv- 
ered me from the reigning power, and will ftiortly 
deliver me from the indwelling of fin. 

Saturday, May i . — Was enabled to cry to God with 
fervency for minifterial qualifications, and that God 
would appear for the advancement of his own king- 
dom, and that he would bring in the heathen world, 
&c. Had much afiTiftance in my ftudies. This has 
been a profitable week to me j 1 have enjoyed many 
communications of the blelTed Spirit in my foul. 

hordes Day^ May 2. — God was pleafed this morn- 
ing to give me fuch a fight of myfelf, as made me 
appear very vile in my own eyes : I felt corruption 
llirring in my heart, which I could by no means fup- 
prefs J felt more and more deferted ; was exceeding 
weak, and almofi: fick with my inward trials. 

Monday^ May 3. — Had a fenfe of vile ingratitude. 
In the morning I withdrew to my ufual place of re- 
tirement, and mourned for my abufe of my dear 
Lord : Spent the day in fafling and prayer : God 
gave me much power of wrefiling for his caufe and 
kingdom : And it was a happy d^y to my foul. 
God was with me all the day, and I was more above 
the world than ever in my life. 

[Through the remaining part of this week, he 
complains almoft every day of defertion and inward 
trials and conflids, attended with dejedion of fpirit ; 


48 T H E L I F £ o r 

but yet {peaks of times of relief and fweetnefs, and 
daily refrefliing vifits of the Divine Spirit, affording 
fpecial alTiftance and comfort, and enabling, at fome 
times, to much fervency and enlargement in relig- 
ious duties.] 

Lord's Day ^ Mayg. — I think I never felt fo much 
of the curfed pride of my heart, as well as the ftub- 
bornnefs of my will before. O dreadful ! what a 
vile wretch I am ! I could not fubmit to be nothing, 
and to lie down in the duft ! O that God would 
humble me in the duft. I felt myfelf fuch a finner, 
all day, that I had fcarce any comifort. Oh, when 
Ihall I be delivered from the body of this death ! I 
greatly feared, left through ftupidity and carcleflhefs 
I fhould lofe the benefit of thefe trials. O that they 
might be fandlified to my foul. Nothing feemed to 
touch me but only this, that I was a finner. Had fer- 
vency and refrefliment in fecial prayer in the evening. 

Monday y May lO. — Rode to New-Haven; faw fome 
chriftian friends there ; had comfort in joining in 
prayer with them, and hearing of the goodnefs of 
God to them fincc I laft faw them. 

Tucfday, May 1 1 . — Rode from New-Haven to 
Weathersfield ; was very dull mofl of the day ; 
bad little fpirituality in this journey, though I often 
longed to be alone with God ; was much perplexed 
with vile thoughts ; was fometinies afraid of every 
thing : But God was my helper. Catchcd a little 
time for retirement in the evening, to my comfort 
and rejoicing. Alas, I cannot live in the midfl of 
a tumult ! I long to enjoy God alone. 

Wednefday, May I2. — HadadiftrelTing view of the 
pride and enmity and vilenefs of my heart. After- 
wards had fweet refrefliment in converling, and wor- 
Hiipping God, with chriilian friends. 

Thurfday,May 13*— Sawfo much of the wicked- 
nefs of my heart, that I longed to get' av.-ay from 



myfelf. I never before thought, there was fo much 
fpiritual pride in my foul : I felt almoft prefled to 
death with my own vilenefs. O, what a body of 
death is there in me ! Lord, deliver ?ny foul. I could 
not find any convenient place for retirement, and was 
greatly exercifed. Rode to Hartford in the after- 
noon : Had fome refrefhment and comfort in relig- 
ious exercifes with chriftian friends ; but longed for 
more retirement. O the clofeft walk with God is 
the fweeteft heaven, that can be enjoyed on earth ! 

Friday, May 14.— Waited on a council of minifters 
convened at Hartford, and fpread before them the 
treatm.ent I had met with from the red:or and tutors 
of Yale College ; who thought it advifable to inter- 
cede for me with the recflorand trullees, and to en- 
treat therii to reftore me to my former privileges in col- 
lege*. After this, fpent fome time in religious ex- 
ercifes with chriftian friends. 

Saturday , May 1 5.— Rode from Hartford to Hebron • 
was fomething dejed:ed on the road ,• appeared ex- 
ceeding vile in my own eyes ,• faw much pride and 
ftubbornnefs in my heart. Indeed I never faw fuch 
a week before, as this ; for I have been almofl ready 
to die with the view of the wickednefs of my heart. 
I could not have thought I had fach a body of death lu. 
me. O that God would deliver my foul, 

[The three next days, which he fpent at Hebron, 
Lebanon, and Norwich, he complains flill of dul- 
nefs and dcfertion, and exprefTes a (^ni^ of his vile- 
nefs, and longing to hide himfelf in fome cave 
or den of the earth : But yet fpeaks of fome inter- 
vals of comfort and foul refrediment each day.] 

WednefdayMay 19.— [AtMillington] 1 was fo amaz- 
ingly defected this morning, that I fcemed io feel a 
fort of horror in my foul. Alas, when God withdraws, 
what is there that can afford any comfort to the foul 1 

D [Through 

• *The appi-c3t;oE '.vki'.h vraj thenmxie on his behalf; had n^; the derued fu:ceft. 

so TheLIFEof 

[Through the eight days next following, he ex- 
prelTes more calmnefs and comfort, and confidera- 
ble life> fervency and fweetnefs in religion.] 

Friday, Mciyl'6.—[h\. New-Haven] I think, Ifcarce 
ever felt fo calm in my life ; I rejoiced in refignation, 
and giving myfelf up to God, to be wholly and en- 
tirely devoted to him forever. 

[On the three following days, there was, by the 
.account he gives, a continuance of the fame excel- 
lent frame of mind, lall expreffed : But it feems not 
to be altogether to fo great a degree.] 

Tuefday^'Junei. — Had muchof the prefenceof God 
in family prayer, and had fome comfort in fccret. 
I was greatly refreflied from the word of God this 
morning, which appeared exceeding fweet to me: 
Some things that appeared myfterious, were opened 
to me. O that the kingdom of the dear Saviour 
might come wath power, and the healing waters of 
the fan5luary fpread far and wide for the healing of 
the ?jations. Came to Ripton ; but was very weak : 
However, being vifited by a number of young peo- 
ple in the evening, 1 prayed with them. 

[The remaining part of this week, hefpeaksof be- 
ing much diverted and hindered in thebufinefs of relig- 
ion, by great weaknefs of body, and neceflary affairs, 
that he had to attend, and complains of having but 
little power in religion j but fignifies, that God here- 
by fliewed him, he was like a helplefs infant caftout 
in the open field.] 

Lord's day, June 6. — I feel much deferted : But all 
this teaches me my nothingnefs and vilenefs more 
than ever. 

Monday, Jane 'J. — Feltftill powerlefs in fecret pray- 
er. Afterwards I prayed, and converfed, with fome 
little life. God feeds me with crumbs : BlelTed be 
his name for any thing. 1 felt a great defire, that 
all God's people might know how mean and little 



and vile I am ; that they might fee I am nothingj 
that fo they may pray for me aright, and not hav6 
the leaft dependence upon me. 

Tuefday, June 8.— I enjoyed one fvveet and precious 
feafon this day : I never felt it fo fweet to be nothing, 
and lefs than nothing, and to be accounted nothing. 

[The three next days he complains ofdefertion, 
and want of fervency in religion ; but yet his Diary 
fhews that every day his heart was engaged in relig- 
ion, as his great and as it vvere only bufinefs.] 

Saturday^ 'June I2. — Spent much time in prJtyer, 
this morning, and enjoyed much fweetnefs : Feltin- 
fatiable longings after God, much of the day : I 
wondered how poor fouls do to live, that have no 
God. The world, with all its enjoyments, quite van- 
ifhed. I fee myfelf very helplefs : But I have a bleff- 
ed God to go to. I longed exceedingly to bcdijfohed^ 
and to be iJDith ChriJ}^ to behold his glory. O, my weak 
weary foul longs to arrive at my Father* s houfe. 

Lord* s Day, Ju?jei'^.-^¥Q\t fomethingcalm and re- 
figned in the publick worfliip : At the facrament faw 
myfelf very vile and worthlefs. O that I may always 
lie low in the duft. My foul feemed fteadily to go 
forth after God, in longing defires to live upon him. 
Monday, June i4.-^Felt fomethingof the fweetnefs 
of communion with Gad, and the conftraining force 
of his love : How admirably it captivates the foul, 
and makes all the defires and afiedtions to center ia 
God ! I fet apart this day for fecret fafting and pray- 
er, to entreat God to diredl and blefs me with regard 
to the great work I have in view, of preaching the 
gofpel J and that the Lord would return to me and 
Jhew me the light of his countenance. Had little life 
and power in the forenoon : Near the middle of the 
afternoon, God enabled me to wreflle ardently in in- 
tercefTion for abfent friends 1 But jull at night, the 
Lord vifited me marvelloufly in prayer ; I think 
D 2, my 

52 T H E L I F E o F 

niy foul never was in fuch an agony before : I fck 
no reftraint j for the treafures of divine grace were 
opened to me. I wreftled for abfent friends, for 
the ingathering of fouls, for multitudes of poor fouls, 
and for many that I thought were the children of 
God, perfonally, in many difiant places. I was 
in fuch an agony, from fun half an hour high, until 
near dark, that I was all over wet.with fweat j but 
yet it feemed to me that I had wafted. away the day, 
arid had done nothing. O, my dear Jefus did fweat 
blooil iQx poor fouls ! I long for more compaffion 
towards them. Felt ftill in a fvveet frame, und^^r a 
fenfe of divine love and grace; and went to bed in 
fuch a -frame, with my heart fet on God. 

Tuefday^ ^une 15.— Had the moft ardent longings 
after God, that ever 1 felt in my life : At noon, in 
my fecret retirement, I could do nothing but tell my 
dear Lord, in a fweet calm, that he knew I longed 
for nothing but himfelf, nothing but holinefs j that 
he had given me thefe defires, and he only could 
give me the thing defired. I never feemed to be io 
unhinged from myfelf, and to be fo wholly devot- 
ed to God. My heart was fwallowed up in God, 
moft of the day. In the evening I had fuch a view 
of the fouFs being as it were enlarged, to contain 
more holinefs, that my foul feemed ready to fepa- 
rate from my body and ftretch to obtain it. I then 
wreftled in an agony for divine bleffings ; had my 
heart drawn out in prayer for fomechriftian friends, 
beyond what I ever had before. I feel differently 
now from what ever I did under any fweet enjoy- 
ments before, more engaged to live to God forever, 
and Icfs pleafed with my own frames : I am not fat- 
isfied with my frames, nor feel at all more eafy af- 
ter -fuch fvveet flrugglings than before; for it fecms 
far too little, if I could always be fo. O, how fhort 
do I fall of my duty in my fweetcil moments ! 



[In his Diary for the two next days, he exprefTes 
fomething of the fame frame, but inafarlefs degree*.] 

Friday, 'June 18. — Confidering my great unfitnefs 
for the work of the miniftry, my prefent deadnefs, 
and total inability to do any thing for the glory of God 
that way, feeling my felf very helplefs,andata great 
lofs what the Lord 'xould have me to do, I fet apart 
this day for praj^cr to God, and fpent moil of the 
day in that duty j but amazingly deferted, mofl: of 
the day : Yet I found God gracioully near, once in 
particular, while I was pleading for ignore compaf- 
lion for immortal fouls; my heart feemed to be open- 
ed at once, and I was enabled to cry with great ar- 
dency, for a few minutes. O, I was diftrefTed, to 
think, that I fliould offer fuch dead cold fervices to 
the living God I My foul feemed to breathe after 
holinefs, a life of conilant devotednefs to God, But 
I am almofl: loft fometimes in the purfuit of this 
bleffednefs, and ready to fink, becaufe I continually 
fall (liort and mifs of my defire. O that the Lord 
would help me to hold out, yet a little while, until 
the happy hour of deliverance comes. 

Lord's Day, June 10. — Spent much time alone. 
My foul longed to be holy, and reached after God ; 
but feemed not to obtain my defire : I hungered and 
thirfted ; but was not fweetly refrelhed and fatisfi- 
ed. My foul hung on God, as my only portion. O 
that I could ^rox- in grace more abundantly every day. 

[The next day he fpeaks of his having alTiftance in 
his ftudies, and power, fervency and comfort in 

Tit efday, June 22. — In the morning, fpent about two 
hours in prayer and meditation, with confiderable 
delight. Towards night, felt my foul go out in long- 
D3 ing 

*H'-reena ihe 50 fiift pages of ihe third voluwieof his Diary, which he fpeaks of 
jn the beirinnins; of this volume (as was ohfervcd before) as con'.aining a fpecimen of 
his or(linar')> mani)c-r of living, through the whole fpacc of time, from the beginning 
o! tijofc two voJumes that v^cre (Icftroycd . 

54 TheLIFEof 

ing defires after God, in fecret retirement. In the 
evening, was fvveetly compofed and rcfigned to 
God's will ; was enabled to leave myfelf and all my 
concerns with him, and to have my whole depend- 
ence upon him : My fecret retirement was very re^ 
frefhingto my foul : It appeared fuch a happinefs to 
have God for my portion, that I had rather be any 
other creature in this lower creation, than not come 
to the enjoyment of God : I had rather be a beaft, 
than a man, without God, if I were to live here to 
eternity. Lord, endear thy felf more to me. 

[In his Diary for the next feven days,' he expreffes 
a variety of exercifes of mind ; He fpeaks of great 
longings after God and holinefs, and earneft defires 
for the conversion of others, of fervency in prayer, 
and power to wreille with God, and of compofure, 
comfort and fweetnefs, frpm time to time ; but ex- 
preffes a fenfe of the vile abomination of his heart, 
and bitterly complains of his barrennefs, and the 
prefling body of death ; and fays, he faw clearly that 
whatever he enjoyed better than hell, was free grace.] 

Wednefday, 'Jufie 30. — Spent this day alone in the 
woods, in failing and prayer; underwent the moil 
dreadful conflids in my foul, that ever I felt, in fome 
refpedts : I faw myfelf fo vile, that I was ready to 
fay , IJhall now perifl) by the hand of Saul, 1 1 h ou gh t , 
and almoft concluded, I had no power to fland for 
the caufe of God, but was almoft ajraid of the Jhak^ 
ing of a leaf. Spent almoft tlie whole day in prayer, 
incefTantly. 4 could not bear to think of chriflians* 
fhewing me any refpedl. I almoft defpaired of do- 
ing any fervice in the world. I could not feel any 
hope or comfort refpec^ting the heathen, which ufed 
to afford me fome refrefliment in the darkefl hours 
of this nature. I fpent away the day in thz bitter- 
nefs of my foul. Near night I felt a little better, ancj 
afterwards enjoyed fome fweetnefs in fecret prayer. 




Thurfday, 'July i . — Had fome fweetnefs in prayer 
this morning. Felt exceeding fweetly in lecret 
prayer to night, and defired nothing fo ardently as 
that God fhould do with me jiifl as he pleafcd. 

Friday, July 2. — Felt compofed in fecret pra3^er, 
in the morning. My defires fweetly afcended to God 
this day, as 1 was travelling : And was comfortable in 
the evening. Blefled be God for all my confolations. 

Lord's Day, July 4. — Had confiderable afliftance. 
In the evening, I withdrew and enjoyed a happy 
feafon in fecret prayer : God was pleafcd to give 
me the exercife of faith, and thereby brought the in- 
vifible and eternal world near to my foul ; which 
appeared fweetly to me. I hoped, that my weary 
pilgrimage in the world would be fliort, and that 
it would not be long before I was brought to my 
heavenly home and Father's houfe : I was fweetly 
reiigned to God's will, to tarry his time, to do his 
work, and fuffer his pleafure. I felt thankfulnefs 
to God for all my preiling defertions of late ; for I 
am perfuaded they have been made a means of mak- 
ing me more humble, and much more rcfigned. I 
felt pleafed, to be little, to be nothing, and to lie in 
the duji. I enjoyed life and fweet confolation in 
pleadingfor the dear children of God, and the king- 
dorn of Chrifl in the world : And my foul earneflly 
breathed after holinefs and the enjoyment of God. 
O, come Lord J ejus ! come quickly. Amen. 

[By his Diary for the remaining days of this week, 
it appears that he enjoyed confide rabid compofure 
and tranquillity, and had fweetnefs and fervency oF 
fpirit in prayer, from day to day.] 

[The eight next days, he exprelTcs confiderable 
comfort and fervency of fpirit in chriflian converfa- 
tion and religious exercifcs.] 

Monday, July 19. — My defires fccm cfpecially to 
be carried out after weancdnefs from tlie v/crld, pcr- 
D 4 feet 

^6- T H E L I F E o F 

fed deadnefs to it, and to be even crucified to all its 
allurements. M}^ foul longs to feci itfelf more of 
a pilgrim and ftranger here below ; that nothing 
may divert me from preiTing through the lonely def- 
ert, until I arrive at my Father's houfe. 

Tuefday, 'July 20. — It was fweet, to give away 
rnyfelf to God, to bedifpofed of at his plcafure ; and 
had fome feeling fenfe of the fwcetnefs of being a 
pilgrim on earth. 

[The next day, he exprefles himfelf as determin- 
ed to be wholly devoted to God ; and it appears by 
his Diary, that he fpent the whole day in a mofl: dili- 
gent exercife of religion, and exceeding comfortably.] 

Thurfday^ 'July 22.— Journeying from Southbury 
to Ripton, called at a houfe by the way, where be- 
ing very kindly entertained and refrefhed, I was fill- 
ed with amazement and fliame,that God fhould ilir up 
the hearts of any to fhew \'o much kindnefs to fuch a 
dead dog <ilS I ; was made fenfible, in fome mcafure, hov/ 

exceeding vile it is, not to be wholly devoted to God. 
I wondered that God would fuffer any of his crea- 
tures to feed and fuftain me, from time to time. 

[In his Diary for the fix next days, arc expreffed 
various exercifes and experiences, fuch as fweet com- 
pofure and fervency of fpirit in meditation and pray- 
er, weanednefs from the world, being fenfibly a piU 
grim and llrangeron the earth, engagednels of mind 
to fpend every inch of time for God, &c.] 

T^hurf day JJ lily 29. — Was examined by the aflbci- 
g^tion met at Danbury, as to my learning, and alfo 
my experiences in religion, and received a licenfe 
from them to preach the gofpel of Chrifi. After- 
wards felt much devoted to God ; jointed in prayer 
with one of the miniliers, my peculiar friend, in a 
convenient place ; went to bed refolving to live de- 
voted to God all my days. 



From the tme of his being Ucenfed to preachy by the 
Ajfociation^ until he was examined in Newyork, by 
the Correfpondents or Comniijfioners of the Society in 
Scotland for propagating Chriflian Knoi£ledge^ and 
approved and appointed as their Missionary to 
//6^ Indians. 

FRIDAY, ^^uly 30, 1742.— Rode from Danbury to 
Southbury ; preached there from i Pet. iv. 8. 
Had much of the comfortable prefence of God in 
the cxercife : I feemed to have power with God in 
prayer, and power to get hold of the hearts of the 
people in preaching. 

Saturday, "July 31. — Exceeding calm and compof- 
ed, and was greatly refreflied and encouraged. 

[It appears by his Diary, that he continued in this 
fweetnefs and tranquillity, almofl through the whole 
of the next week.] 

Lord*s Day, Augujl 8. — In the morning felt com- 
fortably in fccrct prayer ; my foul was refrefhed with 
the hopes of the heathen's coming home to Chrill ; 
was much refigned to God ; I thought it was no mat- 
ter what became of me. Preached both parts of the 
day at Bethlehem, from Job xiv. 14. It was fweet 
to me to meditate on death. In the evening, telt 
very comfortably, and cried to Gpd fervently, in fe- 
crct prayer. 

Thurfday, Augvfl I2. — Thismorning and lafl: night 
was exercKed with fore inward trials : I had no pow- 
er to pray j but feem.ed Ihut out from God. I had 
in a great nicafure loll: my hopes of God's fending 
mc among the heathen afar off, and of feeinsr them 


58 The LI F E OF > 

flock home to Chrift. I faw fo much of my helHfh 
vilenefs, that I appeared worfe to myfelf, than any 
devil : I wondered that God would let me live, and 
wondered that people did not Hone me, much more, 
that they would ever hear me preach ! It feemed 
as though I never could nor fhould preach any 
more ; yet about nine or ten o*clock, the people came 
over, and I was forced to preach : And blefTed be 
God, he gave me his prefence and fpirit in prayer 
and preaching : So that I was much affifted, and 
fpake with power from Job xiv. 14. Some Indians 
cried out in great diftrefs*, and all appeared greatly 
concerned. After we had prayed and exhorted them 
to feek the Lord with conftancy, and hired an En- 
glifh woman to keep a kind of fchool among them, 
we came away about one o'clock, and came to Ju- 
dea, about fifteen or fixteen miles. There God was 
pleafed to vifit my foul with much comfort. BlefT- 
ed be the Lord for all things I meet with. 

[It appears, that the two next days he had much 
comfort, and had his heart much engaged in religion . ] 

hordes DayyAugufli'T,. — Felt much comforttend 
devotednefs to God this day. At night, it was refrefli- 
ing, to get alone with God and pour out my fouL O 
who can conceive of the fweetnefs of communion 
with the bleffed God, but thofe that have experience 
of it ! Glory to God forever, that I may tafte heav- 
en below. 

Monday y Augujl 16. — Had fome comfort in fecret 
prayer, in the morning. Felt fweetly fundry times 
in prayer this day^ But was much perplexed in the 
evening with vain converfation. 

I'ucfdayy Augujl 17. — Exceedingly dcpreflTed in 
fpirit. It cuts and wounds my heart, to think how 
much felf exaltation, fpiritual pride, and warmth of 

* temper, 

• It was in a place near Kent, in tbfi weflcrn bortlcrs of Connecticut, whrrc thcic 
vas a number oi ludiani. 


temper, I have formerly bad intermingled with my 
endeavours to promote God's work : And fometimes 
I long to lie down at the feet of oppofers, and con- 
fefs what a poor imperfed: creature I have been and 
ftill am. O, the Lord forgive me, and make me for 
the future wife as aferpent^ and harmlefs as a dove. 
Afterwards enjoyed conliderable comfort and delight 
of foul. 

Wednefday, Augiijl 18.— Spent moft of this day in 
prayer and reading. I fee fo much of my own ex- 
treme vilenefs, that I feel afhamed and guilty before 
God and man : I look to myfelf, like the vileft fel- 
low in the land : I wonder, that God ftirs up his peo- 
ple to be fo kind to me. 

Thurfday, Augujl 19. — This day, being about Xq 
go from Mr. Bellamy's at Bethlehem, where I had 
refided fome time, prayed with him, and two or 
three other chriftian friends, and gave ourfelves to 
God with all our hearts, to he his forever. Eternity 
looked very near to me, while I was praying. If I 
never Ihould fee thefe chriftians again in this world 
it feewed but a few mom.ents bct^ore I (liould meet 
them in another world. Parted with them Ivvectly. 

Friday y Augu/l 20. — I appeared fo vile to myfelf, 
that I hardly dared to think of being fecn, efpecially 
on account of fpiritual pride. However, tonight, I 
enjoyed a fvveet hour alone with God [at Rip ton.] I 
was lifted above the frowns and flatteries of this low- 
er world, had a fvveet relilli of heavenly joys, and 
my foul did as it were get into the eternal world, and 
really tafte of heaven. I had a fweel^feafon of inter- 
ccflion tor dear friends in Chrifl: ; and God helped 
. me to cry fervently for Zion. BlciTed be God for 
this fealon. 

Monday, Aiiguji 23. — Had a fweet feafon in fccret 
prayer : The Lord drew near to my foul, and fdled 
mc Vxith peace anci divine confolation. O, mv foul 


66 TheLIFEof ' 

taftevl the fweetnefs of the upper world ; and was 
fweetly drawn out in prayer for the world, that it 
might come home to Chrifl: ! Had much comfort in 
the thoughts and hopes ofthe ingathering of the hea- 
then ; and was greatly aflifted in interceflion for 
. chriftian friends. 

[He continued ftill in the fame frame of mind the 
next day, but in a lefTer degree.] 

IFedncfday^ Augujl 25. — In family prayer, God 
helped me to climb up near him, fo that 1 fcarce ever 
got nearer. 

Monday, Augujl 30. — Felt fomething comfortably 
in the morning j converfed fweetly with fome friends \ 
was in a ferious compofed frame ; prayed at a certain 
houfe with fome degree of fweetnefs. Afterwards, 
at another houfe, prayed privately with a dear chrif- 
tian friend or two j and I think I fcarce ever launch- 
ed fo far into the eternal world, asthen ; I got fo far 
out on the broad ocean, that my foul with joy tri- 
umphed over all the evils on the fliores of mortality. 
I think time and all its gay amufements and cruel 
difappointmcnts, never appeared foinconfiderable to 
me before : I was in a fweet frame ; I faw myfelf 
nothing, and my foul reached after God with intenfe 
defire. O ! I faw what I owed to God, in fuch a 
manner, as I fcarce ever did : I knew, 1 had never lived 
a moment to him, as I fhould do : Indeed it appear- 
ed to me, I had never done any thing in cliriftianity ; 
My foul longed with a vehement defire to live to God. 
In the evening, fung and prayed with a numbef of 
cliriflians : Felt ihe poiz^ers ofthe 'world to come^ in 
my foul, in prayer. Afterwards prayed again pri- 
vately, with a dear chriftian or two, and found the 
prefence of God ; was fomething humbled in my fe- 
cret retirement ; felt my ingratitude, becaufc I was 
not wholly fwallowed up in God. 

[He was in a fweet frame great part of the next day . ] 




Wednefday, September I. — Went to Judea, to the 
Ordination of Mr. Jiidd. Dear Mr. Bellamy preach- 
ed from Matth. xxiv. 46. BleJJed is that fervant, . 
^c. I felt very folemn, and very fvveetly, moil of 
the time ; had my thoughts much on that time when 
our Lord will come ; that time refreflied my foul 
much j only I was afraid, I fliould not be found 
faithful, bccaufe I have fo vile a heart. My thoughts 
were much in eternity, where I love to dwell. BlefT- 
ed be God for this folemn feafbn. Rode home xo 
night with Mr. Bellamy ; felt ibmething fweetly 
on the road ; converfed with fome friends until it 
was very late, and then retired to reft in a comforta- 
ble frame. 

Tburfday, September 2. — About two in the after- 
noon, I preached from Job. vi. 67. and God affifted 
me in fomc comfortable degree ; but more efpecially 
in my firft prayer ; my foul feemed then to launch 
quite into the eternal world, and to be as it werefep- 
arated from this lower world. Afterwards preached 
again from Ifa. v. 4. God gave me fome ailiftancc ; 
but I faw myfelf a poor worm. 

[On Friday, September 3, he complains of having 
but little life in the things of God, the former part 
of the day, but afterwards fpeaks of fweetnefs and 

Saturday y September 4. — Much out of health, and 
exceedingly dcpreffed in my foul, and wis at an aw- 
ful diftancc from God. Towards night fpent fome 
time in profitable thoughts on Rom. viii. 2. Near 
night, had a very fvveet feafon in prayer ; God ena- 
bled m.e to wreflle ardently for the advancement of 
the Redeemer*s kingdom ; pleaded earnefUy for my 
own dear brother John, that God would make him t 
more of a pilgrim and ftranger on the earth, and fit 
him for finguiar ferviccablenefs in the world ; and 
my heart fweetly exulted in the Lord, in the thoughts 


63 T H E L I F E o F . 

of any diflrefles that might alight on him or mc, hi 
the advancement of Chrift^s kingdom. It was a 
fwcet and comfortable hour unto my foul, while I 
was indulged freedom to plead, not only for myfelf, 
but, for many other fouls. 

Lord's Day, September 5.— Preached all day ; was 
fomething (Irengthencd and aflifted in the afternoon ; 
more efpecially in the evening : Had a fenfe of my 
iinfpeakablc fhort comings in all my duties. I found, 
alas ! that I had never lived to God in my life. 

Monday y September 6. — Was informed that they 
only waited for an opportunity to apprehend me for 
preaching at New-Haven lately, that fo they might 
impriibn me : This made me more folemn and feri- 
ous, and to quit all hopes of the world*s friend iliip : 
It brought me to a further fenfe of my vilenefs, and 
juft defert of this, and much more, from the hand of 
God, though not from the hand of man : Retired 
into a convenient place in the woods, and fpreadthc 
matter before God. 

[Tuefday'y September']. — This day he rode to New- 
Haven, but was obliged to fecrete himfelf among 
private friends] 

Wednefdayy September 8. — Felt very fweetly, when 
I firfl rofe in the morning. In family prayer, had 
fome enlargement, but not much fpirituality, until 
eternity came up before me and looked near : I found 
fom.e fweetnefs in the thoughts of bidding a dying^ 
farewell to this tirefome world.. Though fome- 
time ago I reckoned upon feeing my dear friends at 
commencement, yet being now denied the opportu- 
nity, for fear of imprifonment, I felt totally refign- 
ed, and as contented to fpend this day alone in the 
woods, as I could have done, if I had been allowed 
to go to town. Felt exceedingly weaned from the 
world to day. In the afternoon difcourfed fome- 
thing on fome divine things with a dear chriflian 


Mr. DAVID BR a I nerd. 6^ 

friend, whereby we were both refreflied. Then I 
prayed, with a fweet fenfe of thebleirednefs of com- 
munion 'with God : I think I fcarce ever enjoyed 
more of God in any one prayer. O it was a blelled 
feafon indeed to my foul ! I knew not that ever I favv 
fo much of my own nothingnefs in my life ; never 
wondered fo, that God allowed me to preach his 
word ; never was fo aftonifhed as now. This has 
been a fweet and comfortable day to my foul ; Bleff- 
ed be God. Prayed again with my dear friend, with 
fomething of the divine prefence. I long to be 
wholly conformed to God, and transformed into his 

Tburfiluy, September (). — Spent much of the day 
alone : Enjoyed the prefence of God in fome com- 
fortable degree : Was vifited by fome dear friends, 
and prayed with them : Wrote fundry letters io 
friends j felt religion in my foul while writing : En- 
joyed fome fweet meditations on fome fcriptures. 
In the evening, went very privately into town, from 
the place of my refidence at the farms, and converfed 
with fome dear friends j felt fweetly in finging 
hymns with them ; and made my efcape to the farms 
again, without being difcovered by my enemies, as I 
knew of. Thus the Lord preferves me continually. 
Friday y September \0. — Longed with intenfe defire 
after God : My whole foul fcemed impatient to be 
conformed to him, and to become holy^ as he is holy. 
In the afternoon, prayed with a dear friend privately, 
and had the prefence of God with us ; our fouls 
united together to reach after a bleffed immortality, 
to be unclothed of the body of Jin a?id death, and to 
enter the bleffed world , where no unclean thing enters. 
O, with what intenfe defire did our fouls long for 
that bleffed day, that we might be freed from fin, 
and forever live to and in our God ! In the evening, 
took leave of that houfe j but firft kneeled down and 

prayed ; 

64 TheLIFEop 

prayed ; the hordwas of a truth in the midjl of us ; 
it vvas a fwect parting fcafon; felt in myfelf much 
fweetnefs and_affe(5tion in the things of God. Bleir- 
cd-beGod for every luch divine gale of his Spirit, 
to fpced me in my way to the New Jerufalem ! Felt 
fome fweetnefs afterwards, and fpent the evening in 
converfation with friends, and prayed v;ith fome life, 
and retired to reft vefy late. 

[The five next days, he appears to have been in 
an exceeding comfortable, fweet frame of mind, for 
the moft part, and to have been the fwbjetSt of the 
like heavenly exercifes as are often expielTed in pre- 
ceding pafTages of his Diary.] 

Thurfday, September i6.— At nighti felt exceeding 
fweetly : Enjoyed much of God iri Jecret prayer: 
Felt an uncommon refignation, to be and do what 
God pleafed. Some days part, I felt great perplex- 
ity on,account of my paft condud : My bitternefs, 
and want of chriftian kindnefs and love, has been 
very-diftreffing to my foul. The Lord forgive me 
my unchriilian warmth, and want of 4 fpirit of meek- 

[The next day, he fpeaks of much refignation, 
calmncfs and peace of mind, and near views of the 
eternal world.] 

Saturday, September 18. — Felt fome compaflion 
for fouls, and mourned I had no more. I feel much 
more kindnefs, meeknefs, gentlencfs and love to- 
wards all mankind, than ever. I long to be at the 
feet of my enemies and perfecutors. Enjoyed fome 
fweetnefs, in feeling my foul conformed to Chrjfl 
Jefus, and given away to him forever, in prayer io 

[The next ten days, he appears to have been for 
the niofl part under great degrees of melancholy, ex- 
ceedingly dcjcdied and difcouraged ; fpeaks of his 
being ready to give up all for gone refpedting the 



caiife of ChriH, and exceedingly longing to die : Yet 
had Ibmefweet ieafons and intervals ot comfort, and 
Ipecial affiflance and enlargement in the duties of re-* 
ligion, and in performing publick fervices, and con* 
liderable fuccefs in them.] 

Thurfday, September 'Tp.-^^iWl very low ih fpirits, 
and did not know how to engage in any work orbuf- 
inefs, efpecially to correct fome diforders among 
chriftians ; felt as though I had no power to be faith- 
ful in that regard. However, towards noon, preach- 
ed from Deut. viii. 2. and was enabled with free- 
dom to reprove fome things in chriftians* conduct, 
that I thought very unfuitable and irregular -, infill- 
ed near two hours on this fubjed:. 

[Through this and the two following Weeks, he 
palTed through a variety of exercifes : He was fre- 
quently dejeded, and felt inward diftrefles ; and 
fometimes funk into the depths of melancholy : At 
which turns, he was not exercifed about the ftate of 
his foul, with regard to the favour of God and his 
interetl in Chrift, but about his own finful infirmi- 
ties, and uniitnefs for God's fervice* His mind ap- 
pears fometimes extremely deprefTed and funk with 
a fenfe of inexpreffible vilenefs* But in the mean 
time, he fpeaks of many feafons of comfort and fpir- 
itual refrefliment, wherein his heart was encouraged 
and ftrengthened in God, and fweetly refigned to his 
will, and of fome feafons of very high degrees or 
fpiritual confolatlon, and of his great longings after 
holinefsand conformity to God, of his great fear of 
offending God, of his heart*s being fweetly melted 
fn religious duties, of his longing for the advance- 
ment of Chrift's kingdom, and of his having at fome 
times much afliftance in preaching, and of femarka* 
ble efTeCls on the auditoryj 

Lord's D^y\^ OBober 17.— -Had a con ff def able fen fd 
of my helpleiinefs and inability j faw that I muft bc^ 
B dependent 

6$ TheLIFEof 

dependent on God for all I want ; and efpccially 
when I went to the place of publick worfliip : I 
found I could not fpeak a word for God without his 
fpecial help and ajTiftance : I went into the affembly 
trembling, as 1 frequently do, under a fenfe of my 
infufEciency to do any thing in the caufe of God, as 
I ought to do. But it pleafed God to afford me 
much nfliftance, and there feemed to be a confidera- 
ble effed: on the hearers. In the evening, I felt a 
difpofition to praife God for his goodnefs to me, in 
fpecial, that he had enabled me in fome meafure to 
be faithful ; and my foul rejoiced to think, that I had 
thus performed the work of one day more, and was 
one day nearer my eternal, and (I truft) my heavenly 
home. O that I might h^ faithful to the deaths ful- 
filling as an hireling my day^ until the fhades of the 
evening of life fliall free my foul from the toils 
of the day ! This evening, in fecret prayer, I felt ex- 
ceeding folemn, and fuch longing defires after deliv- 
erance from fin, and after conformity to God, as 
melted my heart. O, I longed to be delivered from 
this body of death ! I felt inward pleafing pain, 
that I could not be conformed to God entirely, fully 
and forever. I fcarce ever preach without being firfl 
vifited with inward conflidts and fore trials. Blelf- 
ed be the Lord for thefe trials and diftreffes, as they 
are blelTed for my humbling. 

Monday, OBober i8. — In the morning, felt fome 
fweetnefs, but ftill preffed through fome trials of foul. 
My life is a conftant mixture of confolations and con- 
flicfts, and will be fo until I arrive at the world of 

Tuefday, OBober 19. — This morning and lafl: night, 
felt ^ fweet longing in my foul after holinefs : My 
foul feemed fo to reach and ftretch towards the mark 
of perfed: fan^^tity, that it was ready to break with 



Thurfdayy OBober 2i.— Had a very deep fenfe of 
the vanity of the world, moft of the day ; had little 
more regard to it, than if I had been to go into eter- 
nity the next hour. Through divine goodnefs I felt 
very ferious and folemn. O, I love to live on the 
brink of eternity, in my views and meditations ! This 
gives me a fweet, awful and reverential fenfe and ap- 
prehenfion of God and divine things, when I fee my- 
felf as it \MtxtJianding before the judgment feat ofChrift, 

'Friday y OBober 22. — Uncommonly weaned from 
the world to day : My foul delighted to be 2iflranger 
and pilgrim on the earth : 1 felt a difpofition in me never 
to have any thing to do with this world : The char- 
after given of fome of the ancient people of God, in. 
Heb. xi. 13. was very pleafing to me. They confejfed- 
that they "jvere pilgrims andflrangers on the earthy by 
their daily practice ; arid O that 1 could always do 
fo ! Spent fome confiderable time, in a pleafant 
grove, in prayer and meditation. O it is fweet, to 
be thus weaned from friends, and from myfelf, and 
dead to the prefent world, that fo I may live wholly 
to and upon the bleffed God. Saw myfelf little, low, 
and vile in myfelf. In the afternoon, preached at 
Bethlehem, from Deiit. viii. 2. and felt fweetly both 
in prayer and preaching : God helped ^^le to fpeak 
to the hearts of dear chriflians. Blcffed be the Lord 
for this feafoh : I truft, they and I fliall rejoice on 
this account to all eternity. Dear Mr. Bellamy came 
in, while I was making the firft prayer (being return- 
ed home from a journey) and after meeting, w^e 
walked away together, arid fpent the evening in 
fweetly converfing on divine things, imd praying to- 
gether, with fweet kjhd tender love to each other, 
and retired to reft vvith our hearts in a ferious fpir- 
itual frame. 

Monday, O^^o^f/- 25.— [At Turkey- trills.] In the 
evening enjoyed the divine prefence in fecret praver : 

E:; , It 

6a TheLIFEof 

It was a Tweet and comfortable feafon to me : My 
foul longed for .God^ for the' living. God: Enjoyed a 
fweet folemnity of fpirit, and longing defire after 
the recovery of the divine image in my foul ; Then 
fhall I befatisficd^ when Ifljall awake in God^s like- 
nefsy and never before. 

Tuefday, Oaober26.—[kt Wefl-Siiffield.] Under- 
went the mod dreadful diftrelTes, under a fenfe of 
my own unworthinefs : It feemcd to me, I deferved 
rather to be driven out of the place, than to have any 
body treat me with any kindnefs, or come to hear me 
preach. And verily my fpirits were fodeprcffed at this 
time, as well as at many others, that it was impofli- 
blelfliould treat immortal fouls with faith fulnefs : I 
could not deal clofely and faithfully with them, I felt 
fo infinitely vile in myfelf. O, what dufl and afhes 
I am, to think of preaching the gofpcl to others ! 
Indeed, I never can be faithful for one moment, but 
fhall certainly daub with unte??jpered mortarj if God 
dees not grant me fpecial help. In the evening, I went 
to the meeting houfe, and it looked to me near as ea- 
fy for one to rife out of the grave and preach, as for 
me. However, God afforded me fome life and pow- 
er, both in prayer and fermon : God was pleafed to 
lift me up, and (hew me that he could enable me to 
preach. O the wonderful goodnefs of God ^o fo 
vile a finner 1 Returned to my quarters ; and enjoy- 
ed fome fvveetnefs in prayer alone, and mourned that 
I could not live more to God. 

IVednefday, Otiober 27. — Spent the forenoon in 
prayer and meditation : Was not a little concerned 
about preaching in the afternoon : Felt exceedingly 
without flrength, and very helplefs indeed : Went 
into the meeting houfe, afhamed to fee any come to 
hear fuch an unfpeakahly worthlefs wretch. How- 
ever, God enabled me to fpeak with clearnefs, pow- 
er, and pungency : But there was fome noife and tu- 

M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 69 

niult in the afTembl/, that I did not well like, and 
endeavoured to bear publick teftimony againft, with 
moderation and mlldnefs;, through the current of my 
difcourfc. In the evening, was enabled to be. in 
fome meafure thankful and devoted to Godp 

[The frames and exercifes of his mind, during the 
four next days, were moftly very limilar to thofe of 
the tv^o days paft; excepting intervals of cpnfidera- 
ble degrees of divine peace and confolation.] .,,. 

[Within this time he rode from Suffield to Eaflbu- 
ry, Hebron, and Lebanon.] 

Thi/rJ'daVj NoveiJiber . ^. — [At Lebanon.] 5aw 
much of my nothini^nefs, moft of this day j but felt 
concerned that I had no morefenfeof my infufHcien:- 
cyjind unworthincfs. \ O it is fweet Ipitg in. thc-dujij 
but it is diflrefling, to feel in n1y foul that hell of 
corruption, which ftill remains in me. In the after- 
noon, had a fenfe of the fweetnefs of a, ftrid:, ,c^ofe 
and conflant devotednefs to God, and my foul was 
comforted with the confolations of God ; my foul 
felt a plcafing, yet painful concern, left I Ihould 
fpend fome moments ivithout God. O may I always 
live to God, In the evening, was viiired by fome 
friends, and fpcnt the time in prayer and fuch cojv 
verfation as tended to our edification. It was a com- 
fortable feafon to my foul : 1 felt an intenfe dcfire to 
fpend every moment for God. God is unfpeakably 
gracious to me continually : In times paft, he has 
given me inexprelTible fweetnefs in the performance 
of duty : Frequently my foul has enjoyed much of 
God ; but has been ready to fay, Lordit is good to be 
here ; and fo to indulge iloth, wliile I have lived on 
the fweetnefs of my feelings. But of late, God has 
been pleafed to keep my foul hungry, almoft contin- 
ually ; fo that I have been filled with a kind of a 
plcafing pain : When I really enjoy God, I feel my 
defiresof him the more influiable, and my thirftings 

E 3 after 

7p T H E L I F E Q F 

after holinefs the more unquenchable ; and the Lord 
will not allow me to feel as though I were fully fup- 
plied and fatisfied, but keeps me dill reaching for- 
ward ; and I feel barren and empty, as though I 
could not live, without more of God in me ; 1 feej 
alhamed and guilty before God. O, I fee, the law 
Tsfpiritualy but I am carnal ! I do not, I cannot liv? 
to God. O for holinefs ! O for more of God in my 
foul ! O this pleafing pain ! It makes my foul prefs 
after God ; the language of it is, Thenjhall I he fatis- 
Jiedy when 1 awake in God^s likenefs^ Pfal". xvii. ult. but 
never, never before ; and confequently I am engaged 
to prefs toward the marky day by day. O that I may 
feel this continual hunger," andnot be retarded, but 
rather animated by every clufler from Canaan, to 
reach forvvard in the narrow way, for the full enjoy- 
ment and poffeffion of the heavenly inheritance. Q 
that I may never loiter in my heavenly journey. 

[Thefe infatiable defires after God and holinefs^ 
continued the two next days, with a great fenfe of 
his own exceeding unworthiriefs, and the nothing- 
nefsof the things of thrs vt'orld.] 

Lord's Day^ November 7.— [At Millingtpn.] It 
feemed as if fuch an unholy wretch as I never 
could arrive at that bleffednefs, to be holy, as God is 
holy. At noon, I longed for fandification, and con- 
formity to Gqd. 6, that is the all, the ail ! The 
Lord help me to prefs after God forever. 

Monday, November 8. — Towards right, enjoyed 
much fweetncfs in fecret prayer, fo that my foul 
longed for an arrival in the heavenly country, the 
bleSed paradife of God. Through divine goodnefs, 
1 have fcarce feen the day, for two months, but death 
has looked fo pleafant to me^dt one tiirie or other of 
the day, that 1 could have rejoiced the prefent fliould 
be my laft, notwithftanding my preffing inward 
trials and conflidls : And I trufl, the Lord will final- 

Mr. da VI D -BR a I nerd. 71 

ly make me a conqueror^ and more thanfo ; that I 
fliall be able to ufe that triumphant language, O deaths 
where is thy Jiing I And, O grave y 'UL'hereisthyviBory ! 

[Within the next ten days, the following things 
are expreffed ; Longing and wreftling to be holy 
and to live to God j a defire that every fingle 
thought might be for God ; feeling guilty, that his 
thoughts were no more fwallowed up in God ; fweet 
folemnity and calmnefs of mind, fubmiilion and re- 
fignation to God, great' weanednefs from the world, 
abafement in the dufl, grief at fbme vain converfa- 
tionthat was obferved, fweetnefs from time to time 
in fecret prayer, and inconverfing and praying with 
chriflian friends. And every day he appears to have 
been greatly engaged in the great bufinefs of religion 
and living to God, without interruption.] 

Friday, November 19. — [At New-Haven.] Receiv- 
ed a letter from the reverend Mr. Pcmberton, of 
New-York, deliring mefpeedily togodown thither, 
and confult about the Indian affairs in thofe parts, 
and to meet certain gentlemen there, that were en- 
trufted with thofe affairs : My mind was inftantly 
feized with concern ; fo I retired with two or three 
chriflian friends and prayed ; and indeed it was a 
fweet time with me ; 1 was enabled to leave myfelf 
and all my concerns with God ; and taking leave 
bf friends, I rode to Ripton, and was comforted in 
an opportunity to fee and converfe with dear Mr. 

[In the four next following days, he was fome- 
times opprelfed with the weight of that great affair, 
about which Mr. Pembcrton had written to him ; 
but was enabled from time to time tq caft his burden 
on the Lord, and to commit himfelf and all his con- 
cerns to him : And he continued ftill in a fenfe of 
the excellency of holinefs, and longings after it, and 
earneil defires of the advancement of Chri{l*s king- 

E 4 doin 

7'i T H E L I F E o F 

dom in the world ; and bad from time to time fweet 
comfort in meditation and prayer.] 

Wednefday, November 24. — Came to New- York ; 
felt ftill much concerned about the importance of 
my bufinefs ; put up many earnelt requelfs to God 
for his help and direction ; was confufcd with the 
noife and tumult of the city ; enjoyed but little time 
^.Iqne with God ; but m.y ibul longed after him. 
.■^hurfday, November 25.— Spent much time in 
prayer and fupplication : Was examined by fomic 
gentlemen, of my chriftian experiences, and my ac- 
quaii>tance with divinity, and fome other lludies, in 
order to my improvement in that important affair of 
gofpellizing the heathen*: Was made fcnfible of 
my great ignorance and unfitnefs for publick fcrvice; 
I had the moft abafing thoughts of myfelf, I think, 
that ever I had j I thought myfelf the worft wretch 
that ever lived : It hurt me and pained my very 
heart, that any body fhould Ihew me any refpcd: : 
Alas I me thought, how fadly they are deceived in 
me J how miferably would they be difappointed, if 
they knew my infide ! O my heart ! And in this 
tleprefled condition, I was forced to go and preach to 
a confiderable alTembly, before fome grave and learn- 
ed minifters ; but felt fuch a preiTurc from a fenfe 
of my vilenefs, ignorance, and unfitnefs to appear in 
publick, that I was almoft overcome with it ; my 
foul was grieved for the congregation, that they 
fhould fit there to hear fuch a dead dog as I preach ; 
I thought myfelf infinitely indebted to the people, 
^nd longed that God would reward them with the 
rewards of his grace. I fpent much of the evening 

* Thefe gentlemen that exnirjined Mr. Biaincrfl, were the Corrcfponder>ts, in New- 
York, New- Jerfey, and Pennfylvania, of the honourahle Society in Scotland for prop- 
agating Chriitian Knowledge ; to whom was co-nrnitted the 'management of their 
alfairs irjihofe parts, aad who weic now met at >>'ew-Y«)rk. 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. .73 
P A R T IV. 

From the time of his examination by tke Correfpondents 
■of the Societyfor propagating Chriflian Knowledge^ 
and being appointed their Missionary, to his firfi 
entrance on tloe bufinefs of his ?niJJion among the In- 
dians at Kaunaumeek, 

FRIDAY, November ^6.—''H2.i fliil a fenfe of my 
great vilcnefs, and endeavoured as much as I could 
to keep alone. O, what a nothing, what duft and 
afhcs am 1 ! Enjoyed fome peace and comfort ia 
spreading my complaints before the God of all grace. 

Saturday, November 27. — Committed my foul to 
God with lome degree of comfort ; left New-York 
about nine in the morning; came away with a dif- 
trefiing fenfe ftill of my unfpeakable unworthinefs. 
Surely I may well love all my brethren ; for none of 
them all is fo vile as I ; whatever they do outwardly, 
yet it feems'to me none is confcious of fo much 
guilt before God. O my kannefs, my barrennefs, 
my carnality, and palt bitternefs, and want of a gof- 
pel temper ! Thefe things opprefs my foul. Rode 
from New-York, thirty miles, to White Plains, <lnd 
moil: of the way continued lifting up my heart to 
God for mercy and purifying grace ; and ,fpent the 
evening much dejedlcd in fpirit. 

[The three next days, he continued in this frame, 
in a great fenfe of his own vilenefs, with an evident 
mixture of melancholy, in no fmall degree ; but 
had fome intervals of comfort and Go^^s fenfible 
prefence with him.] 

Wcdncfday^ December i .—My foul breathed after 
God, in fweet fpiritual and longing defires of coii- 


74 T.H E LI F E OF 

formity to him ; my foul was brought to reft itfelf 
and all on his rich grace, and felt ftrcngth and en- 
couragement to do or fuffer any thing that divine 
Providence fhould allot me. Rode about twenty 
miles, from Stratfield to Newton. 

[Within the fpace of the next nine days, he werrt 
a journey from Newton to Haddam, his native 
town; and after flaying there fome days, returned 
^gain into the weftern part of Conncdlicut, and 
came to Southbury. In his account of the frames 
and exercifes of his mind, during this fpace of time, 
are fuch things as thefe : Frequent turns of deje(ftion, 
a fenfe of his. vilenefs, emptinefs, and unfathom- 
able abyfs of defperatc wickednefs in his heart, at- 
tended with a convid;ion that he had never feen but 
little of it ; bitterly mourning over his barrennefs, 
being greatly grieved that he could not live to God, 
to whom he owed his all ten thoufand times ; cry- 
ing out. My leannefs, my leannefs ! a fenfe of the 
meetnefs and fuitablenefs of his lying in the duft 
beneath God's feet j fervency and ardour in prayer ; 
longing to live to God, and being afflidted with 
fome impertinent trifling con verfation that he heard, 
but enjoying fweetnefsin chriftian converfation.] 

Saturday y December ii. — Converfed with a dear 
friend, to whom I had thought of giving a liberal 
education, and being at the whole charge of it, that 
he might be fitted for the gofpel miniflry*. I ac- 
quainted him with my thoughts in that matter, and 


* Mr. Brainerd having now undertaken the bufmefs of a Miflionary to the Indi- 
ans, and expefting in a little time to leave his native country, to go among the Sav- 
ages, into the wildernefs, far didar^t, and fpend the remainder of his lifearnong them, 
and having fome eftaie left him by his father, and thinking he fliould have no oc- 
cafion for it amon;:; them, (though afterwards he told me he Found himfelf miftaken) 
he fet himfelf to think which way he might Ipend it molt to the glory of God ; and 
no way prefentio^ to his thoughts, wherein he could do more good wuh it, than 
by being at the charge of educating fome youn^ perfon for jtlu; miniUry, that ap- 
peared to be of good abilities and well difpofcd, he pitched upon this ptrfon here 
fpokcn of, to this end : Who accordingly was foon put to learning ; and Mr. Brai- 
nerd continued to be at the charge of his education from year to year fo long as he 
(Mr- Brainerd) Hved, which was until this young man was carried through his ihiid 
year in college. 


fo left him to confider of it, until I iliould fee hi.m 
again. Then I rode to Bethlehem^ and fo came to 
Mr. Bellamy's lodgings ; fpent the evening with 
jiim in fvveet conycrfation and prayer : We rec- 
'pmmended the important concern before men- 
tioned (of fending my friend to college) unto the 
God of all grace. Blefled be the Lord for this even- 
ing's opportunity together. 

Lord's D.iy, December 12. — I felt, in the morning, 
as if I had little or no power either to pray or preachy 
and felt a diftrelling need of divine help : I went to 
meeting trembling ; But it pleafed God to allift me 
in prayer and fermon. ; vl think my foul fcarce ever 
penetrated fo Far into the immaterial vvorld, in any- 
one prayer that ever I made, nor were my devotions 
ever fo much refined, and free from grofs Concep- 
tions, and imaginations framed from beholding ma- 
terial objects. I preached with fome fvveetnefs, 
fromMatth, vi. Z^> But feek ye Jit /i, &ic. And in 
the afternoon from Rom. xv^30. Andnoiv I befeech 
youy brethren^ 5cc. There was much afFedtion in 
the affembly. This has been a fvveet Sabbath to me : 
And bleffed be God, I have reafon to think that my 
religion has become more refined and fpiritual, by 
means of my late inward conflids. Amen ! May 
I always be willing that God Ihould ufe his own 
methods with me. 

Monday, December i"-!,. — Joined in prayer with Mr. 
Bellamy ; and found fweetnefs and compofure in 
)arting with him, who went a journey. 'Enjoyed 
iome fweetnefs through the day, and juft at night 
rode down to Woodbury. 

Tuefdr.y, December 14. — Some perplexity bung on 
my mind : Was diftrelTcd laft night and this morn- 
ing for the intereft of Zion, efpecially on account 
of the falfe appearances of religion, that do but rath- 
<?r breed confuiion, efpecially m forne places. I 



76 The L I t E o f 

cried to God fbrhd'p, to enable 'me to^beartfeTlfmon^ 
againftthofe things, which inllead of promoting, do 
but hinder the progrefs of vital piety. In the afteri* 
noon, rode down to Southbury, and converfed^agairt 
with my friend about the important affair of his 
following the work of the miniftry ; and he appear- 
ed much inclined to devote himfelf to that work, if 
God fhould fucceed his attempts to qualify himfelf 
for fo great a work. In the evening, I preached 
from I Theff. iv. 8. and endeavoured, though 
with tendcrnefs, to undermine falfe religion. The 
Lord gave me fome alfiftance ; but, however, I feemed 
fo vile, I was alhamed to be feen when I came out of 
the meeting houfe. , * ' 

■ Wedncfday^ December \^. — Enjoyed for^efh in g of 
God to day, both in fecret and focial prayer; but 
was fenfiblc of much barrenriefs,-and defe<fti'n duty, 
as well as my inability to help myfelf for the time 
to come, or to perform the work and bufinefs I have 
to do. Afterwards, felt much of the fweetnefs of 
religion, and the tendernefs of the gofpel temper ; 
was far from bitternefs, and found a dear love to all 
mankind, and was afraidoffcarcelyanythinglb much 
as left fome motion of anger or refentment fliould 
fome time or other creep into my heart. Had fome 
comforting foul refrefhing difcourfe with fome dear 
friends, jufl as we took our leave of each other, and 
fuppofed it might be likely we fhould not meet again 
until we came to the eternal world*. But I doubt 
not, through grace, but that fome of us lliall have a 
happy meeting there, and blefs God for this feafon, 
as well as many others. Amen. 


* It had bten determined by the Comminioners, who employed Mr. Brainerd as 
a M»iri'>nary, that he f>->ou}d go <*» foon as might be conveniently, lo tlie Indians liv- 
ing nearihe Forks of Delaware river in Pennfylvania, ;iiid the Indians on Sufqucliau- 
nah river ; which being far ofl', where he would be cxpofed to many liaidlhips and 
danger* ; this wa» the occaiioc of his taking leave of his frknUs in this maancj. 

Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 77. 

Thurfday, December 1 6.— Rode down to Derby ; 
bad f'ome Tweet thoughts on the road : My thoughts 
were very clear, efpecially on the effence of our fal- 
vation by Chrift, from thofe words, Thou Jhalt calV 
his name Jefus^ &c. 

Friday, December 17.— Spent much time in fwcet 
converfation on fpiritual things with dear Mr. Hum- 
phreys. Rode to Ripton ; fpent fome time in 
prayer with dear chriftian friends. 

Saturday, December 18. — Spent much time in 
prayer in the woods : Seemed raifed above the things 
of the world : My foul was flrong in the Lord of 
hofts : But was fenfible of great barrennefs. 

hordes Day, December 19. — At the facrament of 
the Lord*s fupper, feemed ftrong in the Lord ; and 
the world with all its frowns and flatteries in a great 
meafuredifappeared, fo that my foul had nothing to 
do with them ; and I felt a difpodtion to be wholly 
and forever the Lord*s. In the evening, enjoyed 
fomething of the divine prefence ; had a humbling 
fenfe of my vilenefs, barrennefs and /infulnefs. O, 
it wounded me, to think of the mi {improvement of 
time ! God be jnerciful to me afinner. 

Monday, December 50. — Spent this day in prayer, 
reading, and writing; and enjoyed fome afliftance, 
efpecially in correcting fome thoughts on a certain 
fubjed: ; but had a mournful fenfe of my barrennefs. 
Tuefday, December 2i. — Had a fenfe of my infuffi- 
cicncy for any publick work and bufinefs, as well as 
to live to God. 1 rode over to Derby, and preached 
'there : It pleafcd God to give me very fvv'eet alliil- 
anceand enlargement, and to enable me tofpeak with 
jafoft and tender power and energy. We had after- 
[wirds a comfortable evening in fmging and prayer :.• 
[God enabled me to pray with as much fpiritualit f 
pnd fwectnefs as I have done for fome time : My 
mind feemed to be unclothed of fenfe and imagi/sa- 


78 TheLIFEof 

tion, and was in a meafiire let into the immaterial 
world of fpirits. This day and evening was, I truft, 
through infinite goodnefs, made very profitable to a 
number of us, to advance our fouls in holinefs and con- 
formity to God : The glory be to him forever. Amen. 
How blelfed it is to grow more and more like God ! 

Wednefday, December 22. — Enjoyed fome affiftancc 
in preaching at Ripton ; but my foul mourned with- 
in me for my barrennefs. 

Thurfday^ 'December 1'}). — Enjoyed, I truft, fome- 
thing of God this morning in fecret. O how di- 
vinely fweet it is to come into the fecret of his pref- 
encc, and abide in his pavilHon ! Took an affection- 
ate leave of friends, not expe(5ting to fee them again 
for a very confiderable time, if ever in this world. 
Rode with Mr. Humphreys to his houfe at Derby ; 
fpent the time in fweet converfation ; my foul was 
rcfrefhed and fweetly melted with divine things. O 
that I was always confecrated to God. Near night, 
I rode to New-Haven, and there enjoyed fome fweet- 
nefs in prayer and converfation, with fome dear chrif- 
tian friends : My mind was fweetly ferious and com- 
pofed : But alas, I too much loft the fenfe of divine 
things I 

[He continued much in the fame frame of mind, 
and in like exercifes, the two following days.] 

Lord's Day^ December 26. — Felt much fwcetnefs 
and tendernefs in prayer j efpecially my whole foul 
feemed to love my worft enemies, and was enabled 
to pray for thofe that are ftrangers and enemies to 
"God with a great degree of foftnefs and pathetick 
fervour'. In the evening, rode from New- Haven to 
Branford, after I had kneeled down and prayed with 
a number of dear chriftian friends in a very retired 
place in the woods, and fo parted. 

Monday y Dccc?nber 27. — Enjoyed a precious feafon 
indeed j had a fweet melting fcnfc oi divine things, 
■ ■ . of 

Mr. da VID_ BR AIN^RD. 79 

of the pure fpirituality of the religion of Chrift Jefus . 
In the evening, I preached fromMatth. vi. 33. with 
much freedom, and fweet power and pungency : 
The prefence of God attended our meeting. O the 
fweetnefs, the tendernefs I felt in my foul ! If ever 
I felt the temper of Chrift, I had fome fenfc of it 
now. BlcfTed be my God, I have feldom enjoyed a 
more comfortable and profitable day than this. O 
that I could fpend all my time for God. 

Tuefdayy December 28.— Rode from Branford to 
Haddam. In the morning, my clearnefs and fweet- 
nefs in divine things continued j but afterwards my 
fpiritual life fenfibly declined. 

[The next twelve days, he was for the moft part 
extremely deje6ted,difcouraged and diftreffed.and was 
evidently very much under the power of melancholy; 
and there are from day today moft bitter complaints 
of exceeding vilenefs, ignorance, corruption, an amaz- 
ing Load of guilt, unworthinefs to creep on God*s 
earth, everlafting ufeleflhefs, fitnefs for nothing, &c. 
and fometimes expreftions even of horror at the 
thoughts of ever preaching again. But yet in this 
time of great dejedion, he fpeaks of feveral intervals 
of divine help and comfort.] 

[The three next days, which were fpent at Hebron 
and the Crank (a parifti in Lebanon) he had relief, 
and enjoyed confiderable comfort.] 

Friday^ ^a7iuary 14, 1742,3. — My fpiritual con- 
flidls to day were unfpeakably dreadful, heavier 
than the mountains and overflowing floods : Ifeem- 
ed inclofed, as it were in hell itfelf ! I was deprived 
of all fenfe of God , even of the being of a God ; and 
that was my mifery ! I had no awful apprehenfions 
of God as angry. This was diftrefs, the neareft akin 
to the damned *s torments, that I ever endured : Their 
torment, 1 am fure, will confift much in a privation 
of God, and confcquently gf all good. This taught 


8o ¥ It E t I I^ E o F 

me the abfolute dependence ofa creature upon Gcd 
the Creator, for every crumb of happinefs it e^njoys* ||] 
O ! I feel that if there is no God, though I might 
live forever here, and enjoy not only this, but all oth- , 
er worlds, I fhould be ten thoufand times more mif- f | 
erable than a toad ! My foul was in fuch anguifh I 
could not eat, but felt as I fuppofed a poor wretch 
would that is juft going to the place of execution. I 
was almofl fwallowed up with anguifli, when I favv 
people gathering together to hear me preach. How- 
ever, I went in that diftrefs to the houfe of God, and 
found not much relief in the firft prayer : It feemed 
as if God would let loofe the people upon me, nor 
were the thoughts of death diflrefling to me, like my 
own vilenefs. But afterwards, in my difcourfe from 
Deut. viii. 1. God was pleafed to give me fome free- 
dom and enlargement, fome power and fpirituality; 
and I fpent the evening fomething comfortably. 

[The two next days, his comfort continues, and 
he feems to enjoy an almofl continual fweetnefs of 
foul in the duties and exercifes of religion and chrif- 
tian converfation. On Monday was a return of the 
gloom he had been under the Friday before. He rode 
to Coventry this day, and the latter part of the day, 
had more freedom. On I'ucfday he rode to Canter- 
bury, and continued more comfortable.] 

Wednefday, 'January 19. — [At Canterbury.] In the 
afternoon preached the led:ure at the meeting houfe : 
Felt fome tendernefs, and fomething of the gofpel 
temper : Exhorted the people to love one another, 
and not fet up their own frames as a ftandard to try 
all their brethren by. But was much prejfTed, moft 
of the day, with a fenfe of my own badnefs, inward 
impurity, and unfpeakable corruption. Spent the 
evening in loving chriftian converfation. 

Thurf day, January 20. — Rode to my brofher'^s houfe 
between Norwich ^nd Lebanon-; and preached irt 



the evening to a number of people : Enjoyed neithei 
freedom nor fpirituality ; but faw myfdf exceeding 

Friday, January 2i. — Had great inward conflidls ; 
enjoyed but little comfort. Went to fee Mr. Will- 
iams of Lebanon, and fpentfeveral hours with him ; 
and was greatly delighted with his ferious, deliberate 
and impartial way of difcourfe about religion. 

[The next day, he was much deje^ed.] 

Lonfs Day, January 23. — Scarce ever felt myfelf 
fo unfit to exifl, as now : I faw, I was not worthy 
of a place among the Indians, where I am going, if 
God : I thought I fhould beafhamedto look 
them in the face', and much more to have any refpe<5t 
Ihewn me there. Indeed I felt myfelf banifhed frorii 
the earth, as if all places were too good for fuch a 
\Vretch as I : I thought 1 fhould be afhamed to go 
among the very favages of Africa : I appeared to 
myfelf a creature fit for nothing, neither heaven nor 
earth. None knows, but thofe that feel it, what the 
foul endures that is fenfibly fliut out from the pref- 
ence of God : Alas, it is more bitter than death ! 

[On Monday he rode to Stoningtown, Mr. Fifh's 
parifh. On Tuefday he exprcdes confiderable de- 
grees of fpiritual comfort and refrefliment.] 

Wedneflay, January 16. — Preached to a pretty large 
afTembly at Mr. Filh*s meeting houfe : Infifted 
on humility, and fteadfaflncfs in keeping God*s com- 
mands, and that through humility we Ihould prefer 
one another in love, and not make our own frames 
the rule by whic!\ we judge others. I felt fweetly 
calm, and full of brotherly love; and never more 
free from party fpirit. 1 hope fome good will fol- 
low, that chriftians will be freed from falfe joy, and 
party zeal, and cenfuring one another. 

[OnThurrday.afterconfiderablc time fpent in prayer 
andchrillianconveifation, he rode to New- London.] 

F Friday^ 

S$' Q >i JX Jfi(B. JL^ ¥JE o F 

IjrFn^'Zjy? y^m<ar}'i2.-T-HQYc. I found fomefallen in- 
Ip feme v^eXtt^yAgaocePv too much carried, away- vvith: 
a falfe zeal, an(5 bitternefs. O, the want of a gof-- 
pel'jtera^,^ t; i.s greatly (o ^be-Jatnented. "Spent ihe 
evening irt conyerfing with fpnie about fonle points- 
of condud in both., fniniileis land private chriftians,;- 
Iavi<t2di4 r/ct agree ;\vith,th^rr> ; God had- not taught 
them 'usji'k MKW'A md thoj^m, ^<^\ feq ©f ^ kirjd d i f^pfitio^^ 
toward m:^ feints- ■ : .a:. .::./. e:i "•- ■. xj.-m j: ri 
i^i;Ql?rSatu^ida'>^ he xod^-to^Eaflt'H^ddaifTljLartd^r^^^ 
the'three following days there ;:jind in that fpace of 
tim&;he fpeaks of his feeling weanednefs from the 
world, a fenfe'of the nearnefsbf eternity, fpecial af- 
fiftartce in praying for the enl:argeri.ien.t of Ghrift's 
kingdom, times of fpi ritual comfort,, 6ccv] 
LJf^e.dnefdayy:.Fc6i'uary,i.—^it3iCht(\ my farewell 
fE^mon, lafl night, at the houfepf an aged man, who 
had been unable to attend on the p^blick worfliip 
for fome time -and this morning, fpcnt the time in. 
prayex, ^Imoft "wherever I. went ; and having taken 
leave of friedds* I fet out on my journey towards the 
Indians.;, though by • the. way I was to fpend/ome 
time at Eaft- Hampton oh Long-Ifland, by the leave 
of the. commifiioners who employed me in tlie In- 
dian aflfa^* j and being accompanied by a meffenger; 
:&TpiTi Eaft-Hampton, we travelled to Lyn^e; -^"On 
the road I felt an uncommon prelTurc of mind : I 
feemed to flruggle hard for fome plcal'ure in fome-, 
thing herelnelow, and feemed loth to give up all for 
gone J but then law myfelf evidently throwing my- 
felf into all hardlhips and dirtrefles in my prefent 
undertaking {'\ thought it would be lefs difficult to 
lie down in the grave.: But yet J chofe to go, rather 
t-han ftay. Came to Lyme, that rvight. 

,_ r ; •■ -r;-:,.:,, [He ^ 

•;^* Thc,reafon why/lhe Commifiioners or Corjefpor.denis did not order Mr. Brai- 
nercHogo inuTicdiattIyT.o the Indians, and enter on liis biifincfs as a Miffionary to 
|hern, was (hat tliev-infer -was not judged to be a convenient feafon for hun fird to 
go out into the wildcruefs, and enter on the difiicuitics and hardlhips he mud there 
Lie txpofed to. 


[He waited the two next days for a paffage over 
the found, and fpent much of the time in inward con-, 
flidts and dejedlion, but had fome comfort.] 

[On Saturday, he crolTed the found, landed at Oyf- 
ter- Ponds on Long-Ifland, and travelled from thence 
to Eaft-Hampton. And the feven following days 
he fpent there, for the mofi: part, under extreme de- 
jediion and gloominefs of mind, with great com- 
plaints of darknefs, ignorance, &c. Yet his heart 
appears to have been conl-lantly engaged in the great 
bufinefs of religion, much concerned for the intereft 
of religion in Eaft-Hampton, and praying and la- 
bouring much for it.] 

Saturday, February I'Z. — Enjoyed a little more 
comfort, was enabled to meditate with fome compo- 
fure of mind ; and efpecially in the evening, found 
my foul more refrelhed in prayer, than at any time 
of late ; my foul feemed to take holdofGod^sJirength^ 
and was comforted with his confolations. O how 
fweet are fome glimpfes of divine glory ! How 
ftrengthening and quickening ! 

Lord*s Day, February 13.— At noon, under a great 
degree of difcouragement ; knew not how it was 
pollible for me to preach in the afternoon ; was ready 
to give up all for gone ; but God was pleafed to af- 
fift me in fome meafure. In the evening, my heart 
was fweetly drawn out after God, and devoted io 

[The next day, he had comfort and dejection in- 

Tuefday, February 15.— Early in the day I felt 
fome comfort, afterwards I walked into a neighbour- 
ing grove, and felt more as a ftranger on earth, I 
think, than ever before ; dead to any of the enjoy- 
ments of the world as if I had been dead in a nat- 
ural fenfe. In the evening, had divine fvveetnefs in 
fecret duty : God was then my portion, and my foul 
F % rofc 

^ TheLIFEof 

rofe above thofe deep "iraters, into which I have funk 
fo low of late: My foul then cried for Zion, and 
had fweetnefs in fo doing. 

[This fweet frame continued the next morning ; 
but afterwards his inward diflrefs returned.] 

Thurfday^ February 17. — In the morning, found 
myfelf fomething comfortable, and refted on God in 
fome meafure. Preached this day at a little village 
belonging to Eaft-Hampton ; and God was pleaf- 
ed to give me his gracious prefence and afliftance, fo 
that I fpake with freedom, boldnefs and fome pow- 
er. In the evening, fpent fome time with a dear 
chriftian friend ; felt fweetly ferious, as on the brink 
of eternity ; my foul enjoyed fweetnefs in lively ap- 
prehenfions of {landing before the glorious God : 
Prayed with my dear friend with fweetnefs, anddif- 
courfed with utmoft folemnity. And truly it was a 
little emblem of heaven itfelf I find my foul is 
more refined and weaned from a dependence on my 
frames and fpiritual feelings. 

Friday^ February 18. — Felt fomething fweetly moft 
of the day, and found accefs to the throne of 
grace, BlefTed be the Lord for any intervals of heav- 
enly delight and compofure, while I am engaged in 
the field of battle. () that I might be ferious, fol- 
emn, and always vigilant, while in an evil world. 
Had fome opportunity alone to day, and found fome 
freedom in ffudy. O, I long to live to God. 

hordes Day, February 20. — Was fomething per- 
plexed on account of my carelcfTnefs ; I thought I 
could not be fuitably concerned about the important 
work of the day, and fo was rcfllefs with my eafinefs. 
Was exceeding infirm again to day ; but the Lord 
ftrengthencd inc both in the outward and inward 
man, fo that I preached with 'fome life and fpirit- 
uality, cfpccially in the afternoon, wherein I was 
enabled to Ipeak clofely againfl fclfifh religion, 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. S5 

that loves Chrifl for his benefits, but not for him- 

[During the next fortnight, it appears that he for 
the mod part enjoyed much fpiritual peace and com- 
fort. In his Diary for this fpace of time, are ex- 
preffed fuch things as thefe ; mourning over indwell- 
ing fin, and unprofitablenefs ; deadnefs to the world ; 
longing after God and to live to his glory ; heart 
melting defires after his eternal home ; fixed reliance 
on God for his help ; experience of much divine af- 
fiftance both in the private and publick exercifes of 
religion ; inward flrength ^nd courage in the fervice 
of God ; very frequent refrelhment, confolation and 
divine fweetnefs in meditation, prayer, preaching, 
and chriftian converfation. And it appears by his 
account, that this fpace of time was filled up with 
great diligence and earneflnefs in ferving God, in 
ftudy, prayer, meditation, preaching, and private in- 
ftruiting and counfeling.] 

Monday, March 7. — This morning when I arofc, 
I found my heart go forth after God in longing de- 
lires of conformity to him, and in fecret prayer 
found myfelf fvvcctly quickened and drawn out in 
praifes to God for all he had done to and for me, 
and for all my inward trials and diftrefles of late ; 
my heart afcribed glory, glory, glory to the blelfed 
God ! And bid welcome all inward diftrefs agaiw, 
if God faw meet to exercife me with it ; time ap- 
peared but an inch long, and eternity at hand ; and 
i thought I could with patience and cheerfulnefs 
bear any thing for the caufe of God : For 1 faw that 
a moment would bring' me to a world of peace and 
bleffednefs ; and my foul, by the ftrength of the 
Lord, role far above this lower world, and all the 
vain amufements and frightful difappointments of 
it. Afterwards, was vifited by fome friends, but 
loft fome fweetnefs by the means. After that, had 

Fj fome 

86 TheLIFEof 

fome fvveet meditation on Gen. v. 24. And Enoch 
walked with God, &c. This was a comfortable day 
to my foul. 

[The next day, he feems to have continued in a 
confiderable degree of fweetnefs and fervency in re- 

Wednefdayy March 9. — Endeavoured to commit 
myfelf and all my concerns to God. Rode fixteen 
Miles to Mantauk*, and had fomeinvyard fweetnefs 
on the road ; but fomething of flatnefs and deadnefs 
after I came there and had i'een the Indians : I with- 
drew, and endeavoured to pray, but found myfelf 
awfully deferted and left, and had an afflicting lenfe 
of my vil^nefs and meannefs. However, 1 went 
and preached from Ifai. liii. 10. Had fome afTifl- 
ance ; and, 1 trufl, fomething of the divine prefence 
was among us. In the evening, again I prayed and 
exhorted among them, after having had a feafon 
alone, wherein I was fo prefTed with the blacknefs 
of my nature, that I thought it was not fit for me to 
fpeak fo much as to Indians. 

[The next day, he returned to Eaft- Hampton j 
was exceeding infirm in body through the remain- 
ing part of this week ; but fpeaks of aiiiflance and 
enlargement in fti^dy and rehgious exercifes, and of 
inward fweetnefs and breathing after God.j 

Lord's Day, March 13. — At noon, I thought it 
impoffible for me to preach, by reafon of bodily 
weaknefs and inward deadnefs ; and in the iirft 
prayer, was fo weak that I could hardly Hand-' but 
in fermon, God flrengthenedme, fothat I fpakencnr 
an hour and half with fweet freedom, clearnefs and 
fome tender power, f^om Gei>, v. 24. Jnd Enoch 
walked with God. I was fweetly aflifted to infifr en 
a clofe walk with Gody and to leave this as my part- 

* Mantauk is the faftern cape or end of Lorg-Ifland, then inliabited chiefly by 


ing advice to God's people h&XQ^^thaX^jkf^ Jhould 
ivalk with God. May theGod of all grace ftigceed 
my poor labours in this place ! r^ ■ , I ' 

Monday .March 14.— Irithe morning, was very bufy 
in'preparation for my joyrney, and was almoft cou- 
tiniially engaged in ejaculatory prayer. About ten, 
took leave of the dear people of Eaft-Hampton. 
My heart grieved and mourned, and rejoiced at the 
farpe time ; rode near fifty rniles to a paft.of:Brook- 
Haven, and lodged there, and had refrefhing cpnyer- 
fation with a chriftian friend. 

[In two days more he reached New-York ; but 
complains of much defertion and deadnefs on the 
road. He flayed one day in New- York, and on 
Friday went to Mr. Dickinfon's at Elizabeth-Town, 
His complaints are the fame as on the two preced- 
ing days.] 

Saturday, March 19. — Was bitterly diftrcfTed un- 
der a fenfeof my ignorance, darknefs and unworthi- 
nefs ; got alone, and poured out my complaint to 
God in the bitternefs of my foul. In the afternoon, 
rode to Newark, and had fome fweetnefs in conver- 
fation with Mr. Burr, and in praying together. O \ 
bleifed be God forever and ever, for any enlivening 
and quickening. 

Lord*s Day, March 20. — Preached in the fore- 
noon : God gave me fome afliilance and fweetnefs, 
and enabled me to fpeak with real tendernefs, love 
and impartiality. In the evening preach-d again ; 
and of a truth God was pleafed to alFifl a poor worm. 
Bleifed be God, I was enabled to fpeak with life, 
power, and paffionate defire of the edification of 
God*s people, and with fome power to finncrs. In 
the evening, I felt fomething fpiritual and watchful, 
Icfl mv heart (bould by any means be drawn avvay 
from God. O, when fliall I come to that blefled 
world, where evety power of my foul will be in- 

F4 ceH'antly 


The life of 

celTantly and eternally wound up, in heavenly- 
employments and enjoyments, to the higheft de- 
gree ? 

[On Monday he went to Woodbridge, where he 
fpeaks of his being with a number of minifters* ; 
and the remainder of this week and the greater part 
of the next he fpent in a journey to Stockbridge.] 

• Thefe mioifter* were the Correfpondentt, who now met at Woodbridge, and 
gave Mr. Brainerd new dire£lions, and inilead of fending him to the Indians at the 
Kork$ of Delaware, at before intended, they ordered him to go to a number of In* 
ilians, at Kaunaumeekf a place in thf provipcc of New-York, m the woods between 
StQckbridge and Albany. 





From his fit jl heglnning to i?\[iruB the Indians at Kau^ 
naufneekt to his Ordination* 

FRIDAY, April 1, 1743.— I rode to Kaunaumeek. 
near twenty miles from Stockbridge, where 
the Indians live, with whom I am concerned, and 
there Iodised on a little heap of ftraw : Was greatly 
exercifcd with inward trials and diftreffes all day ; 
and in the evening, my heart was funk, and I feem- 
ed to have no God to go to. O that God would 
help me I 

[The next five days, he was for the mofl part in 
a dejedted deprefled ftate of mind, and fometimes 
extremely fo.] 

Friday^ April 7. — Appeared to myfclf exceeding 
ignorant, weak, helplefs, and unworthy, and alto- 
gether unequal to my work. It feemed to me, I 
fhould never do any fervice, or have any fuccefs 
among the Indians. My foul was weary of my 
life : I longed for death beyond meafure. When I 
thought of any godly foul departed, my foul was 
ready to envy him his privilege, thinking, O when 
will my turn come I Mufl it be years firfi: ! But I 
know thofe ardent deiires at this and other times, 
rofe partly from want of refignation to God under all 
miferies ; and fo were but impatience. Towards 
night 1 had, I think, the cxercife of faith in prayer, 
and fome afTiilance in writing. O that God would 
keep me near him ! 

Friday, April S. — Was exceedingly prcfTed under 
a fenfe of my pride, fclnd-inefs, bitternefs, and party 
fpirit in times paft, while I attempted to promote the 
caufcofGod: It's vile nature and dreadful confe- 


90 t H E L I F E o F 

quences appeared in fuch odious colours to me, that 
my very heart was pained : I faw how poor fouls 
Itumbled over it into everlafling deftrudiion, that 1 
wasconftrained to make that prayer in the bitternefs 
of,my foul, O Lord, deliver 7nefrom blood~guiltihefs. 
I faw my defert of hell on this account. My foul 
was full of inward anguifh and fhame before God, 
that I had fpent fo much timein cortverfation tending 
only to promote a party fpirit. O, I faw I had not 
fuitably prized mortification, felf denial, refignation 
under all ad verities, meeknefs, love, candour, and 
holinefs of heart and life : And this day was almoll: 
wholly fpent in fuch bitter and foul afflid:ing reflec- 
tions on my paft frames and condud:. Of late I 
have thought much of having the kingdom of Chrift 
advanced in the world ; but now I faw I had enough 
40 do within mylelf. The Lord be merciful to me a 
Ji?j?ter, and wafli my foul. 

Saturday^ April (). — Remained much in the fame 
ftate as yeflerday ; excepting that the fenle of my 
vilenefs was not fo quick and acute. ..;;)-:: 

Lord^s Dayy April i o. — Rofe early in the morning, 
and walked out, and Ipent considerable time in tlife 
woods, in prayer and meditation. Preached to the In- 
diansboth forenoon and afternoon. They behaved fo- 
berlyin general : Two or three in particular appeared 
under fome religious concern; with whom I difcourf- 
ed privately ; and one told me, her heart had cried, 
ever fince fhe heard me preach firfl:. 
; [The two next days he complains of much defer- 
tion, and manifefts a great fenfc of guilt and flupid*. 

Wednefday, April 13^ — My heart was overvv helm- 
ed within me : 1 verily thought I was the -meanefl:, 
vileft,mofthelplcfs, guilty, ignorant, benighted crea;- 
ture living. And yet I knew what God had done 
for my foul, at the fame time. Though 4bi^ttimfes 


M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 9» 

I was afTaulted with damping doubts and fears, 
whether it was poiTible for fuch a wretch as I to be 
in aftate of grace. 

Saturday, ^^r// 1 6.— Still in the depths ot diftrefs. 
In the afternoon, preached to my people j but was 
more difcouraged with them than before ; feared 
that nothing would ever be done for them to any 
happy effect. I retired and poured out my foul to 
God for mercy ; but without any fenfihle relief. — 
Soon after came an Irilhman and a Dutchman, with 
a defign, as they faid, to hear me preach the next day j 
but none can tell how I felt to hear their profane 
talk. O, I longed that fome dear chriftian knew m.y 
diftrefs. I got into a kind of hovel, and there groan- 
ed out my complaint to God ; and withal felt more 
fenfible gratitude and thankfulnefs to God, that he 
had made me to differ from thefe men, as I knew 
through grace he had. 

Lord's Day, April 17. — In the morning was again 
diftrefted as foon as I awaked, hearing much talk 
about the world and the things of it : Though I per- 
ceived the men were in fome meafure afraid of me ; 
and I difcourfed fomething about fanc^tifying the 
Sabbath, if poflible, to folemnize their minds ; but 
when they were at a little diftance, they again talked 
freely about fecular affairs. O, I thought, what a hell 
it would be to live with fuch men to eternity I The 
Lprd gave me fome ajGTiftance in preaching, all day, and 
fome refignatiun, and a fmall degree of comfort in 
prayer at night. 

[He continued in this difconfolate frame the next 

Tucfday, April \g. — In the morning, enjoyed fome 
fweet repofe and reft in God ; felt fome ftrength and 
confidence in God ; and my foul was in fome meafure 
refrellied and comforted. Spent mofl of the day in 
writing, and had fbmc exercife of grace fenfible and 

comfortable ;' 

92 T H E L I F E o F 

comfortable ; my foul feemed lifted above the deep 
waters^ wherein it has been fo long almoft drowned ; 
felt fome fpiritual longings and breathings o-f foiil 
after God ; found myfelf engaged for the advance- 
ment of Chrifi:*s kingdom in my own foul, more thaa 
in others, more than in the heathen world. 

Wednefiay, April 20. — Set apart this day for faft- 
ing and prayer, to bow my foul before God for the 
beilowment of divine grace ; efpecially that all my 
fpiritual afflictions and inward diftrefles might be 
fandified to my foul. And endeavoured alfo to re- 
member the goodnefs of God to me in the year paft, 
this day being my birth day. Having obtained 
help of God, I have hitherto lived, and am now ar- 
rived at the age of twenty five years. My foul was 
pained to think of my barrennefs and deadnefs ; that 
1 have lived fo little to the glory of the eternal God. 
I fpent the day in the woods alone, and there poured 
out my complaint to God. O that God would 
enable me to live to his glory for the future. 

Thurfday, April z\. — Spent the forenoon in read- 
ing and prayer, and found myfelf fomething engag- 
ed ; but ftill much depreffed in fpirit under a fenfe 
of my vilenefs and unfitnefs for any publick fervice. 
In the afternoon, I vifited my people, and prayed 
and converfed with fome about their fouls* concerns : 
And afterwards found fome ardour of foul in fecret 
prayer. O that I might grow up into the likenefs 
of God. 

Friday, April 22.' — Spent the day in fludy, read- 
ing and prayer ; and felt a little relieved of my bur- 
den, that has been fo heavy of late. But ftill in 
fome meafure oppreffed. Had a fenfe of barrennefs. 
O, my leannefs teftifies againfl me ! My very foul 
abhors itfelf for its unlikencfs to God^ its inadtivity 
and fluggifhnefs. When I have done all, alas, what 
an unprofitable fervant am I ! My foul groans, to 


Mr. D a V I D B R a I N E R D. 93 

fee the hours of the day roll away, becaufe I do not 
fill them, in fpirituality and heavenly mindednefs. 
And yet I long they fhould fpeed their pace, ta 
haften me to my eternal horne, where I may fill up 
all my moments, through eternity, for God and his 

[Forfeveral following days he feems to have been 
under an incrcafe of deje(Sion and melancholy. On 
Tuefday, he exprefles fome relief. Wednefday he 
kept as a day of fafting and prayer, but in great dif- 
trefs. The next three days following, his melan- 
choly continued, but in a leflfer degree, and with in- 
tervals of comfort.] 

Lord*s Day, May i . — Was at Stockbridge to day. 
In the forenoon had fome relief and affiftance ; though 
not fo much as ufual. In the afternoon, felt poorly 
in body and foul ; while I was preaching, feemed to be 
rehearfing idle tales, without the lead life, fervour, 
fenfe or comfort : And efpecially afterwards, at the 
facrament, my foul was filled with confufion, and 
the utmoft anguifh that ever I endured, under the 
feeling of my inexpreflible vilenefs and meannefs. 

[The remaining days of this week were fpent, for 
the mofl: part, in inward diftrefs and gloominefs. 
The next Sabbath, he had encouragement, afliftance 
and comfort ; but on Monday funk again.] 

Tue/Hay, May lO. — Was in the fame ilate, as to 
my mind, that I have been in for fome time, extreme- 
ly preffed with a fenfe of guilt, pollution, blindnefs: 
T/je iniquity of ?ny heels have compajfed me about ; 
the fins of my youth have been fet in order before me ; 
they have gone over tny head, as an heavy burden, too 
heavy for me to bear, Almoft all the adtions of my 
life paft feem to be covered over with fin and guilt ; 
and thofe of them that I performed in the moft con- 
feientious manner, now fill me with Ihame and con- 
fufion, that I cannot hold up my face. O ! the pride, 

fel fifhnefs, 

^4 T H E L I F E o F 

MEfhncCsy hypocrify, ignorance, bittefnef^', -party 
zeal, and the want of love, candour, meeknefs and d| 
gentlenefs that have attended my attempts to pro- 1 
mote religion and virtue; and this when I have * 
rcafon to hope I had real alliftance from above, and 
fome fweet intercourfe with heaven ! But alas, what 
corrupt mixtures attended rriy beft duties ! 

[The next fcven days, his gloom and diftrefs con- 
tinued, for the moft part j but he had fome turns of 
relief and fpiritual com.fort. He gives an account of 
his fpending part of this time in hard labour, tobuild 
himfelf a little cottage tolivein amongft the Indians, 
in which he. might be by himfelf; having (it 
feems) hitherto lived with a poor Scotchman ; and 
afterwards, before his own houfe was habitable, liv- 
ed in a wigwam among the Indians.] 

Wednefday, May i8. — My circumstances are fuch 
that I have no comfort, of any kind, but what I have 
in God. 1 live in the moft lonefome wildernefs ; 
have but one fingle perfon to converfe with, that 
can fpeak Englifh* : Moft of the talk 1 hear, is 
either Highland-Scotch or Indian. I have no fellow 
chriftian to whom I might unbofom myfelf , and lay 
open my fpiritual forrows, and with whom I might 
take fweet counfel in converfatiou about heavenly 
things, and join in focial prayer. 1 live poorly with 
regard to the comforts of life : Moft of my diet con- 
lifts of boiled corn, hafty-pudding, &c, I lodge on 
a bundle offtraw, and my labour is hard and ex- 
tremely difficult ; and I have little appearance of 
fuccefs to comfort me. The Indians' affairs are ve- 
ry difficult ; having no land to live on, but what 


* This perfon was Mr. Bvainerd'.s interpreter; whft was an ingenious young In- 
dian beIonf;in^ to Stockbtidgi', whole name was: John Wauwaumptquunnaunt, who 
had been inftnifled in the chriftian religion bv Mr. Sergeant ; and had lived with 
the^Rev. Mr. Williams of Long-Meadow, and had been hlriher inftrutfed by him 
at the charge of Mr. Holli? of London ; and undeillood both Englifh and Indian 
very well, and wrote a goo'd' hand. 


the Dutch [pedpie lay claim fo, and threaten to drive 
them ofFfrxjm j they have no regard to the fouls of: 
the poor" Indians ; and, by what I can learn, they 
hate Trie,':hecaufe I: come to preach to them. But 
tl'rat."\\chrch makes all my difficulties grievous to be 
bor0e.,':is,..that God hides his face frOm me. 
• (.The. next eleven days, his burdens were for the 
moft part alleviated j but with variety ; at fome 
■ times having coniiderable confolation, and at other 
times more depreifed. The next day, Monday, 
May 30, he fet out on a: journey to New-Jerfey, 
to conl'ult the CommiiTioners that employed him 
about the affairs of his miffion* : Performed his jour- 
i^y thither in four days ; and arrived at Mr. Burr*s 
iPiNevyark on Thurfday. In great part of his jour- 
neyvhe was in the depths of melancholy, under like 
diftreffes with thofe already mentioned. On Friday, 
he rode to Elizabeth-Town ; and on Saturday, to 
New- York ; and from thence on his way homewards 
as far as White-Plains, where he fpent the Sabbath, 
and had coniiderable degrees of divine confolation 
and afliftance in publick fervices. On Monday, he - 
rode about fixty miles to New-Haven. There he 
attempted a reconcihation with the authority of the 
college ; and fpent this week in vifiting his friends 
in thofe parts, and in his journey homewards, until 
Saturday, in a pretty cotnfortable frame of mind. — 
On Saturday, in his way from Stockbridge to Kau- 
naumeek, he was loft in the woods, and lay all night 
in the open air j but happily found his way in 
the morning, and came to his Indians on Lord's 
Day, June 12. And had greater affiftance in preach- 
ing among them than ever before, fmce his firft 
coming among them. J 


* His bufincfs with tlie CommifTioners now, v.t;s, to obtain orders from them to 
fet up a fchool among the Indians at Kaunaunieek, and tliat his in' erpreter might be 
app9ii)ted the fch'jolmafter ; Which was according) y done. 

96 Til E L I F E OF 

[From this time forward he was the fubjedt of va- 
rious frames and exercifes of mind. How it was 
with him in thofe dark feafons, he himfelf further 
defcribes in his Diary for July 2, in the following 
manner. My foul is and has for a long time been 
in a piteous condition, wading through a feries of 
forrows, of various kinds. 1 have been fo cruflied 
down fometimes with a fenfe of my meannefs and 
infinite unworthinefs, that I have been afhamed that 
anyeven themeaneftof my fellow creatures fhould fo 
much as fpend a thought about me, and have wi(h- 
ed fometimes while I have travelled among the thick 
brakes, as one of them to drop into everlafting obliv- 
ion. Sometimes my foul has been in diftrefs on 
feeling fome particular corruptions rife and fwell 
like a mighty torrent, with prefent violence ; . 
Laving at the fame time ten thouiand former fins and 
follies prefented to view, in all their blacknefs and 
aggravations. And thefe attended with fuch exter- 
nal circumftances as mine at prefent are ; deftitute of 
moil of the conveniencies of life, and I may lay, of 
all the pleafures of it ; without a friend to communi- 
cate any of my forrows to, and fometimes without any 
place of retirement, where I may unburden my foul 
before God, which has greatly contributed to my dif- 
trefs. Of late, more efpecialiy, my great difficulty 
has been a fort of careleiTnefs, a kind of regardjefs 
temper of mind, whence I have been difpofed to in- 
dolence and trifling ; And this temper of mind has 
conflantly been attended with guilt and Ihame ; fo 
that fometimes I, have been in a kind of horror, to 
find myfelf fo unlike the bleffed God j and have 
thought I grew worfe under all my trials ; and noth- 
ing has cut and wounded my foul more than this. 
O, if lam one of God's chofen, as I trufl through in- 
finite grace 1 am, I find of a truth, that /he righteous 

ate Scarcely faved ! 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 97 

It is apparent, that one main occafion of that dif- 
trefTing gloominefs of mind which he was fo much 
exercifed with at Kaunaumeek, was reflection on his 
paft errors and mifguided zeal at college, in the be- 
ginning of the late religious commotions in the land. 
And therefore he repeated his endeavours this year 
for reconciliation with the governours of the college, 
whom he had in that time offended. Althbugh he 
had been at New-Haven, in June, this year, and had 
attempted a reconciliation, as has been mentioned 
already.yetin the beginning of July, hemadeanother 
journey thither, and renewed his attempt, but flill 
in vain. 

Although he was much deje(5ted great part of that 
fpace of time that I am now fpeaking of, yet there 
were many intermiffions of his melancholy, and 
fome feafons of comfort, fweet tranquillity and re- 
fignation of mind, and frequent fpecial affiftance 
in publick fervices, that he fpeaks of in his Diary. 
The mannerof his relief from hisforrow,oncein par- 
ticular, is worthy to be mentioned in his own words, 
in his Diary, for July 25, which are as follows : Had 
little or no refolution for a life of holinefs ; was ready 
almoft to renounce my hopes of living to God. And 
O how dark it looked, to think of being unholy for- 
ever ! This I could not endure. The cry of my foul 
was that (Pfal. Ixv. 3,) Iniquities prevail agaijijl me ^ 
But was in feme meafure relieved by a comforfable 
meditation on God's eternity, that he never had a 
beginning, &c. whencel was led to admire his great- 
nefs and power, &c. in fuch a manner that I ftood 
ftill and praifed the Lord for his own glories and 
perfections ; though I was (and if I fliould forever 
be) an unholy creature, my foul was comforted to 
apprehend an eternal, infinite, powerful, holy God.] 

Saturday, 'July 30.-- Juft at night, moved into my 
own houfe, and lodged there that night ; found it 

G much 

98 TheLIFEof 

much better fpending the time alone in my own 
houfe, than in the wigwam where I was before. 

Lord*sDay, Ju/y 31. —Felt more comfortably than 
fome days paft. BlefTed be the Lord, that has now 
given me a place of retirement. O that I might 
find God in it, and that be would dwell with me 

Monday, Augujl i . — Was flill bufy in further la- 
bours on my houfe. Felt a little of the fweetnefs o-f 
religion, and thought it was worth the while to fol- 
low after God through a thoufand fnares, deferts, 
and death itfelf. O that I might always follow af- 
ter holinefs, that I may be fully Conformed to God- 
Had fome degree of fweetnefs, in fecret prayer, 
though I had much foriow. 

Wednefday, Auguji 3. — Spent mofl of the day in ' 
writing. Enjoyed fome fenfe of religion. Through 
divine goodnefs I am now uninterruptedly alone ; and 
iind my retirement comfortable. I have enjoyed 
more fenfe of divine things within a few days lafl 
paft, than for fome time before. I longed after ho- 
linefs, humility and meeknefs : O that God would 
enable me to pafs the time of my fojourning here in his 
fear, and always live to him. 

nurfday, Augufi 4. — Was enabled to pray much 
through the whole day ; and through divine good- 
jnefs found fome intenfenefs of foul in the duty, as I 
ufed to do, and fome ability to perfevere in my fup- 
plications : Had fome apprehenlions of divine things, 
that were engaging, and that gave me fome courage 
and refolution. It is good, I find, to perfevere in at- 
tempts to pray, if I cannot pray with perfeverance, 
i.e. continue long in my addrelFes to the Divine 
Being. I have generally found that the more I do 
in fecret prayer, the more I have delighted to do, 
and have enjoyed more of a fpirit of prayer ; and 
frequently have found the contrary, when, with jour- 


neying or otherwife, I -have been much deprived of 
retirement. A lea (bn able fteady performance of fe- 
cret duties in their proper hours, and a careful im- 
provement of all time, filling up every hour with fome 
profitable labour, either of heart, head, or hands, are 
excellent means of fpiritual peace and boldnefs be- 
fore God. Chrift indeed is our peace, and by him 
we have boldnefs of accefs to God \ but a good con» 
fcience, void of offence j is an excellent preparation for 
an approach into the divine prefence. There is dif- 
ference between felf confidence, and a felf righteous 
pleafing ourfelves (with our own duties, attainments, 
and fpiritual enjoyments) which godly fouls fome- 
times are guilty of, and that holy confidence arifing 
from the teftimony of a good confcience, which 
good Hezekiah had when he fays. Remember, O Lord^ 
I befeech thee, how I have walked before thee in truths 
and with a perfe5l heart. Then (fays the holy Pfalm- 
iO:)Jhall I not be ajhamed, when I have refpedl to all 
thy commandments. Filling up our time with and 
for God IS the way to rife up and lie down in peace. 
[The next eight days, he continued for the moft 
part in a very comfortable frame, having his mind 
fixed and fweetly engaged in religion ; and more than 
once bleffes God, that he had given him a little cot- 
tage, where he might live alone, and enjoy a happy 
retirement, free from noife and diflurbance, and 
could at any hour of the day lay afide all fludies, and 
fpend time in lifting up his foul to God for fpiritual 

Saturday, Augufl i3.-^Was enabled in fecret 
prayer to raife my foul to God, with defire and 
delight. It was indeed a blefled feafon to my 
foul ; I found the comfort of being a chriftian : 
/ counted the fufferings of the prefent life not worthy 
to be compared with the glory of divine enjoyments, 
even in this world. All my paft forrows feemed 

G a kindly 

ipo TheLIFEof 

kindly to difappear, and I remembered no more the/or' 
row, for joy, O, how kindly, and with what a filial ten- 
derneis, the foul hangs on, and confides in the Rock of 
agesy at fuch a fealbn, that he will never leave it nor 
forfake it, that he will caufe all things to work tO' 
gether for its goody &c. 1 longed that others fhould 
know how good a God the Lord is. My Ibul was 
full of tendernefs and love, even to the mofl inveter- 
ate of my enimies : I longed they fliould (hare in 
the fame mercy. 1 loved and longed that God Ihould 
do jufl as he pleafed, with me and every thing elfe. 
I felt exceeding ferious, calm and peaceful, and en- 
couraged to prel's after holinefs as long as I live, 
whatever dijSiculties and trials rnay be in my way. 
May the Lord always help me fo to do. Amen, 
and Amen ! 

hordes Day^ Aiigufl 14. — I had much more free- 
dom in publick, than in private. God enabled me 
to fpeak with fome feeling fenfe of divine things ; 
but perceived no confiderable effedt. 

Monday y Augufl 15. — Spent moft of the day in la- 
bour to procure fomething to keep my horfe on in 
the winter. Enjoyed not much fvveetnefs in the 
morning : Was very weak in body, through the day, 
and thought this frail body would foon drop into the 
duft : Had fome very realizing appreheniions of a 
fpeedy entrance into another world. And in this 
•weak ftate of body, was not a little diftrcflbd for 
want ot fuitable food. Had 110 bread, nor could I 
get any. I am forced to go or fend ten or fifteen 
miles for all the bread I eat ; and fometimes it is 
mouldy and four, before I eat it, if 1 get any con- 
fiderable quantity : And then again I have none for 
fome days together, for want of an opportunity to 
fend for it, and cannot find my horfe in the woods 
to go mj-felf j and this was my cafe now: But 
through divine goodnels 1 had fome Indian meal, of 



Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. loi 

which I made little cakes and fried thefti. Yet felt 
contented with my circumftances, and fvveetly refign- 
ed to God. In prayer I enjoyed great freedom; 
and blefled God as much for my prefent circum- 
llances, as if I had been a king; and thought, I found 
a difpofition to be contented in any circumftances : 
Bleffed be God ! 

[The reft of this week, he was exceeding weak 
in body and much exercifed with pain ; and yet 
obliged from day to day to labour hard, to procure 
fodder for his horfe ; excepting fome part of the 
time he was fo very ill, that he was neither able to 
work nor ftudy : But fpeaks of longings after holi- 
nefs and perfed: conformity to God ; complains of 
enjoying but little of God ; yet fiys, that little was 
better to him than all the world befides. In his Dia- 
ry for Saturday, he fays, he was fomething melan- 
choly and forrovvful in mind ; and adds, I never feel 
comfortably, but when I find my foul going forth 
after God : If I cannot be holy, I mull necelTarily' be 
miferable forever.] 

Lofd*s Day, Augujl 21. — Was much ftraitened in 
the forenoon exercife : My thoughts fcemed to be 
all fcattered to the ends of the earth. At noon I fell 
down before the Lord, and groaned under my vile- 
nefs, barrennefs, deadnefs, and felt as if I was guilty 
of foul murder, in fpeaking to immortal fouls in 
fuch a manner as I had then done. In the afternoon, 
God was pleafed to give me fome alliftance, and I 
was enabled to fet before my hearers the nature and 
necellity of true repentance, &;c. Afterwards had 
fome fmall degree of thankfulnefs. Was very ill 
and full of pain in the evening ; and my foul mourn- 
ed that I had fpent fo much time to fo little profit. 

Mo?iday^ Augujl 22. — Spent moft of the day in 
fludy ; and found my' bodily ftrength in a meafure 
reftored. Had fome intenfe and paffionate breath- 

Q 3 ings 

lOi TheLIFEof 

ings of foul after holinefs, and very clear manifefta- 
tions of my utter inability to procure, or work it in 
myfelf ; it is wholly owing to the power of God, 
O, with what tendernefs the love and defire of holi- 
nefs fills the foul ! I wanted to wing out of myfelf, 
to God ; or rather to get a conformity to him : But 
alas, I cannot add to my ftdture in grace one cubit. 
However, my foul can never leave ftriving for it ; 
or at lead groaning, that it cannot ftrive for it, and 
obtain more purity of heart. At night, I fpent fome 
tinae in inftruding my poor people : Q that God 
would pity their fouls. 

Tuefday, Augufl^T,. — Studied in the forenoon, and 
enjoyed fome freedom. In the afternoon, laboured 
abroad : Endeavoured toprayjnuch ; but found not 
much fwcetnefs or intenfenefs of mind. Towards 
night, was very weary, and tired of this world of 
forrow : The thoughts of death and immortality ap- 
peared very defirable, and even refreshed my fouU 
Thofe lines turned in my mind with pleafure. 

Come, death, fliake hands ; I'll kifs thy bands ; 

'Tis happinefs for me to die. 
What ! deft thou think, that I will ftirink ? 

I'll go to immortality. 

In evening prayer, God was plcafed to draw near 
my foul, though very finful and unworthy : Was 
enabled to wreftle with God, and to perfevere in my 
requefts for grace : I poured out my foul for all the 
world, friends and enemies. My foul was concern- 
ed, not fo much for fouls as fuch, but rather for 
Chrift's kingdom, that it might appear in the world, 
that God might be known to be God, in the whole 
earth. And O, my foul abhorred the very thought 
of a party in religion ! Let the truth of God appear, 
wherever it is ; and God have the glory forever. 
Amen. This was indeed a comfortable feafon : I 
thought I had fome fmall tafle of, and relilh for the 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 103 

enjoyments and employments of the upper world, 
O that my foul was more attempered to it. 

JVednefday, Augujl 24. — Spent fome time, in the 
morning, in ftudy and prayer. Afterwards, was en- 
gaged in fome neceffary bufinefs abroad. Towards 
night, found a little time for fome particular ftudies. I 
thought if God ftiould fay, Ccafe making any pro- 
vifion for this life, for you fhall in a few days go 
out of time into eternity, my foul would leap for joy. 
O that I may both defire to be dijfohed to be with 
Chrijl, and like wife wait patiently all the days of my 
appointed time until my change come. But alas, I am 
very unfit for the bufinefs and bleflednefs of heaven, 
O for more holinefs. 

Tburfday, Augujl 25. — Part of the day engaged ia 
ftudies and part in labour abroad. I find it is im- 
poflible to enjoy peace and tranquillity of mind with- 
out a careful improvement of time. This is really 
an imitation of God and Chrifl Jefus : My Father 
worketh hitherto, and I work^ fays our Lord. But 
ik\\\ if we would be like God, we muft fee that we 
fill up our time for him. I daily long to dwell in 
perfed: light and love. In the mean time my foul 
mourns, that I make fo little progrefs in grace and 
preparation for the world of bleflednefs : I fee and 
know that I am a very barren tree in God's vineyard, 
and that he might juftly fay, Cut it downy &c. O 
that God would make me more lively and vigor- 
ous in grace, for his own glory ! Amen. 

[The two next days, he was much engaged in fome 
neceffary labours, in which he extremely fpenthim- 
fclf. He feems, thefe days, to have had a great fenfe 
of the vanity of the world ; and continued longings 
after holinefs, and more fervency of fpirit in the fer- 
vice of God.] 

hordes Day, Augujl 28. — Was much perplexed 
with fome irreligious Dutchmen. All their dilcourfc 

G4 turned 

104 The LIFE of 

turned upon the things of the world ; which was no 
fmall exercife to my mind. O what a hell it would 
be to fpend an eternity with fuchmen ! Well might 
David fay, I beheld the tranfgreffors and was grieved. 
But adored be God, heaven is a place, into which 
no unclean thing enters. O, I long for the holinefs of 
that world ! Lord, prepare me therefor. 

[The next day, he fet out on a journey to New- 
York. Was fomething dejedled, the two firfl: days 
of his journey ; but yet feems to have enjoyed fome 
degrees of the fenfible prefence of God.] 

Wednefday, Auguji 31. — Rode down to Bethle-» 
hem : Was in a fweet, ferious, and, I hope, chrif- 
tian frame, when I came there ; eternal things en- 
grofled all my thoughts j and I longed to be in the 
world of fpirits. O how happy it is, to have all 
our thoughts fwallowed up in that world ; to feel 
one's felf a ferious confiderate ftranger in this world, 
diligently feeking a road through it, the beft, the 
fure road to the heavenly Jerufalem. 

Thurfday^ September i . — Rode to Danbury. Was 
more dull and dejedled in fpirit, than yeilerday. 
Indeed, I always feel comfortably, when God real- 
izes death and the things of another world to my 
mind : Whenever my mind is taken off from the 
things of this world, and fet on God, my foul is thea 
at reft. 

[He went forward on his journey, and came to 
New- York on the next Monday. And after tarry- 
ing there two or three days, fet out from the city to- 
wards New-Haven, intending to be there at the com- 
mencement ; and on Friday came to Horfe-Neck. 
In the mean time, he complains much of dullnefs, 
and want of fervour in religion : But yet from time 
to time, fpeaks of his enjoying fpiritual warmth and 
fweetnefs in conversation with chriftian friends, af- 
fillance in publick f^ryices, &c.] 



Saturday, September to.— Rode fix miles to Stan- 
wich, and preached to a confiderable airembly of 
peopie. Had fome affiftance and freedom, efpec- 
ially towards the clofe. Endeavoured much after- 
wards, in private converfation, to eftablifh holinefs, 
humility, meeknefs, &c. as the effence of true relig- 
ion j and to moderate fome noify fort of perfons, 
that appeared to me to be a(5ted by unfeen fpiritual 
pride. Alas, what extremes men incline to run in- 
to ! Returned to Horfs-Neck, and felt fome feriouf- 
nefs and fvveet folemnity in the evening. 

Lord's Day, September n. — In the afternoon, 
preached from Tit. iii. 8. I think God never help- 
ed me more in painting out true religion, and in de- 
tediiig clearly, and tenderly difcountenancing falfe 
appearances of religion, wild fire, party zeal, fpirit- 
ual pride, &c. as well as a confident dogmatical fpir- 
it, and its fpring, viz, ignorance of the heart. In the 
evening, took much pains in private converfation to 
fupprefs fome confufions, that I perceived were 
amongil that people. 
Monday, Septe?nber 12 —Rode to Mr. Mills*s at 
Ripton. Had fome perplexing hours ; but was 
fome part of the day very comfortable. It is through 
great trials, I fee, that we muft enter the gates of 
Paradife. If my foul couldbut be holy,thatGod might 
not be difhonoured, methinks I could bear forrows. 
Tuejday, September 13. — Rode to New-Haven. 
Was fometimes dejedted ; not in the fvveeteft frame. 
I find it very difficult maintaininganyfenfe of divine 
things, while removing from place to place, divert- 
ed with new objed:s, and filled with care and bufi- 
nefs. A fettled fteady bufinefs is beR adapted to a 
life of ftridl religion. 

Wednejday, September 14. — This day I ought to 
have taken my degree* ; but God fees fit to deny it 


* Thii being Commcacemcnt day. 

io6 TheLIFEof 

me. And though I was greatly afraid of being over- 
whelmed with perplexity and confufion, when I 
fhould fee my clafsmates take theirs ; yet, in the 
very feafon of it, God enabled me with calmnefs and 
refignation to fay, T^he will of the Lord he done. In- 
deed, through divine goodnefs, I have fcarcely felt 
my mind fo calm, fedate, and comfortable for fome 
time. I have long feared this feafon, and expelled 
my humility, meeknefs, patience, and refignation, 
would be much tried : But found much more pleaf- 
ure and divine comfort, than I expefted. Felt fpir- 
itually ferious, tender and afFe(3:ionate in private 
prayer with a dear chriftian friend to day. 

Thurfday, September 15. — Had fome fatisfadlion in 
hearing the minifters difcourfe, &c. It is always a 
comfort to me, to hear religious and fpiritual dif- 
courfe. O that minifters and people were more 
fpiritual, and devoted to God. Towards night, 
with the advice of chriftian friends, I offered the fol- 
lowing reflections in writing, to the redlor and truf- 
teesof the college (which are for fubftance the fame 
that I had freely offered to the recSlor before, and en- 
treated him to accept) and this I did that if poftible 
I might cut off all occafionof ftumblingand offence, 
from thofe that feek occafion. What I offered, is as 
follows : 

** Whereas I have faid before feveral perfons, con-» 
cerning Mr. Whittelfey, one of the tutors of Yale- 
College, that I did not believe he had any more 
grace than the chair 1 then leaned upon ; I humbly 
confefs, that herein I have finned againft God, and 
adled contrary to the rules of his word, and have in- 
jured Mr. Whittelfey. I had no right to makethus 
free with his character ; and had no juft reafon to 
fay as I did concerning him. My fault herein was 
the more aggravated, in that I faid this concerning 
one that was fo much my fuperiour, and one that I 



was obliged to treat with fpecial refped and honour, 
by reafon of the relation I flood in to him in the col- 
lege. Such a manner of behaviour, I confefs, did 
not become a chriftian ; it was taking too much up- 
on me, and did not favour of that humble refpedl, 
that I ought to have exprefled towards Mr. Whittel- 
fey. I have long fince been convinced ot the falfe- 
nefs of thofe apprehenfions, by which I then juftifi- 
ed fuch a conducft. I have often refleded on this acft 
with grief; I hope, on account of the fin of it ; 
and am willing to lie low, and be abafed before God 
and man, for it : And humbly afk the forgivenefs 
of the governours of the college, and of the whole 
fociety ; but of Mr. Whittelfey in particular. And 
whereas I have been accufed by one perfon of faying 
concerning the Rev. redor of Yale-College, that I 
wondered he did not exped: to drop down dead for 
fining the fcholars that followed Mr. Tennent to 
Miliord ;-l ferioufly profefs, that I do not remem- 
ber my faying any thing to this purpofe. But if I 
did, which I am not certain I did not, I utterly con- 
demn it, and deteft all fuch kind of behaviour ; and 
efpecially in an under graduate towards the re(5lor. 
And I now appear, to judge and condemn myfelf for 
going once to the feparate meeting in New-Haven, 
^ little before I was expelled, though the re<ftor had 
refufed to give me leave. For this I humbly afk the 
redlor's forgivenefs. And whether the governours 
of the college fhall ever fee caufe to remove the ac- 
ademical cenfure I lie under, or no, or to admit me 
to the privileges I defire ; yet 1 am willing to ap- 
pear, it they think fit, openly to own, and to hum- 
ble myfelf for thofe things 1 have herein confefTed." 
God has made me willing to do any thing, that I 
can do, confident with truth, for the fake of peace, 
and that I might not be a flumbhng block and of- 
fence to others. For this reafon I can cheerfully 


io8 TheLIFEop 

forego, and give up what I verily believe, after the 
ipofl: mature and impartial fearch, is my right, in 
ibme inflances. God has given me that difpofition, 
that if this were the cafe, that a man has done me an 
hundred injuries, and I (though ever fo much pro- j 
voked to it) have done him one, I feel difpofed, and 1! 
heartily willing humbly to confefs my fault to him, 
and on my knees toaik forgivenefs of him j though 
at the fame time he fhould juftify himfelf in all the 
injuries he has done me, and fhould only make 
ufe of my humble confeffion to blacken my character 
the more, and reprefent me as the only pcrfon guilty, 
&c. Yea, though he fliould as it were infult me, 
and fay he knew all this before, and that I was mak- 
ing work for repentance, &c. Though what I faid 
concerning Mr. Whiftelfey was only fpoken in pri- 
vate, to a friend or two; and being partly overheard, 
was related to the redlor, and by him extorted from 
my friends ; yet, feeing it was divulged and made 
publick, I was willing to confefs my fault therein 
publickly. But I truft, God will plead my caufe. 

[The next day he went to Derby ; then to South- 
bury, where he fpent the Sabbath : And fpeaks of 
fome fpiritual comfort ; but complains much of un- 
iixednefs, and wanderings of mind in religion.] 

Monday, September 19. — In the afternoon, rode to 
Bethlehem, and ttiere preached. Had fome meafure 
of afliftance, both in prayer and preaching. 1 felt 
ferious, kind and tender towards all mankind, and 
longed that holinefs might flouridi more on earth. 

Tuefdayy September 20. — Had thoughts of going 
forward on my journey to my Indians ; but towards 
night was taken with a hard pain in my teeth, and 
fhivering cold, and could not poffibly recover a com- 
fortable degree of warmth the whole night following. 
I continued very full of pain all night ; and in the 
morning had a very hard fever, and pains almofl all 



over my whole body. I had a fenfe of the divine 
goodnefsin appointing this to be the place of my fick- 
nefs, viz. among my friends that were very kind to 
me. I Ihould probably have perifhed, if I had firft 
got home to my own houfe in the wildernefs, where 
I have none to converfe with but the poor rude ig- 
norant Indians. Here I faw was mercy in the midft 
ofafflidtion. I continued thus, moftly confined to 
my bed, until Friday night ; very full of pain moll: 
of the time ; but through divine goodnefs not afraid 
of death. Then the extreme folly of thofe appeared 
to me, who put off their turning ^ God until a fick 
bed. Surely this is not a time proper to prepare for 
eternity. On Friday evening my pains went off 
fomething fuddenly ; and I was exceeding weak, 
and almoft fainted } but was very comfortable the 
night following. Thofe words Pfal. cxviii. 17, I 
frequently revolved in my mind ; and thought we 
were to prize the continuation of life only on this 
account, ^that we may Jhew forth God's goodnefs and 
works of grace. 

[From this time, he gradually recovered : And 
on the next Tuefday was fo well as to be able to go 
forward on his journey homewards : But was until 
the Tuefday following before he reached Kaunau- 
meek. And feems, great part of this imm, to have 
had a very deep and lively fenfe of the vanity and 
emptinefs of all things here below, and of the real- 
ity, nearnefs and vaft importance of eternal things.] 

Tuefday, OBober 4. — This day rode home to my 
own houfe and people. The poor Indians appear- 
ed very glad of my return. Found my houfe and 
all things in fafety. I prefently fell on my knees 
and blefled God for my fafe return, after a long and 
tedious journey, and a feafon of ficknefs in fcveral 
places where I had been, and after I had been fick 
myfelf. God has renewed his kindnefs to me, in 


Jio Th E L I F E o F 

preferving me one journey more. I have taken nia- 
ny confiderable journeys fince this time laft year, 
and yet God has never fufFered one of my bones to 
be broken, or any diftreffing calamity to befal me, 
exceptir.g the ill turn I had in my laft journey ; 
though I have been often expofed to cold and hun- 
ger in the wildernefs, where the comforts of life 
were not to be had ; have frequently been loft in the 
woods ; and fometimes obliged to ride much of the 
night ; and once lay out in the woods all night. 
BleiTed be God that has preferred me. 

[In his Diary for the next eleven days, are great 
complaints of diftance from God,fpiritual pride, cor- 
ruption, and exceeding vilenefs. He once fays, his 
heart was fo preffed with a fenfe of his pollution, 
that he could fcarcely have the face and impudence 
(as it then appeared to him) to defire that God 
ihould not damn him forever. And at another time, 
he fays he had fo little fenfe of God, orappreheniion 
and relifti of his glory and excellency, that it made 
him more difpofed to kindnefs and tendernefs to- 
wards thofe who are blind and ignorant of God and 
things divine and heavenly.] 

Lord*s Dayy O£lober i6. — In the evening, God 
was plea ijsd to give me a feeling fenfe of my own 
unworthflps j but through divine goodnefs fuchas 
tended to draw, rather than drive me from God : It 
filled me with folemnity. I retired alone (having 
at this time a friend with me) and poured out my 
foul to God with much freedom ; and yet in an- 
guifti, to find myfelf ib unfpeakably iinful and un- 
worthy before a holy God. Was now much refign- 
ed under God's difpenfations towards me, though 
my trials had been very great. But thought wheth- 
er I could be refigned, if God Ihould let the French 
Indians come upon me, and deprive me of my life, 
or carry me away captive (though I knew of no fpe- 



clal reafon then to propofe this trial to myfelf, more 
than any other) and my foul feemed fo far to reft 
and acquiefce in God, that the fling and terror of 
thefe things feemed in a great meafure gone. Pref- 
ently after I came to the Indians, whom I was teach- 
ing to fing pfalm tunes that evening, I received the 
following letter from Stockbridge, by a mefTenger 
fent on the Sabbath on purpofe, which made it ap- 
pear of greater importance. 

*' Sify Juft now we received advices from Col. 
Stoddard, that there is the utmoft danger of a rup- 
ture with France. He has received the fame from 
his Excellency our Governour, ordering him to give 
notice to all the expofed places, that they may fe- 
cure themfelves the beft they can againft any fudden 
invafion. We thought beft to fend dire(5lly to Kau- 
naumeek, that you may take the prudenteftmeafures 
for your fafety that dwell there. I am, Sir, &c." 

I thought, upon reading the contents, it came in 
a good feafon ; for my heart feemed fomething fix- 
ed on God, and therefore I was not much furprifed: 
But this news only made me the more ferious, and 
taught me that I muft not pleafe myfelf with any of 
the comforts of life which I had been preparing for 
my fupport. Bleffed be God, that gave me any in- 
tenfenefs and fervency this evening. 

Mofiday, O^ober 17. — Had fome rifing hopes 
fometimes, that God would arife and have mercy on 
Zion, fpeedily. My heart is indeed refreflied, when 
I have any prevailing hopes of Zion's profperity. 
O that I may fee that glorious day, when Zion ftiall 
become the joy of the whole earth I Truly there is 
nothing that I greatly value in this lower world. 

[On Tuefday, he rode to Stockbridge; complains 
of being much diverted, and having but little life. 
On Wednefday, he expreffes fome folemn fenfe of 
divine things, and a longing to be always doing for 
GcKi with a godly frame of fpirit.] 


lU TheLIFEof 

Saturday, OBpber 22. — Had but little fenfible com- 
munion with God. This world is a dark cloudy 
manfion. O, when will the Sun of righteoufnefs 
fhine on my. foul without ceflation or intermiflion. 

hard's Day, OBober 23. — In the morning, had a 
little dawn of comfort arifing from hopes of feeing 
glorious days in the church of God : Was enabled 
to pray for fuch a glorious day with fome courage, 
and ftrength of hope. In the forenoon, treated on 
the glories of heaven, &;c. In the afternoon, on the 
miferies of hell, and the danger of going there. Had 
fome freedom and warmth, both parts of the day. 
And my people were very attentive. In the even- 
ing, two or three came to me under concern for their 
fouls ; to whom I was enabled to difcourfe clofely, 
and with fome earneftnefs and defire. O that God 
would be merciful to their poor fouls. 

[He fecms, through the whole of this week, \.o 
have been greatly engaged to fill up every inch of 
time in the fervice of God, and to have been moft 
diligently employed in fludy, prayer, and inftru^t- 
jng the Indians ; and from time to time expreffes 
longings of foul after God, and the advancement of 
his kingdom, and fpiritual comfort and refrefhment.] 

Lories Day, OBober 30. — In the morning enjoyed 
fome fixednefs of foul in prayerj which was indeed 
fweet and defirable : Was enabled to leave myfelf 
with God, and to acquiefce in him. At noon, my 
foul was refrefhed with reading Rev. iii. moreefpec- 
ially the I ith and I2th verfes. O my foul longed 
for that bleffed day, when I Ihould dwell in the tem^ 
pie of God, and go tio more out of his immediate pref- 
ence ! 

Monday, OBober 31. — Rode to Kinderhook, about 
fifteen miles from my place. While riding, I felt 
fome divine fweetnefs in the thoughts of being 2i pil- 
lar in the temple of God m the upper world, and be- 


ing no more deprived of his blefTed prefence and the 
fenfe of his favour, which is better than life. My 
foul was fo lifted up to God, that I could pour out 
my defires to him, for more grace and further de- 
grees of fandtification, v/ith abundant freedom. O, 
I longed to be more abundantly prepared for that 
blcffednefs, with which I was then in fome meafurc 
refrefhed ! Returned home in the evening ; but took 
an extremely bad cold by riding in the night. 

Tuefday, November i. — Was very much diforder- 
ed in body, and fometimes full of pain in my face 
and teeth : Was not able to ftudy much, and had not 
much fpiritual comfort. Alas, when God is with- 
drawn, all is gone ! Had fome fweet thoughts which 
I could not but write down, on the defign, nature, 
and end of chrirtianity. 

Thiirfday, November '^. — Spent this day in fecret 
fafting and prayer from morning until night. Ear- 
ly in the morning, had (I think) fome fmall degree 
of affiflance in prayer. Afterwards, read the ftory 
of Elijah the prophet, i Kings, xvii. xviii. and xix. 
chapters, and alfo, 2 Kings ii. and iv. chapters. My 
foul was much moved, obfcrving the faith, zeal and 
power of that holy man ; how he wreftled with God 
in prayer, &c. My foul then cried with Elifha, 
Where is the Lord God of Elijah ? O, I longed for 
more faith ! My foul breathed after God, and plead- 
ed with him, that a double portion of that fpirit, 
which was given to Elijah, might reft on me. And 
that which was divinely refrefhing and ftrengthen- 
ing to my foul, was, I faw that God is the fame that 
he was in the days of Elijah. Was enabled to wrcf- 
tie w'ith God by prayer, in a more afFedtionate, fer- 
vent, humble, intenfeand importunate manner, than 
I have for many months paft. Nothing feemed too 
hard for God to perform'; nothing too great for me 
to hope for from him. 1 had for many months en- 

H tirely 

114 TheLIFEof 

tirely loft: all hopes of being made inftrumental of 
doing any fpecial fervice for God in the world : It 
has appeared entirely impollible, that one i'o black 
and vile fhould be. thus improved for God : But at 
this time God was pleafed to revive this hope. Af- 
tei*wards read the iii. chap, of Exod. and on to the 
XX. and favv more of the glory and majefty of God 
difcovered in thofe chapters, than ever I had feen be- 
fore ; frequently in the mean time falling on my 
knees and crying to God for the faith of Mofes, and 
for a manifeftation of the divine glory. Efpecially 
the iii. and iv. and part of thexiv. and xv. chapters, 
"were unfpeakably fweet to my foul : My foul blefT- 
ed God, that he had fliewn himlelf fo gracious to 
his fervants of old. The xv. chapter feemed to be 
the very language which my foul uttered to God in 
the feafon of my firll fpiritual comfort, when I 
had jufl got through the red fea, by a way that I had 
no expe(5tation of. O how my foul then rejoiced in 
God ! And now thofe things came frefti and lively 
to my mind ; now my foul blcfTed God afrefh, that 
he had opened that unthought of way to deliver me 
from the fear of the Egyptians, when I almoil def- 
paired of life. Afterwards read the ftory of Abra- 
ham's pilgrimage in the land of Canaan : My foul 
was melted, in obferving his faith, how he leaned 
on God j how he communed with God, and what 
a ftranger he was here in the world. After that, 
read the ilory of Jofeph*s fufferings, and God's good- 
nefs to him : BleiTed God for thefe examples of faith 
and patience. My foul was ardent in prayer, was 
enabled to wrcftle ardently for myfelf, for chrift:ian 
friends, and for the church of God. And felt more de- 
lire to fee the power of God in the converfion of fouls, 
thun I have done for a long feafon. BlefTed be God for 
this feaibn of fafting and prayer. May his goodncfs 
always abide with me, and draw my foul to him. 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 115 

Monday, November 7. — This morning, the Lord 
afforded me feme f'pecial afTiftance in prayer : My 
mind was folemn, fixed, afFed:ionate, and ardent in 
defires after holinefs ; and felt full of tendernefs 
and love ; and my affedions feemed to be diffolved 
into kindnefs and foftnefs. In the evening, enjoy- 
ed the fame comfortable afliflance in prayer, as in 
the morning : My foul longed after God, and cried 
to him with a filial freedom, reverence and boldnefs. 
O that I might be entirely confecrated and devoted 
to God. 

[The two next days, he complains of bodily ill- 
nefb and pain ; but miuch more of fpiritual barren- 
nefs and unprofitablenefs.] 

Thurfday, ISlovember 10. — Spent this day in fafling 
and prayer alone. In the morning, was very dull 
and lifelefs ; was Ibmething melancholy and difcour- 
aged. But after fome time, reading 2 Kings xix,. 
chapter, m*y Ibul was moved and affecSted ; efpecial- 
ly reading verfe 14. and onward. I faw there was 
no other way for the afHid:ed children of God to 
take, but to go to God v/ith all their forrovvs. Hez- 
ekiah,. in his great diftrefs, went and fpread his com- 
plaint before the Lord. I was then enabled to fee 
the mighty power of God, and m.y extreme need of 
that power : Was enabled to cry to God afFe(5tionately 
and ardently for his divine power and grace to be 
cxercifed towards me. Afterwards, read the flory 
of David's trials, and obferved the courfe he took 
under them, how he^ftrengthened his hands in God ; 
whereby my foul was carried out after God, enabled 
to cry to him and rely upon him, and felt Jlrong in 
the Lord. Was afterwards refrefhed, obferving the 
blefled temper that was wrought in David by his 
trials : All bitternefs and defire of revenge feemed 
wholly taken away ; fo that he mourned for the 
death of his enemies ; 2 Sam. i. 17. and iv. 9. ad fin. 

Ha Was 

ii6 The LIFE of 

Was enabled .^o blefs God, that he had pven me 
fomething of this divine temper, that my foul free- 
ly forgives, and heartily loves my enemies. 
:^[lt appears by his Diary for the remaining part of 
this week, and for the two following weeks, that 
great part of the time he was very ill and full of 
pain ; and yet obliged through his circumftances, in 
this ill ftate of body, to be at great fatigues, in la- 
bour, and travelling day and night, and to expofe 
iiimfelf, in flormy and fevere feafons. He, from 
time to time, within this fpace, fpeaks of outgoings 
of foul after God $ his heart ftrengthened in God ; 
feafons of divine fweetnefs and comfort ; his heart 
afFed:ed with gratitude for mercies, &c. And yet 
there are many complaints of lifelefTnefs, weaknefs 
of grace, diftance from God, and great unprofitable- 
nefs. But ftill there appears a conftant care, from day 
to day, not to lofe time, but to improve it all for God.] 

Lord^s Day, Nouember 27. — In the evening, was 
greatly affedled in reading an account of the very joy- 
ful death of a pious gentleman ; which feemed to 
invigorate my foul in God's ways : I felt courageouf- 
ly engaged to purfue a life of holinefs and felf deni- 
al as long as I live ; and poured out my foul to God 
for his help and aiTiifance in order thereto. Eternity 
then feemed near, and my foul rejoiced, and longed 
to meet it. O, I truft, that will be a bleffed day, 
that finilhes my toil here ! 

Monday, November 28. — In the evening, was oblig- 
ed to fpend time in company and converfation that 
was unprofitable. Nothing lies heavier upon me, 
than the mifimprovement of time. 

Tuejday, Nove-mber 29. — Began to ftudy the Indian 
tongue, with Mr Sargeant, at Stockbridge*. Was 


* The Commifrioners that employed him, had direfted him to fpcnd much time 
this v\inti;r widi Mr. Sargeant, to Icarn the langu.-.gc of the iDdiaiis ; which necelli- 
tated him very oficn to, backwards and forwards, 20 milts through the anin- 
fcab'tedwccds between Stockbridge and Kaunaumctk ; wluch many times exposed 
iumto cxtumc haidihip in the icverc leafous bf the winter. 


perplexed for want of more retireraent. I love to 
live alone in my own little cottage, where I can 
fpend much time in prayer, &c. 

Wednefday, November 30. — Purfued my iludy of 
Indian : But was very weak and difordered in body, 
and was troubled in mind at the barrennefs of the 
day, that I had done fo little for God. I had fome 
enlargement in prayer at night. O, a barn, or fta- 
ble, hedge or any other place, is truly defirable, if 
God is there ! Sometimes, of late, my hopes of Zi- 
on*s profperity are more raifed, than they were \n 
the fummer paft. My foul feems to confide in God, 
that he will ytt Jhew forth his JahaUonto his people; 
and make Zion the joy of the whole earth. O htiwekl 
cellent is the loving kindnefs of the Lord I My foul 
fometimes inwardly exults at the lively thoughts of 
what God has already done for his church, and what 
mine eyes have fee n of the filvationof'God. -^it'-i^? 
fweet, to hear nothing but fpiritual difcourfe'from 
God's children ; and finners inquiring the zvay-'to 
Zion, hying, Whatjhallwe-do^&c. .^Ot-haPl mfay-feg 
more of this blelTed work \ -•' nt 

Thurfdciy, December i. — Both morning and-^^t'ftl 
ing, I enjoyed fome intenfenefs ot foul- in prayer,^i^T[i 
longed for the enlargement of Chrift's kjngdom-'ii 
the world. My foul feems of late, to wait on God 
for his bleffing on Zion. O that religion miglupow- 
crfullv revive ! 

Friday, December 1. — Enjoyed not fo much health 
of body, or fervour of mind as yefterday. If the 
chariot wheels move with eafe and fpced at any 
time, for a fhort fpace j yet by and by they drive 
heavily agaiji. O that I had the wings of a dove, 
that I might fly away from fin and corruption, and 
be at reft in God ! 

Saturday, December 3. — Rode home, to my houfe 
and people. Suffered much with the extreme cold, 

H3 I 

Ii8 TheLIFEof 

I trurt:, I fliall, before long, arrive fafe at my journey's 
end, where my toils fhall ceafe. 

Lord's Day, December \. — Had but little fenfe of 
divine and heavenly things. My foul mourns over 
my barrennefs. O how fad is fpiritual deadnefs ! 

Tuefdayy December 6. — Was perplexed to fee the 
vanity and levity of profelfed chriltians. Spent the 
evening with a chriftian friend, that was able in 
iome meafure to fympathize with me in my fpirit- 
ual confli(51:s. Was a little refreflied to find one with 
whom I could converfe of inward trials, &c. 

Wednefday, December 7.' — Spent the evening m 
perplexity, with a kind of guilty indolence. When 
I have no heart or refolution for God and the duties 
incumbent on me, 1 feel guilty of negligence and 
mifimprovement of time. Certainly 1 ought to be 
engaged in my work and bufinefs, to the utmoft ex- 
tent of my ftrength and ability. 

Thurfday, December 8. — My mind was much dif- 
tradled with different affecStions. Seemed to be at 
an amazing diflance from God : And looking round 
in the world, to fee if there was not fome happincfs 
to be derived from it, God, and fome certain objects 
in the world, feemed each to invite my heart and af- 
fections ; and my foul feemed to be diftradled be- 
tween them. 1 have not been {o much befet with 
the world for a long time ; and that with relation to 
fome particular objecfts which I thought myfelfmoft 
dead to. But even while I was defiring to pleafe 
myfelfwith any thing below, guilt, forrovvand per- 
plexity attended the firft motions of defire. Indeed 
I cannot fee the appearance of plcafure and happi- 
nefs in the world, as I ufed to do : And blclTed be 
God for any habitual deadnefs to the world. I 
found no peace, or deliverance from this diflra(5tioa 
and perplexity of niind, until I found accefs to the 
throne of grace : And as foon as I had any fenfe of 



God and things divine, the allurements of the world 
vaniflied, and my heart was determined for God. 
But my foul mourned over my folly, that I fhould. 
defire any pleafure, but only in God. God forgive 
my fpiritual idolatry. 

Saturday, December 24. — Had fome afliftance, and 
longing delires after fand:ification, in prayer, this 
day j efpecially in the evening : Was fenfibleof my 
own weaknefs and fpiritual impotency : Saw plain- 
ly, I fhould fall into fin, if God of his abundant 
mercy did not uphold my foul, and withhold me from 
evil. O that God would uphold me by his free fpirity 
zndfave me from the hour of temptation, 
• hordes Day, December 25. — Prayed much, in the 
morning, with a feeling fenfe of my own fpiritual 
weaknefs and inful?iciency for any duty. God gave 
me fome afliftance in preaching to the Indians j and 
efpecially in the afternoon, when I was enabled \o 
fpeak with uncommon plainnefs, freedom, and earn- 
eflneis. Bleifed be God for any alTiflance granted to 
one fo unworthy. Afterwards felt fome thankful- 
fulnefs J but ffill fenfibleof barrennefs. Spent fome 
time in the evening, with one or two perfons under 
fpiritual concern, and exhorting others to their du- 
ty, &c. 

Monday, December 16. — Rode down to Stock- 
bridge. Was very much fatigued with my journey, 
wherein I underwent great hardfhip : Was much 
cxpofed and very wet by falling into a river. Spent 
the day and evening without much fenfe of divine 
and heavenly things ; but felt guilty, grieved, and 
perplexed with wandering carelefs thoughts. 

Tuefday, December 27. — Had a fmall degree of 
warmth in fecret prayer, in the evening: But, alas, 
had but little fpiritual life, and confequently but lit- 
^ tie comfort ! O, the prefTurc of a body xf death ! 

H 4 Wediiefday y 

120 The life of 

iWeinefdayt December 28. — Rode about fix miles, 
to the ordlination of Mr. Hopkins. In the feafon 
of the folemnity was fomewhat affedted with a fenfe 
of the greatnefs and importance of the work of a 
minifter of Chrift. Afterwards was grieved to fee 
the vanity of the multitude. In the evening, fpent 
a little time with fome chriftian friends, with fomc 
degree of fatisfa6tion ; but moit of the time had 
rather have been alon^, ' ^ 

Hburfday^ .December OS). — Spent the day mainly in 
conver-fing with friends ; yet enjoyed little fatisfac- 
tion, becaufe I eould find but few difpofed to cori- 
verfe of divine and heavenly things. Alas, what 
are things of this world, to aflford fatisfa<5tion to |he 
foul ! Near night, returned to Stockbridge ; in fecret 
bleffed God for retirement, and that I be not always 
expofed to the company and converfation of the 
world. O that I could live in the fecret of God's pref^. 
er^ef ,_,,._ ■■:'■:. < •■.-■ ■'■. •:- • 

Friday, December 30. — Was in, a folerpn devQi^t 
frame in the e;yening. Wondered that ^arth. with 
all its charms, fhould ever allure me in the leiift de- 
gree. . O that I could always realize the.being and 
holinefs of God. 

Saturday, December 31. — Rode from Stockbridge, 
home to my houfe : The air was clear and calm, 
but as, cold as ever I felt it in the wopid, or near. I 
was in great danger of perilhing by the extremity of 
the feafon. Was enabled to meditate much on the 

Lord's Day, January i, i743,.4.-^In the morning, 
had fome fmall degree of alTiftance in prayer. Saw 
myfelf fo vile and unworthy, that I could not look 
my people in the face, when I came to preach. 
O, my meanncfs, folly, ignorance, and inward pollu- 
tion ! In the evening, had a little afliftance in prayer, 
fo that the duty was delightfome, rather than bur- 


Mr. DAVID BR AI nerd. 121 

denfome; Refled:edon the goodnefsof God to me ia 
the paftyear, &c. BlelTed be the Lord, that has carri- 
ed me through all the toils, fatigues, and hardfhips of 
the year paft, as well as the fpiritual forrovvs and con- 
flicfis. that have attended it. O that I could begin 
this year with God, and fpend the whole of it to his 
glory, either in life or death. 

Monday, Jajiuaiy 2. — Had fome affefting fenfe 
of my own impotency and fpiritual weakneis. It 
is nothing but the power of God that keeps me from 
all manner of wickednefs. . I lee I am nothing, and 
can do nothing without help from above. O, for di- 
vine grace ! In the evening, had fome ardour of foul 
in prayer, and longing deftres to have God for my 
guide and fafeguard at all times. 

Wednefday, January 4.— Was in a refigned and 
mortified temper of mind, much of the day. Time 
appeared a moment, life a vapour, and all its enjoy-< 
ments as empty bubbles, and fleeting blafts of wind. 

Thurfdayj'ja?juary <^, — Had a humbling and preff- 
ing fenle of my unworthinefs. My fenfe of the 
badnefs of my own heart filjed my foul with bitter- 
nefs and anguifli ; which was ready to fink, as, un- 
der the weight of a heavy, burden. And thus fpent 
the evening, until late. Was fomewhat intcnfe and 
ardent in prayer. •: : • ; 

Friday, January 6. — Feeling and confidering my 
extreme weaknefs,, and want of grace, the pollution 
ot rny foul, and danger of temptations on every fide, 
i fet apart this day for fafling and prayer, neither 
eating nor drinking from evening to evening, be- 
feeching God to have mercy on me. And my foul 
intenfely longed, that the dreadlul fpots and ftains of 
fin might be walhed away from it. Saw fomething 
of the power and all fufliciency of God. My foul 
feemed to reft on his power and grace ; longed for 
refignation to his will, and mortification to all things 


122 T H fi L I F E O F 

here below. My mind was greatly fixed on divine 
things : My refolutions for a life of mortification, 
continual watchfulnefs, felf denial, feriouinefs, and 
devotion to God, were ftrong and fixed ; my defires 
ardent and intenfe ; my confcience tender, and afraid 
of every appearance of evil. My foul grieved with 
the refledlion on paft levity, and want of refolution 
for God. Ifolemnly renewed my dedication of my- 
felf to God, and longed for grace to enable me al- 
ways to keep covenant with him. Time appeared 
very fhort, eternity near ; and a great name, either 
in or after life, together with all earthly pleafures 
and profits, but an empty bubble, a deluding dream. 
- Saturday, 'January 7. — Spent this day in fcriouf- 
nefs, with (tedfafl: refolutions for God and a life of 
mortification. Studied clofely, until I felt my bod- 
ily ftrength fail. Felt fome degree of refignation to 
God, with an acquiefcence in his difpenfations. Was 
grieved, that I could do fo little for God before my 
bodily flrength failed. In the evening, though tired, 
5pet was enabled to continue inftant in prayer for 
fome time. Spent the time in reading, meditation, 
and prayer, until the evening was far fpent : Was 
grieved, to think that I could not watch unto prayer 
the whole night. But bleffed be God, heaven is a place 
of continual and inceflant devotion, though earth is 

[The fix days following, he continued in the 
fame happy frame of mind ; enjoyed the fame com- 
pofurc, calmnefs, refignation, ardent defireand fweet 
fervency of fpirit, in a high degree, every day, not 
one excepted, Tburfday, this week, he kept as a 
day of fecret fafting and prayer.] 

Saturday, 'January 14. — This morning, enjoyed a 
moft folemn feafon in prayer : My foul feemed en- 
larged and afTifled to pour out itfelf to God for grace, 
and for every bleiTing I wanted, for myfeli, my dear 


M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 123 

chriftian friends, and for the Church of God ; and 
was fo enabled to fee him who is invijible, that my 
foul refted upon him for the performance of every 
thing I afked agreeable to his will. It was then ni}'- 
happinefs to continue inflant in prayer, and was en- 
abled to continue in it for near an hour. My foul 
was ih^njlrong in the Lord and in the power of his 
might : Longed exceedingly for angelick' holinefs 
and purity, and to have all my thoughts, at all times,, 
employed in divine and heavenly things. O how 
hlcffed is an heavenly temper ! O how unfpeakably 
bleffed it is, to feel a meafure of that recl:itude, iri 
which we weredfftrft created 1 'Fek the fame di- 
vine afliftance in prh^'er fundry times in theday. My 
foul confided in God for myfelf, and for his Ziori;; 
frufted in divine power and grace, that he would do 
glorious things in his church, on earth, for his oivtp 

Monday, "January %1. — [At Salifbury] I think I 
never felt more refigned to God, nor fo much dead 
to the world, in every refpedt, as now : Was dead. 
, to all defire of reputation and greatnefs, either in life: 
! or after death : All 1 longed for, was to be holy, 
humble, crucified to the world, &c. 

Tuefday, 'January 24. — Near noon, rode over to Ca- 
naan. In the evening, was unexpectedly vifited by a 
confiderable number of people, with whom I was en- 
abled to converfe profitably of divine things : Took 
pains to defcribe the difference between a regular and 
irregular felf love : The one confining with a fupremc 
love to God, but the other not ; the former uniting 
Cod's gloryandthe foul's happinefs, that they become 
one common interelf, but the latter disjoining and 
feparating God's glory and the man's happinct's, 
feeking the latter with a ncgledt of the formef. 
Illuftrated this by that genuine love that is found be- 
tween the fexcs j which is divcrfe from that whic 1 

1 24 The LIFE of 

is wrought up towards a perfon only by rational ar- 
guments, or hope of lelf intereft. Love is a pleai- 
ing paffion, it affords pleafure to the mind where it: 
is ; but yet true genuine love is not nor can be placed 
upon any object with that defign of pleafing itfelf 
with the feeling of it in a man's own breaft. 

[On Wednefday, he rode to Sheffield ; the next 
day, to Stockbridge ; and on Saturday, home to 
Kaunaumeek, though the feafon was cold and 
ftormy : Which journey was followed with illnefs 
and pain. It appears by his Diary, that he fpent 
the time, while riding, in profitable medita- 
tions, and in lifting up his heart to God ; and he 
fpeaks of affiftance, comfort, andrefrelhment ; but 
flill complains of barrenneft, &c. ■ His Diary for 
the five next days is full of the moft heavy bitter 
complaints ; and he exprelles himfelf as full of 
Ihame and felf loathing for his lifelefs temper of 
mind and fluggilhnefs of fpirit.] 

Thurfday, February a.— Spent this day in fafting^ 
and prayer, feeking the prefence and afliilance off 
God, that he would enable me to overcome all my 
corruptions and fpiritual enemies. 

Friday y 'February '^. — Enjoyed more freedom and 
comfort than of late; was intcnfely engaged in med- 
itation upon the different whifpers of the various 
powers and affed:ions of a pious mind, exerciled 
with a great variety of difpenfations : And could not 
but write as well as meditate on fo entertaining a 
fubjedt. I hope the Lord gave me fome true fenfe 
of divine things this day : But alas, how great and 
preihng are the remains of indwelling corruption ! 
I am now more fenfiblc than ever, that God alone, i& 
the author and fmijher of our faith ; i. e. that the • 
whole and every part of fandtification, and every 
good word, work, or thought, that is found in me, 
is theeffed: of his power and grace ; that without him 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 125 

/ can do nothings in the ftridleft fenfe ; and that he 
works in us to will and to do of his own good pleafure^ 
and from no other motive. O, how amazing it is 
that people can talk fo much about men*s power 
and goodnefs ; when, if God did not hold us back 
every moment, we fhould be devils incarnate ! This 
my bitter experience, for feveral days laft paft, has 
abundantly taught me concerning myfelf. 

Saturday, February 4. — Enjoyed fome degree of 
freedom and fpiritual refrefhment ; was enabled to 
pray with fome fervency, and longing defires of Zi- 
on*s profperity ; and my faith and hope feemed to 
take hold of God y for the performance of what I was 
enabled to plead for. San(flification in myfelf, and 
the ingathering of God*s eled:, was all my defire ; 
and the hope of its accomplilhment, all my joy. 

Lord's Day, February 5. — Was enabled in fomq 
meafure to reft and confide in God, and to prize his 
prcfence and fome glimpfes of the light of his coun- 
tenance, above my neceflary food. Thought my- 
felf, after the feafon of weaknefs, temptation, and 
defertion I endured the laft week, to be fome what like 
Sampfon when his locks began to grow again. Was 
enabled to preach to my people with more life and 
warmth, than I have for Ibme weeks paft. 

Monday, February 6. — This morning my foul a- 
gain was ftrengthened in God, and found fome fweet 
repofe in him in prayer : Longing efpecially for the 
complete mortification of fenfuality and pride, and 
for relignation to God*s difpenfations, at all times, 
as through grace I felt it at this time. I did not deiire 
deliverance from any difficulty, that attends my cir- 
cumftances, unlefs God was willing. O how com- 
fortable is this temper ! Spent moft of the day in 
reading God's word, in writing and prayer. Enjoy- 
ed repeated and frequent comfort, and intenfenefs of 
foul in prayer through the day. In the evening, fpent 


126 TheLIFEof 

fome hours in private converfation with my pecxple ; 
And afterwards, felt fome warmth in fecret prayer. 
Tuefdayj February 7. — Was much engaged in fome 
fweet meditations on the powers and affections of 
the godly foul in their purfuit of their beloved object : 
Wrote fomething of the native language of fpiritual 
fenfation, in its foft and tender whifpers j declar- 
ing, that it now feels and L-iJles that the Lord is 
gracious ; that he is the fupreme good, the on- 
ly foul fitisfying happincfs ; that be is a com- 
plete, fufficient, and almighty portion ; faying, 
* * Whom have I in heaven but thee ? And there is' 
none upon earth that I dcfire, bejides this bleffed por- 
tion. O, I feel it is heaven to pleale him, and to 
be juil: what he would have me to be ! O that 
my foul were holy^ as he is holy ! O that it were pure 
even as Chnfi is pure ; and perfect as my Father in 
heaven is perfect ! Thefe, I feel, are tlie fweetell com- 
mands in God's book, compriling all others. And 
ihall I break them ! Muft 1 break them ! Am I un- 
der a neceflity of it as long as I live in the world ! 

my foul, wo, wo is me that I am a finner, becaufe 

1 now neceffarily grieve and offend this bleffed God, 
who is infinite in goodnefs and grace ! O, methinks^ 
if he would punilli me for my fins, it would not 
wound my heart fo deep to offend him : But though 
I fin continually, yet he continually repeats his kind- 
nefs to me ! O methinks I could bear any fuffering; 
but how can I bear to grieve and diilionour this bleffed 
God 1 How ffiall I yield ten thoufand times more 
honour to him ? What Ihall I do to glorify and wor- 
fliip this bert of beings ? O that I could confccrate 
myfelf, foul and body, to his fervice forever. O 
that I could give up myfelf to him (b as never more to 
attempt tobe my own, or tohaveany willoraffedtions 
that are not perfe(ftly conformed to him. But alas, 
alas, I find i cannot be thus entirely devoted to God: 


Mr. DA VID BR A I NERD. 127 

I cannot live and not iin. O ye angels, do ye glorify 
him incefTantly; andif poffible, proftrate yourfelves 
lower before the bleffed king of heaven. I long to 
bear a part with you ; and, if it were poflible, to 
help you. O when we have done all that we can to 
all etctnity, we fhall not be ableto offer the ten thou- 
landth part of the homage that the glorious God 
. deferves !" 

Felt fomething fpirifual, devout, refigned and 
mortified to the world, much of the day j andefpecial- 
ly towards and in the evening. BlefTed be God, that 
he enables me to love him for himfelf. 

JVednefday, February 8. — Was in a comfortable 
frame of foul moil: of the day ; though fenfible of 
and reftlefs under fpiritual barrennefs. I find that 
both mind and body are quickly tired with intenfe- 
nefs and fervour in the things of God. O that I 
could be as incefTantas angels in devotion and fpirit- 
ual fervour. 

[The following day he fpent as a day of failing 
and prayer ; and the two next he appears to have 
been under fome deprefTion,] 

Lord* s Day, February 12 — My foul feemed to con- 
fide in God, and to repofe itfelfon him; and had 
outgoings of foul after God in prayer. Enjoyed 
fome divine afliflance, in the forenoon, in preaching; 
but in the afternoon, was more perplexed with fliame, 
&c. Afterwards, found fome relief in prayer : Lov- 
ed, as a feeble, afilidled, defpifed creature, tocaitmy- 
felf on a God of infinite grace and goodnefs, hop- 
ing for no happinefs but from him. 

Monday, February 13. — Was calm and fedate in 
morning devotions ; and my foul feemed to rely on 
God. Rode to Stockbridge, and enjoyed fome com- 
tortable meditations by the way : Had a more re- 
frefhing tafi:c and relifli of heavenly bleffednefs, 
than 1 have enjoyed for many months pai^. I havs 


128 T H E L I F E o r 

many times of late, felt as ardent defires of hotinefs 
as ever : But not fo much fenfe of the fvveetnefs and 
unfpeakable pleafure of the enjoyments and employ- 
ments of heaven. My foul longed to leave earth, 
and bear a part with angels in their celeftial employ- 
ments. My foul hid y Lord y it is good to be here ; 
and it appeared to me better to die, than to lofe the 
relifli of thefe heavenly delights. 

[A fenfe of divine things feem.ed to continue with 
him, in a lelTer degree, through the next day. On 
Wednefday he was, by fome difcourfe that he heard, 
caft into a melancholy gloom, that operated much 
in the fame manner as his melancholy had formerly 
done, when he came firft to Kaunaumeek ; the ef- 
fedls of which feemed to continue in fome degree 
the fix following days.] 

Wednefday y February 22. — In the morning, had as 
clear a fenfe of the exceeding pollution of my nature, 
as ever I remember to have had in my life. 1 then 
appeared to myfelf inexpreffibly loathfome, and de- 
filed : Sins of childhood, of early youth, and fuch fol- 
lies as I had not thought of for years together, (as I 
remember) came now frefh to my view, as if com- 
mitted but yefterday, and appeared in the mofl: odi- 
ous colours : They appeared m.ore in number than 
the hairs of my head : Yea, they went over my head 
as an heavy burden. In the evening, the hand of faith 
feemed to be ftrengthened in God : My foul feem- 
ed to refl and acquiefcein him : Was fupported un- 
der my burdens, reading the cxxv. Pfalm : Found 
that it was fweet and comfortable to lean on God. 

Friday y February 24. — Was exceeding reftlels and 
perplexed under a fenfe of the mifimprovement of 
time ; mourned to fee time pafs away j felt in the 
greatefl hurry ; feemed to have every thing to do : 
Yet could do nothing, but only grieve and groan 
under my igr.orancc, unprofitabiencfs, meanncfs, the 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 129 

foolillinefs of my atlions and thoughts, the pride 
and bitternefs of my paft frames (at fome times, at 
lead) all which at this time appeared to me in lively 
colours, and filled me with fliame. I could not com- 
pofe my mind to any profitable ftudies, by reafon of 
this prelTiire. 

[He continued in much the fame frame of unea- 
finefs at the mifimprovement of time, and preffure 
of fpirit under a fenfe of vilenefs, unprofitablenefs, 
&c. for the fix next following days ; excepting 
fome intervals of calmnefs and compolure, in refig- 
nation to and confidence in God.] 

Friday y March %, — Was moft of the day employed 
in writing on a divine fubjed. Was frequent in 
prayer, and enjoyed fome fmall degree of affi fiance. 
But in the evening, God was pleafed to grant me 
a divine fweetnefs in prayer; efpecially in the duty 
of intercefiion. I think I never felt fo much kind- 
nefs and love to thofe who I have reafon to think are 
my enimies, (though at that time I found fuch a dif- 
pofition to think the beft of all, that 1 fcarce knew 
how to think that any fuch thing as enmity and ha- 
tred lodged in any foul ; it feemed as if all the world 
mufl needs be friends) and never prayed with more 
freedom and delight, for myfelf, or deareft friend, 
than I did now for my enemies. 

Saturday^ March 3. — In the morning fpent, I be- 
lieve, an hour in prayer, with great intenfenefs and 
freedom, and with the mofl foft and tender aflFe(5lion 
towards mankind. I longed that thofe who I have 
reafon to think owe me ill will, might be eternally 
happy : It feemed refrefhing, to think of meeting 
them in heaven, how much foever they had in- 
jured me on earth ; Had no difpofition to infift up- 
on any conlefiiion from thejm, in order to reconcilia- 
tion and the cxercife of love and kindnefs to them. 
O it is an emblem of heaven itfelf, to love all the 

I world 

Ijo The life or 

world with a love of kindnefs, forgivenefs, and be- 
nevolence. Prayer was fo fweet an exercife to me, 
that I knew not how to ceafe, left I fhould lofe the 
fpirit of prayer. Felt no difpoiition to eat or drink 
for the fake of the pleafure of it, but only to fupport 
my nature, and fit me for divine fervice. 

Lord's Day, March 4. — In the morning enjoy- 
ed the fame intenfencfs in prayer as yefterday morn- 
ing ; though not in fo great a degree : Felt the fame 
fpirit of love, univerfal benevolence, forgivenefs, hu- 
mility, refignation, mortification to the world, and 
compofure of mind, as then. My foul refted in God ; 
and I found I wanted no other refuge or friend. — 
While my foul thus trufts in God, all things feem 
to be at peace with me, even the ftones of the 
earth : But when I cannot apprehend and con- 
£de in God, all things appear with a different af- 

[Through the four next days he complains of bar- 
rennefs, want of holy confidence in God, ftupidity, 
wanderings of mind, &c. and fpeaks of oppreflion of 
mind under a fenfe of exceeding meannels, paft fol- 
lies, as well as prefent workings of corruption. On 
Friday, he feems to have been reftored to a confider- 
•able degree of the fame excellent fran^e that he en- 
joyed the Saturday before.] 

Saturday, March 10. — In the morning, felt exceed- 
ing dead to the world and all its enjoyments: 1 thought 
I was ready and willing to give up life and all 
its comforts, as foon as called to it : And yet then 
had as much comfort of life as almoft ever I had. 
Life itfelf now appeared but an empty bubble : The 
riches, honours, and common enjoyments of life ap- 
peared extremely taftelefs. I longed to be perpetual- 
ly and entirely crucified to all things here below, by 
the crojs of Chrif. My foul was fweetly refigned 
to God's difpolal of me, in every regard ; and I faw, 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 131 

there had nothing happened to me but what wasbefl 
for me. I confided in God, that he would never 
leave, me, though I ihould walk through the valley of 
the Jhadow of death. It was then my meat and drink 
to be holy, to live to the Lord^ and die to the Lord : 
And I thought that I then enjoyed fuch a heaven as 
far exceeded the moft fublime conceptions of an un- 
regenerate foul ; and even unfpeakably beyond what 
I myfelf could conceive of at another time. I did 
not wonder that Peter faid, Lord, it is good to be here^ 
when thus refrefhed with divine glories. My foul 
was full of love and tendernefs in the duty of inter- 
ceflion ; efpecially felt a mofl fweet affediion to fome 
precious godly minifters, of my acquaintance. 
Prayed earneftly for dear chriftians, and for thofe I 
have reafon to fear are my enemies ; And could not 
have fpoken a word of bitternefs, or entertained a 
bitter thought againft the vileft man living. Had a 
lenfe of my own great unworthinefs. My foul feem- 
ed to breathe forth love and praife to God a- 
frefh, when 1 thought he would let his children 
love and receive me as one of their brethren and 
fellow citizens : And when I thought of their 
treating me in that manner, I longed to lie at 
their feet ; and could think of no way to exprefs 
the fincerity and fimplicity of my love and ef- 
teem of them, as being much better than my- 

Lord's Day ^ March it. — My foul was in fome 
vc\z2X\jiXt Jlrengthened in God, in morning devotion j 
fo that I was releafed from trembling, fear and dif- 
trefs. ' Preached to my people from the parable of 
the fower, Matth. xiii. And enjoyed fome affift- 
ance, both parts of the day : Had fome freedorn, 
affediion, and fervency in addreffing my poor peo- 
ple ; longed that God fliould take hold of their hearts, 
and make thena fpiritually alive. And indeed / had 

\% fo 

13a T H' £ LIFE OF 

fo much to fay to them- that 1 knew not how to 
leave off fpeaking*. 

Monday, Manyj liV-r-In the morning was in a de- 
vout, tender, and loving frame of mind ; and was 
enabled to cry to God, I hope, with a child like 
fpirit, with importunity, and refignation, and com- 
pofure of mind. My fpirit was full of quietnefs, 
and love to mankind ; and longed that peace fliould 
reign on the earth : Was grieved at the very thoughts 
of a fiery, angry and intemperate zeal in religion ; 
raour'ned over pafl follies in that regard ; and my 
foiil confided in God for Itrength and grace fuffi- 
cient for my future work and trials. Spent the day 
mainly in hard labour, making preparation for my 
intended journey. 

Tuefdayt March i J.—Felt my foul going forth af, 
ter God fometimes ; but not with fuch ardency as I 
longed for. In- the evening, was enabled to contin- 
ue ihflant in prayer, for fome confiderable time to- 
gether ; and efpecially had refpe6t to the journey I 
defigned to enter upon, with the leave of Divine 
Providence, on the morrow. Enjoyed fome freedom 
and fervency, entreating that the divine prefencc 
might attend me in every place where my bufinefs 
might lead me ; and had a particular reference to 
the trials and temptations that I apprehended I might 
be more eminently expofed to in particular places. 
Was flrengthened and comforted -, although I was 
before very weary. Truly the jay of the Lord is 
Jlrength and life, 

Wednefday, March 14. — Enjoyed fome intenfenefs 
of foul in prayer, repeating my petitions for God's 
prefence in every place where I expected to be in 
my journey. Befought the Lord that 1 might not 


* This was the laft Sabbath that ever he performed publick fervice at Kaunaumcck, 
«md thefe the laft iermons that ever he preached there. It appears by his Diary, 
that vfhilfe he continued with thcfc Indians, lie took great pains -with them, and 
did it with much dikrctioa •, bui the particular mannei how, has bcenomittcd for 
brevity's fake. 


be too much pleafed and am 11 fed with dear friends 
and acquaintance, in one place and another. Near 
ten fet out on my journey, and near night came to 

Thurfday, March 15.— Rode down to Sheffield. 
Here 1 met a meflenger from Eafl-Hampton, on 
Long-Ifland ; who, by the unanimous vote of that 
large town, was fent to invite me thither, in order 
to I'ettle with that people, where I had been before 
frequently invited. Seemed more at a lofs what 
was my duty than before. When 1 heard of the 
great difficulties of that place, I was much concern- 
ed and grieved, and felt fome defires to comply with 
their requeit ; but knew not what to do : Endeav- 
oured to commit the cafe to God. 

hordes Day, March 18.— [At Salilbury.] Was ex- 
ceeding weak and faint, fo that I could fcarce walk : 
But God was pleafed to afford me much freedom, 
clearnefs and fervency in preaching : I have not had 
the like affiftance in preaching to linners for many 
months paft. Here another meffenger met me, 
and informed me of the vote of another congrega- 
tion, to give me an invitation to come among them 
upon probation for fettlement*. Was fomething 
exercifed in mind with a weight and burden of care. 
O that God would T^^zi forth faithful labourers into 
his harvefl, 

[After this, he went forward on his journey to- 
wards New-York and New-Jerfey : In which he 
proceeded llovvly ; performing his journey under 
great degrees of bodily indifpofition. However, 
he preached feveral times by the way, being urged 
by friends ; in which he had confidcrable affiftance. 
He fpeaks of comfort in converfation with chriflian 
friends irom tinie to time, and of various things in 

1 3 the 

'♦This rongrc-gatlon wa« riiat at Mill(nj;t6n, near Haddzm. Thry were \try 
carncltly drfiioiis cf h:« ■::>m;iig artrMig ihein, ' 

134 TheLIFEof 

the exercifes and frames of his heart, that Ihew 
much of a divine influence on his mind in this 

Thurfday^ April ^. — Was again much exercifed 
with vveaknefs, and with pain in my head. At- 
tended on the com mifli oners in their meeting*. Re- 
folved to goon flill with the Indian affair, if Divine 
Providence permitted ; ahhough I had before felt 
fome incHnation to go to Eaft-Hampton, where I 
was folicited to go, 

[After this he continued two or three days in the 
Jerfeys, very ill ; and then returned to New- York ; 
and from thence into New-England ; and went to 
his native town of Haddam : Where he arrived on 
Saturday, April 14. And he continues ftill his bit- 
ter complaints of want of retirement. While he 
was in New- York, he fays thus, O, it is not the 
pleafures of the world can comfort me ! If God deny 
his prefence, what are the pleafures of the city to 
me ? One hour of fweet retirement where God is, 
is better than the whole world. And he continues 
to cry out of his ignorance, meannefs, and unwor- 
thinefs. However, he fpeaks of fome feafons of 
fpecial afliftance and divine fweetnefs. He fpent 
fome days among his friends at Eaft-Hamipton, and 

Tucfday, April I'J.— Rode to Millington again; 
and felt perplexed when I fet out ,* was feeble in 
body, and weak in faith, I was going to preach a 
}ed:ure ; and feared I fhould never have affiftance 
enough to get through. But contriving to ride alone 
at a diftance from the company that was going, I 


•* The IrK^ians at Kaunauincek being but few in number, and Mr. Brainerd having 
now been labouring among them about a year, and having prevailed upon them to 
be wilhng to leave Kaunaumeck, and remove to Stockbndgc, to [\%c conftantly un- 
der Mr. Sargeant's mini dry ; he thought he might now do more fcrvice for Chrift 
arnong the Indians eh'ewhere : And therefore went this journey to Ncw-Jerfcy to 
lay the matter before the commiiTioners ; who met at F.lizabeih-Town, on this oc^ 
cafion, and determined that he fhould fonhwilh leave K»upaumcek, and go to the 
Delaware Indians. 


fpent the time in lifting up my heart to God : Had 
not gone far before my foul was abundantly ftrength- 
ened with thofe words, If God be for uSy who can be 
agairifi us? 1 went on, confiding in God ; and fear- 
ing nothing fo much as felf confidence. In this 
frame I went to the houfeof God, and enjoyed fome 
afliflance. Afterwards felt the fpirit of love and 
meeknefs in converfation with fome friends. Then 
rode home to my brother's : And in the evening, 
iinging hymns with friends, my foul feemed to melt : 
And in prayer afterwards, enjoyed the exercife of 
faith, and was enabled to be fervent in fpirit : Found 
more of God's prefence, than I have done any time 
in my late wearifome journey. Eternity appeared 
very near : My nature was very weak, and feemed 
ready to be difiblved ; The fun declining, and the 
fliadows of the evening drawing on apace. O I 
longed to fill up the remaining moments all for God i 
Though my body was fo feeble, and wearied with 
preaching, and much private converfation, yet I 
wanted to fit up all night to do fomething for God. 
To God, the giver of thefe refrelhments, be glory 
forever and ever ; Amen. 

[After this, he vifited feveral minifi:ers in Connec- 
ticut ; and then travelled towards Kaunaumeek, and 
came to Mr. Sargeant's at Stockbridge, Thurfday, 
April 26. He performed this journey in a very weak 
ftate of body.] 

Friday y and Saturday y April 27, and 28. — Spent 
fome time in vifiting friends, and difcourfing with 
my people (who were now moved down from their 
own place to Mr. Sargeant's) and found them 
very glad to lee me returned. Was exercil- 
ed in my mind with a fenfe of my own unworthi- 

L'ird*s Day, April 2<). — Preached for Mr. Sargeant, 
both parts of the day, from Rev. xiv. 4. 

I 4 Monday, 

136 TheLIFEof 

Monday, April 30. — Rode to Kaunaumeek, but 
was extremely ill : Did not enjoy the comfort I 
hoped for in my own houfe. 

Tuefday, May i. — Having received new orders to 
go to a number of Indians on Delaware river in 
Pennfylvania, and my people here being moftly re^ 
moved to Mr, Sargeant*s, I this day took all my 
clothes, books, &c. and difpofed of them, and fet 
out for Delaware river j but made it my way to re- 
turn to Mr. Sargeant's : Which I did this day, juft 
at night. Rode feveral hours in the rain through the 
howling wildernefs, although I was fo difordered in 
body, that little or nothing but blood came from me, 

[He continued at Stockbridge, the next day ; and 
on Thurfday rode a little way, to Sheffield, under a 
great degree of illnefs ; but with encouragement and 
cheerfulnefs of mind under his fatigues. On Fri- 
day, he rode to Salifbury, and continued there until 
after the Sabbath. On Monday, he rode to Sharon ; 
and fpeaks of himfelf as diftrefTed at the confidera- 
tion of the mifimprovement of time.] 

Tuefday, May 8. — Set out from Sharon in Connec- 
ticut, and travelled about forty five miles to a place 
called theFifh-Kill, and lodged there. Spent much 
of my time, while riding, in prayer, that God would 
go with me to Delaware. My heart fometimes was 
ready to fink with the thoughts of my work, and go- 
ing alone in the wildernefs, I knew not where : But 
ilill it was comfortable, to think, that others of 
God's children had wandered about in caves and dens 
of the earth ; and Abraham, when he was called to 
go forth, went out not knowing whither he went. O 
that I might follow after God. 

[The next day, he went forward on his journey -, 
crofled Hudfon's river, and went to Gofhen in the 
highlands ; and fo travelled acrofs the woods, from 
Iiudfon*s river to Delaware, about an hundred miles, . 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 137 

through a defolate and hideous country, above New- 
Jerfey ; where were very few fettlements : In which 
journey he fufFered much fatigue and hardfhip. He 
vifited fome Indians in the way, and difcourfed with 
them concerning chriftianity. Was confiderably 
melancholy and difconfolate, being alone in a flrange 
wildernefs. On Saturday, he came to a fettlement 
of Irifli and Dutch people, about twelve miles above 
the Forks of Delaware.] 

Lord*sDay, May 13. — Rofe early : Felt very poor- 
ly after my long journey, and after being wet and 
fatigued. Was very melancholy; have fcrace ever 
feen fuch a gloomy morning in my life ; there 
appeared to be no Sabbath ; the children were all at 
play ; I a Granger in the wildernefs, and knew not 
where to go ; and all circumftanccs feemed to con- 
fpire to render my affairs dark and difcouraging. 
Was difappointed refpedting an interpreter, and 
beard that the Indians were much fcattered, &c. O 
I mourned after the prefence of God, and feemed 
like a creature banifhed from his fight : Yet he was 
pleafed to fupport my finking foul, amid ft all my 
iorrows ; lo that I never entertained any thought of 
quitting my bufinefs among the poor Indians, but 
was comforted, to think, that death would before 
long fet me free from thefe diftrelfes. Rode about 
three or four miles to the Irifli people, where I found 
Ibme that appeared fober and concerned about relig- 
ion. My heart then began to be a little encouraged : 
Went and preached, firft to the Irilh, and then to the 
Indians : And in the evening, was a little comfort- 
ed ; my foul feemed to reft on God, and take cour- 
age. O that the Lord would be my fupport and 
comforter in an evil world. 

Monday, May 14.— Was very bufy in fome necefta- 
ry ftudies. Felt myfelf very loofe from all the world ; 
All appeared vanity and vexation offpirit. Seemed 


138 TheLIFEof 

fomething lonefome and difconfolate, as if I was 
banifhed from all mankind, and bereaved of all that 
is called pleafure in the world : But appeared to my- 
felf fo vile and unworthy, it feemed fitter for me to 
be here than any where. 

[He continued much in the fame frame the three 
next days.] 

Friday, May 18. — Felt again fomething of the 
fweet fpirit of religion ; and my foul feemed to con- 
fide in God, that he would never leave me. But oft- 
entimes faw myfelf fo mean a creature, that 1 knew 
not how to think of preaching. O that I could al- 
ways live to and upon God ! 

Saturday , May 19. — Was, fome part of the time, 
greatly oppreffed with the weight and burden of my 
work: It feemed impoflibleformeeverto go through 
with the bufinefslhad undertaken. Towards night, 
was very calm and comfortable ; and I think my 
foul trufted in God for help. 

Lord^s Day, May 20. — Preached twice to the poor 
Indians, and enjoyed fome freedom in fpeaking, 
while I attempted to remove their prejudices againft 
chriftianity. My foul longed for aiTiftance from 
above, all the while ; for I faw I had no ftrength fuf- 
ficient for that work. Afterwards, preached to the 
Irifli people : Was much aflifted in the firft prayer, 
and fomething in fermon. Several perfons feenied 
much concerned for their fouls, with whom I dif- 
courfed aftervv^ards with much freedom and fome 
power. BlclTed be God for any afTiitance afforded 
to an unworthy worm. O that I could live to him 1 

[Through the refl of this week, he was fometimes 
ready to fink with a fenfe of his unworthinefs and 
nnfitnefs for the work of the miniftry ; and fome- 
times encouraged and lifted above his fears and for- 
rows, and was enabled confidently to rely on God ; 
and efpecially on Saturday, towards night, he en- 



joyed calmnefs and compofure, and afliftance in 
prayer to God. He rejoiced (as he fays) that God 
remains unchangeably powerful and faithful ^ a fure and 
fufficient portion, and the dwelling place of his children, 
in all generations . ] 

Lord*s Day, May 27. — Vifited my Indians in the 
morning, and attended upon a funeral among them : 
Was affc(5ted to fee their heathenidi pradices. O 
that they might be turned from darknefs to light. Af- 
terwards, got a conlidcrable number of them togeth- 
er, and prcriclied to them ; and obferved them very 
attentive. After this, preached to the white people 
from Heb. ii. 3. Was enabled to fpcak with fome 
freedom and power : Several people feemed much 
concerned for their fouls ; efpecially one who had 
been educated a Roman Catholick. Bleiled be the 
Lord for any help. 

Monday y May 28. — Set out from the Indians above 
the Forks of Delaware, on a journey towards New- 
ark in New-Jerfey, according to my orders. Rode 
through the wildernefs ; was much fatigued with 
the heat ; lodged at a place called Black-River ; was 
exceedingly tired and worn out. 

[On Tueiday, he came to Newark : The next 
day, went to Elizabeth-Town : On Thurfday, he 
went to New-York ; and on Friday returned to Eliz- 
abeth-Town. Thefe days w^re fpent in fome per- 
plexity of mind. He continued at Elizabeth-Town 
until Friday in the week following. Was enliven- 
ed, refreflied, and ftrengthened on the Sabbath at 
the Lord's table. The enfuing days of the week 
were fpent chiefly in fludies preparatory to his ordi- 
nation ; and on fome of them he feemed to have 
much of God's gracious prefence, and of the fiveet 
influences of his fpirit ; but was in a very weak ilate 
of body. On Saturday, he rode to Newark.] 

Lord's Day, 'June 10.— [At Newark.] In the morn- 
ing, was much concerned how I Ihould perform the 


HO T H E L I F E o F 

work of the day ; and trembled at the thoughts of 
being left to myfelf. Enjoyed very confiderable af- 
fiftance in all parts of the publick fervice. Had an 
opportunity again to attend on the ordinance of the 
Lord's fupper, and through divine goodnefs was re- 
freftied in it : My foul was full of love and tender- 
nefs towards the children of God, and towards all 
men : Felt a certain fvveetnefs of difpofition towards 
every creature. At night, I enjoyed more fpiritual- 
ity, and fweet defire of holincfs, than I have felt for 
fome time : Was afraid of every thought and every 
motion, left thereby my heart fhould be drawn away 
from God. O that I might never leave the bleffed 
God I Lord, in thy prefence isfulnefs of joy. O the 
bleflednefs of living to God ! 

Monday, "June 1 1 . — This day the Prefbytery met 
together at Newark, in order to my ordination. Was 
very weak and difordered in body ; yet endeavoured 
to repofe my confidence in God. Spent moft of the 
day alone ; efpecially the forenoon. At three in the 
afternoon preached my probation fermon, from 
Ads xxvi. 17. 18. being a text given me for that end. 
Felt not well, either in body or mind ; however, 
God carried me through comfortably. Afterwards, 
pafTed an examination before the Prefbytery. Was 
much tired, and my mind burdened with the great- 
nefs of that charge I was in the moft folemn man- 
ner about to take upon me : My mind was fo prefT- 
ed with the weight of the work incumbent upon me, 
that I could not fleep this night, though very weary 
and in great need of reft. 

Tuefday, 'June I3. — Was this morning further ex- 
amined, refpeifting my experimental acquaintance 
with chriftianity*. At ten o'clock my ordination 


• Mr, Pemberton, in a letter to the Honourable Society in Scotland that emplovd 
Mr. Brainerd, which he wrote concerning him, (publiilicd in Scotland, in the Chnf. 
tian monthly Hijlory) writes thus, " We can with plcafurefay, tliat Mr. lirainerd paiC 
ed through his ordination triali, to the univerfal approbation of the Prefbytery, and 


Mr. D a V I D BR a I N E R D. 141 

was attended : The fermon preached by the Rev. 
' Mr. Pemberron. At this time I was afFedted with 
a fenfe of the important truft committed to me ; yet 
was compofed, and folemn, without diftradtion : 
And I hope, I then (as many times before) gave my- 
felf up to God, to be foi him, and not for another. 
O that I might always be engaged in the fervice of 
God, and duly remember the lolemn charge 1 have 
received, in the prcfence of God, angels and men ; 
Am.en ! May I be affifted of God for this purpofe. 
Towards night, rode to Elizabeth-Town. 

appeared uncommonly qualiftcd for the work of the minillry. He feems to be arm- 
ed with a great deal of felf denial, and an'mattd -with a noble Jteal to propagate the 
g^ofpel among tfaofc barbarous nauons,^ who ha%e long dwelt ia,the darliJiels of hca^ - 


142 T H E L I F E F 

PART vr. 

From his Ordin ati on until hejirjl began to preach 
tothe Indians at Crosweeksung, amongwhom 
he had his mojl remarkable fuccefs, 

WEDNESDAY, ^une i3.-~Spent fome confid- 
erable time in writing an account of the Indian 
affairs to go to Scotland ; fpent fome time in con- 
verfation with friends ; but enjoyed not mtich fwcet- 
nefs and fatisfadtion. 

Thwfday, June 14. — Received fome particular 
kindnefs from friends ; and wondered that God 
fliould open the hearts of any to treat me with kind- 
nefs : Saw myfelf to be unworthy of any favour from 
God, or any of my fellow men. Was much exer- 
cifed with pain in my head ; however determined 
to fet out on my journey towards Delaware in the 
afternoon : But in the afternoon my pain increafed 
exceedingly ; fo that I was obliged to betake myfelf 
to the bed ; and the night following, was greatly 
diftrefifed with pain and ficknefs : Was fometimes 
almoft bereaved of the exercife of reafon by the ex- 
tremity of pain. Continued much diftrelTed until 
Saturday ; when I was fomething relieved by an 
ick : But was unable to walk abroaduntil the Mon- 
day follou-Iiig, in the afternoon ; and ftill remained 
very feeble. I often admired the goodnefs of God, 
that he did not fufFer me to proceed on my journey 
from this place, w'here I was i'o tenderly ufed, and to 
be fick by the way among firangers. God is very 
gracious to me, both in health and ficknefs, and in- 
termingles much mercy with all my affli(5lions and 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E RD. 143 

toils. Enjoyed fome fweetnefs in things divine, in 
the midll: of my pain and weaknefs. O, that I could 
praife the Lord ! 

[On Tuefday, June 19, he fet out on his journey 
home, and in three days reached his place, near the 
Forks of Delaware. Performed the journey under 
much weaknefs of body ; but had comfort in his 
foul, from day to day : And both his weaknefs of 
body, and confolation of mind, continued through 
the week.] 

Lord*s Day, June 24. — Extremely feeble ; fcarce 
able to walk : However, vifited my Indians, and 
took much pains to inftrud: them : Laboured with 
fome that were much difaffedted to chriftianity. My 
mind was much burdened with the weight and dif- 
ficulty of my work. My whole dependence and 
hope of fuccefs feemed to be on God ; who alone, I* 
faw, could make them willing to receive inftrudlion. 
My heart was much engaged in prayer, fending up 
iilent requefts to God, even while I was fpeaking to 
them . O that I could always go in the ftrength of 
the Lord ! 

Monday, June 2^. — Was fomethingbetterin health 
than of late : Was able to fpend a conliderable part 
of the day in prayer and clofe ftudies. Had more 
freedom and fervency in prayer than ufual of late. 

Tuefday, 'June 26. — In the morning, my delires 
feemed to rife, and afcend up freely to God. Was 
bufy moft of the day in tranflating prayers into the 
language of the Delaware Indians : Met with g/eat 
difficulty by reafon that my interpreter was altogeth- 
er unacquainted with the bufinefs. But though I 
was much difcouraged with the extreme difficulty 
of that work, yet God fupported me ; and efpecial- 
\y in the evening, gave me fweet refrefhment : In 
' prayer my foul was enlarged, and my faith drawn 
' into fenfible exercife ; was enabled to cry to God 


144 The LIFE of 

for my poor Indians ; and though the work of their 
eonverfion appeared impojjible with man, yet with God 
I favv all things were pojjible. My faith was much 
ftrengthened, by obferving the wonderful alfiftance 
God afforded his fervants Nehemiah and Ezra, in re- 
forming his people, and reeftabhOiing his ancient 
church. I was much aflifted in prayer for dear chrif- 
tian friends, and for others that 1 apprehended to be 
chriftlefs ; but was more efpecially concerned for 
the poor heathen, and thofe of my own charge : Was 
enabled to be inftant in prayer for them ,♦ and hop- 
ed that God would bow the heavens and come down 
for their falvatioui It feemed to me, there could be 
no impediment fufficient to obflrud: that glorious 
work, feeing the living God, as I ftrongly hoped, 
was engaged for it. I continued in a folemn frame, 
lifting up my heart to God for afliftance, and grace, 
that I might be more mortified to this prefent world, 
that my whole foul might be taken up continually 
in concern for the advancement of Chrift's kingdom : 
Longed that God would purge me more, that I 
might be as a chofen vefTed to bear his name among 
the heathen. Continued in this frame until I drop- 
ped afleep. 

Wednefday, 'June 27. — Felt fomething of the fame 
folemn concern, and fpirit of prayer, that I enjoyed 
laft night, foon after I rofe in the morning. In the 
afternoon, rode feveral miles to lee if I could procure 
any lands for the poor Indians, that they might live 
together, and be under better advantages for inftruc- 

Thurfday^ June 28. — Spent the morning, in read- 
ing feveral parts of the holy fcripture, and in fer- 
vent prayer for my Indians, that God would fet up 
his kingdom among them, and bring them into 
his church. About nine, I withdrew to my ufual 
place of retirement in the woods ; and there again 



enjoyed fome affiftance in prayer. My great con- 
cern was for the converfion of the heathen to God ; 
and the Lord helped nie to plead with him for it. 
Towards noon, rode up to the Indians, in order to 
preach to them j and while going my heart went up 
to God in prayer for them ; could freely tell God, 
he knew that the caufe was not mine, which I was 
engaged in ; but it was his own caufe, and it would 
be for his own glory to convert the poor Indians : 
And blefled be God, I felt no defire of their conver- 
fion, that I might receive honour from the world, as 
being the initrument of it. Had Ibme freedom in 
Ipeaking to the Indians. 

[The two next days he fpeaks of fome ferious 
concern for the kingdom of the blelTed Redeemer ; 
and confidence in God, that he would advance it ; 
but complains much of barrennefs, wanderings, in- 
activity, &c.] 

Lord*s Day, ^.v/k I. — In the morning, was per- 
plexed with wandering vain thoughts : Was much 
grieved, judged and condemned myfelf before God* 
And O, how mifcrable did I feel, becaufe I could 
not live to God. At ten, rode away with a heavy 
heart to preach to my Indians. Upon the road, I 
attempted to lift up my heart to God ; but was in- 
fcfted with an'unfettled wandering frame of mind ; 
and was exceeding refllcfs and perplexed, and filled 
vyith Ihame and confufion before God. I feemed 
to myfelf to be ?nore hrutij]:> than a?iy man ; and 
thought, none deferved to be cajl out of Go.Vs pre fence 
{o much as I. If I attempted to lift up my heart to 
God, as I frequently did by the way, on a fudden be- 
fore I was aware, my thoughts were wandering to 
the ends of the earth : And my foul was filled with 
lurprife and anxiety, to find it thus. Thus alfo af- 
ter I came to the Indians, my mind was con fu fed j 
and I fdt nothing fenfibly of that fweet reliance on 

K God, 

146 The life of 

God, that my foul has been comforted within days 
pafl. Spent the forenoon in this poflure of mind, 
and preached to the Indians without any heart. In 
the afternoon, I felt ftill barren, when I began to 
preach ; and after about half an hour, I feemed to 
myfelf to know nothing, and to have nothing to fay 
to the Indians ; but foon after, I found in my- 
felf a fpirit of love, and warmth, and power to ad- 
drefsthe poor Indians ; and God helped me to plead 
with them to turn from all the vanities of the heathen, 
to the living God : And I am perfuaded the Lord 
touched their confciences ; for I never faw fuch at- 
tention raifed in them before. And when I came 
away from them, I fpent the whole time while I 
was riding to my lodgings, three miles diftant, in 
prayer and praife to God. And after I had rode 
more than two miles, it came into my mind to ded- 
icate myfelf to God again ; which I did with great 
folemnity, and unipeakable fatisfadiion ; efpecially 
gave up myfelf to him renewedly in the work of the 
miniftry. And this I did by divine grace, I hope, 
without any exception or referve ; not in the leaft 
ihrinking back from any difEculties, that might at- 
tend this great and bleffed work. I feemed to be 
mofl: free, cheerful, and full in this dedication of 
myfelf: My whole foul cried, " Lord, to thee I 
dedicate myfelf : O accept of me, and let me be 
thine forever. Lord, I defire nothing clfe ; I defire 
nothing more. O come, come, Lord accept a poor 
worm. Whom have I in heaven,^ but thee ; and there 
is 7ione upon earth, that I defire beftde thee.^' After 
this, was enabled to praife God with my whole foul, 
that he had enabled me to devote and confecrate all 
my powers to him in this folemn manner. My 
heart rejoiced in my particular work as amiflionary; 
rejoiced in my neceffity of fclf denial in many re- 
fpeCts; and flill contmued to give up myfelf to God, 



Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 147 

and implore mercy of him ; praying inceflantly ev- 
ery moment, with fweet fervency. My nature be- 
ing very weak of late, and much fpent, was now 
confiderabiygovercome : My fingers grew very fee- 
ble and fomewhat numb ; fo that I could fcarcely 
ftretch them out ftraight : And when I lighted from, 
my horfe, could hardly walk : My joints feemcd all 
to be loofed. But I felt i\hundd.ntjhe;7gtb in the in^ 
ner man. Preached to the white people : God help- 
ed me much, efpecially in prayer. Sundry of my 
poor Indians were fo moved as to come to meeting 
alfo ; and one appeared much concerned. 

Monday^ '^uly 2. — Had fome relifh of the divine 
comforts of yefterday ; but could not g€t that 
warmth and exercife of faith, that I delired. Had 
fometimes a dirtrefUng fenfeof my pafl: follies, and 
prefent ignorance and barrennefs : And efpecially 
in the afternoon, was funk down under a load of fia 
and guilt, in that I had lived fo little to God, after 
his abundant goodnefs to me yefterday. In the even- 
ing, though very weak, was enabled to pray with fer- 
vency, and to continue inftant in prayer^ near an 
hour. My foul mourned over the power of its corrup-_ 
tion, and longed exceedingly tohe wajhed, and piirg^ 
ed as with hyjfop. Was enabled to pray for my dear 
abfent friends, Chrift's minifters, and his church ; 
and enjoyed much freedom and fervency, but not fo 
much comfort, by reafon of guilt and fhame before 
God, Judged and condemned myfelf for the follies 
of the day. 

[The two next days he feerns to have had fpecial 
aftiftance and fervency moft of the time. Thurfday 
was fpent in great bodily wcaknefs ; and in great 
bitternefs of fpirit by reafon of his vilenefs and cor- 
ruption ; he fays thus,l thought there Was not one 
creature living fo vile as I. O, my inward pollu- 
tion ! O, my guilt and fliame before God ! I know 
K3 not 

148 TheLIFEof 

not what to do. O, I longed ardently to be cleanfed 
and waflied from the ftains ofinward pollution ! O, 
to be made like God, or rather to be made fit for God 
to own ! 

Friday, 'July 6. — Awoke this morning in the fear 
of God : Soon called to mind my fadnefs in the 
evening pad: ; and fpcnt my firft waking minutes in 
prayer for fanfltification, that my foul might be 
wa(iied from its exceeding pollution and defilement. 
After I arofe, I fpent fome time in reading God's 
word and prayer. I cried to God under a fenfe of 
my great indigency. lam, of late, mofl of all con- 
cerned for minifterial qualifications, and the conver- 
sion of the heathen : Laft } car, I longed to be pre- 
pared for a world of glory, and fpeedily to depart 
out of this world ; but of late all my concern almoft 
is for the converfion of the heathen ; and for that 
end, I long to live. But bleffed be God, I have lefs 
defire to live for any of the pleafures of the world, 
than ever I had : I long and love to be a pilgrim ; 
and want grace to imitate the life, labours and 
fuflPerings of St. Paul among the heathen. And 
"ivhen I long for holinefs now, it is not fo much for 
myfelf as formerly ; but rather that thereby I may 
become an able minifler of the New Teftament, ef- 
pecially to the heathen. Spent about two hours this 
morning, in reading and prayer, by turns ; and was 
in a watchful tender frame, afraid of every thing 
that might cool my afFediions, and draw away my 
heart from God. Was fomething ftrengthened 
in my ftudies j but near night was very weak and 

Saturday, ^uly 7. — Was very miuch difordered this 
morning, and my vigour all Spent and exhaufted : 
But was affed:ed and refrefhed in reading the fweet 
flory of Elijah's tranflation, and enjoyed fome affec- 
tion and fervency in prayer j longed much for min- 



Mr. D a VID BR a INE RD. 149 

iitcrial gifts and graces, that I might do fomething 
in the caiile of God. 

Lord*s Day, July 8. — Was ill laft night, not able 
to reft quietly. Had fome fmall degree of aflillance 
in preaching to the Indians ; and afterwards was en- 
abled to preach to the white people with ibme pow- 
er, efpecially in the dole of my difcourle, from Jer. 
iii. 23. The Lord alfo allifted me in fome meafurc 
in the firfl: prayer : Bleffed be liis namiC. Near 
night, though very weary, was enabled to read God*s 
word with fome fweet reliili of it, and to pray with 
affedion, fervency, and (I truft) faith : My foul 
was more fenfibly dependent on God, than ufual. 
Was watchful, tender, and jealous of my own heart, 
left I Ihould admit careleltnefs and vain thoughts, 
and grieve the blefted Spirit, fo that he Ihould with- 
draw his iweet, kind, and tender influences. Long- 
ed to depart and be iscith Chrifl, more than at any time 
of late. My foul was exceedingly united to the 
fiiints of ancient times, as well as thofenow living ; 
efpecially my foul melted for the lociety of Elijah 
and Eliftia. Was enabled to cry to God with a child 
like fpirit, and to continue inftant in prayer for fome 
time. Was much enlarged in the fweet duty of in- 

T^uejday, July lO. — Was very ill and full of pain, 
and very dull and (piritlefs. In tlie evening, had an 
affediing fen(e of my ignorance, &c. and of my need 
of God at all times, to do every thing for mc ; and 
my foul was humbled before God, 

IVcdnefday, July 1 1 .—Was ftill exercifed with ill- 
nefs and pain. Had fome decree of affl-dion and 
warmth in prayer and reading God's word : Long- 
ed for Abraham's faith and fellowihip with God ; 
and felt fome refolution to fpcnd all my time fot 
God, and to exert myfclf with more fervency in hi? 
fcrvicc ; but found my body weak and feeble. In 
K 3 the 

150 The life of 

the afternoon, though very ill, was enabled to fpend 
fome confiderable tinriein prayer ; fpent indeed moft 
of the day in that exercife ; and my foul was diffi- 
dent, watchful and tender, left I fhould offend my 
bleffed friend, in thought or behaviour. lam per- 
fuaded my foul confided in , and leaned upon 1 he bleff- 
ed God. O what peed did I fee myfelf to ftand in 
of God at all times, to affift me and lead me ! Found 
a great want of ftrength and vigour, both in the out- 
ward and inner man. 

[The exercifes and experiences, that he fpeaks of 
in the next nine days, are very fimilarto thofeof the 
preceding days of this and the foregoing week.] 

Saturday, 'July 21.-— This morning, was greatly 
opprefled with guilt and fhame, from a fenfe of in- 
ward vilenefs and pollution. Towards night my 
burden refpecSting my work among the Indians be- 
gan to increafe much ; and was aggravated by hear- 
ing fundry things that looked very difcouraging, in 
particular that they intended to meet together the 
next day for an idolatrous feaft and dance. Then I 
began to be in anguifli : I thought I muft in con- 
fcience go and endeavour to break them up j and 
knew not how to attempt fuch a thing. However, 
I withdrew for prayer, hoping for ftrength from 
above. And in prayer I was exceedingly enlarged, 
and my foul was as much drawn out as ever I remem- 
ber it to have been in my life, or near. So, as far as 
I could judge, I was wholly free from felf.flicnds in 
my fervent fupplications for the poor Indians. I 
knew, they were met together to vvorftiip devils, and 
not God ; and this made me cry earneftly, that God 
would now appear, and help me in my attempts to 
break up this idolatrous meeting. My foul plead- 
ed long; and I thought God would hear, and would 
go with me to vindicate his own caufe : I feemed to 
confide in God for his prefcnce and aftiftance. An4 



thus I fpent the evening, praying inceflantly for di- 
vine affiftance, and that I might not be felf depend- 
ent, but ftill have my whole dependence upon God. 
What I pafled through was remarkable, and indeed 
inexpreffible. I exceedingly longed, that God 
would get to hifufeifa name among the heathen : And 
I appealed to him with the greateft freedom, that he 
knew I preferred him above my chief joy. Indeed, 
I had no notion of joy from this world : I cared not 
where or how I lived, or what hardfhips I went 
through j fo that I could but gain fouls to Chrifl. I 
continued in this frame all the evening and night. 
While 1 was afleep, I dreamed of thefe things ; and 
when I awaked (as I frequently did) the firft thing 
1 thought of was this great work of pleading for God 
againll Satan. 

Lord's Day^ T^b 2Z. — When I waked, my foui 
was burdened with what feemed to be before me : 
I cried to God, before I could get out of my bed : 
And as foon as I was dreffed, 1 withdrew into the 
woods, to pour out my burdened foul to God, ef- 
pecially for affiftance in my great work; for i could 
Icarcely think of any thing elfe : And enjoyed the 
fame freedom arid fervency as the lall evening ; and 
did with unfpeakable freedom give up myfeif afrelli 
to God for life or death, for all hardships he Ihould 
call me to among the heathen ; and felt as if nothing 
could difcourage me from this bleffed work. I had 
a (trong hope, that God would b3w the heavens and 
come down^ and do fome marvellous work among the 
heathen. And when I was riding to the Indians, 
three miles, my heart was continually going up to 
God for his prefence and afliftance ; and hoping, 
and almofiexpedting, that God would make ihi^the 
day of his power and grace amongft the poor In- 
dians. When i came to them, 1 found them engag- 
ed in their frolick ; but through di-vine goodnefs i 
K4 got 

j.^2 The life of 

them to break up, and attend to my preaching : Yet 
ilill there appeared nothing of the fpecial power of 
God among them. Preached again to them in the 
afternoon ; and obferved the Indians were more fo- 
ber than before : But ftill favv nothing I'pecial among 
them ; from whence Satan took occafion to tempt 
and buffet me with thefe curfed fuggeftions, There 
is no God, or if there be, he is not able to convert the 
Indians, before they have more knowk-dge, &c. I 
was very weak and weary, and my foul borne down 
with perplexity : But was mortified to all the world, 
and was determined ftill to wait upon God for the 
converfion of the heathen, though the devil tempted 
me to the contrary. 

Monday, Ju/y 23. — Retained flill a deep and preff- 
ing fenfe of what lay with fo m.uch weight upon me 
yefterday ; But was more calm and quiet; enjoyed 
freedom and compofure, after the temptations of the 
laft evening : Had fweet refignation to the divine 
will ; and defired nothing fo much as the converiion 
of the heathen to God, and that his kingdom might 
come in my own heart, and the hearts of others. 
Rode to a fettlement of Iritli people, about fifteen 
miles fouthweftward ; fpent my time in prayer and 
meditation by the way. Near night, preached from 
Matth. V. 3. God was pleafed to afford me fome 
degree of freedom and fervency. Bleffed be God for 
^ny meafure of affiftance. 

■ Tue/day, Ju/y 24. — Rode about feventeen miles 
weft ward, over a hideous mountain, to a number of 
Indians. Got together near thirty of them : Preach- 
ed to them in the evening, and lodged among them. 
Was weak, and felt fomething difconfolate. 

[The next day, he preached to thefe Indians again ; 
and then returned to the Irifh fettlement, and there 
preached to a numerous congregation : There was a 
confiderable appearance of awakening in the congre^ 


Mr. D a V I D B R a I N E R D. 153 

gation. Thurfday, he returned home, exceedingly 
fatigued and Tpent ; ftill in the lame frame of mor- 
tification to the world, and felicitous for the advance- 
ment of Chrifl's kingdom : And on this day he lays, 
thus, *' 1 have felt, this week, more of the fpirit of 
a pi/grim on earthy than perhaps ever before ; and 
yet fo defirous to fee Zion*s profperity, that I was 
not fo willing to leave this fcene of forrow as I ui'ed 
to be." 1 he two remaining days of the week, he 
was very ill, and cries out of wanderings, dulnefs, 
and want of Ipiritual tervency and fweetnefs. On 
the Sabbath, he was confined by illnefs, not able to 
go out to preach. After this, his illnefs increafed 
upon him, and he continued very ill all the week. 
Concerning the next five days he writes thus : " Oil 
Lord's Day, Auguft 5, was flill very poor. But 
though very weak, 1 vifited and preached to the 
poor Indians twice, and was Urcngthened vaftly be- 
yond my expccliations. And indeed, the Lord gave 
me fome freedom and fervency in addrelfing them ; 
though I had not llrcngth enough to ftand, but was 
obliged to fit down the whole tm-je ; towards night, 
was extremely weak, faint, lick, and full ol pain. 
And thus I have continued much in the lam.e ftate 
that I was in laft week, through the molt of this (it 
being now Friday ;) unable to engage in any bufi- 
nefs ; frequently unable to pray in the fimily. I 
am obliged to let all my thoughts and concerns rini 
at random ; fori have neither ftrength to read, med- 
itate, or pray : And this naturally perplexes my 
mind. 1 feem to myfelf like a man that has all his 
eftate embarked in one fmall boat, unhappily going 
adrift, down a fvvift torrent. The poor owner Hands 
on the Ihore, and looks, and laments his lofs." 

[The next three weeks after this, his illnefs was 
not fo extreme : He was in fome degree capable of 
bufinefs, both publick and private ; (although he 


154 TheLIFEof 

had fome turns wherein his indifpofition prevailed 
to a great degree:) He alfo in this fpace had, for 
the mofl: part, much more inward aiTiftance, and 
ftrength of mind : He often exprefles great longings 
for the enlargement of Chrift's kingdom ; efpecially 
by the converfion of the heathen to God : He fpeaks 
oi his hope of this as all his delight and joy. He 
continues ftill to exprefs his ufual longings after ho- 
linefs and living to God, and his fenfe of his own 
unworthinefs : He feveral times fpeaks of his ap- 
pearing to himfelf the vileft creature on earth ; and 
once fays, that he verily thought there were none of 
God's children who fell fo far fhort of that holinefs, 
and perfed:ion in their obedience, which God re- 
quires, as he. He fpeaks of his feeling more dead 
than ever to the enjoyments of the world. He fome- 
times mentions fpecial affiftance that he had in this 
fpace of time, in preaching to the Indians, and of 
appearances of religious concern among them. He 
fpeaks alio of affiftance in prayer for abfent friends, 
and efpecially minifters and candidates for the min- 
iftry ; and of much comfort he enjoyed in the com- 
pany of fome minifters that came to vifit him.] 

Saturday, Sepfe?nber i. — Was fo far ftrengthened, 
after a feafon of great weaknefs, that I was able to 
ipend two or three hours in writing on a divine fub- 
jed: Enjoyed fome comfort and fweetnefs in things 
divine and facred : And as my bodily ftrength was 
in fonr,e meafure reftored, fo my foul feemed to be 
fomewhat vigorous, and engaged in the things of 

hordes Day, September 2. — Was enabled to fpeak 
to my poor Indians with much concern and ferven- 
cy ; and I am perfuaded, God enabled me to exer- 
cife faith in him, while I was fpeaking to them. I 
perceived, that fome of them were afraid to hearken 
to, and embrace chriflianity, left they fliould be en- 

Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 155 

chanted and poifoned by fome of the powows : But 
I was enabled to plead with them not to fear thefe ; 
and confiding in God for fafety and deliverance; I 
bid a challenge to all thefe powers of darknefs, to do 
their worll: upon me firll:. Afterwards I found my 
, foul rejoice in God for his aflifting grace. 

[After this he went a journey into New-England, 

and was abfent from the place of his abode, at the 

Forks of Delaware, about three weeks. He was in' 

a feeble Hate the greater part of the time. But in 

the latter part of the journey, he found he gained 

much in health and llrength. And as to the ftate of 

j his mind, and his religious and fpiritual exercifes, 

jl it was much with him as had been before ufual in 

I journeys; excepting that the frame of his mind feem'- 

li ed more generally to be comfortable.] 

I'Fednefday, September 26. — Rode home to the 
Forks of Delaware. What reafon have I to blefs 
God, who has preferved me in riding more than 
four hundred and twenty miles, and has kept all my 
bones that not one of them has been broken ! My health 
likewife is greatly recovered. O that I could dedi-^ 
cate my all to God : This is all the return I can 
make to him. 

Thurfday, September 2']. — Was fomething melan- 
choly : Had not much freedom and comfort in 
prayer: My foul is difconfolate when God is with- 

[The three next days he fpenks of the fame long- 
ings for the advancement of ChrilVs kingdom, and 
the converfion of the Indians ; but complains great- 
ly of the ill effeds of the diverfions of his late jour- 
ney, as unfixitTg liis mind from that degree of en- 
gagednefs, fervency, watch fulnefs, &c.^ which he 
enjoyed before.] 

Monday, 05fober i.— Was engaged this day in 
making preparation for my intended journey to Suf- 


iS^ T H E L I F E o F 

quehannah : Withdrew feveral times to the wood^- 
for fecret duties, and endeavoured to plead for the 
divine prefence to go with me to the poor pagans, 
to whom I was going to preach the gofpel. To- 
wards night rode about four miles, and met broth- 
er Byram* ; who was come, at my delire, to be my 
companion in travel to the Indians. I rejoiced to 
fee him ; and, I truft, God made his converfatioa 
profitable to me. I faw him, as I thought, mor^ 
dead to the world, its anxious cares, and alluring 
objedts, than I was : And this made me look withir> 
myfelf, and gave m.e a greater feni'e of my guilt, in- 
gratitude, and mifery. , 

Tuefdayy Odober 2. — Set out on my journey, in 
company with dear brother Byram, and my inter- 
preter, and two chief Indians from the Forks of 
Delaware. Travelled about twenty five miles, and 
lodged in one of the laft houfes on our road ; after 
which there was nothing but a hideous and howl- 
ing wildernefs. 

Wednefday, Odober 3. — We went on our way intq 
the wildernefs, and found the moil: difficult and dan- 
gerous travelling, by far, that ever any of us had 
leen ; we had fcarce any thing elfe but lofty mount- 
ains, deep valleys, and hideous rocks, to make our 
way through. However, I lelt fome fweetnefs in 
divine things, part of the day, and had my mind in- 
tenfely engaged in meditation on a divine fubjed:. 
Near night, my beaft that I rode upon, hung one of 
her legs in the rocks, and fell down under me ; but> 
through divine goodncfs, I was not hurt. Howeverj 
fhe broke her leg ; and being in inch a liideous place, 
and near thirty miles from any houfe, I faw nothing 
that could be done to preferve her life, and it> was 
obliged to kill her, and to profecute my journey on 

foot, j 

* Minift^r at a place called Rockciticus, sbout forty miles from Mr. Biainerd's .| 

Mr. D A VI D BR AINERD. 157 

foot. This accident made me admire the divine 
goodnefs to me, that my bones were not broken, 
and the mulitude of them filled with llrong pain. 
Juft-at dark we kindled a fire, cut up a few bulhes, 
and made a Ihelter over our heads to fave us from 
the froft, which was very hard that night ; and com- 
mitting ourfelves to God by prayer, we lay down oa 
the ground and flept quietly. 

[The next day they went forward on their journey, 
and at night took up their lodging in the woods in 
like manner.] 

Friday, October 5. — We arrived at Sufquehannah 
■River, at a place called Opeholhaupung : Found 
there twelve Indian houfes. After I had faluted the 
king m a friendly manner, I told him my bufinefs, 
and that my defire was to teach them chriflianity. 
' After fome confultation, the Indians gathered, and 
I preached to them. And when I had done, I afked 
if they would hear me again. They replied, that 
they would confiderof it; and foon after fen t me 
word, that they would immediately attend if I 
would preach : Which I did, with freedom, both 
times. When I alked them again whether they 
would hear me further, they replied, they w'ould. 
the next day. I was exceeding fenfible of the im- 
pofTibility of doing any thing for the poor heathen, 
without fpecial ailiftance from above : And my foul 
feemed to reft on God, and leave it to him to do as 
he pleafed in that which I faw was his own caufe : 
And indeeJ, through divine goodnefs, I had felt 
fomething of this frame moft of the time while I 
was travelling thither ; and in fome meafure before 
I fet out. 

Saturday, OBober 6. — Rofe early and befought the 
Lord for help in my great work. Near noon preach- 
ed again to the Indians : And in the afternoon, vif- 
ited them from houfe to houfe, and invited them to 


J58 T H E L I F E o F 

come and hear me again the next day, and put o^ 
their hunting delign, which they were juft entering 
upon, until' Monday. This night, I truft, the Lord 
ftood by me to encourage and ftrengthen my foul : 
I fpent more than an hour in fecret retirement ; was 
enabled to pour out my heart before God, for the 
increafe of grace in my foul, for minifterial en- 
dowments, for fucccfs among the poor Indians, for 
God's minifters and people, and for dear friends 
yaftly diftant, &c. BlelTed be God. 

[The next day he complains of great want of fix- 
ednefs and intenfenefs in religion, fo that he could 
not keep any fpiritual thought one minute without 
difl:rad:ion ; which occafioned anguifh of fpirit. — 
He felt, he fiys, amazingly guilty, and extremely 
miferable ; and cries out, O my foul, what death it 
is, to have the affedlions unable to center in God, by 
reafon of darknefs, and confequently roving after 
that fatisfadlion eHevvhere, that is only to be found 
here ! However, he preached twice to the Indians 
with fome freedom and power : But was afterwards 
damped by the objetlions they made againft chrift- 
ianity. In the evening, in afenfeofhis great de- 
fe6ts in preaching, he entreated God not to impute 
to him blood guiltinefs ; but yet was at the fame 
time enabled to rejoice in God.] 

Monday, Otlober 8. — Vifited the Indians with a 
defign to take my leave of them, fuppofing they 
would this morning go out to hunting early ; but 
beyond my expectation and hope, they defired to 
hear me preach again. I gladly complied with 
their requeft, and afterwards endeavoured to anfwcr 
their objections againft chriftianity. Then they 
went away ; and we fpent the reft of the afternoon 
in reading and prayer, intending to go homeward 
very early the next day. My foul was in fome meaf- 
ure refrelhed in fecret prayer and meditation. Bleff- 
ed be the Lord for all his goodnefs. 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 159 

, Tuefday,OBober<^. — We rofe about four in the morn- 
ing, and, commending ourfelves to God by prayer.and 
aikinghis Ipecial protediion, we fet out on our jour- 
ney homewards about five, and travelled with great 
fleadinefs until pafl: fix at night. And then made 
us a fire, and a fhelter of barks, and fo ref^ed. I had 
fome clear and comfortable thoughts on a divine 
fubjed:, by the way, towards night. In the night, 
the wolves howled around us ; but God preferv- 
ed us. 

[The next day they rofe early, and fet forward, 
and travelled that day until they came to an Irifh 
fettlement, where Mr. Brainerd was acquainted, 
and lodged there.] 

Friday, OBober 12. — Rode home to my lodging ; 
where 1 poured out my foul to God in fecret prayer, 
and endeavoured toblefs him for his abundant good- 
nefs to me in my late journey. I fcarce ever enjoy- 
ed more health ; at leafl of later years ; and God 
marvelloufly, and almoft miraculoufly, fupported 
me under the fatigues of the way, and travelling on 
foot. BlefTed be the Lord, that continually pre- 
ferves me in all my ways. 

[On Saturday he went again to the Irifh fettlement, 
to fpend the Sabbath there, his Indians being gone.] 

Lord*s Day, Otiober 14. — Was much confufed 
and perplexed in my thoughts ; could not pray ; 
and was almoft difcouraged, thinking 1 fhould nev- 
er be able to preach any more. But afterwards God 
was pleafed to give me fome relief from thefe con- 
fufions : But ftill I was afraid, and even trembled 
before God. I went to the place of publick wor- 
Ihip, lifting up my heart to God for afliftance and 
vgrace, in my great work : And God was gracious 
40 me, and helped me to plead with him for holi- 
nefs,<ind to ufe the (trongeft arguments with him, 
drawn from the incarnation and fufferings of Chrift 


i6o T H E L I F E o F 

for this very end, that men might be made holy. 
Afterwards, I was muchaflifted in preaching. Iknow 
rot that ever God helped me to preach in a m^ore 
clofe and diftinguifliing manner for the trial of men's 
ftate. Through the infinite goodnefs of God, I felt 
what I fpake ; and God enabled me to treat on di-| 
vine truth with uncommon clearnefs : And yet I was 
fo fenfible of my defed:s in preaching, that I could 
not be proud of my performance, as at fome times ;1 
and bleifed be the Lord for this mercy. In the even-l 
ing, I longed to be entirely alone, to blefs God for] 
help in a time of extremity ; and longed for great 
degrees of holinefs, that I might fhew my gratitude 
to God . 

[The next morning he fpent fome time before 
funrifc in prayer, in the fame fweet and grateful 
frame of mind, that he had been in the evening be- 
fore: And afterwardswent to his Indians, and fpent 
fome time in teaching and exhorting them.] 

Tuefday, Odiober i6. — Felt a fpirit of folemnity and 
watchfulnefs ; was afraid I fhould not live to and 
upon God : Longed for more intenfenefs and fpirit- 
uality. Spent the day in writing ; frequently lift- 
ing up my heart to God for more heavenly minded- 
nefs. In the evening enjoyed fweet afliftance in 
prayer, and thirfted and pleaded to be as holy as the 
bleffed angels : Longed for minifterial gifts and 

traces, and fuccefs in my work : Was fweetly aflift- 
d in the duty of interccilion, and enabled to remem- 
ber, and plead for numbers of dear friends, and 
Chrifl's miniftcrs. 

[He feemed to have much of the fame fram.e of 
mind, the two next days.] 

Friday, O^lober \g, — My foul enjoyed a fweet 
feafon of bitter repentance and forrow, that I had 
wronged that bleited God, who, 1 was perfuaded, 
ovas reconciled to me in his dear Son. My foul was 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. i6i 

now tender, devout, and folemn. And I was afraid 
of nothing, but fin ; and afraid of that in every ac- 
tion and thought. 

[The four following days, were manifeftly 
fpent in a moft couftant tendernefs, watchful- 
nefs, diligence and felf diffidence. But he com- 
plains of wanderings of mind, languor of affec- 
tions, &c.] 

Wednefday\ OBober 24. — Near noon, rode to my 
j3eople j fpent fome time, and prayed with them : 
Felt the frame of a pilgrim on earth; longed much 
to leave this gloomy manfion ; but yet found the 
exercife of patience and refignation. And as I re- 
turned home from the Indians, fpent the whole 
time in hfting up my heart to God. In the evening, 
enjoyed a blefled feafon alone in prayer j was ena- 
bled to cry td God with a child like fpirit, for the 
fpace of near an hour : Enjoyed a Ivveet freedom 
in fupplicating for myfelf,for dear friends, minifters, 
and fome who are preparing for that work, and for the 
church of God ; and longed to be as lively myfeli 
in God*s ferviceas the angels. /\ 

Friday^ Otiober 26.— 'In the morning my foul waS 
melted with a fenfe of divine goodnefs and mercy 
to fuch a vile unworthy worm as I : Delighted to 
lean upon God, and place my whole trull: in him* 
My foul was exceedingly grieved for fin, and prized 
and longed after holinefs ; it wounded my heart deep- 
ly, yet fweetly, to think how I had abufed a kind 
God. f longed to be perfedly holy, that I might 
•not grieve a gracious God ; who will continue to 
love, notwithiknding his love is abufed : 1 longed 
for holinefs more for this end, than I did for my 
own happinefs fake. And yet this was my greatefl 
happinefs, never more to difhonour, but always to 
glorify the blelTed God. Afterwards rode up to the 
Indians, in the afternoon, &c. 

L [The 

i62 The LIFE of 

[The four next days he was exercifed with much 
dilorder and pain of body, with a degree of melan- 
choly and gloominefsof mind, bitterly complaining 
of deadnefs and unprofitablenefs, yet mourning and 
longing after God.] 

Wednefday, 06iober 31. — Was fenfible of my bar- 
rennefs, and decay, in the things of God : My foul 
failed, when I remembered the fervency I had en- 
joyed at the throne of grace. O, I thought, if I 
could but be fpiritual, warm, heavenly minded, and 
afFedtionately breathing after God, this would be 
better than life to me ! My foul longed exceedingly 
for death, to be loofed from this dulnefs and barren- 
nefs, and made forever aftive in the fervice of God. 
I feemed to live for nothing, and to do no good : And 
O, the burden of fuch a life ! O, Death, Death, my 
kind friend, haften and deliver me from dull mor- 
tality, and make me fpiritual and vigorous to 

Friday^ 'November 1. — Was filled with forrowand 
confufion, in the morning, and could enjoy no fweet 
fenfe of divine things, nor get any relief in prayer. 
Saw I deferved that every one of God*s creatures 
Ihould be let loofe upon me to be the executioners 
of his wrath againft me : And yet therein I faw I 
deferved what 1 did not fear as my portion. About 
noon rode up to the Indians; and while going, could 
feel no defires for them, and even dreaded to fay 
any thing to them ; but God was pleafed to give me 
fome freedom and enlargement, and made the feafon 
comfortable to me. In the evening had enlarge- 
ment in prayer. 

Saturday, 'November 3. — I read the life and trials of 
a godly man, and was much warmed by it : I won- 
dered at my paft deadnefs ; and was more convinced 
of it than ever. Was enabled to confefs and be- 
wail my fin before God, with felf abhorrence. 



Lord*s Day, November 4. — Had, I think, fome 
exercife of faith in prayer in the morning : Longed to 
be fpiritual. Had confiderable help in preaching to 
my poor Indians : Was encouraged with them, and 
hoped that God defigned mercy for them. 

[The next day he fet out on a journey to New- 
York, to the meeting of the prefbytery there; and 
was gone from home more than a fortnight. He 
feemed to enter on this journey with great reluc- 
tance j fearing that the diverfions of it would prove 
a means of cooling his religious affedlions, as he had 
found in other journeys. But yet in this journey 
he had fome fpecial feaforts wherein he enjoyed ex^ 
traordinary evidences and fruits of God's gracious 
prefcnce. He was greatly fatigued and expofed in 
this journey by cold and Itorms : And when he re- 
turned from New-York to New-Jerfey, on Friday, 
was taken very ill, and was detained by his iilnefs 
fome time.] 

Wcdnefday, November '2.1 . — Rode from Newark to 
Rockciticus in the cold, and was almofl: overcome 
with it. Enjoyed fome fweetnefs in converfation 
with dear Mr. Jones, while I dined with him : My 
foul loves the people of God, and efpecially the 
minifters of Jefus Chrift, who feel the fame trials 
that I do. 

Thurfday^ November 22. — Came on my way from 
Rockciticus to Delaware river. Was very much 
difordered with a cold and pain in my head. About 
fix at night, I loft my way in the wildernefs, and 
wandered over rocks and mountains, down hideous 
fteeps, through (wamps, and moft dreadful and 
dangerous places : And the night being dark, fo 
that few ftars could be feen^ I was greatly expofed : 
Was much pinched with cold, and diftreffed with 
an extreme pain in my head, attended with ficknefs 
at my ftomach ; fo that every ftep 1 took was dif- 

L % treffing 

164 The LI F E 01 

trefling to me. I had but little hope for ieveral"^ 
hours together, but that I muft lie out in the woods 
all night in this diftrefled cafe. But, about nine 
o'clock, I found a houfe, through the abundant good- 
ncfs of God, and was kindly entertained. Thus I 
have frequently been expofed, and fometimes lain 
out the whole night : But God has hitherto preferv- 
ed me ; and blefted be his name. Such fatigues and 
hardlliips as thefe, ferve to wean mc more from the 
earth ; and, I tnift, will make heaven the fweeter. 
Formerly, when I was thus expofed to cold, rain, 
&c. I was ready to pleafe myfelf with the thoughts 
of enjoying a comfortable houfe, a warm fire, and 
other outward comforts ; but now thefe have lefs 
place in my heart, through the grace of God, and 
my eye is more to God for comfort. 

Friday, November 23. — Vifited a fick man -, dif- 
courfed and prayed with him. Then vilited another 
houfe, where was one dead and laid out ; looked on 
the corpfe and longed that my time might come to 
depart, that I might be with Chriji. Then went 
home to rny lodgings, about one o'clock. Felt poor- 
ly ; but was able to read mod of the afternoon. 

[Within the fpace of the next twelve days, he 
paffed under many changes in the frames and exer- 
cifes of his mind. He had many feafons of the 
fpecial influence of God's Spirit, animating, invig- 
orating, and comforting him in the ways of God 
and duties of religion ; but had fome turns of great 
dejedion and melancholy. He fpent much time, 
within this fpace, in hard labour, with others, to 
make for himfelf a little cottage or hut, to live in 
by himfelf through the winter. 

Thuj'fday, December 6. — Having now a happy op- 
portunity of being retired in a houfe of my own, 
which I have lately procured and moved into, and 
confidering that it is now a long time fince I have 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 165 

been able, either on account of bodily weaknefs, or 
for want of retirement, or fome other difficulty, to 
fpend any time in fecret fading and prayer ; confid- 
eringalfo thegreatnefs of my work, and the extreme 
difficulties that attend it ; and that my poor Indi- 
ans are now worffiiping devils, notwithftanding all 
the pains I have taken with them, which almoft 
overwhelms my fpirit : Moreover, confidcring my 
extreme barrennefs, fpiritual deadnefs,and dejedtion, 
of late j as alfo the power of fome particular cor- 
ruptions ; I fat apart this day for fecret prayer and 
failing, to implore the bleffing of God on myfelf, 
on my poor people, on my friends, and on the 
church of God. At firft, I felt a great backward- 
nefs to the duties of the day, on account of the 
feeming impoffibility of performing them : But the 
Lord helped me to break through this difficulty. I 
enjoyed much more intenfenefs, fervency, and fpir- 
ituality, than I expected ; God was better to me 
than my fears. And, towards night, I felt my foul 
rejoice, that God is unchangeably happy and glori- 
ous ; that he will be glorified, whatever becomes of 
his creatures. I was enabled to perlevere in prayer 
until fome time in the evening ; at which time I faw 
fo much need of divine help, in every refpedl, that 
I knew not how to leave off, and had forgot that I 
needed food. This evening I was much affifted in 
meditating on Ifai. lii. 3. Blelfed be the Lord for 
any help in the pad day. 

Friday, December 7. — Spent fome time in prayer, 
in the morning ; enjoyed fome freedom and affec- 
tion in tlie duty, and had longing defires of being 
made faithful to the death. Spent a little time in 
writing on a divine fubjedt : Then vifited the Indi- 
ans, and preached to them': But under incxpreffi- 
ble dejection. I had no heart to ipeak to them, and 
could not do it, but as I forced myfelf : I knew they 

L 3 muff 

i66 TheLIFEof 

muft hate to hear me, as having but juft got home 
from their idolatrous feaft and devil vvorlhip. In 
the evening had fome freedom in prayer and med- 

Saturday^ December %, — Have been uncommonly 
free this day from dejedion, and from that diftrelT- 
ing apprehenfion that I could do nothing : Was en- 
abled to pray and ftudy with fome comfort ; and 
efpecially was aflifted in writing on a divine fubje(5t. 
In the evening my foul rejoiced in God j and I 
bleffed his name for Ihining on my foul. O the 
iweet and blelTed change I then felt, when God 
brought me out of darknefs into his marvellous light. 

Lord's Day, December 9. — Preached both parts 
of the day at a place called Greenwich, in New- 
Jerfey, about ten miles from my own houfe. In the 
iirll: difcourfe I had Icarce any warmth or affedtion- 
ate longing for fouls. In the intermiffion feafon I 
got alone among the bufhes, and cried to God for 
pardon of my deadnefs ; and was in anguifh and 
bitternefs, that 1 could not addrefs fouls with more 
compaffion and tender affecflion : Judged and con- 
demned myfclf for want of this divine temper : 
Though 1 faw I could not get it as of myfelf any 
more than I could make a world. In the latter exer- 
cife, blefled be the Lord, I had fome fervency, both 
in prayer aqd preaching ; and efpecially in the ap- 
plication of my difcourie was enabled to addrefs pre- 
cious fouls with afFc(flion, concern, tendernefs and 
importunity. The Spirit of God, I think, was 
there; as the effects were apparent, tears, running 
down many cheeks. 

Wednefday, December 12. — Was very weak ; but 
fomewhat aflifted in fecret prayer, and enabled vvith 
pleafure and fweetncfs to cry, Cofrie, Lord 'J ejus ! 
Come^ Lord ^efus ; come quickly. My foul longed for 
Cod, for the living God. O how delightful it is, to 



pray under fuch fvveet influences ! O how much 
better is this than one's necelTary food ! I had at this 
time no difpofition to eat, though late in the 
morning ; for earthly food appeared wholly taflelefs. 

how much better is thy love than wine» tlian the 
fweeteft wine ! I vifited and preached to the Indians 
in the afternoon j but under much dejection. Found 
my interpreter under fome concern for his foul ; 
which was fome comfort to me ; and yet filled me 
with new care. I longed greatly for his converfion ; 
lifted up myhcart to God for it while I was talking to 
him : Came home and poured out my foul to God 
for him : Enjoyed fome freedom in prayer, and was 
enabled, I think, to leave all with God. 

Thurfdijy, December 13. — Endeavoured to fpend 
the day \\\ fafting and prayer, to implore the divine 
blefling, more efpecially on my poor people ; and 
in particular, I fought for converting grace for my 
interpreter, and three or four more under fome con- 
cern for their fouls. I was much difordered in the 
morning when 1 arofe ; but having determined to 
fpend the day in this manner, 1 attempted it. Some 
freedom I had in pleading for thefe poor concerned 
fouls, feveral times; and when interceding for them, 

1 enjoyed greater freedom from wandering and dif- 
tra<5ting thoughts, than in any part of my fupplica- 
tions : But in the general was greatly exercifed with 
wanderings j fo that in the evening it feemed as if I 
had need to pray for nothing (b much as for the pardon 
of fins committed in the day pail, and the vilenefs I 
then found in myfelf. The fins I had mod fenfe 
of were pride, and wandering thoughts, whereby I 
mocked God. The former of thefe curfed iniqui- 
ties excited me to think of writing, or preaching, or 
converting heathep, or performing fome other great 
work, that my name might live when I fhould be 
dead. My foul was in anguifh, and ready to ^rop 

L 4 into 

i68 • TheLIFEof 

into defpair, to find fo much of that curfed temper. 
With this and the other evil I laboured under, viz. 
wandering thoughts, 1 was almoft overwhelmed, 
and even ready to give over ilriving after a fpirit of 
devotion; and oftentimes funk into a confiderable 
degree of defpondency, and thought I was 7nore brut^ 
ijh than any man. Yet after all my forrows, I truft, 
through grace, this day and the exercifes of it have 
been for my good, and taught me more of my cor- 
ruption, and weaknefs without Chrift, than I knew 

Monday y December 17. — Was fomething comfort- 
able in mind, moft of the day ; and was enabled to 
pray with fome freedom, chcerfulnefs, compofure, 
and devotion j had alfo fome affiftance in writing on 
a divine fubjedl. 

Tuefdayy December 18. — Went to the Indians, and 
difcourfed to them near an hour, without any pow- 
er to come clofe to their hearts. Butat laft, 1 felt fome 
fervency, and God helped me to fpeak with warmth. 
My interprerer alfo was amazingly allifted ; and I 
doubt not but the Spirit of God was upon him (though 
I had no reafon to think he had any true and faving 
grace, but was only under conyidion of his lofl ftate;} 
and prefently upon this moft of the grown perfons 
were much affe&ed, and the tears ran down their 
cheeks ; and one old man (I fuppofe, an hundred 
years old) was fo affed:ed, that he wept, and feem- 
ed convinced of the importance of what I taught 
them. I ftayed with them a confiderable time, ex- 
horting and dire(5ling them ; and came away, lifting 
up my heart to God in prayer and praife, and en- 
couraged and exhorted my interpreter iojirive to en- 
ter in at the Jlrait gate. Came home, and fpent 
moft of the evening in prayer and thankfgiving ; 
and found myfelf much enlarged and quickened. 
Was greatly concerned, that the Lord's work, which 



feemed to be begun, might be carried on with pow- 
er, to the converfion of poor fouls, and the glory of 
divine grace. 

JVednefday, December 19. — Spent a great part of 
the day in prayer to God for the out pouring of his 
fpirit on my poor people j as alfo to blefs his name 
for awakening my interpreter, and fome others, and 
giving us fome tokens of his prefenceyefterday. And 
bleffed be God, 1 had much freedom, five or fix 
times in the day, in prayer and praife, and felt a 
weighty concern upon my fpirit for the falvation of 
thole precious fouls, and the enlargement of the Re- 
deemer's kingdom afnong them. My foul hoped 
in God for fome fuccefs in my miniftry : And blelT- 
ed be his name for lb much hope. 

Friday, December 21. — Was enabled again to pray 
with freedom, cheerfulnefs, and hope. God was 
pleafed to make the duty comfortable and pleafant 
to me ; fo that I delighted to perfcvere, and repeat- 
edly to engage in it. Towards noon, vifited my 
people, and fpent the whole time in the way to them 
in prayer, longing to fee the power of God among 
them, as there appeared fomcthing of it the laft 
Tuefday ; and I found it fvveet to reft and hope in 
God. Preached to them twice, and at two diftin^ 
places : Had confiderable freedom, each time, and 
io had my interpreter. Several of them followed 
me from one place to the other : And I thought, 
there were fome divine influences difcernible amongfl 
them. In the evening, was afTifted in prayer again. 
BlefTed, blelTed be the Lord. 

Lord*s Day, Deconber "^o. — Difcourfed, both parts 
of the day, from Mark viii. 34. Whojocvcr "rill 
come after fiie, &c. God gave me very great freedom 
and clearncfs, and in the afternoon cfpecially, con- 
fiderable warmth and fervency. In the evening al- 
fo, had very great clearnefs while convcriing with 


I70 The LIFE of 

friends on divine things : I do not remember ever 
to have had more clear apprehenfions of religion in 
my life : But found a ftruggle, in the evening, with 
fpiritual pride. 

[On Monday he preached again in the fame place 
with freedom, and fervency ; and rode home to his 
lodging ; and arrived in the evening, under a con- 
fiderable degree of bodily illnefs, which continued 
the two next days. And he complains much of 
fpiritual emptinefs and barrennefs on thofc days.] 

Thurfday^ 'January 3, 1744,5. — Being fenfible of 
the great want of divine influences, and the out 
pouring of God*s fpirit, I fpent this day in fafting 
and prayer, to feek fo great a mercy for myfelf, and 
my poor people in particular, and for the church of 
God in general. In the morning, was very lifelefs 
in prayer, and could get^ fcarce any fenfe of God. 
Near noon, enjoyed fome fweet freedom to pray 
that the will of God might in every refped: become 
mine : And I am perfuaded, it was fo at that time 
jn fome good degree. In the afternoon, I tvas ex- 
ceeding weak, and could not enjoy much fervency 
in prayer, but felt a great degree of dejecftion ; which, 
I believe, was very much owing to my bodily weak- 
nefs and diforder. 

Lord's Day^ 'January 6. — Was flill diftreffed with 
vapoury diforders. Preached to my poor Indians ; 
but had little heart or life. Towards night, my 
foul was prefTed under a fenfe of my unfaithfulnefs. 
O the joy and peace that arifes from a fenfe o{ hav- 
ing obtained mercy of God to be faithful ! And O, the 
mifery and anguifh that fpring from an apprehen- 
j[ion of the contrary ! 

[His dejediion continued the two next days ; but 
not to fo great a degree onTuefday, when he enjoy- 
ed fome freedom and fervency in preaching to the 



Wednefday, January 9.— In the morning, God 
was pleafed to remove that gloom which has of late 
oppreffed my mind, and gave me freedom and 
f weetnefs in prayer. I was encouraged and ftrength- 
ened, and enabled to plead for grace for myfelf, and 
mercy for my poor Indians ; and was fweetly af- 
fifted in my intercefTions with God for others. BlefT- 
cd be his holy name forever and ever : Amen, and 
Amen. Thoie things that of late have appeared mod 
difficult and almoft impoffible, now appeared not on- 
ly poflible, but eafy. My foul fo much delighted 
to continue inftant in prayer, at this bleffed feafon, 
that I had no defire for my necelfary food ; even 
dreaded leaving off praying at all, left I (hould lofe 

I this fpirituality, and this blefTed thankfulnefs toGod 
which I then felt. I felt now quite willing to live, 
and undergo all trials that might remain for me in a 
world of forrow ; but ftill longed for heaven, that 
I might glorify God in a perfed: manner. O come^ 

! Lord Jejus, come quickly. Spent the day in reading 

' a little j and in fome diverfions, which I was necef- 
iitated to take by reafon of much weaknefs and dif- 
order. In the evening, enjoyed fome freedom and 

I intenfenefs in prayer. 

[The three remaining days of the week, he was 
very low and feeble in body ; but neverthelefs con- 
tinued conftantly in the fame comfortable fweet frame 
of mind, as is exprefled on Wednefday. On the 
Sabbath, this fvveetnefs and fpiritual alacrity began 
to abate : But ftill he enjoyed fome degree of com- 
fort, and had alhftance in preaching to the Indians. 
On Monday and Tuefday he was in a ftate of dcpref- 

Wednefday, andThurfday, January 16, and 17. — I 
fpent moft of the time in writing on a fweet divine 
fubjecl, and enjoyed fome freedom and afliftance. 
Was likewife enabled to pray more frequently and 


172 The LIFE of 

fervently thanufual ; and my foul, I think, rejoiced 
in God ; efpecially^n the evening of the lad of thefe 
days : Praife then feemed comely, and 1 delighted 
to blefs the Lord. O what reafon have I to be thank- 
ful, that God ever helps me to labour and ftudy for 
him ! He does but receive his own, when I am ena- 
bled in any meafure to praife him, labour for him; 
and live to him. O, how comfortable and fvveet il 
is, to feel the affiflance of divine grace in the per- 
formance of the duties God has enjoined us/ Blefi 
the Lord, O my foul. 

[The fame enlargement of heart and joyful frame 
of foul continued through the next day. But on th( 
day following it began to decline ; which decay 
feems to have continued the whole of the next week ; 
which feems to have continued the week following 
with an increafe of deje(5lion and melancholy. Yet 
he enjoyed fome feafons of fpecial and fweet affi fi- 

Lord's Day, February 3. — In the morning, I was 
fomewhat relieved of that gloom and confufion, that 
my mind has of late been greatly exercifed with : 
Was enabled to pray with fome compofure, and 
comfort. But however, went to my Indians trem- 
bling ; for my foul remembered the ivormwood and 
the gall (I might almoft fay the hell) of Friday lafl ; 
and I was greatly afraid 1 fhould be obliged again 
to drink of that cup of trembling, which was incon- 
ceivably more bitter than death, and made me long 
for the grave more, unfpeakably more, than for hid 
treafures, yea, inconceivably more than the men of 
this world long for fuch treafures. But God was 
pleafed to hear my cries, and to afford me great af- 
liftance ; fo that I felt peace in my own foul ; and 
was fatisficd that if not one of the Indians fliould be 
profited by my preaching, but fliould all be damn- 
ed, yet I fhould be accepted and rewarded as fnithful ; 



for I am perfuaded, God enabled me to be fo. Had 
feme good degree of help afterwards, at another 
place ; and much longed for the converfion of the 
poor Indians. Was fomevvhat refrefhed, and com- 
fortable, towards night, and in the evening. O that 
my foul might praife the Lord for his goodnefs^ 
Enjoyed fome freedom, in the evening, in meditation 
on Luke xiii. 24. 

[In the three next days, he was the fubjedt of 
much dejection : But the three remaining days of 
the week feem to have been fpent with much com- 
pofure and comfort. On the next Sabbath, he 
preached at Greenwich, in New-Jerfey. In the even- 
ing, he rode eight miles to vifit a fick man at the 
point of death, and found him fpeechlefs and fenfe- 

Monday, February u. — About break of day, the 
fick man died. I was affedled at the fight : Spent 
the morning with the mourners ; and after prayer, 
and fome difcourfe with them, I returned to Green- 
wich, and preached again from Pfal. Ixxxix. 15. 
And the Lord gave me ailifliance : I felt a fweet love 
to fouls, and to the kingdom of Chrfl: ; and longed 
that poor finners might know the joyful found. Sev- 
eral perfons were much affecSted. And after meet- 
ing, I was enabled to difcourfe, with freedom and 
concern, to fome perfons that applied to me under 
fpiritual trouble. Left the place fweetly compofed, 
and rode home to my houfe about eight miles dif- 
tant. Difcourfed to friends, and inculcated divine 
truths upon fome. In the evening, was in the mofl: 
folcmn frame that almoft ever I remember to have 
experienced : I know not that ever death appeared 
more real to me, or that ever I faw myfelf in the 
condition of a dead corpfe, laid out, and dreffed for 
a lodging in the filcnt grave, fo evidently as at this 
time. And yet I felt exceeding comfortably : My 


174 TheLIFEof 

mind was compofed and calm, and death appeared 
without a fting. I think I never felt fuch an univer- 
fal mortification to all created objeds as now. O 
how great and folemn a thing it appeared to die ! O 
how it lays the greateft honour in the duft ! And O, 
how vain and trifling did the riches, honours, and 
pleafures of the world appear ! I could not, I dare; 
not, fo much as think of any of them ; for death, 
death, folemn (though not frightful) death appear- 
ed at the door. O, I could fee myfelf dead, and laid 
out, and inclofed in my coffin, and put down into 
the cold grave, with greatell folemnity, but without 
terror ! 1 fpent moft of the evening, in converfing 
with a dear chriftian friend : And, blefled be God, 
it was a comfortable evening to us both. What are 
friends ? What are comforts ? What are forrows ? 
What are diftrelTes ? T^he time is jhort : It re?nainsy 
that they which weep^be as though they wept tiot ; and 
they which rejoice, as though they rejoiced not ; for the 
fajhion of this world paffeth away. O cojiie. Lord 'Je- 
fuSy come quickly : Amen. BlefTed be God for the 
comforts of the paft day. 

Tuefday, February I2. — Was exceeding weak ; but 
in a fweet refigned, compofed frame, mod of the 
day : Felt my heart freely go forth after God in 

iVednefday, February 13. — Was much exercifed 
with vapoury diforders j but ftill enabled to main- 
tain folemnity, and I think fpirituality. 

Thurfday, February 14. — Spent the day in writing 
on a divine fubjedt : Enjoyed health, and freedom 
in my work : Had a folemn fenfe of death ; as I 
have indeed had every day this week, in fomemcaf- 
ure : What I felt on Monday laft, has been abiding, 
in fome confiderable degree, ever fince. 

Friday y February 15. — 'Was engaged in writing 
again almofl the whole day. In the evening, was 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D, 175 

much a ffi fled in meditating on that precious text, 
Joh. vii. 37. Jefusjiood and criedy &c. I had then 
a fweet fenfe of the free grace of the gofpel : My 
foul was encouraged, warmed and quickened, and 
my defires drawn out after God in prayer : My foul 
was watchful, and afraid of lofing fo fweet a gueffc 
as I then entertained. 1 continued long in prayer, 
and meditation, intermixing one with the other ; 
and was unwilling to be diverted by any thing at all 
from fo fweet an exercife. I longed to proclaim the 
grace I then meditated upon, to the world of finners. 

how quick and powerful is the word of the blelf- 
ed God. 

[The next day, he complains of great conflitls 
with corruption, and much difcompofure of mind.] 

Lord's Day J February 17. — Preached to the white 
people (my interpreter being abfent) in the wilder- 
nefs, upon the funny fide of a hill. Had a confider- 
able ariembly, confiding of people that lived (at lead 
many of them) not lefs than thirty miles afunder ; 
fome of them came near twenty miles. I difcourfed 
to them, all day, from Joh. vii. 37. ^efus Jood and 
cried t faying. If any man thirfl^ &c. In the after- 
noon, it pleafed God to grant me great freedom and 
fervency in my difcourfe j and I was enabled to im- 
itate the example of Chrift in the text, who flood 
and cried. I think I was fcarce ever enabled to offer 
the free grace of God to perifhing finners with more 
freedom and plainnefs in my life. And afterwards, 

1 was enabled earncitly to invite the children of God 
to come renewedly, and drink of this fountain of wa- 
ter of life, from whence they have heretofore deriv- 
ed unlpeakable fatisfadiion. It was a very comfort- 
able time to me : There were many tears in the a{- 
fembly ; and I doubt not but that the Spirit of God 
was there, convincing poor finners of their need of 
Chrift. In the evening, I felt compofed, and com- 

176 Th E L I F E o F 

fortable, though much tired : I had fome fvveet fenfe 
of the excellency and glory of God ; and my foul 
rejoiced, that he was God over all bleffedforever ; but 
was too much crowded with company and conver- 
lation, and longed to be more alone with God. O 
that I could forever blefs God for the mercy of this 
day, who anj'wered me in the joy of my heart. 

[The reft of this week feems to have been fpent 
under a decay of this life and joy, and in diftreffing 
conflid:s with corruption ; but not without fome 
feafons of refrefhment and comfort.] 

hordes Day, February 2^4.-^In the morning, was 
much perplexed : My interpreter being abfent, I 
knew not how to perform my work among the In- 
dians. However, I rode to the Indians, got a Dutch- 
man to interpret for me, though he was but poorly 
qualified for the bufinefs. Afterwards, I came and 
preached to a few white people from Joh. vi. 67. 
Here the Lord feemed to unburden me in fome meaf- 
ure ; efpecially towards the clofe of my difcourfe : 
I felt freedom to open the love of Chriji to his own 
dear difciples ; When the reft of the world forfakes 
him, and are forfaken by him, that he calls them no 
more, he then turns to his own, and fays, Willye alfo 
go away ? I had a fenfe of the free grace of Chrift 
to his own people, in fuch feafons of general appfta- 
{ji and when they themfelves in fome meafureback- 
flide with the world. O the free grace of Chrift, 
that he feafonably minds his people of their danger 
of backfliding, and invites them to perfevere in their 
adherence to himfelf ! I faw that backfliding fouls, 
who feemed to be about to go away with the world, 
might return, and welcome, to him immediately ; 
without any thing to recommend them ; notwith- 
ftanding all their former backflidings. And thus 
my difcourfe was fuited to my own foul's cafe : For, 
of late, I have found a great want of this fenfe and 



Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 177 

apprehenfion of divine grace ; and have often been 
greatly diftrejGTed in my own foul, becaufe I did not 
fuitabjy apprehend i\\\s fountain ope?ied to purge a'way 
jin ; and fo have been too much labouring for Ipiritual 
jiro, peace of confciencc, and progreffive hoiineis, 
in my own ftrength : But now God flicwed me, in 
Co-.^ic meafure, the arm of all ftrength, and the foun- 
tain of all grace. In the evening, I felt folemn, de- 
vout, and fweet, refting on free grace for afliftance, 
acceptance, and peace of confcience. 

[Within the fpace of the next nine days, he had 
frequent refretbing, invigorating influences of God*s 
fpirit ; attended with complaint of dulnefs, and 
with longings after fpiritual life and holy fervency.] 

JVednefJi^y, March 6. — Spent mott of the day in 
preparing for a journey to New-England. Spent 
fome time in prayer, with a fpecial reference to my 
intended journey. Was afraid I (bould forfake the 
fountain of living ivaters, and attempt to derive fatis- 
fad:ion from broken cijierns^ my dear friends and ac- 
quaintance, with whom I migh-t meet in my journey. 
I looked to God to keep me from this vanity in ipe- 
cial, as well as others. Towards night, and in the 
evening, was vifited by fome friends, fome of whom, 
I trufl, were real chrirtians ; who difcovercd an af- 
fedcionate regard to me, and i'eemed grieved that I 
was about to leave them ; efpecially feeing I did not 
expert to make any confiderable flay among them, 
it I flioiild live to return from New-England*. O 
how kind has God been to me ! How has he raifed 
up friends in every place, where his providence has 
called me ! Friends are a great 'comfort ; and it is 
God that gives them j it is he makes them friendly 
to me. Blcf the Lord, O my foul, and forget not all 
his benefits. 

M [The 

.. *^^'/«^'P-' he had a de '".gt,, ;,y what aficrwards appears, t« remove and live among 
the ladiaas at Sufcjuchaanah river,- . *» * 

178 TheLIFEof 

[The next day, he fet out on his journey ; and it 
was about five weeks before he returned. The fpe^ 
cial defign of this journey, he himfelf declares after- 
wards, in his Diary for March 21. Where, fpeak- 
ing of his converfing with a certain minifler in New- 
England, he fays thus. Contrived with him how to 
raife fome money among chriftian friends, in o.tder 
to fupport a colleague with me in the wildernefs, (I 
having now fpent two years in a very folitary man- 
ner) that we might be together ; as Chrifl: lent out 
his difciples, two and two : And as this was the 
principal concern I had in view, in taking this jour- 
ney, fo I took pains in it, and hope God will fuc- 
ceed it if for his glory. He firft went into various 
parts of New-]erfey, and viiited feveral minifters 
there : And then went to New-York ; and from 
thence into New-England, going to various parts of 
Connedlicut : And then returned into New-Jerfey. 
He met a number of miniflers at Woodbridge, who 
(he fays) met there to confult about the affairs of 
Chrifl: 's kingdom, in fome important articles. He 
feems, for themolT: part, to have been free from mel- 
ancholy in this journey ; and many times to have 
had extraordinary affiftance in publick miniftrations, 
and his preaching fometimes attended with very 
hopeful appearances of a good effect on the audito- 
ry. He alfo had many feafons of fpecial comfort 
and fpiritual refreflimcnt, in converfation with min- 
iflers and other chriftian friends, and alio in medita- 
tion and prayer by himfelf alone.] 

Saturday^ April 13. — Rode home to my own houfe 
at the Forks of Delaware : Was enabled to remem- 
ber the goodnefs of the Lord, who has now prefervcd 
me while riding full fix hundred miles in this jour- 
ney ; has kept me that none of my bones have been 
broken. BlcfTed be the Lord, who has preferved me 
in this tedious journey, and returned me in fafety to 



my own houfe. Verily it is God that has upheld 
me, and guarded my goings. 

Lord's Day, April 14. — Was difordered in body 
with the fatigues of my late journey j but was ena- 
1^ bled however to preach to a confiderable aflembly of 

white people, gathered from all parts round about, 
with fome freedom, from Ezek. xx:^iii. 11. As 1 
live, faith the Lord God, &c. had much more aiiifl- 
ance than I expected. 

[This week, he went a journey to Philadelphia, 
in order to engage the governour there to ule his in- 
tereft with the chief man of the Six Nations, (with 
whom he maintained a ftricl friendfliip) that he 
would give him leave to live at Sufquehannah, and 
inftriid: the Indians that are within their territories. 
In his way to and from thence, he lodged with Mr. 
Beaty, a young Prefbyterian minifter. He fpeaks 
of feafons of fvveet fpiritual refrertmient, that he en- 
joyed at his lodgings.] 

Saturday, April 20. — Rode with Mr. Beaty to 
Abington, to attend Mr. Treat's adminiftration of 
the facrament, according to the method of the church 
of Scotland. When we arrived, we found Mr. Treat 
preaching : Afterwards I preached a fermon from 
Matth. v. 3. Blejfed are the poor infpirit, &g. God 
was. pleafed to give me great treedom and tender- 
nefs, both in prayer and fermon : The aJTembly was 
fweetly melted, and fcores were all in tears. It was, as 
I then hoped and was afterwards abundantly fatisfi- 
ed by converfing with them, a word f poke n infeafo?!^ 
to many weary Jot/Is. 1 was extremely tired, and my 
fpirits much exhaufted, fothat I could fcarcely fpeak 
loud j yet I could not help rejoicing in God. 

Lord's Day, April 21 . — In the morning, was calm 
and compofed, and had fome outgoings of foul after 
God in fecret duties, and longing defires of his pref-* 
ence in the fand:uary and at his table j that his pref- 

M 2 ence 

i8o TheLIFEof 

ence might be in the affembly ; and that his children 
might be entertained with a feaji of fat things. In 
the forenoon, Mr. Treat preached. I felt fome af- 
fecflion and tendernefs in the fea(bn of the adminif- 
tration of the ordinance. Mr. Beaty preached to the 
multitude abroad, who could not half have crowded 
into the meeting houfe. In the feafon of the com- 
munion, 1 had comfortable and fweet apprehenfions 
of the blifsful communion of God's people, when 
they fhall meet at their father's table in his kingdom, 
in a ftatc of perfecftion. In the afternoon, I preach- 
ed abroad to the whole affembly, from Rev. xiv. 4. 
Thefe are they that follow the La?nb, &c. God was 
pleafed again to give me very great freedom and 
clearnefs, but not fo much warmth as before. How- 
ever, there was a moft amazing attention in the 
"whole affembly ; and, as I was informed afterwards, 
this was a fweet feafon to many. 

Mo?jday, April 10,. — I enjoyed fome fweetnefs in 
retirement, in the morning. At eleven o'clock Mr. 
Beaty preached, with freedom and life. Then I 
preached from Job. vii. 37. and concluded the fo- 
lemnit}'-. Had fome freedom ; but not equal to 
what I had enjoyed before : Yet in the prayer, the 
Lord enabled me to cry (I hope) with a child like 
temper, with tendernefs, and brokennefs of heart. 
Came home with Mr. Beaty to his lodgings ; and 
fpent the time, while riding, and afterwards, very 
agreeably on divine things. 

Tuefday, April 23. — Left Mr. Beaty's, and re- 
turned home to the Forks of Delaware : Enjoyed 
fome fweet meditations, on the road, and was 
enabled to lift up my heart to God in prayer and 

[The two next days, he fpeaks of much bodily 
diforder, but of fome degrees of fpiritual afliftance 
and freedom.] 

Friday J 


Friday, April id. — Converfed with a chriftian 
friend with fome warmth ; and felt a fpirit of mor- 
tification to the world, in a very great degree. Af- 
terwards, was enabled to pray fervently and to rely- 
on God fweetly, for all things pertaining to life and 
godlinefs. J aft in the evening, was vifited by a dear 
chriftian friend, with whom I fpent an hour or two 
in converfation, on the very foul of religion. There 
are many with whom I can talk about religion : Rut 
alas, I find few with whom I can talk religion itfelf : 
But, blefled be the Lord, there are fome that love to 
feed on the kernel, rather than the fliell. 

[The next day he went to the Irifh fettlement, 
often before mentioned, about fifteen miles diflant ; 
where he fpent the Sabbath, and preached with 
fome confiderablf! affiflance. On Monday, he re- 
turned, in a very weak ftate, Xo his own lodgings.] 

Tuefday, April y). — Was fcarceable to walk about, 
and was obliged to betake myfelf to the bed, much 
of the day ; and fpent away the time in a very foli- 
tary manner ; being neither able to read, meditate, 
nor pray, and had none to converfe with in that wil- 
dernefs. O, how heavily docs time pais away, when 
I can do nothing to any good purpofe ; but feem 
obliged to trifle away precious time ! But of late, I 
have feen it my duty to divert myfelf by all lawful 
means, that I may be fit, at ieaft fome fmall part of 
my time, to labour for God. And here is the dif- 
ference between niy prefent diverfions, and thofe f 
once purfued, when in a natural ftate. Then I made 
a god of diverfions, delighted in them with a neg- 
led of God, and drew my highefi: fatisfadion from 
them : Now I ufe them as means to help me in liv- 
ing to God ; fi.xed'y delighting in him, and not in 
them, drawing my higheft fatisfadion from him. 
Then they were my all ; now they are only means 
leading to my all. And thofe things that arc the 
M 3 greateft 

j&z T H E L I F E o F 

greateft diverfion, when purfued with this view, do 
not tend to hinder, but promote my fpirituahty ; and 
1 fee now, more than ever, that they are abiolutely 

Wednefday.May i . — Was not able to fit up more than 
half the day ; and yet had fuch recruits of ftrength 
fometimes, that I was able to write a little on a divine 
iubjedl. Was grieved that I could no more live to 
God. In the evening, had fome fvveetnefs and in- 
tenfenefs in fecret prayer. 

Thtirfday, May 2. — In the evening, being a little 
better in health, I walked into the woods, and enjoy- 
ed a fvveet feafon of meditation and prayer. My 
thoughts run upon Pfal. xvii. 15. I jhall be fatisfi^ 
edi when I awake with thy likenej's. And it was in- 
deed a precious text to me. I longed to preach to 
the whole world : And it feemed to me, they muft 
needs all be melted in hearing fuch precious divine 
truths, as I had then a view and relifh of. My 
thoughts were exceeding clear, and my foul was re- 
frefhed. BlefTed be the Lord, that in my late and 
prefent weaknefs, now for many days together, my 
mind is not gloomy, as at fome other times. 

Friday, May 3. — Felt a little vigour of body and 
mind, in the morning : Had fome freedom, ftrength, 
and fweetnefs in prayer. Rode to and fpent fome 
time with my Indians. In the evening, again retir- 
ing into the woods, I enjoyed fome fvveet medita- 
tions on Ifai. liii. 10. Tet it pleafedthe Lord to bruife 
hinu &c. 

[The three next days were fpent in much weak- 
nefs of body : But yet he enjoyed fome affiftance in 
publick and private duties : And feems to have re- 
mained free from melancholy.] - 

Tuejdayy May 7. — Spent the day mainly in mak- 
ing preparation for a journey into the wildernefs. 
Was ftill weak, and concerned how I fhould perforn^ 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 183 

fo difficult a journey. Spent fome time in prayer 
for the divine blefling, direction and prote<^ion in 
my intended journey ; but wanted bodily ftrengthto 
fpend the day in falling and prayer. 

[The next day, he fet out on his journey to Sufque- 
hannah, with his interpreter. He endured great hard- 
fliips and fatigues in his way thither through a hid- 
eous wilderneTs ; where, after havinglodged one night 
in the open woods, he was overtaken with a northeail- 
crly ftorm, in which he was almoft ready to perifh. 
Having no manner of flielter, and not being able to 
make a fire in fo great a rain, he could have no com- 
fort if he {topped ; therefore determined to go for- 
ward, in hopes of meeting with fome flielter, with- 
out which he thought it impolfible he Ihould live 
the night through : But their horfes happening to 
have eat poifon for want of other food, at a place 
where they lodged the night before, v;ere fo fick that 
they could neither ride nor lead them, but were 
obliged to drive them before them, and travel on 
foot; until, through the mercy of God, jufl at dulk, 
they came to a bark hut, where they lodged that 
night. After he came to Sufquehannah, he travel- 
led about the length of an hundred miles on the riv- 
er, and vifited many towns and fettlements of the 
Indians ; faw fome of feven or eight diflind: tribes ; 
and preached to different nations, by different inter- 
preters. He was fomctimes much difcouraged, and 
funk in his fpirits, through the oppofition that ap- 
peared in the Indians to chriftianity. At other times, 
he was encouraged by the difpofition that fome of 
thefe people manifefled to hear, and wiliingnefs to 
be inftruded. He here met with fome that had for- 
merly been his hearers at Kaunaumeek, and had re- 
moved hither ; who faw and heard him again with 
great joy. He fpent a fortnight among the Indians 
on this river ; and pafTed through considerable la, 
M 4 hours* ' 

1^4 TheLIFEof 

hours and hardfhips, frequently lodging on the 
ground, and fometimes in the open air ; and at 
length he fell extremely ill, as he was riding in the 
wildernefs, being feized with an ague, followed 
with a burning fever, and extreme pains in his head 
and bowels, attended with a great evacuation of 
blood ; fo that he thought he mufl: have perifhed in 
the wildernefs : But at lall coming to an Indian tra- 
der's hut, he got leave to flay there ; and though 
without phyfick or food proper for him, it pleafcd 
God, after about a week's diflrefs, to relieve him fo 
far that he was able to ride. He returned home- 
w-ards from Juncauta, an Ifland far down the river ; 
where was a confiderable number of Indians, who 
appeared m.ore free from prejudices againflchriflian- 
ity than mofl of the other Indians. He arrived at 
the Forks of Delaware on Thurfday, May 30, after 
having rode in this journey about three hundred 
and forty miles. He came home in a very v/eak 
flate, and under dejed;ion of mind ; which was a 
great hindrance to him in religious exercifes. — 
However, on the Sabbath, after having preached 
to the Indians, he preached to the white people, 
with fome fuccefs, from Ifai. liii. 10. I^et it pleaf- 
cd the Lord to bruij'e him. Sec. fome being awak- 
ened by his preaching. The next day, he v.'as 
much exercifed for want of fpiritual life and fer- 

Ti^e/day, ^une 4, — Towards evening was in dif- 
trefs for God's prefence and a fenfe of divine things : 
Withdrew myfelf to the woods, raid fpent near an 
hour in prayer and meditation ; and I think the 
Lord had compafTion on me, and gave mc fome 
fenfe of divine things ; which was indeed refrefh- 
ing and quickening to me : My foul enjoyed in- 
tenfenefs and freedom in prayer, fo that it grieved mc 
tpjeave the place. 



Wednefday^ "June 5. — Felt thirfting delires after 
God, in the morning. In the evening enjoyed a pre- 
cious feafon of retirement : Was favoured with iome 
clear and fvveet meditations upon a facred text : 
Divine things opened with clearnefs and certainty, 
and had a divine ftamp upon them. My foul was 
alfo enlarged and refrcdied in prayer ; and I delight- 
ed to continue in the duty ; and was fvveetly affifb- 
ed in praying for fellow chriftians, and my dear 
brethren in the miniflry. BlefTed be the dear Lord 
for fuch enjoyments. O how fvveet atid precious it 
is, to have a clear apprehenfion and tender fenfe of 
the 7iiyjlery of godlinej's ^ of true holinefs, and likenefs 
to the beft of beings ! O what a bleilednefs it is, to 
be as much like God as it is poflible for a creature 
to be like his great Creator ! Lord give me more 
of thy likenefs : 1 fliall be fatisfed, ivben I awake 
ivith it. 

Thuifdiiy, '^une 6. — Was engaged a confiderabie 
part of the day, in meditation and fludy on divine 
fubjecls. Enjoyed fome fpecial freedom, clearnefs, 
and fvveetnefs in meditation. O how refrefliing it 
is, to be enabled to improve time well ! 

[The next day he went a journey of near fif- 
ty miles, to Neiliaming, to affift at a facramental 
occafion, to be attended at Mr. Beaty's meet- 
ing houfe J being invited thither by him and his 

Saturday^ 'June 8. — Was exceeding weak and fa- 
tigued with riding in the heat yefterday : But being 
defired, 1 preached in the afternoon, to a crowded 
audience, from Ifai. xl. i. Con fort ye, co?vfortye tny 
people, faith your God. God was pleafed to give me 
great freedon^ in opening the forrows of God*s peo- 
ple, and in letting before them comforting confid- 
erations. And blelTed be the Lord, it was a fwcet 
ITielting feafon in the afTembly. 


i86 T H E L I F E o F 

Lord's Day^ 'June 9. — Felt fome longing defires of 
the prefence of God to be with his people on the foU 
emn occafion of the day. In the forenoon Mr. Beaty 
preached ; and there appeared fome warmth in the 
affembJy. Afterwards I affifted in the adminiftra- 
tion of the Lord*s Supper : And towards the clofe 
of it, I difcoiirfed to the multitude extempore, with 
fome reference to that facred paffage, Ifai. liii. lO. 
Tet it pleafed the Lord to bruife hiin. Here God 
gave me great aHiflance in addrefTmg finners : And 
the word was attended with amazing power ; ma- 
ny fcores, if not hundreds, in that great affembly, 
conflfting of three or four thoufiind, were much af- 
fected ; fo that there was a very great mournings like 
the mourning of Hadadrimmon . In the evening I 
could hardly look any body in the flice, becaufe of 
the imperfedions I faw in my performances in the 
day paft. 

Monday, June 10.— Preached with a good degree 
of clearnefs and with fome fweet warmth, from 
Pfal. xvii. 15. IJhallbeJatisJiedy when 1 awake with thy 
likenefs. And bleffcd be God, there was a great io- 
lemnity and attention in the affembly, and fweet 
refrelhment among God*s people ; as was evident 
then and afterwards. 

Tuefday, June n. — Spent the day mainly in con- 
verfation with dear chriftian friends ; and enjoyed 
fome fweet fenfe of divine things. O how defira- 
ble it is, to keep company with God*s dear children ! 
Thefe are the excellent ones of the earth, in whom, I 
can truly fay, is all my delight. O what delight will 
it afford, to meet them all in a ftate of pcrfedtion ! 
Lord, prepare me for that ftate. 

[The next day he left Mr. Bcaty^s, and went to 
Maidenhead in New-Jerfey ; and fpent ni"ft next 
feven days in a comfortable ftate of mind, vifiting 
feveral minifters ill thofc parts.] 


Mr. DA VI D BR A I NERD. 187 

I'uefday, 'June 18, — Set out from New-Brunfwick 
with a defign to vilit fbme Indians at a place called 
Crofweekfung in New-Jerfey, towards the fea. In 
the afternoon, came to a place called Cranber- 
ry, and meeting with a ferious minifter, Mr. 
M'Night, I lodged there with him. Had fome en- 
largement and freedom in prayer with a number of 


m T H E LI F E o F 


From bis jirjl beginning to preach to the Indians at 
Crosweeksung, until be returned from his lajl 
journey to Susquehannah /// with the confump- 
tion, 'whereof he died. 

[T yf 7E are now come to that part of Mr Brainerd's 
V V life wherein he had his greateil fuccefs, in 
bis labours for the good of fouls, and in his particu- 
lar bufinefs as a Millionary to the Indians. An ac- 
count of which, if here publiflied, would doubtlefs 
be very entertaining to the reader, after he has fecn 
by the preceding parts of this account of his life, 
how great and long continued his defires for the fpir- 
itual good of this fort of people were, how he pray- 
ed, laboured and wreftled, and how much he deni- 
ed himfelf and fufFered, to this end. After all Mr. 
Brainerd*s agonizing in prayer, and travelling in 
birth, for the converfion of Indians, and all the in- 
terchanges of his raifed hopes and expedtations, and 
then difappointments and difcouragemcnts ; and af- 
ter waiting in a way of perfevering prayer, labour 
and fuffering,' as it were through a long night, 
at length the day dawns : Weeping continues for a 
nighty but joy comes in the morning. He li^ent forth 
weepings bearing precious feed^ and now he comes zvith 
rejoicings bringing his fJoeaves with him. The defir- 
cd event is brought to pafs at laft ; but at a time, in 
a place, and upon fubjeds, that fcarce ever entered 
into his heart. An account of the whole fcene the 
reader will find in the annexed journal.] 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 189 

Wednejday, ^une 19^ 1745- — Rode to the Indians 
at Crofweekfung : Found few at home; difcourfcd 
to them however ; and obferved them very ferious 
and attentive. At night I was extremely worn out, 
and fcarce able to walk or (it up. O how tirefome 
is earth ! How dull the body ! 

Friday, Ju?ie 2i. — Rode to Freehold, to fee Mr. 
William Tennent ; and fpent the day comfortably 
with him. My linking fpirits were a little raifed 
and encouraged ; and I felt my foul breathing after 
God, in the midft of chriftian converfation. And 
in the evening was refrcfhed in fecret prayer : Saw 
myfelf a poor worthlefs creature, without wifdom to 
direct or itrength to help myfelf. O blefled be God, 
that lays me under a happy, a bleffed neceflity of 
living upon himfelf ! 

[In the five next days is nothing remarkable in 
his diary, but what is in his publick journal.] 

Thurjday, ^june 27. — My foul rejoiced to find that 
God enabled me to be faithful, and that he was 
pleafed to awaken thefe poor Indians by my means. 
O how heart reviving, and foul refrefliing is it to mc 
to fee the fruit of my labours ! 

Fridjy, June 28. — In the evening my foul was 
revived and my heart lifted up to God in prayer, 
for my poor Indians, myfelf and friends, and the dear 
church of God. And O how refrefliing, how fweet 
was this ! Blefs the Lord, O my foul, and forget not 
his goodnefs and tender mercy, 

Saturday, 'June2g. — Preached twice to the Indians ; 
and could not but wonder at their ferioufnefs, and 
the ftrictnefs of their attention. Bleiled be God that 
has inclined their hearts to hear. And O how re- 
frefhing it is to me, to fee them attend with fuch 
uncommon diligence and affection, with tears in 
their eyes, and concern in their hearts ! In the even- 
ing could not but lift up my heart to God in prayer, 


190 The life of 

while riding to my lodgings : And blefTed be his 
name, had afliftance and freedom. O how much 
better than life is the prefence of God ! 

[His Diary gives an account of nothing remarkable 
on the two next days, befides what is in his publick 
journal ; excepting his heart*s being lifted up with 
thankfulnefs, rejoicing in God, &c.] 

Tuefday^ 'July 2. — Rode from the Indians to Brunf- 
wick, near forty miles, and lodged there. Felt my 
heart drawn out after God in prayer, almoft all the 
forenoon ; efpccially while riding. And in the 
evening could not help crying to God for thofe poor 
Indians ; and after I went to bed, my heart continu- 
ed to go out to God for them, until I dropped afleep. 
O blefTed be God that I may pray ! 

[He was fo beat out by conftant preaching to thefe 
Indians, yielding to their earneft and importunate 
defires, that he found it nccelTary to give himfelf 
fome relaxation. He fpent, therefore, about a week 
in New-Jerfey, after he left thefe Indians, vifiting 
leveral miniflers, and performing fome necefTary 
bufinefs, before he went to the Forks of Delaware. 
And though he was very weak in body, yet he feems 
to have been flrong in fpirit. On Friday, July 12, 
he arrived at his own houfe in the Forks of Dela- 
ware ; continuing ftill free from melancholy ; from 
day to day, enjoying freedom, affiflance and refrefh- 
ment in the inner man. But on Wednefday, 
the next week, he feems to have had fome mel- 
ancholy thoughts about his doing fo little for 
God ; being fo much hindered by weaknefs of 

Thurfday^ July 18. — Longed to fpend the little 
inch of time 1 have in the world more for God. Felt 
a fpirit of ferioufnefs, tendernefs, fweetnefs, and de- 
votion, and widied to fpend the whole night in prayer 
and communion with God, 




Friday, ^"july 19. — In the evening, walked abroad 
for prayer and meditation, and enjoyed compofure 
and freedom in thefe fvveet exercifes ; efpecially in 
meditation on Rev. iii. 12. Him that overcometh, will 
I ?nake a pillar in the temple of my God, &;c. This 
was then a delightful them.e to me, and it refreshed 
my fold to dwell upon it. O, when (liall I go ?io 
more out from the fcrvice and enjoyment of the dear 
Lord ? Lord, haft en the bleffed day. 

[Within the fpace of the next fix days, he fpeaks 
of much inward refreihment and enlargement from 
time to time.] 

Friday, '^uly 26. — In the evening, God was pleaf- 
ed to help me in prayer, beyond what I have expe- 
rienced for fpme time ,- efpecially my foul was 
drawn out for the enlargement of Chrift's kingdom, 
and for the converfion of my poor people ; and my 
foul relied on God for the accompliQiment of that 
great work. O, how fvveet were the thoughts of 
death to mc at this time ! O, how I longed to be 
with Chrift, to be employed in the glorious work 
of angels, and with an angel's freedom, vigour and 
delight ! And yet how willing was I to ftay a while 
on earth, that I might do fomething, if the Lord 
plcafed, for his intereft in the world ! My foul, my 
very foul, longed for the ingathering of the poor 
heathen ; and I cried to God for them moft willingly 
and heartily ; and yet becaufe I could not but cry. 
This was a fweet feafon ; for I had fome lively tafte 
of heaven, and a temper of mind fuited in fome 
meafure to tlie employments and entertainments of 
it. My foul was grieved to leave the place ; but my 
body was weak and worn out, and it was near nine 
o'clock. O, I longed that the remaining part of my 
life might be filled up with more fervency and activ- 
ity in the things of God ! O, tht inward peace, com- 
pofure, and God like ferenity of fuch a frame ! 


IQ2 The life of 

Heaven mufl needs differ from this only in degree, 
and not in kind. Lord ever give me this bread of life. 

[Much of this frame feemed to continue the 
next day.] 

Lord's Day, Ju/y 28. — In the evening my foul 
was melted, and my heart broken, with a fenfc of 
pail: barrennefs and deadncfs : And O, how I then 
longed to live to God, and bring forth much fruit 
to his glory ! 

Monday, fuly 29. — Was much exercifcd with a 
fenfeof vilenefs, \\\i\\ guilt and Ihame betore God. 

[On Wednefday, July 31, he fetout on his return 
to Crofvveekfung, and arrived there the next day. 
In his way thither, he had longing delires that he might 
come to the Indians there, i?i the fuhiefs of the bleff- 
ing of the gofpel of Chriji \ attended with aienfe of his 
own great weakncfs, dependence and worthleffnefs.] 

Friday, Augiifl 2. — In the evening I retired, and 
my foul was drawn out in prayer to God ; ef peciaU 
ly for my poor people, to whom I had fent word 
that they might gather together, that I might preach 
to them the next day. I was much enlarged in pray- 
ing for their faving converfion ; and fcarce ever 
found my defires of any thing of this nature fo fen- 
fibly and clearly (to my own fluisfadiion) difinter- 
efted, and free from felfifli views. It feemed to me, 
I had no care, or hardly any defire to be the inftru- 
ment of fo glorious a work, as I wilhed and prayed 
for among the Indians : If the blelfed work might 
be accomplifhed to the honour of God, and the en- 
largement of the dear Redeemer's kingdom, this was 
all ray defire and care ; and for this mercy i hoped, 
but with trembling ; for I felt what Job cxprefles, 
chapter ix. 16. My rifing hopes, rcfpefiting the 
converfion of the Indians, have been {o often dafli- 
ed, that my fpirit is as it were broken, and courage 
wafted, and I hardly dare hope. 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 193 

[Concerning his labours and marvellous fuccefs 
amongft the Indians, for the following (ixteen days, 
let the reader fee his Journal. The things worthy 
of note in his Diary, not there publifhed, are his earn- 
eft and importunate prayers for the Indians, and the 
travail of his foul for them from day to day ; and his 
great refrefhment and joy in beholding the wonder- 
ful mercy of God, and the glorious manifeftations of 
his power and grace in his work among them ; 
and his ardent thankfgivings to God ; his heart's re- 
joicing in Chrift, as king of his church, and king of 
his foul, in particular at the facrament of the Lord^s 
fupper, at Mr. M'Night*s meeting houfe ; a fenfe 
of his own exceeding unworthinefs ; which fome- 
times was attended with dejecftion and melancholy.] 

Monday, Augufl 19. — Near noon I rode to Free- 
hold and preached to a confiderable affembly, from 
Matth. V. 3. It pleafed God to leave me to be very 
dry and barren ; fo that I do not remember to have 
been fo flraitened for a whole twelve month paft. 
God is juft, and he has made my foul acquiefce in 
his will in this regard. It is contrary to flefi and 
blood to be cut off from all freedom, in a large audi- 
tory, where their expectations are much raifed ; but 
fo it was with me : And God helped me to fay 
Amen to it ; Good is the will of the Lord, In the 
evening I felt quiet and compofed, and had freedom 
and comfort in fecret prayer. 

Tuefday, Augufl 20. — Was compofed and com- 
fortable, flill in a refigned frame. Travelled 
from Mr. Tennent's in- Freehold, to Elizabeth- 
Town. Was refrelhed to fee friends, and relate fo 
them what God had done, and was flill doing 
among my poor people. 

Wednefday, Augufl 21.— Spent the forenoon in 
converfation with Mr. Dickinfon, contriving fomc- 
thing for the fettlement of the Indians together in 2. 

N body, 

194 The LIFE of 

body, that they might be under better advantages for 
inftrudlion. In the afternoon, fpent time agreea- 
bly with other friends ; wrote to my brother at col- 
lege : But was grieved that time flid away, while I 
did fo little for God. 

Friday, Auguji i^. — In the morning was very weak; 
but favoured with fome freedom and fweetnefs in 
prayer : Was compofed and comfortable in mind. 
After noon rode to Crofweekfung to my poor people. 

Saturday, Auguji 24. — Had compofure and peace, 
while riding from the Indians to my lodgings : Was 
enabled to pour out my foul to God for dear friends 
in New-England. Felt a fweet tender frame of 
fpirit : My foul was compofed and refrefhed in God. 
Had likewife freedom and earneftnefs in praying 
for my dear people : BlefTed be God. O the peace 
of God that pajj'eth ailunderjianding. It is impolfible 
to defcribe the fweet peace of confcience, and ten- 
dernefs of foul, I then enjoyed. O the blelTed fore- 
taftes of heaven ! 

Lord's Day, AuguJI 25. — I rode to my lodgings in 
the evening, bleffing the Lord for his gracious vifit- 
ation of the Indians, and the foul refrelhing things I 
had feen the day pad amongfl them, and praying 
that God would flill carry on his divine work among 

Monday, AuguJI 26. — I went from the Indians to 
my lodgings, rejoicing for the goodnefs of God to 
my poor people ; and enjoyed freedom of foul in 
prayer, and other duties, in the evening. Blefs the 
Lord, O my foul. 

[The next day he fetout on a journey towards the 
Forks of Delaware, defigning to go from thence to 
Sufquehannah, before he returned to Crofweekfung. 
It was five days from his departure from Crofweek- 
fung before he reached the Forks, going round by 
the way of Philadelphia, and v/aiting on the govern- 


M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 19^ 

our of Pennfylvania, to get a recommendation from 
him to the chiefs of the Indians ; which he obtained. 
He fpeaks of much comfort and fpiritual refrefh- 
ment in this journey ; and alfo a fenfe of his exceed- 
ing unworthinefs» thinking himfelf the meanefl 
creature that ever Hved.] 

Lord's Day, September i . — "[At the Forks of Dela- 
ware.] God gave me the fpirit of prayer, and it was 
a bleffed feafon in that refped:. My foul cried to 
God for mercy, in an affectionate manner. In the 
evening alfo my foul rejoiced in God. 

[His private Diary has nothing remarkable, for 
the two next days, but what is in his Journal.] 

Wednefday , September 4. — Rode fifteen miles to an 
Irifh fettlement, and preached there from Luke xiv. 
22. And yet there is roo?n. God was pleafed to afford 
me fome tcndernefs and enlargement in the firfl 
prayer, and much freedom, as well as warmth, in 
fermon. There were many tears in the alTembly : 
The people of God feemed to melt, and others to be 
in fome meafure awakened. BlefTedbe the Lord, that 
lets me fee his work going on in one place and another. 

Lord's Day, September 8. — In the evening God 
was pleafed to enlarge me in prayer, and give me 
freedom at the throne of grace : 1 cried to God for 
the enlargement of his kingdom in the world, and in' 
particular among my dear people ; was alfo enabled 
to pray for many dear n^iniftersof my acquaintance, 
both in thefe parts, and in New-England ; and alfo 
for other dear friends in New-England. And my 
foul was fo engaged and enlarged in that fweet cx- 
ercife, that I fpent near an hour in it, and knew 
not how to leave the mercy feat. O, how I delight- 
ed to pray and cry to God 1 I faw God was both 
able and willing to do all that I delired/for myfelf 
and friends, and his church in general. I was like- 
wife much enlarged and afTifled in family prayer. 

N 3 And 

196 The life of 

And afterwards, when I was juft going to bed, God 
helped me to renew my petitions with ardency and 
freedom. O, it was to me a bleffed evening of 
prayer. Blcfs the Lord, O my foul. 

[The next day he fet out from the Forks of Dela- 
ware to go to Sufquehannah. And on the fifth day 
of his journey, he arrived at Shaumoking, a large 
Indian town on Sufquehannah river. He perform- 
ed the journey under aconfiderable degree of melan- 
choly, occafioned at firft by his hearing that the 
Moravians were gone before him to the Sufquehan- 
nah Indians.] 

Saturday^ September 14. — [At Shaumoking.] In 
the evening my foul was enlarged and fweetly en- 
gaged in prayer ; efpecially that God would fet up 
his kingdom in this place, where the devil now 
reigns in the mod eminent manner. And I was en- 
abled to afk this for God, for his glory, and becaufe 
I longed for the enlargement of his kingdotn, to the 
honour of his dear name. I could appeal to God 
with the greateft freedom, that he knew it was his 
dear caufe, and not my own, that engaged my heart : 
And my foul cried, Lord, fet up thy kingdom, for 
thine own glory. Glorify thyfelf; and 1 fhall rejoice. 
Get honour to thy bleffed name ; and this is all I 
defire. Do with me jud: what thou wilt. BlefTed be 
thy name forever, that thou art God, and that thou 
wilt glorify thyfelf. O that the whole world might 
glorify thee. O let thefe poor people be brought 
to know thee, and love thee, for the glory of thy 
dear ever bleffed name. I could not but hope that 
God would bring in thefe miferable wicked Indians ; 
though there appeared little human probability 
of it, ior they were then dancing and revelling, as if 
poffeffed by the devil. But yet I hoped, though 
againft hope, that God would be glorified, and that 
God*s name would be glorified by thefe poor Indi- 

Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 197 

ans. I continued long in prayer and praife to God ; 
and had great freedom, enlargement and fweetnefs, 
remembering dear friends in New-England, as well 
as the people of my charge. Was entirely free from 
that dejedlion of fpirit, with which 1 am frequently 
exercifed : BlefTed be God. 

[His Diary, from this time through feveral days, is 
not legible, by reafon of the badnels of the ink.] 

JVednefdayj September 25. — Rode ftill homeward. 
In the forenoon enjoyed freedom and intenfenefs of 
mind in meditation on Job xlii. 5. 6. I have heard of 
thee by the hearing of the ear ; but now mine eye fee th 
thee : Wherefore I abhor my f elf and repent in diifi and 
afhes. The Lord gave me clearnefs to penetrate in- 
to the fweet truths contained in that text. It was a 
comfortable and fweet feafon to me. 

Friday, September 27. — Spent confiderable time, 
in the morning, in prayer and praife to God. My 
mind was fomewhat intenfe in the duty, and my 
heart in fome degree warmed with a fenfe of divine 
things. My foul was melted, to think, that God had 
accounted me faithful , putting me into the minifiryy 
notwithftanding all my barrennefs and deadnefs. 
My foul was alfo in fome meafure enlarged in prayer 
for the dear people of my charge, as well as for other 
dear friends. In the afternoon vifited fome chri{- 
tian friends, and fpent the time, I think, profitably : 
My heart was warmed, and more engaged in the 
things of God. In the evening I enjoyed enlarge- 
ment, warmth, and comfort in prayer : My foul 
relied on God for afTidance and grace to enable mc 
Ko do fomething in his caufe : My heart was 
drawn out in thankfulnefs to God for what he had 
done for his own glory among my poor people ot 
late : And I felt encouraged to proceed m his work, 
being perfuaded of liis power, and hoping his arm 
might be further rtnrj/t'j', for the enlargement of his 

N 3 dear 

198 TheLIFEof 

dear kingdom : And my foul rejoiced in hope of t}j€ 
glory ofGody in hope of the advancement of his de- 
clarative glory in the world, as well as of enjoying him 
in a world of glory. O, blefled be God, the living 
God, forever ! 

[He continued in this comfortable fweet frame of 
mind the two next days. On the day following he 
■went to his own houfe, in the Forks of Delaware, and 
continued ftill in the fame frame. The next day, 
which was Tuefday, he vifited his Indians. Wed- 
nefday he fpent moftly in writing the meditations 
he had had in his late journey to Sufquehannah. On 
Thurfday he left the Forks of Delaware, and travelled 
towards Crofweekfung, where he arrived on Saturday 
(October 5) and continued from day to day in a com- 
fortable flate of mind. There is nothing material 
in his Diary for this day and the next, but what is 
in his Journal.] 

Monday, 05lober 7. — Being called by the church 
and people of Eaft- Hampton, on Long-Ifland, as a 
member of a council, to affifl and advife in affairs 
of difficulty in that church, I fet out on my journey 
this morning, before it was well light, and travelled 
to Elizabeth-Town, and there lodged. Enjoyed 
fome comfort on the road, inconverfation with Mr. 
William Tennent, who was fent for on the fame 

[He profecuted his journey with the other minif- 
ters that were fent for; and did not return until Oc- 
tober 24. While he was at Eaft- Hampton, the im- 
portance of the bufinefs that the council v/ere comp 
upon, lay with fuch weight on his mind, and he was 
fo concerned for the intereft of religion in that place, 
that he flept but little for feveral nights fucceflively. 
In his way to and from Eafl-Hampton, he had fev- 
eral feafons of fweet refrefliment, wherein his foul 
was enlarged and comforted with divine confolations^ 



in fecret retirement ; and he had fpecial afliftance 
in publick minifterial performances in the houfe of 
God ; and yet, at the fame time, a fenfc of extreme 
vilenefs and unprofitablenefs.] 

Monday^ Otiober 28. — Had an evening of fweet 
refreftiing ; my thoughts w^re raifed to a blefTed 
eternity j my foul was mehed with deiires of per- 
fect holinefs, and perfecflly glorifying God. 

Tuefday, OBober 29. — About noon rode and view- 
ed the Indian lands at Cranberry : Was much de- 
jed:ed, and greatly perplexed in mind : Knew not 
how to fee any body again, my foul was fo funk 
within me. O that thefe trials might make me 
more humble and holy. O that God would keep 
me from giving way to finful dejection, which may 
hinder my ufefulnefs. 

JVednefday, O^lober 30. — My foul was refrefhed 
with a view of the continuance of God*s blefTed 
work among the Indians. 

Thurfday, O^ober p. — Spent mofl of the day in 
writing : Enjoyed not much fpiritual comfort ; but 
was not fo much funk with melancholy as at fome 
other times. 

[November r, 2, 3, and \. — Seethe Journal.] 

[Tuefday, November 5, he left the Indians, and 
fpent the remaining part of this week in travelling 
to various parts of New-Jerfey, in order to get a 
coll€(5tion for the ufe of the Indians, and to obtain a 
fchoolmafter to inftrudt them. And in the mean 
time, he fpeaks of very Aveet refrediment and enter- 
tainment with chriftian friends, and of his being 
fvvectly employed, while riding, in meditation o\\ 
divine fubjedis ; his heart's being enlarged, his 
mind clear, his fpirit refrelhed with divine truths, 
and his hearths burning within him, while he wer;t 
by the way, and the Lord opened to. him the fcrip,- 

N4 Lord*s 

aoo The LIFE of 

Lord* s Day ^ NovemberiO.—[^\. Elizabeth-Town.] 
Was comfortable in the morning, both in body and 
mind ; preached in the forenoon from 2 Cor. v. 20. 
God was pleafed to give me freedom and fervency 
in my difcourfe ; and the prefence of God feemed to 
be in the afTembly : Numbers were affected, and 
there were many tears among them. In the after- 
noon, preached from Luke xiv. 22. And yet there is 
room. Was favoured with divine alTiftance in the 
firft prayer, and poured out my foul to God with a 
filial temper of mind ; the living God alfo affiftcd 
me in fermon. 

[The next day, he went to New-Town, on Long- 
Ifland, to a meeting of the Prefbytery. He fpeaks 
of fome fweet meditations he had while there, on 
Chriji^s delivering up the kingdom to the Father^ and 
of his foul's being much refrefhed and warmed with 
the confideration of that bljfsful day.] 

Friday, 'November 15. — Could not crofs the ferry 
by reafon of the violence of the wind ; nor could I 
enjoy any place of retirement at the ferry houfe : So 
that I was in perplexity. Yet God gave me fomc 
fatisfadion and fweetnefs in meditation, and lifting 
up my heart to God in the midft of company. And 
although fome were drinking and talking profanely, 
which was indeed a grief to me, yet my mind was 
calm and compofed. And I could not but blefs 
God, that I was not like to fpend an eternity in fuch 
company. In the evening, I fat down and wrote 
with compofure and freedom; and can fay through 
pure grace it was a comfortable evening to my foul, 
an evening I was enabled to fpend in the fcrvice of 
God. . 

Saturday, November 16. — Crofled the ferry about 
ten o'clock ; arrived at Elizabeth-Town near night. 
Was in a calm compofed frame of mind, and felt an 
entire refignation with refped to a lofs I had Jate- 


iy fuftained, in having my horfe ftolen from me the 
laft Wednefday night, at New-Town. Had fome 
longings of foul for the dear people of Elizabeth- 
Town, that God would pour out his fpirit upon 
them, and revive his work amongfl: them. 

[He fpent the four next ^ays at Elizabeth-Town; 
for the moil: part, in a freehand comfortable ftate of 
mind, intenfely engaged in the fervice of God, and 
enjoying at fome times, the fpecial affiftances of his 
Spirit. On Thurfday, this week, he rode to Free- 
hold, and fpent the day under confiderable dejec- 

Friday^ November 11. — Rode to Mr. Tennent's, 
and from thence to Crofweekfung. Had little free- 
dom in meditation, while riding ; which was a grief 
and burden to my foul. O that I could fill up all 
my time, whether in the houfe or by the way, for 
God ! I was enabled, I think, this day, to give up my 
foul to God, and put over all my concerns into his 
hands ; and found fome real confolation in the 
thought of being entirely at the divine difpofal, and 
having no will or intereft of my own. 

[There is nothing very material in his Diary for 
the five next days, but what is alfo in his Journal.] 

Thurfday, November 28. — I enjoyed fome divine 
comfort, and fervency in the publick exercife, and 
afterwards. And while riding to my lodgings, was 
favoured with fome fweet meditations on Luke ix. 
31. Who appeared in glory, and fpake of his deceafe, 
which he jhould accomplifh at Jerufilem. My 
thoughts ran with freedom, and I faw and felt what 
a glorious fubjed the death of Chrift is for glorified 
fouls to dwell upon in their converfation. O, the 
death of Chrift ! How infinitely precious. 

[For the three next days, Tee the Journal.] 

Monday, December 2.— Was much affeded with 
grief, that 1 had not lived more to God ; and felt 


ao2 The LIFE of 

ftrong refolutions to double my diligence in my Maf- 
ter's fervice. 

[After this, he went to a meeting of the Prefbyte- 
ry, at a place in New-Jerfey, called Connedicut- 
Farms ; which occafioned his abfence from his peo- 
ple the reft of this week. Hefpeaks of fome feafons 
of fweetnefs, folemnity, and fpiritual affecflion, in his 

[For the moft of the following week he was em- 
ployed in providing tolive in a houfeby himfelf.] 

Saturday y Dece?nher 14. — Rofe early, and wrote by 
candle light fome confiderable time ; fpent moft of 
the day in writing : But was fomewhat dejedted. 
In the evening, was exercifed with a pain in my 

[For the three next days, fee his Journal. The 
remainder of this week he fpent chiefly in writing : 
Some part of the time under a degree of melancho- 
ly ; but fome part of it with a fweet ardency in re- 

Monday t and Tuefday^ 'December 11, and 1\. — Spent 
thefe days in writing, with the utmoft diligence. 
Felt in the main a fweet mortification to the world, 
and a defire to live and labour only for God ; but 
wanted more warmth and fpirituality, a more fenli- 
ble and affectionate regard to the glory of God. 

Thurfday,y and Friday ^ December 26, and 27. — La- 
boured in my ftudies, to the utmoft of my ftrength ; 
And though I felt a ftcady difpofition of mind to 
live to God, and that I had nothing in this world to 
live for ; yet I did not find that fenfible affection in 
the fervice of God that I wanted to have ; my heart 
feemed barren, though my head and hands were full 
of labour. 

[For the four next days, fee his Journal.] 

Wednefday^ 'January i, 1745,6. — lam this day be- 
ginning a new year ; and God has carried me through 



numerous trials and labours in the paft. He has 
amazingly fupported my feeble frame ; for having 
obtained help of God , I continue to this day. O that I 
might live nearer to God, this year, than I did the 
laft. The bufinefs I have been called to, and ena- 
bled to go through, I know, has been as great as na- 
ture could bear up under, and what would have funk 
and overcome me quite, without fpecial fupport. 
But alas, alas ! though 1 have done the labours, and 
endured the trials, with what ipirit have I done the 
one, and borne the other ? How cold has been the 
frame of my heart oftentimes ! And how little have 
1 fenlibly eyed the glory of God, in all my doings 
and lufferings ! I have tound, that 1 could have no 
peace without filling up all my time with labours ; 
and thus neceflity has been laid upon me j yea, in 
that relped:, I have loved to labour : But the mifery 
is, 1 could not lenfibly labour for God, as I would 
have done. May 1 for the future be enabled more 
fenlibly to make the glory of God myall. 

[For the fpace from this time until the next Mon- 
day, fee the Journal,] 

Monday J 'January t>. — Being very weak in body, I 
rode for my health. While riding, my thoughts 
were fweetly engaged, for a tim»e, upon thejione cut 
out of the mountain without hands ^ which brake in pieces 
all before it, and waxed greats and became a great 
mountain, and filled the wbole earth : iVnd I longed 
tliat Jcfus ihould take to himfelf his great power, and 
rcipi to the cJtds of the earth. And O, how fweet 
Vvcre the moments, wherein I felt my Ibul warm 
with hopes of the enlargement of the Redeemer's 
kingdom ! I wanted nothing elfe but that Chrift 
ihould reign, to the glory of his blefled name. 

[The next day he complains of want of fervency.] 

Wednefday, January 8.— In the evening, my heart 
wqs drawn out after God in fccret : My foul was re- 


204 The LIFE of 

frefhed and quickened ; and I truft, faith was in ex- 
ercife. I had great hopesof the ingathering of pre- 
cious fouls to Chrifl ; not only among my own peo- 
ple, but others alfb. I was fweetly resigned and 
compofed under my bodily weaknefs ; and was wil- 
ling to live or die, and defirous to labour for God to 
the utmoft of my ftrength. 

Friday, January lO. — My foul was in a fweet, 
calm, compofed frame, and my heart filled vyith love 
to all the world ; and chriftian fimplicity and tender- 
nefs feemed then to prevail and reign within me. 
Near night, vifiteda feriousbaptift minifter, and had 
fome agreeable converfation with him j and found 
that I could tafte God in friends. 

[For the feven next days nothing very remarkable 
appears but what is to be found in the Journal.] 

[The next day, he fet out on a journey to Eliza- 
beth-Town, to confer with the correfpondents at 
their meeting there ; and enjoyed much fpiritual re- 
freftiment from day to day, through this week. The 
things exprefTed in this fpace of time, are fuch as 
thefe; ferenity, compofure, fweetnefs, and tender- 
nefs of foul, thankfgiving to God for his fuccefs 
among the Indians, delight in prayer and praife, 
fweet and profitable meditations on various divine 
fubjecfts, longing for more love, for more vigour to 
live to God, for a life more entirely devoted to God, 
that he might fpend all his time profitably for God, 
and in his caufe ; converfing on fpiritual fubjedts 
with afPedtion ; and lamentation for unprofitablenefs . ] 

Lord*s Day, 'January l6. — [At ConnecSticut- 
Farms.] Was calm and compofed. Was made fen- 
fible of my utter inability to preach, without divine 
help ; and was in fome good meafure willing to 
leave it with God, to give or withhold afTiiiance, as 
be faw would be mofi: for his own glory. Was fa- 
voured with a confiderable degree of affiflance in my 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 205 

publick work. After publick worfhip, I was in a 
fweet and folemn frame of mind, thankful to God 
that he had made me in fome meafure faithful in ad- 
drelTing precious fouls, but grieved that I had 
been no more fervent in my work j and was tender- 
ly affedled towards all the world, longing that every 
(inner might be faved ; and could not have entertain- 
ed any bitternefs towards the worft enemy living. 
In the evening, rode to Elizabeth-Town : While 
riding, was almofl: conllantly engaged in lifting up 
my heart to God, left I fliould lofe that fweet heav- 
enly folemnity and compofure of foul I then enjoy- 
ed. Afterwards, was pleafed, to think that God 
reigneth ; and thought I could never be uneafy with 
any of his difpenfations ; but muft be entirely fatis- 
fied , whatever trials he fhould caufe me or his church 
to encounter. Never felt more fedatenefs, divine 
ferenity and compofure of mind : Could freely have 
left the deareft earthly friend, for the fociety of a^i^ 
gels and fpirits of jujl men made perfeB. My affec- 
tions foared aloft to the bleifed Author of every dear 
enjoyment : I viewed the emptinefs and unfat- 
isfadtory nature of the moft defirable earthly objects, 
any further than God is feen in them : And longed 
for a life of fpirituality and inward purity ; without 
which, I faw there could be no true pleafure. 

[He retained a great degree of this excellent frame 
of mind, the four next days.] 

Saturday^ February i. — Towards night, enjoyed 
fome of the cleared: thoughts on a divine fubjed:, 
viz. that treated of I Cor. xv. 13. — 16. that ever I 
remember to have had upon any fubjedt whatfoever ; 
and fpent two or three hours in writing them. I 
was rcfrefhed with this intenfencfs : My mind was 
fo engaged in thefe meditations, Icould fcarcely turn 
it to any thing elfe ; and indeed I could not be wil- 
ling to part with fo fweet an entertainment. 

ora s 

ao6 The LIFE of 

Lord's Day, February 2.— After publick worfliip, 
my bodily ftrength being much fpent, my fpirits 
funk amazingly ; and efpccially on 'hearing that I 
was fo generally taken to be a Roman Catholick, 
fent by the Papifts to draw the Indians into an in- 
furrediion againft the Englifh, that Tome were in 
fear of me, and others were for having me taken up 
by authority and punifhed. Alas, what will not the 
devil do to bring a flur and difgrace on the work of 
God ! O, how holy and circumfped: had I need 
to be ! 

Monday, February 3. — My fpirits were ftill much 
funk with what I heard the day before, of my being 
fufpe(fted to be engaged in the pretender's intereft : 
It grieved me, that after there had been fo much ev- 
idence of a glorious work of grace among thefe poor 
Indians, as that the moll: carnal men could not but 
take notice of the great change made among them, 
fo many poor fouls fliould ftill fufped; the whole to 
be only a popifli plot, and fo caft an awful reproach 
on this bleffed work of the divine Spirit ; and at the 
fame time wholly exclude themfelves from receiving 
any benefit by this divine influence. This put me 
upon fearching whether I had ever dropped any 
thing inadvertently, that might give occafion to any 
to fufpe6t that I was flirring up the Indians againft 
the Englifh : And could think of nothing, unlefs it 
was my attempting fometimes to vindicate th^ rights 
of the Indians, and complaining of the horrid prac- 
tice of making the Indians drunk, and then cheat- 
ing them out of their lands and other properties : 
And once I remembefed I had done this with too 
much warmth of fpirit. And this much diftrefTed 
me ; thinking that this might poffibly prejudice 
them againft this work of grace, to their evcrlafting 
deftrudion. God, I believe, did me good by this 
trial ; which ferved to humble me, and fhew me the 



neceffity of watchfulnefs, and of being wife as afer- 
pent, as well as hannlefs as a dove. This exercifeled 
me often to the throne of grace ; and there I found 
feme fupport : Though I could not get the burden 
wholly removed. Was affifled in prayer, efpecial- 
]y in the evening. 

[He remained flill under a degree of exercife of 
mind about this affair ; which continued to have 
the fameeffed: upon him, to caufe him to refled: up- 
on, and humble himfelf, and frequent the throne of 
grace : But foon found himfelf much more relieved 
and fup ported. He was, this week, in an extremely 
weak ftate, and obliged (as he expreiTes it) to con- 
fume confiderable time in diverfions for his health. 

The Monday after, he fet out on a journey to 
the Forks of Delaware, to vifit the Indians there. 
The things appertaining to his inward frames and 
exercifcs, expreflcd within this week, are fwect com- 
pofure of mind, thankfulnefs to God for his mercies 
to him and others, refignation to the divine will, 
comfort in prayer and religious converfation, his 
heart drawn out after God, and affedted with a fenfe 
of his own barrennefs, as well as the fulnefs and 
freenefs of divine grace.] 

hordes Day^ February 16. — In the evening, was 
in a fweet compofed frame of mind. It was exceed- 
ing refrefliing and comfortable, to think that God 
had been with me, affording me fome good meafure 
of alliftance. I then found freedom and fweetnefs 
in prayer and thankfgiving to God ; and found my 
foul fweetly engaged and enlarged in prayer for dear 
friends and acquaintance. BlefTed be the name of 
the Lord, that ever I am enabled to do any thing for 
his dear intereft and kingdom. Bleffed be God, who 
enables me to be faithful. Enjoyed more refoiution 
and courage for God, and more refrefhmcnt of fpir- 
ir, than I have been favouied svith for many weeks paft. 


2o8 T H E L I F E o 1 

Monday, February 17. — I was refrefhed and en- 
couraged : Found a fpirit of prayer, in the evening, 
and earned longings for the illumination and conver- 
fion of thefe poor Indians. 

Thurfday, February 20. — God was pleafed to fup- 
port and refrefh my fpirits, by affording me aflifl- 
ance, this day, and fo hopeful a profpedtof fuccefs ; 
and I returned home rejoicing, and bleffing the name 
of the Lord j and found freedom and fweetnefs af- 
terwards in fecret prayer, and had my foul drawn 
out for dear friends. O, how bleffed a thing is it, 
to labour for God faithfully, and with encourage- 
ment of fuccefs ! BlefTed be the Lord forever and ev^ 
cr, for the afliftance and comfort granted this day. 

Friday, February 21 . — My foul was refrefhed and 
comforted, and I could not but blefs God, who had 
enabled me in fome good meafure to be faithful in 
the day paft, O how fweet it is to be fpent and worn 
out for God ! 

Saturday, February 22. — My fpirits were much 
fupported, though my bodily flrength was much 
warted. O that God would be gracious to the fouls 
of thefe poor Indians. 

God has been very gracious to m.e this week : He 
has enabled me to preach every day ; and has given 
me fome afliftance, and encouraging profpedts of 
fuccefs, in almoft every fermon. Blefled be his 
name. Divers of the white people have been awak- 
ened this week, and fundry of the Indians much 
cured of the prejudices and jealoufies they had 
conceived againft chriftianity, and fome feem io be 
really awakened. 

[The next day he left the Forks of Delaware, io 
return to Crofweekfung ; and fpent the whole week 
until Saturday, before he arrived there ; but preach- 
ed by the way every day, excepting one ; and was 
feveral times greatly aflifted j and had much inward 


Mr. D A VI D BR AINERD. 209 

comfort, and earneft longings to fill up all his time 
with the fervice of God. He utters fuch expreflions 
as thefe, after preaching : O that I may be enabled 
ro plead the caufe of God faithfully, to my dying 
moment. O how fweet it would be to fpend my- 
felf wholly for God, and in his caufe, and to be freed 
from felfilh motives in my labours !] 

[For Saturday and Lord's Day, March i, and 2, 
fee the Journal. The four next days were fpent in 
great bodily weaknefs ,• but he fpeaks of fome fea- 
fons of confiderable inward comfort.] 

Thurfday, March 6. — I walked alone in the even- 
ing, and enjoyed fweetnefs and comfort in prayer, 
beyond what I have of late enjoyed : My foul re- 
joiced in my pilgrimage ftatc, and I was delighted 
with the thoughts of labouring and enduring hard- 
nefs for God : Felt fom.e longing defires to preach 
the gofpel to dear immortal fouls ; and confided in 
God, that he w^or.ld be with me in my work, and 
that he never would le wee nor forfake jne, to the end 
of my race. O, may I obtain m*ercy of God to be 
faithful, to my dying moment ! 

[For the following Lord's Day, fee the Journal.] 

Monday, March 10. — My foul was refrefhed with 
freedom and enlargement, and I hope the lively exer- 
cife of faith, in fecret prayer, this night : My will 
was fweetly refigned to the divine will, and my 
hopes refpc6ling the enlargement of the dear king- 
dom of Chrift fomewhat raifed, and could commit 
Zion's caufe to God as his own. 

[In his Diary forfeveral following days it appears 
that he -was ill in body, and dejedted in mind under 
an apprehenfion that his ufefulnefs was about to ter- 

Monday, March 24.-— After the Indians were gone 
to their work, to clear their lands, I got alone, and 
poured out my foul to God, that he would fmile 

Q upon 

2}D The life o v 

upon thefe feeble beginnings, and that he would fet- 
tle an Indian town, that might be a mountain of ho- 
linefs 'y and found my loul much refreflied in thefc 
petitions, and much enlarged for Zion's intereft, and 
for numbers of dear friends in particular. My 
finking fpirits were revived and raifed, and I felt an- 
imated in the fervice God has called me to. This 
was the deareft hour I have enjoyed for many days, 
if not weeks. I found an encouraging hope, that 
fomething would be done for God, and that God 
would ule and help me in his work. And O, 
how fweet were the thoughts of labouring for God, 
when I felt my fpirit and courage, and had any hope 
that ever 1 fhould be fucceeded ! 

[The next day, his fchoolmafter was taken fick 
with a pleurify ; and he fpent great part of the re- 
mainder of this week in tending him : Which in 
his weak flate was almoft an overbearing burden to 
him j he being obliged conftantly to wait upon him 
all day, from day to day, and to lie on the floor at 
night. His fpirits funk in a confiderable degree, 
with his bodily ftrength, under this burden.] 

Monday y March 31. — Towards night, enjoyed 
fome fvvcet meditations on thofe words, // is good for 
me to draw near to God. My foul, I think, had fome 
fweet fenfe of what is intended in thofe words. 

Wednefday^ April 2. — Was fomewhat exercifed 
with a fpiritlefs frame of mind. Was a little reliev- 
ed and refrefhed in the evening, with meditation 
alone in the woods. But alas, my days pafs away 
as the chafF. It is but little I do, or can do, that 
turns to my account ; and it is my conftant mifery 
and burden, that I am fo fruitlefs in the vineyard of 
the Lord. O that I were fpirit, that I might be act- 
ive for God. This, I think, more than any thing 
elfe, makes me long, that this corruptible might put 
on incorruption, and this mortal put o?i immortality. 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 211 

God deliver me from clogs, fetters, and a body of 
death, that impede my fervice for him. 

[The next day, he complains bitterly of fome ex- 
ercifes by corruption he found in his own heart.] 

Friday^ April 4. — Spent moft of the day in writ- 
ing on Rev. xxii. 17. Andwhofoever willy &c. En-* 
joyed fome freedom and encouragement in my work ; 
and found fome comtort and compofure in prayer. 

Saturday, April 5. — After publick worlhip, a 
number of my dear chriftian Indians came to my 
houfe J with whom I felt a fvveet union of foul : 
My heart was knit to them ; and I cannot fay, I have 
felt fuch a iweet and fervent love to the brethren, 
for fome time paft : And I i\\\Y in them appearances 
of the fame love. This gave me fomething of a 
view of the heavenly flate ; and particularly that 
part of the happinefs of heaven, which confifls in 
the communion of faints ; and this was affecting 
to me. 

[The following week was fpent in a journey to 
Elizabeth-Town and Staten-Ifland, at which lafl 
place he preached on the Sabbath to an affembly of 
Dutch and Englifli.] 

Monday, April 14. — My fpirits this day were 
raifed and refrelhed, and my mind compofed, fo 
that I was in a comfortable frame of Ibul, mofl of 
the day. In the evening, my head v^as clear, my 
mind ferene j I enjoyed fweetnefs in fecret prayer, 
and meditation on Pfal. Ixxiii. 28. • O, how free, 
how comfortable, cheerful, and yet folemn do I feel 
when I am in a good meafure freed from thofe 
damps and melancholy glooms, that 1 often labour 
under ! 7\nd bleiTed be the Lord, I find myfelf re- 
lieved in this refpedl. 

Tuefday, April 15. — My foul longed for moro 
fpirituality ; and it was my burden, that I could do 
no more for God. O, my barrennefs is my daily 

O 2 affli^io« 

ii2 The LF F E of 

afflidlion and heavy load ! O, how precious is time ; 
and how it pains me, to lee it Hide away, while I 
do fo very little to any good purpofe ! O that God 
would make me more fruitful and fpiritual. 

[The next day he fpeaks of his being almoft over- 
whelmed with vapoury diforders ; but yet not fo as 
wholly to deflroy the compofure of his mind.] 

T'hurfduy, April 17. — Enjoyed fome comfort in 
prayer, fome freedom in meditation, and compofure 
in my fludics. Spent fome time in writing, in the 
forenoon. In the afternoon, fpent fome time in con- 
verfation with feveral dear minifters. In the even- 
ing, preached from Pfal. Ixxiii. 28. But it is good 
for me to draw near to God, God helped me to feel 
the truth of my text, both in the iirfl prayer and in 
fermon. I was enabled to pour out my foul to God, 
with great freedom, fervency, and affe(5tion : And, 
bleffed be the Lord, it was a comfortable feafon to 
me. I was enabled to fpeak with tendemefs, and 
yet with fiiithfulnefs : And divine truths feemed to 
fall with weight and influence upon the hearers. My 
heart was melted for the dear affembly, land I loved 
every body in it ; and fcarce ever felt more love to 
immortal fouls in my life j my foul cried, O that 
the dear creatures might be faved ! O that God would 
have mercy on them ! 

[He feems to have been in a very com.fortable 
frame of mind the two next days.] 

Lord's Day, April 20^. — Enjoyed fome freedom, 
and, I hope, exercife of faith in prayer, in the morn- 
ing ; efpecially when I came to pray for Zion. I 
was free from that gloomy difcouragemcnt, that fo 
often opprefl'es my mind ; and my foul rejoiced in 
the hopes of Zion's profperity, and the enlargement 
of the dear kingdom of the great Redeemer. O that 
his kingdom might come. 


* This day he entered into the cgth year of his age. 


TuefJay, April 22. — My mind was remarkably- 
free, this day, from melancholy damps and glooms, 
and animated in my work. I found fuch frelli vig- 
our and refolution in the fervice of God, that the 
mountains feemed to become a plain before me. G 
bleffcd be God for an interval of refrelhment, and 
fervent refolution in my Lord's work ! In the even- 
ing, my foul was refrelhed in fecret prayer, and my 
heart drawn out for divine bleflings j efpecially for 
the church of God, and his intereft among my own 
people, and for dear friends in remote places. O 
that Zion might profper, and precious fouls be 
brought home to God ! 

[See, for about this time, the Journal.] 

Saturday y May 3. — Rode from Elizabeth-Town 
home to my people, at or near Cranberry ; whicher 
they are now removed, and where, I hope, God will 
fettle them as a chrifbian congregation. Was refrelh- 
ed in lifting up my heart to God, while ri'din^ ; 
and enjoyed a thankful frame of fpirit, tor divine fa- 
vours received the week pafl:. Was fomewhat uneafy 
and deje(tl:ed, in the evening ; having no houfe of my 
own to go into in this place; but God was my fuppart. 

Wed?iefdayy May 7. — Spent moft of the day ift 
writing, as ufual. Enjoyed fome freedom in my 
work. Was favoured with fome comfortable med- 
itations, this day. In the evening, was in a fweet 
compofed frame of mind : Was pleafed'and delight- 
ed to leave all with God, refpecSting myfelf, for tmie 
and eternity, and rcfpecling the people of my charge, 
and dear friends. Had no doubt but that God would 
take care of me, and of his own intereft among my 
people ; And was enabled to ufc freedom in prayer, 
as a child with a tender father. O, how fweet i? 
fuch a fnime ! 

Thurjdayy May 8. — In the evening, was fomewhat 
refrcflicd with divine things, and enjoyed a tendef 

O 3 melting 

214 The LIFE of 

inelting Irame in fecret prayer, wherein my foul was 
drawn out for the interefi: of Zion, and comforted 
with the hvely hope of the appearing of the king- 
dom of the great Redeemer. Thefe were fwect mo- 
ments : I felt almoft loth to go to bed, and grieved that 
fleep was neceffary. However, I lay down with a 
tender reverential fear of God, fenfible that his fa- 
iwur is ///f ,and his fmiles better than all that earth can 
boaft of, infinitely better than life itfelf. 

[Friday, May 9. — See the Journal.] 

Saturday, May 10. — Rode to Allen's-Town, to 
aflift in the adminiftration of the Lord's fupper. In 
the afternoon, preached from Tit. ii. 14. Who gave 
himfelffor us, &c. God was pleafed to carry me 
through with fome competency of freedom ; and 
yet to deny me that enlargement and power I long- 
ed for. In the evening, my foul mourned, and 
could not but mourn, that I had treated fo excellent 
a fubjed: in fo defective a manner ; that I had borne 
fo broken a teftimony for fo worthy and glorious a 
Redeemer. And if my difcourfe had met with the 
utmoft applaufe from all the world (as I accidentally 
heard it applauded by fome perfons of judgment) it 
would not have given me any fatisfadion. O, it 
grieved me, to think that I had had no more holy 
warmth and fervency, that I had been no more melt- 
ed in difcourfing of Chrifl's death, and the end and 
delign of it ! Afterwards, enjoyed fome freedom and 
fervency in fecret and family prayer, and longed much 
for the prefence of God to attend his word and ordi- 
nances the next day. 

Lord's Day, May 11. — AfTifted in the adminiflra- 
tion of the Lord's fupper ; but enjoyed little en- 
largement : Was grieved and funk with fome things 
I thought undeiirable, &c. In the afternoon, went 
to the houfe of God weak and fick in foul, as well 
^s feeble in bqdy : And longed, that the peopl: 



might be entertained and edified with divine truths, 
and that an honeft fervent teftimony might be borne 
for God ; but knew not how it was poflible for me 
to do any thing of that kind, to any good purpofe. 
Yet God, who is rich in mercy, was pleafed to give 
me afTiftance, both in prayer and preaching. God 
helped me to wreftle for his prefence in prayer, and 
to tell him, that he had promifed. Where two or three 
are met together i?i his name^ there he would be in the 
7nidjl of them ; and that we were, at leaft fome of us, 
fo met ; and pleaded, that for his truth's fake he 
would be with us. AndblefTed be God, it was fweet 
to my foul, thus to plead, and rely on God*s prom- 
ifes. Difcourfed upon Luke ix. 30. '^\. And behold, 
there talked with him two men, which were Mofes and 
Elias ; who appeared in glory, an df pake of his deceafe, 
which he Jhould acccmplijh at 'Jeriifale??!, Enjoyed 
fpecial freedom, from the beginning to the end of 
my difcourfe, without interruption. Things perti- 
nent to the fubjed: were abunelantly prefe,nted to my 
view, and fuch a fulnefs of matter, that. I fcarce 
knew how to difmifs the various heads and particu- 
lars I had occalion to touch upon. And, blefled be 
the Lord, I was favoured with fome fervency and 
power, as well as freedom ; fo that the word of 
God fcemed to awaken the attention of a flupid au- 
dience, to a confiderable degree. I was inwardly re- 
frelhed with the confolations of God ; and could 
with my whole heart fay, 'Though there be ?io fruit 
in the vine, &c. yeS will I rejoice in the Lord. After 
publick fervice, was refreflied with the fweet con- 
verfation of fome chriftian friends. 

[The four next days feem to have been moflly 
fpcnt with fpiritual comfort and profit.] 

Friday, i'Wt/)' 16.— Near night, enjoyed fome agree- 
able and fweet convcrfiuion with a dear miniftcr, 
which, I truft, was hlefled to my foul : My heart 

O 4 was 

2th6 The LIFE of 

was warmed, and my foul engaged to live to God • 
io that I longed to exert myfelf with more vigour, 
than ever I had done, in his caufe : And thofe words 
were quickening to me, Herein is iny Father glorifi- 
ed^ that ye bring forth much fruit. O, my foul long- 
ed, and wifhed, and prayed, to be enabled to live to 
God with utmpftconftancy and ardour ! In the even- 
ing, God was pleafed to fliine upon me in fecret 
prayer, and draw out my foul after himfelf ; and I 
had freedom in fupplication for myfelf, but much 
more in interceflion fdr others : So that I was fweet- 
ly conftrained to fay. Lord, ufe me as thou wilt ; do 
as thou wilt with me : But O, promote thine own 
caufe. Zion is thine ; O vifit thine heritage ; G let 
thy kingdom come j O let thy bleffed interefl: be 
advanced in the world ! When I attempted to look 
to God refpe(5ling my worldly circumflances, and 
his providential dealings with me, in regard of my 
fettling down in'tny congregation, which feems to 
be neceffary, and yet very difficult, and contrary to 
my fixed intention* for years pafl:, as well as my 
difpoiition, which lias been, and flill is, at times ef- 
pecially, to go forth, and fpend my life in preach- 
ing the gofpel from place to place, and gathering 
fouls afar off to Jeftis the great Redeemer ; when I 
attempted to look to G6d with regard to thefe things, 
and his defigns concerning me, I could only fay, 
ne will of the Lord he done : It is no matter for me. 
The fame frame of mind I felt with rcfped: to an- 
other important aflfiiirl have lately had fome ferious 
thoughts of : I could fay, with utmoil calmnefs 
and compofure. Lord, if it be mofl for thy glory, 
let me proceed in it ; but if thou feefl that it will in 
any wife hinder my ufcfulncfs in thy caufe, G pre- 
vent my proceeding : For all I want, refpeding this 
world, is fiich circumflances as may befl capacitate 
me to do fervice for God in the world. Bi;t bleffcd 



be God, I enjoyed liberty in prayer for my dear 
flock, and was enabled to pour out my foul into the 
bofom of a tender father. My heart within me was 
melted, when I came to plead for my dear people, 
and for the kingdom, of Chrift in general. O, how 
iweet was this evening to my foul ! I knew not how 
to go to bed ; and when got to bed, longed for fome 
way to improve time for God, to fome excellent 
purpofe. Blcfs the Lord, O my foul. 

Saturday, May 17. — Walked out in the morning, 
and felt miuch of the fime frame I enjoyed the even- 
ing before : Had my heart enlarged in praying for 
the advancement of the kingdom of Chrift, and 
found utmoft freedom in leaving all my concerns 
with God. . ,, 

I find difcouragements to be an exceeding hitV- 
drance to my fpiritual fervency and affedion : But 
when God enables me fenfibly to find that I have 
done fomething for him, this refreilies and animates 
me, fo that I could break through all hardlhips, un- 
dergo any labours, and nothing feems too much 
either to do or to fuffer. But O, what a death it is, to 
flrive and llrive ; to be always in a hurry, and yet 
do nothing, or at leafl nothing for God ! Alas, alas, 
that time flies away, and I do fo little for God ! 

LorcVs Day, May 18. — I felt my own utter infufii- 
ciency for my work : God made me to fee that I was a 
child j yea, that I was a fool. I difcourfed both parts of 
the day, from Rev. iii. 20. Behold, Ifandat the door and 
knock. God gave me freedom and power in the lat- 
ter part of my forenoon's difcourle ; although, in 
the former part of it, I felt peevilli and provoked 
with the unmannerly behaviour of the wiiite people, 
who crowded in between my people and me ; wiiich 
proved a great temptation to me. But blclTed be 
God, I got thcfe fhackles off before the middle of 
my difcourfe, and was favoured with a fwect frame 


^i8 Th E L I F E o F 

of fpirit in the latter part of the exercife ; was full 
of love, warmth, and tendernefs, in addrefTing my 
dear people. In the intermifTion feafon, could not 
but difcourfe to my people on the kindnefs and pa- 
tience of Chrift, mjiiinding and knocki?ig at the doo}\ 
&c. In the evening I was grieved that I had done 
fb little for God. O that I could be aflame ofjire in 
the fervice of my God. 

'Jhurfdayy May 22. — In the evening was in a frame 
fomewhat remarkable : Had apprehended for fever- 
al days before, that it was the defign of Providence I 
lliould ibttle among my people here ; and had in my 
own mind begun to makcproviiion forit j and to con- 
trive means to haften it ; and found my heart fomething 
engaged in it ,hopingI might then enjoy more agreeable 
circumftances of life, in feveral refpe6ts : And yet was 
never fully determined, never quite pleafed with the 
thoughts of being fettled and confined to one place. 
Neverthelefs, I feemed to have fome freedom m that 
refpedt, becaufe the congregation I thought of fettling 
with, was one that God had enabled me to gather from 
amongft Pagans. For I never, fince I began to 
preach, could feel any freedom to etiter i?ito other 
nje?i's labours^ and fettle down in the ministry where 
the gofpel was preached before ; I never could make 
that appear to be my province. When I felt any 
difpofition toconfult my eafe and worldly comfort, 
God has never given me any liberty in that refpect, 
either fince, or for years before I began to preach. 
But God having fucceeded my labours, and made me 
inftrumental of gathering a church for him among 
thefe Indians, I was ready to think it might be his 
defign to give me a*quiet fettlement and a flated 
home of my own. And this, confidcring the late 
frequent finking and failure of my fpirits, and the 
need I ftood in of fome agreeable fociety, and my 
great defire of enjoying conveniences and opportu- 


nities for profitable fludies, was not altogether difii- 
greeable tome : Although I Itili wanted to go about, 
far and wide, in order to fpread the blelTed gofpcl 
among benighted fouls, far remote ; yet 1 never had. 
been fo willing to fettle in any one place, for more 
than five years paft, as I was in the foregoing part 
of this week. But now thefe thoughts fecmed to be 
wholly daihcd to pieces ; not by neceflity, but of 
choice : For itappeared to me, that God's dealings 
towards me had fitted me for a life of folitarinefs and 
hardfhip : It appeared to me, 1 had nothing to lofe, 
nothing to do with earth, and confequently nothing 
to lofe by a total renunciation of it : And it appear- 
ed jufl: right that I fhould be deftitute of houfe and 
home, and many comforts of life, which I rejoiced 
to fee others of God*s people enjoy. And at the 
fame time, 1 law {o much of the excellency of 
Chrift's kingdom, and the infinite deiirablenefs of 
its advancement in the world, that it fwallowed up 
all my other thoughts ; and made me willing, yea, 
even rejoice, to be made a pilgrim or hermit in t}^ 
wilderneis, to my dying m.oment, if I might thcrc-i 
by promote the bleffed interefl: of the great Redeem- 
er. And if ever my foul prefentcd it ("elf to God for 
hisfervice, without any referve of any kind, it did 
fo now. The language of my thoughts and difpo- 
iition (although I ipake no words) now were, Htrj 
I am. Lord, fend tne; fend me to the ends of the earth ; 
fend me to the rough, the favage Pagans of the wil- 
dernefs ; fend me from all that is called comfort in 
earth, or earthly comfort j fend me even to death it- 
ielf, if it be but in thy fervice, and to promote thy 
kingdom. And at the fame time I had as quick and 
lively a fenfe of the value of worldly comforts, as ever 
I had ; but only law them infinitely overmatched by 
the worth of Chrifl's kingdom, and the propaga- 
fion of his blcflcd gofpcl. The quiet fettlement, 


220 The life of 

the certain place of abode, the tender friendfhip, 
which I thought I might be likely to enjoy in con- 
fequence of fuch ci re um fiances, appeared as valua- 
ble to me, confidercd abfolutely and in themfelves, as 
ever before ; but confidered comparatively, they ap- 
peared nothing : Compared with the value and pre- 
cioufnefs of an enlargement of Chrift's kingdom, they 
vanifhed like the ftars before the riling fun. And fure 
I am, that although the comfortable accommodations 
of life appeared valuable and dear to me, yet I did fur- 
render and relignmyfelf, foul and body, to the fervice 
of God, and promotion of Chrifl's kingdom ; though 
it fhould be in the lofs of them ail. And I could 
not do any other, becaufe I could not will or choofe 
any other. I was confirained, and yet chofe to fay. 
Farewell friends and earthly comforts, the deareft 
of them all, the very dearefl, if the Lord calls for it ; 
Adieu, adieu ; I will fpend my life, to my lateft mo- 
ments, in caves and dens of the earth, if the king- 
dom of Chrift may thereby be advanced. I found 
extraordinary freedom at this time in pouring out 
my foul to God, for his caufe ; and efpccialiy that 
his kingdom might be extended among the Indians, 
far remote ; and I had a great and ftrong hope that 
God would do it. I continued wreftling with God 
in prayer for my dear little flock here ; and more 
efpecially for the Indians elfevvhere ; as well as for 
dear friends in one place and anotlier ; until it was 
bed time, and I feared I fliould hinder the family, 
&c. But O, with what reluftancy did I find my- 
felf obliged to confume tiine in flsep ! I longed 
to be as aflame of fire y continually glowing in the 
divine fervice, preaching and building up Chrift's 
kingdom, to mylateif, my dying moment. 

Friday, May 23. — In the morning was in the fame 
frame of mind, as in the evening before. The glory 
of Chrift's kingdom 'io much outlhone the pleai- 


M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. a2i 

ure of earthly accommodations and enjoyments, that 
they appeared comparatively nothing, though in 
themfelves good and defirable. My Ibul was melt- 
ed in fecret meditation and prayer, and 1 found my- 
felf divorced from any part in this world ; fo that 
in thofe affairs that feemed of the greateft importance 
to me, in refped: of the prefent life, and thofe where- 
in the tender powers of the mind are mofl fenfibly 
touched, I could only fay, The will of the Lord be 
done. But jufi: the fame things that I felt the even- 
ing before, I felt now ; and found the fame freedom 
in prayer for the people of my charge, for the prop- 
agation of the gofpel among the Indians, and for the 
enlargement and fpiritual welfare of Zionin general, 
and my dear friends in particular, now, as I did then ; 
and longed to burn out in one continued flame for 
God. Retained much of the fame frame through 
the day. In the evening was vifited by my brother 
John Brainerd : The firfl: vifit 1 have ever received 
from any near relative, fince I have been a Miflion- 
ary. Felt the fame frame of fpirit in the evening, 
as in the morning ; and found that it was good for 
me to draw near to God, and leave all my concerns 
and burdens with him. Was enlarged and refrefh- 
ed in pouring out my foul for the propagation of the 
gofpel of the Redeemer among the diftant tribes of 
Indians. Bleffcd be God. If ever I filled up a day 
with fludies and devotion, I was enabled fo to fill up 
this day. 

Saturday, May a4.-^Enjoyed, this day, fomcthing 
of the lame frame of mind as I felt the day before. 

Monday, ^une 2. — In the evening, enjoyed fome 
freedom in iecret prayer and meditation. 

Tuefday, ^une 3. — My foul rejoiced early in the 
morning, to think that all things were at God*s 
difpofal. O it pleafedi me to leave them there. 
Felt afterwards much as I did on Thurfday evening, 


222 The life of 

May 22 laft ; and continued in this frame for fever- 
al hours. Walked out into the wildernefs, and en- 
joyed freedom, fervency, and comfort in prayer: 
And again enjoyed the fame in tlie evening. 

Wednefday^ 'June 4. — Spent the day in v^^iting, and 
enjoyed fome comfort, fatisfac^lion and freedom in 
my work. In the evening I was favoured with a^ 
fweet rcfrefliing frame of foul in fecret prayer a 
meditation. Prayer was now wholly turned in 
praife ; and I could do little elfe but try to ado 
and blefs the living God : The wonders of his grace 
difplayed in gatheririg to himlelf a church amonffl 
the poor Indians here, were the fubjed: matter of mj^ 
meditation, and the occadon of exciting my foul t<^ 
praife and blefs his name. My foul was fcarce eveti 
more difpofed to inquire, What I Jhould render to'' 
God for all his benefits^ than at this time. O, I was' 
brought into a ftrait, a fweet and happy ftrait, to 
know what to do ! I longed to make fomc returns to 
God ; but found I had nothing to return : I could 
only rejoice that God had done the work himfelf ;: 
and that none in heaven or earth might pretend tO/ 
fliare the honour of it with him : I could only be| 
glad that God*s declarative glory was advanced by the' 
converfion of thefe fouls, and that it was to the en-*^ 
largement of his kingdom in the world : Rut faw I? 
was fo poor that I had nothing to offer to him. My 
foul and body, through grace, I could cheerfully furren- 
der to him : But it appeared to me tliis was ratlier a 
cumber than a gift : And nothing could I do to glo- 
rify his dear and blelTed name. Yet I was glad at 
heart, that he was unchangeably pofft^fied of glory| 
and blcffcdnefs. O that he might be adored an 
prailbd by all his intelligent creatures, to the utmoil 
of their powers and capacities. My foul would 
have rejoiced to lee others praife him, though I 
could do nothing towards it myfclf. 


Mr. DA VI D BR A I NERD. 223 

[The next day he fpeaks of his being fubjed: to 
fome degree of melancholy ; but of being fomething 
relieved in the evening.] 

[Friday, June 6. — See the Journal.] 

Saturday y June"]. — Rode to Freehold, to affill: Mr. 
Tennent in the adminiftration of the Lord's fupper. 
In the afternnon preached from Pfal. Ixxiii. 28. 
God gave me fome freedom and warmth in my dif- 
courfe ; and, I truft, his prefcnce was in theaffembly. 
Was comfortably compofed, and enjoyed a thank- 
ful frame of fpirit ; and my foul was grieved, that I 
could not render fomething to God for his benefits be- 
llowed . O that I could be fvvallowed up in his praife ! 

Lord's Day, Jimc 8. — Spent much time in the 
morning in fecret duties ; but between hope and 
tear, refpe(fling the enjoyment of God in the bufincfs 
of the day then before us. Was agreeably entertain- 
ed, in the forenoon, by a difcourfe from Mr. Ten- 
nent, and felt fomewhat melted and refreflied. Id 
the feafon of communion enjoyed fome comfort ; 
and efpecially in ferving one of the tables. Bleffed 
be the Lord it was a time of refrefliing to me, and, I 
truft, to many others. A number of my dear peo- 
ple fat down by themfelves at the laft table ; at 
which time God leemed to be in the midft of them. 
And the thoughts of what' God had done among 
them were retrclliing and melting to me. In the 
.afternoon God enabled me to preach with uncom- 
mon freedom, from 2 Cor. v. 20. Through the 
goodnefs of God I was favoured with a conftant flow 
of pertinent matter, and proper expreffions, from the 
beginning to the end of my diicourfe. In the evening 
I could not but rejoice in God, and blefs him for the 
manifellations of his grace in the day paft. O, it 
was a fvveet and folcm.n day and evening ! A feafon 
of comfort to the godly, and of awakening to fome 
fouls. O that I could praife the Lord. 


224 The life of 

Monday, 'June 9. — Enjoyed foine fweetnefs in fc- 
cret duties. Preached the concluding fermon from 
Gen. V. 24. And Enoch walked with God, &c. God 
gave me enlargement and fervency in my difcourfe ; 
fo that I was enabled to fpeak with plainnefs and 
power j and God*s prefence feemed to be in the af- 
fembly. Praifed be the Lord it was a fweet meeting, 
a defirable affembly. I found my flrength renew- 
ed, and lengthened out even to a wonder ; fo that 
1 felt much ftronger at the conclufion, than in the 
beginningof this facramental folcmnity. I have great 
reafon to blefs God for this folemnity, wherein I 
have found alTiflance in addreffing others, and fweet- 
nefs in my own foul. 

[On Tuefday, he found himfelf fpent, and his 
fpirits exhaufted by his late labours ; and on Wed- 
nefday complains of vapoury diforders, and dejection 
of fpirit, and of enjoying but little comfort or fpirit- 

Thurfday, 'June i2. — In the evening enjoyed free- 
dom of mind, and fome fweetnefs in fecret prayer: 
It was a defirable feafon to me ; my loul was en- 
larged in prayer for my own dear people, and for 
theenlargement of Chrifl*s kingdom, and efpecially 
for the propagation of the gofpel among the Indians, 
back in the wildernefs. Was refreflied in prayer 
for dear friends in New-England, and elfewhere : 
I found it fwect to pray at this tim.e ; and could 
with all my heart fay. It is good for mc to draw near 
to God. 

Friday y June 13. — I came away from the meeting 
ing of the Indians, this day, rejoicing and blefling 
God for his grace manifefted at this feafon. 

Saturday^ June 14. — Rode to Kingflon, to afliil 
the Rev. Mr. Wales in the adminiibation of the 
Lord's fupper. In the afternoon preached ; but 
almoft fainted in the pulpit ; Yet God ftrcngthened 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 225 

me when I was jufl: gone, and enabled me to fpeak 
his word with freedom, fervency, and application to 
the confcience. And praifed be the Lord, out of 
"ji'eaknefs Iwasmadejlrong, I enjoyed fome fweetnefs, 
in and after publick worfhip ; but was extremely 
tired. O, how many are the mercies of the Lord 1 
To them that have no 7night^ he increafcth Jlrength . 

hordes Day, ^tme 15. — Was in a dejecSted fpirit- 
Jefs frame, that I could not hold up my head, nor 
look any body in the face. Adminiftered the Lord's 
fupper at Mr. Wales's defire : And found myfelf in 
a good mcafure unburdened and relieved of my prefl- 
ing load, when I came to afk a bleffing on the ele- 
ments : Here God gave me enlargement, and a ten- 
der affecrionate fenfe of fpiritual things j fo that it 
was a feafon of comfort, in ibme meafure, to me, 
and, I truft, more fo to others. In the afternoon, 
preached to a vafl: multitude, from Rev. xxii. 17. 
And 'whofoever will, &c. God helped me to offer a 
teftimony for himfelf, and to leave finners inexcufa- 
ble in neglediing his grace. I was enabled to fpeak 
with fuch freedom, fluency and clearnefs, as com- 
manded the attention of the great. Was extremely tired 
in the evening, but enjoyed compofure and fweetnefs, 

Monday, 'June 16. — Preached again, and God help- 
ed me amazingly, fo that this was a fweet refrelli- 
ing feafon to m^y foul and others. O, forever blefl* 
ed be God for help afforded at this time, when my 
body was fo weak, and while there was fo large an 
alfcmbly to hear. Spent the afternoon in a comfort- 
able agreeable manner. 

[The next day was fpent comfortably. 

On Wednefday he went to a meeting of minifters 
at Hopewell.] 

[Thurfday, June 19.— See his Journal.] 

[On Friday and Saturday be was very muchamifs; 
but yet preached to his people on Saturday. His 

P ilJnefs 

226 The LIFE of 

illnefs continued on the Sabbath ; but he preached^ 
notwithftanding, to his people, both parts of the days 
And after the pubh'ck worfhip was ended, he en- 
deavoured to apply divine truths to the confciences 
of fome, and addrelTed them perfonally for that end: 
Several were in tears, and fome appeared much af- 
fe(5ted. But he was extremely wearied with the 
fervices of the day, and was fo ill at night, that he 
could have no bodily reft ; but remarks that God was 
hisfupportt and that he was not left deltitute of 
comfort in him. On Monday he continued very 
ill, but fpeaks of his mind*s being calm and compof- 
ed, refigned to the divine difpenfations, and content 
with his feeble ftate. And by the account he gives 
of himfelf, the remaining part of this week, he con- 
tinued very feeble, and for the moft part dejed;ed 
in mind, and enjoyed no great freedom nor fweet- 
nefs in fpiritual things ; excepting that for fome 
very fliort fpaces of time he had refrefliment and 
encouragement, which engaged his heart on divine 
things ; and fometimes his heart was melted with 
fpiritual afFed:ion.] 

Lord's Day, ^une 29. — Preached both parts of the 
day, from John xiv. 19. Tet a little while ^ and the 
world feeth tne no fnore^ dec. God was pleafed to aiTifl 
ine, to afford me both freedom and power ; efpe- 
cially towards the clofe of my difcourfes, both fore- 
noon and afternoon. God*s power appeared in the 
affembly, in both exercifes. Numbers of God*s 
people were refrcfhed and melted with divine things ; 
one or two comforted who had been long under dif- 
trefs ; Convictions, in divers inftances, powerful- 
ly revived ; and one man in years much awakened, 
who had not long frequented our meeting, and ap- 
peared before as flupid as a itock. God amazingly re- 
newed and lengthened outmyftrength. I was fofpent 
at noon, that I could fcarce walk, and all my joints 

trembled 3 


trembled ; fo that I could not fit nor fo miich as hold 
my hand ftill : And yet God ftrengthencd me to 
preach with power in the afternoon ; although I had 
given out Word to my people, that 1 did not exped: 
to be able to do it. Spent fome time afterwards in 
converling, particularly, with feveral perfons, about 
their fpiritual ftate ; and had fome fatisfad:ion con- 
cerning one or two. Prayed afterwards with a fick 
child, and gave a w^ord of exhortation. Was aflift- 
ed in all my work. Bleffed be God. Returned 
home with more health than I went out with ; al- 
though my linen was wringing wet upon me, from 
a little after ten in the morning, until pad five in 
the afternoon. My fpirits alfo were confiderably 
refrefhed ; and my foul rejoiced in hope, that I had 
through grace done fomething for God. In the even-* 
ing, walked out, and enjoyed a fv/eet feafon in fe- 
cret prayer and praife. But O, I found the truth of 
the Pfalmift's words, My goodnefs extendeih not 
to thee ! I could not make any returns to God : I 
longed to live only to him, and to be in tutie for his 
praife and fervice forever. O, for fpirituality and 
holy fervency, that I might Jperid and 6e /pent fox 
God, to my lateft moment ! 

Mofiday, ^une 30.-^Spent the day in writing ; but 
under much weaknefs and diforder. Felt the la- 
bours of the preceding day j although my fpirits 
were fo refrefhed the evening before, that 1 was not 
then fenfible of my being fpent. 

Tuefduy, July I. — In the afternoon vifited and 
preached to my people, from Heb. ix. 27. on occa- 
fion of fome perfons' lying at the point of death, in 
my congregation. God gave me fome afTiftance ; 
and his word made fome imprefTions on the audi- 
ence, in general. This was an agreeable and com- 
fortable evening to my foul : My fpirits were fome- 
what refreflied with a fmall degree of freedom and 
help enjoyed in my work. 

^xts myu^E LIFE OF 

[On Wednefcf^y he went to Newark, to a meeting 
of the Prefbytcry : Complains of lownefs of fpirits ; 
and greatly laments his fpending his time fo unfruit- 
fiilly. The femjiining part of the week he fpent 
there, and at Elizabeth-Town ,• and fpeaks of com- 
fort and divine affiftance from day to day : But yet 
greatly complains for want of more fpiritualityj 

Lonfs Day, 'July 6."^[At Elizabeth-Town.] En- 
joyed fome compbfure and ferenity of mind, in the 
morning : Heard Mr. Dickinfon preach in the fore- 
noon, and was refrelhed with his difcourfe ; was in a 
melting frame, fome part of the time of fermon : 
Partook of the Lord*s flipper, and enjoyed fome 
fenfe of divine things in that ordinance. In the af- 
ternoon I preached from Ezek. xxxiii. \i. As I live, 
faith the Lord God, &c. God favoured me with free- 
dom and fervency ; and helped me to plead his 
caufe, beyond my own povi^er* 

Monday, 'July 7. — My fpirits were confiderably 
refrefhed and railed, in the morning. There is no 
comfort, I find, in any enjoyment, without enjoying 
God, and being engaged in his fervice. In the even- 
ing had the moft agreeable converfation that ever I 
remember in all my life, upon God*s being all in all, 
and all enjoyments being jufl that to us which God 
makes them, and no more. It is good to begin and 
end with God. O, how does a fweet folemnity lay 
a foundation for true pleafure and happincfs ! 

Tucfday, July 8. — Rode home, and enjoyed fome 
agreeable meditations by the way. 

' Wednefday , July 9. — Spent the day in writing. En- 
pyed fome comfort and rcf relliment of Ipirit in my 
evening retirement. 

Thinjdiiy, July 10. — Spent moft of the day in 
writing. Towards night rode to Mr. Tennent's ; 
enjoyed fome agreeable converfation : Went home 
ill the evenipg, in a folemn fweet frame of mind ; 

. was 


was refrefhed in fecret/duties, longed to live wholly 
and only for God, and iaw plainly there was nothing 
in the world worthy of my afFedtion ; fo that my 
heart was dead to all below ; yet not through dejec- 
tion asatfome times, but from views of a better 

Friday, 'July 1 1 . — -Was in a calm compofed frame 
in the morning, efpecially in the feafon of my fccrct 
retirement : I think I was well pleafed with the will 
of God, whatever it was, or fhould be, in all refped:s 
I had then any thought of. Intending to adminifter 
the Lord's fupper the next Lord's Day, 1 looked to 
God for his prefence and afiiftance upon that occa- 
iion ; but felt a difpofition \to fay, ^he will df'ihs 
Lord be ^(jz/^", whether it be to give'me affiftanceot 
not. Spent fomc little time in writing : Vifited the 
Indians, and fpent fom'etime in ferious converfation 
with them ; thinking it not beft td pleach, by rea- 
fon that many of them were ahfcnt.! •" ' - 

Saturday, 'July i2.-^This day was fpent in fafl:rn=g 
and prayer by my congregation, as 'preparatory to 
the facrament. I difcourfed^ both parts of the day, 
from Rom. iv. 25. Who zva^^ delivered for our offences, 
See. God gave me fome aiTiftance in my difcourfes, 
and fomcthing of divine power attended the word ; 
fo that this was an agreeable feafon. Afterwards 
led them to a folemn renewal of their covenant, and 
frefli dedication of themfelves to God. This Wa.^ a 
feafon both of folemnity and fvveetnefs, and God to be i?j the midji of us. Returned to my 
lodgings, in the evening, in a comfortable frame of 

hordes Day, July 13. — In the forenoon difcourfcd 
on the bread of life, from John vi. "^^^ God gave me 
fome afTifhncc, in part of my difcourfe efpecially ; 
and there appeared fome tender affection in tlie af- 
fembly under divine truths ; my foul alfo was feme*. 

P 3 what 

230 TheLIFEof 

what refrefhed. Adminiftered the facrament of tha 
Lord's fupper to thirty one perfons of the Indians. 
God feemed to be prefent in this ordinance ; the 
communicants were fweetly mehed and refrefhed, 
mofl of them. O, how they melted, even when the 
elements were firfl: uncovered ! There wasfcarcely a 
dry eye amongft them, when 1 took off the linen, 
and fhewed them the fymbols of Chrijl's broken body. 
Having refted a little, after theadminiftration of the 
facrament, I viiited the communicants, and found 
them generally in a fweet loving frame ; not unlike 
what appeared among them on the former facra- 
mental occafion, on April 27. In the afternoon 
difcourfed upon coming to Chriji, and the fand:ifica- 
tion of thofe who do {Oy from the fame vcrfe 1 in-. 
ilfted on in the forenoon. This was likewife an 
agreeable feafon, a feafonofmuch tendernefs, af- 
fection ^nd enlargement in divine fervice : And 
God, I am perfu^ded, crowned our affembly with 
his divipe prefence. I returned home much fpent, 
yet rejoicing in the goodnefs of God. 

Mondciy^ 'July 14. — Went to my people and dif- 
courfed to them from Pfal. cxix. 106. I have /worn 
and I will perform it, &c. Obferved, i . That all God*s 
judgments or commandments are righteous. 2. That 
God's people have fworn to keep them ; and this 
theydoefpecially at the Lord's table. There appeared 
to be a powerful divine influence on the affembly, and 
fzonfiderable melting under the word. Afterwards, 
I led them to a renewal of their covenant before God 
(that they would watch over themfelves and one 
another, left they fhould fall into fin, and difhonour 
the name of Chrift) juft as I did on Monday, April 
28. This tranfadtion was attended with great fo, 
lemnity : And God feemed to own it by exciting in 
them a fear and jealoufy of themfelves, left they 
Ihould fin againft God ; {o that the prefence of Go4 


Mr. DA^VID BR AI nerd. 231 

feemed to be amongft us in this concluiion of the fa- 
cramental folcmnity. 

[The next day he fet out on a journey towards 
Philadelphia ; from whence he did not return until 
Saturday. He v/ent this journey, and (pent the 
week, under a great degree of illnefs of body, and 
dejedlionof mind.] 

Lord's Day, July 20. — Preached twice to my peo- 
ple from John xvii. 24. Father, I will that they alfo 
whom thou haft given me, be with me, where I am, that 
they may behold my glory, which thou hajl given me. 
Was helped to difcourfe with great clearnefs and 
plainnefs in the forenoon. In the afternoon, enjoy- 
ed fome tendernefs, and fpake with fome influence. 
Divers were in tears ; and fome, to appearance, in 

Monday, July 2i . — Preached to the Indians, chief- 
ly for the fake of fome ftrangers. Then propofed 
my defign of taking a journey fpeedily to Sufque- 
hannah : Exhorted my people to pray for me, that 
God would be with me in that journey, 6cc. Then 
chofe divers perfons of the congregation to travel 
with me. Afterwards, fpent time in dilcourfing to 
the ftrangers, and was fome what encouraged with 
them. Took care of my people's Iccular bulinefs, 
and was not a little exercifed with it. Had fome 
degree of com pofu re and comfort in fecret retirement. 

Tuefday, July 27,. — Was in a dejetled frame, moft 
of the day : Wanted to wear out life and have it at 
an end ; but had fome deiires of living to God, and 
wearing out life for him. O that 1 could indeed 
do fo ! 

[The next day he went to Elizabeth-Town, to a 
meeting of the Prefbytery.] 

Lord's Day, July 27. — Difcourfed to my people, 
in the forenoon, trom Luke xii. 37. on the duty and 
benefit of watching. God helped me in the latter 

P 4 part 

2^z The LIFE OF 

part of my difcourfe, and the power of God appear* 
ed in the afTembly. In the afternoon, difcourfed 
from Luke xiii. 25. Here alfo I enjoyed feme af- 
liftance, and the Spirit of God feemed to attend what 
wasfpoken, fo that there was a great folemnity, and 
Conrie tears among Indians and others. 

Monday, Ju/y 28. — Was very Weak, and fcarce 
able to perform any biiflnefs' at alj j but enjoyed 
fweetnefs and comfort in prayer, both morning and 
evening ; and was compofed and comfortable through 
the day. My mind was intenfe, and my heart fer- 
vent, at leaft in fome degree, in fecret duties ; and I 
longed to fpend and be /pent for God. 

Tuefday, ^uly 29. — My mind was cheerful, and 
free from thofe melancholy damJDS, that I am often 
exercifed with : Had freedom in looking up to God, 
at fundry times in the day. In the evening I enjoy- 
ed a comfortable feafon in fecret prayer ; was help- 
ed to plead with God for my own dear people, that 
he would carry on his own blefled work among 
them j was aflifted alfo in praying for the divine 
prefence to attend me in my intended journey to 
Sufquehannah ; was alfo helped to remember dear 
brethren and friends in New-England ; fcarce knew 
how to leave the throne of grace, and it grieved me 
that I was obliged to go to bed ; I longed to ^,0 
fomething for God, but knew not how. Biefled be 
God for this freedom from dejedtion. 

Wednefday, 'July 30. — Was uncommonly comforta- 
ble, both in body and mind ; in the forenoon efpe- 
cially : My mind was folemn, I was affiftcd in my 
work, and God feemed to be near to me ; fo that 
the day was as comfortable as mcfl I have enjoyed 
for fome time. In the evening was favoured with 
affiftance in fecret prayer, and felt muchwis I did the 
evening before. BlelTed be God for that freedom 
I then enjoyed at the throne cf grace, for my-- 



felf, my people, and my dear friends. // is good for 
me to draw near to God. 

[He Teems to have continued very .much in the 
fame free, comfortable ftate of mind the next day.] • 

Friday^ Avguft i . — In the evening enjoyed a fweet 
feafon in lecret prayer ; clouds of darkncfs ,and per- 
plexing care were Ivveetly fcattered,. -and rnothing 
anxious remained. O, how ferene was my mind at 
this feafon ! How free from that dJAradiing con- 
cern I have often felt ! T^hy will he d&3i;/^,-,was a peti- 
tion fweet to my foul ; and if God had bidden me 
choofe for myfelf in any affair, I Uxould have chofen 
rather to have referred the choice to him ; for 1 faw 
he was infinitely wife, and could not do any thing 
amifs, as I was in danger of doing. Was affifted 
in prayer, for my dear llock^ that God would pro- 
mote his own work among them, aivl that God 
would go with me in my intended journey to Suf- 
quehannah ; was helped to remember dear friends 
in New-England, and my dear brethren in the min- 
istry. I found enough in the fweet duty of prayer 
to have engaged me to continue in it the whole night, 
would my bodily ftate have admitted of it. O how 
fweet it is, to be enabled heartily to fay, Lord^ not 
my willy but thine be done ! 

Saturday t Augufi 2. — Near night preached from 
Matth. xi. 29. Was confiderably helped ; and the 
prefence of God feemed to be fomewhat rertiarkably 
in the aflembly j divine truths made powerful im- 
preffions, both upon flints and fmners. Blefled be 
God for fuch a revival among us. In the evening 
was very weary, but found my fpirits fupported and 

hordes Day, Augufi 3. — Difcourfed to my people, 
in the forenoon, from ColoiT. iii. 4. Oblerved that 
Chrift is the believer's life. God helped me and 
gave me his prefence in this diibourfe ; and it was 


«34 The LIFE of 

a feafon of confiderable power in the aflembly. In 
the afternoon preached from Luke xix. 41 . 4:2. I 
enjoyed fome afliflance j though not fo much as in 
the forenoon. 

Monday y Augujl 4. — Spent the day in writing ; 
enjoyed much freedom and affiftance in my work : 
Was in a compofed and comfortable frame, moft of 
the day j and in the evening enjoyed fome fweetnefs 
in prayer. BlefTed be God, my fpirits were yet up, 
and I was free from finking damps ; as I have been 
in general ever fince I came from Elizabeth-Town 
laft. O what a mercy is this 1 

Tuefday^ Augujl 5. — Towards night, preached at 
the funeral of one of my chriftians, from Ifai. Ivii. 
a. Was opprefTed with the nervous headach, and 
confiderably deje(fted : However, had a little free- 
dom, fome part of the time I was difcourfing. Was 
extremely weary in the evening ; but notwithftand- 
ing enjoyed fome liberty and cheerfulnefs of mind 
in prayer ; and found the dejed:ion that I feared, 
much removed, and my fpirits confiderably re- 

[He continued in a very comfortable cheerful 
frame of mind the next day, with his heart enlarg- 
ed in the fervice of God.] 

Thurfdayy Augujl 7. — Rode to my houfe, where I 
fpent the laft winter, in order to bring fome things 
I needed for my Sufquehannah journey : Was re- 
frefhed to fee that place, which God fo marvellouf- 
ly vifited with the Ihowers of his grace. O how 
amazingly did the power of God often appear there ! 
Blefsthe Lordy O myjouly and Jorge t not alibis benefits, 

[The next day, he fpeaks of liberty, enlarge- 
ment, and fweetnefs of mind, in prayer and relig- 
ious converfation.] 

Saturday y Augujl 9. — In the afternoon, vifited my 
people ; fet their affairs in order, as much as polli- 



ble, and contrived for them the management of their 
worldly bufinefs : Difcourfed to them in a folemn 
manner, and concluded with prayer. Was compof- 
ed, and comfortable in the evening, and fomewhat 
fervent in fecret prayer : Had fome fenfe and view 
of the eternal world, and found a ferenity of mind. 

that I could magnify the Lord for any freedom ho 
affords me in prayer. 

Lord's Dayy Auguft 10. — Difcourfed to my peo- 
ple, both parts of the day, from Adts iii. 19. In 
difcourfing of repentance, in the forenoon, God 
helped me, fo that my difcourfe was fearching. Some 
were in tears, both of the Indians and white people i 
and the word of God was attended with fome pow- 
er. In theintermiffion feafon, I was engaged in dif- 
courfing to fome in order to their baptifm ; as well 
as with one who had then lately met with fome com- 
fort, after fpiritual trouble and diflrcfs. In the af- 
ternoon, was fomewhat affifted again, though weak 
and weary. Afterwards baptized fix perfons ; three 
adults, and three children. Was in a comfortable 
frame in the evening, and enjoyed fome fatisfa(5lion 
in fecret prayer. I fcarce ever in my life felt my- 
felf fo full of tendernefs, as this day. 

Monday, Auguji 1 1 .—Being about to fet out on a 
journey to Sufquehannah the next day, with leave 
of Providence, I fpent fome time this day in prayer 
with my people, that God would blefs and fucceed 
my intended journey, that he would fend forth his 
bleffed Spirit with his word, and fet up his kingdom 
among the poor Indians in the wildernefs. While 

1 was opening and applying part of the cxth and iid 
Pfalms, the power cf God feemed to defcend on the 
affemblyin fome meafurej and while I was making 
the firfl prayer, numbers were melted, and I found 
fome affedtionate enlargement of foul myfelf. 
Preached from 4ds iv. 31. God helped me, and 


^3^ T H E .L. IlFvEi "^ ^ 

my interpreter alfo : There ^H^asi'fhaking and melt- 
ing among us; and divers, I doubt not, were in 
feme meafui'c filled with the Holy Ghoji. After- 
wards, Mr. M 'Knight prayed : 1 then opened the 
two laft flanzas of the Ixxiid. Pfal. at which time 
God was prefent with us ; efpecially while I infift- 
edupon the promife of all nations* bleffing the great 
Redeemer : My foul was refrefhed, to think, that 
this day, this bleiTed glorious feafon, fhouid fufely 
come j and I truft, numbers of my dear people were 
alfo refrefhed. Afterwards prayed; bad fome free- 
dom, but was almofb fpent : Then walked out, and 
left my people to carry on religious exercifes among 
themfelves : They prayed repeatedly, and fung, 
while I refted and refrefhed myfelf. Afterwards, 
went to the meeting ; prayed with, and difmifTed 
the affembly. 

[The next day he fet out on his journey towards 
Sufquehannah, and fix of his chriflian Indians with 
him, whom hehadchofen out of his congregation, as 
thofe that he judged mofl fit to aflill: him in the bul- 
inefs he was going upon. He took his way through 
Philadelphia; intending to go to Sufquehannah riv- 
er, far down along, where it is fettled by the white 
people, below the country inhabited by the Indians ; 
and fo to travel up the river to the Indian habita- 
tions : For although this was much further about, 
yet hereby he avoided the huge mountains, and hid- 
eous wildernefs, that muil be crofTed in the nearer 
way ; which in time paft he had found to be ex- 
tremely difiieult and fatiguing. He rode this week 
as far as Charleflown, a place of that name about 
thirty miles weflvvard of Philadelphia ; where he 
arrived on Friday : And in his way hither, was for the 
moft part in a compofed comfortable flate of mind.] 

Saturday^ Aiiguji i6. — [At Charleflown.] It be- 
ing a day kept by the people of the place where I 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. ^37 

now was, as prepanitory to the celebration of the 
Lord's flipper, I tarried ; heard Mr. Treat preach 5 
and then preached myfelf. God gave me fomegood! 
degree of freedom, and helped me to difcourfe with^ 
warmth and application to the confcience. After- 
wards, I was refrelhed in fpirit, though much tired ; 
and fpent the evening agreeably, having fome free- 
dom in prayer, as well as chriftian converfation. 

Lord's DaVy Augiifi 17. — Enjoyed liberty, com- 
pofure, and fatisfadion, in the fecret duties of the 
morning ; Had my heart fomewhat enlarged in 
prayer for dear friends, as w^il as for myfelf. In 
the forenoon, attended Mr. Treat's preaching, par- 
took of the Lord's fupper, five of my people alfo 
communicating in this holy ordinance : I enjoyed 
fome enlargement and outgoing of foul in this feafon* 
•In the afternoon, preached from Ezck. xxxiii. 11. 
Enjoyed not fo much i'enfible affiifance as the day 
before ; however, was helped to fome fervency in 
ad dreffing immortal fouls. 

Monday^ At/gufl rS.—Rode on my way towards 
Paxton, upon Sufquehannah river. Felt my fpirits 
fink, towards night, fo that I had little comfort. 

Tifefday, Aiigujt 19. — Rode forward flill ; and at 
night lodged by the fide of Sufquehannah. Was 
weak and difordered, both this and the preceding 
day, and found my fpirits confiderably damped; 
meeting with none that I thought godly people. 

JVednefdayy Augnjl 20. — Having lain in a cold fweat 
all night, I coughed much bloody matter this morn- 
ing, and was under great diforder of body, and iir>t 
a little melancholy ; but Vv'hat gave me ibme encour- 
agement, was, I had a fecret hope that I might 
fpeedily get a difmiffion from earth and all its toih 
and forrows. Rode this day to one Chambers's up'^^ 
on Sufquehannah, and there lodged. Was much af- 
flicted in the evening, with an ungodly crew, drink- 


238 TheLIFEof 

ing, fwcaring, &c. O, what a hell it would be, to 
be numbered with the ungodly ! Enjoyed fome agree- 
able converfation with a traveller, who feemed to 
have Ibme relifh of true religion. 

Thurfday^ Augujl 21 . — Rode up the river about fif- 
teen miles, and there lodged, in a family that ap- 
peared quite deftituteof God. Laboured to difcourfe 
with the man about the life of religion, but found 
him very artful in evading fuch converfation. O, 
what a death it is to fome, to hear of the things of 
God ! Was out of my element j but was not fo de- 
je(5led as at fome times. 

Friday^ Augujl 21. — Continued my courfe up the 
river ; my people now being with me, who before 
were parted from me : Travelled above all the En- 
glifli fcttlements ; at night, lodged in the open 
woods j and flept with more comfort, than while 
among an ungodly company of white people. En- 
joyed fome liberty in fecret prayer, this evening ; 
and was helped to remember dear friends, as well as 
my dear flock, and the church of God in general. 

Saturday, Augujl 23. — Arrived at the Indian town, 
called Shaumoking, near night. Was not fo deject- 
ed as formerly ; but yet fomewhat exercifed. Felt 
fomewhat compofed in the evening ; enjoyed fome 
freedom in leaving my all with God : Through the 
great goodnefs of God, I enjoyed fome liberty of 
mind ; was not diftreffed with a defpondency, as 
frequently heretofore. 

hordes Day, Augujl 24. — Towards noon vifite.d 
fome of the Delawares, and difcourfed with them 
about chriflianity. hi the afternoon, difcourfed to 
the king, and others, upon divine things; who feem- 
ed difpofed to hear. Spent moft of the day in thefe 
exercifes. In the evening, enjoyed fome comfort 
and fatisfadlion ; and efpecially had fome fweetnefs 
in fecret prayer : This duty was made fo agreeable 



to me, that I loved to walk abroad and repeatedly en- 
gage in it. O, how comfortable is a little glimpfe 
of God 1 

Monday J Augujl 25.— Spent moft of the day in 
writing. Sent out my people that were with me, 
to talk with the Indians, and contrad a friendfliip^ 
and familiarity with them, that I might have a bet- 
ter opportunity of treating with them about chrif- 
tianity. Some good feemed to be done by their vif- 
its this day ; divers appeared willing to hearkeh to 
chriftianity. My fpirits were a little refreflied, this 
evening ; and I found fome liberty and fatisfa<5tion 
in prayer. 

Tuefday, Augujl 26. — About noon, difcourfed to a 
confiderable number of Indians : God helped me, I 
am perfuaded : I was enabled to fpeak with much 
plainnefs, and fome warmth and power. The dif- 
courfe had imprcffion upon fome, and made them 
appear very ferious. I thought, things now appear- 
ed as encouraging as they did at Crofweekfung, at 
the time of my firft vifit to thofe Indians. I was a 
little encouraged : I prefTed things with all my 
might ; and called out my people who were then 
prefent, to give in their teflimony for God ; which 
they did. Towards night, was refrefhed ; felt a 
heart to pray for the fetting up of God's kingdom 
here ; as well as for my dear congregation below, 
and my dear friends elfewhere. 

Thurfday^ Auguji 28. -^In the forenoon, was un- 
der great concern of mind about my work. Was 
vifited by fome who defired to hear me preach ; dif- 
courfed to them, in the afternoon, with fome ferven- 
cy, and laboured to perfuade them to turn to God. 
Was full of concern for the kingdom of Chrift, and 
found fome enlargement of foul in prayer, both in 
fecret and in my family. Scarcely ever faw more 
clearly, than this day, that it is God*s work to con- 


iZ40 T H E L I F E o F 

vert fouls, and efpecially poor heathens : I knew, 1 
could not touch them ; I f'avv, I could only fpeak to 
dry bories^ but could give them no fenfe of what I 
faid. My eyes were up to God for help ; I could 
fay, the work was his ; and if done, the glory would 
be his. 

Saturday^ Augujl 30. — Spent the forenoon in vifit- 
ing a trader, that came down the river fick ; who 
appeared as ignorant as any Indian. In the after- 
noon, fpent fome time in writing, reading, and 

Lord's Day, Augujl '^i. — Spent much time, in the 
morning, in fecret duties : Found a weight upon 
my fpirit, and could not but cry to God with con- 
cern and engagement of foul. Spent fome time alfo 
in reading and expounding God's word to my dear 
family, that was with mc, as well as in finging and 
prayer with them. Afterwards, fpake the word of 
God to fome few of the Sufquehannah Indians. In 
the afternoon, felt very weak and feeble. Near 
night, was fbmething refrefhed in mind, with fome 
views of things relating to my great work. O, how 
heavy is my work, when faith cannot take hold of 
an almighty arm, for the performance of it ! Ma- 
ny times have I been ready to fink in this> cafe. 
BlefTed be God,* that I may repair to a full fountain. 

Mo)%day, September i .—Set out on a journey to- 
wards a place called the Great-Ifland, about fifty 
miles diflant from Shaumoking, in the northweflern 
branch of Sufquehannah. Travelled fome part of 
the way, and at night lodged in the woods. Was 
exceeding feeble, this day, and fweat much the night 

Tuefday, September 1. — Rode forward ; but no faft- 
er than my people went on foot. Was very weak, 
on this, as well as the preceding days : Was {o fee- 
ble and faint, that I feared it would Jcill me to lie . 




out in the open air ; and fome of our company be- 
ing parted from us, fo that we had now no axe with 
us, I had no way but to climb into a young pine 
tree, and with my knife to lop the branches, and fo 
made a (belter from the dew. But the evening be- 
ing cloudy and very likely for rain, I was ilill un- 
der fears of being extremely expofed : Sweat much 
in the night, fo that my linen was almoft wringing 
wet all night. I fcarce ever was more weak and 
weary, than this evening, when I was able to fit up 
at all. This was a melancholy fituation I was in ; 
but I endeavoured to quiet myfelf with confidera- 
tions of the poflibility of my being in much worfe 
circumftances amongft enemies, &c. 

Wednejdayy September'^. — Rode to the Delaware- 
Town ; found divers drinking and drunken. Dif- 
courfed with fome of the Indians about chriftianity ; 
obferved my interpreter much engaged and affifted 
in his work : Some few perlbns feemed to hear with 
great earneftnefs and engagement of foul. About 
noon, rode to a fmall town of Shauwaunoes, about 
eight miles diftant ; fpent an hour or two there, and 
returned to the Delaware-Town, and lodged there. 
Was fcarce ever more confounded with a ienfe of my 
own unfruitfulnefs, and unfitnefs for my work, than 
now. O, what a dead, heartlcfs, barren, unprofita- 
ble wretch did I now fee myfelf to be I 

Thurfday^ September ^. — Difcourfed with the Iri- 
dians, in the morning, about chriftianity ; my inter- 
preter, afterwards, carrying on the difcourfe, to a 
confiderable length : Some few appeared well dif- 
pofed, and fomewhat afrc(5led. Left this place, and 
returned towards Shaumoking ; and at night lodged 
in the place where I lodged the Monday night be- 
fore : Was in very uncomfortable circumftances in 
the evening, my people being belated, and not com- 
''^i\ ^0 me until paft ten at night ; fo that I had no 

24^ The LIFE of 

fire to drefs any viduals, or to keep me warm, of 
keep off wild beafls ; and I was fcarce ever more 
weak and worn out in all my life. However, I lay 
down and flept before my people came up, expect- 
ing nothing elfe but to fpend the whole night alone 
and without fire, 

Friday, September 5. — Was exceeding weak, fo 
that I could fcarcely ride ; it feemed fometimes as 
if I mufl fall off from my horfe, and lie in the open 
woods: However, got to Shaumoking towards night: 
Felt fomethingof a fpirit of thankfulnefs, that God 
had fo far returned me : Was refrefhed, to fee one of 
my chriflians, whom I left here in my late excurfion. 
Saturday y September 6. — Spent the day in a very 
weak flate ; coughing and fpitting blood, and hav- 
ing little appetite to any food I had with me : Was 
able to do very little, except difcourfe a while of di- 
vine things to my own people, and to fome few I 
met with. Had, by this time, very little life or heart to 
fpeak for God, through feeblenefs of body, and flat- 
nefs of fpirits. 

Lord*s Day, September 7. — Was much in the fame 
weak ftate of body, and afflicted frame of mind, as 
in the preceding day : My foul was grieved, and 
mourned, that I could do nothing for God. Read 
and expounded fome part of God's word to my own 
dear family, and fpent fom.e time in prayer with 
them ; difcourfed alfo a little to the pagans : But 
fpent the Sabbath with little comfort. 

Monday, September 8. — Spent the forenoon among 
the Indians ; in the afternoon left Shaumoking, and 
returned down the river, a few miles. Had propof- 
ed to have tarried a confiderable time longer among 
the Indians upon Sufquehannah, but was hindered 
from purfuing my purpofe by the ficknefs that pre- 
vailed there, the weakly circumftances of my own 
people that were with me, and efpecially my own 




extraordinary weaknefs, having been exercifed with 
great nod:arnal fweats, and a coughing up of blood* 
in aim oft the whole of the journey ; and was a great 
part of the time fo feeble and faint, that it feemed as 
though I never fhould be able to reach home ; and 
at the fame time very deftitute of the comforts and 
even neceffaries of life ; at leafl, what was neceflary 
for one in fo weak a ftate. 

Tuefdayy Septe?nber^. — Rode down the river, neat 
thirty miles. Was extreme weak, much fatigued, 
and wet with a thunder ftorm. Difcourfed with 
fome warmth and clofenefs to fome poor ignorant 
fouls, on the life and power of religion ; what were 
and what were not the evidences of it. They feem- 
ed much aftonifhed, when they faw my Indians alk 
a blcfling and give thanks at dinner ; concluding 
that a very high evidence of grace in them : But 
were afloniflied, when I infifted that neither that, 
nor yet fecret prayer, was any fure evidence of 
grace. O the ignorance of the world ! How are 
fome empty outward forms, that may all be en- 
tirely felfifli, miftaken for true religion, infalli- 
ble evidences of it ! The Lord pity a deluded 

Thurfday^ September \ i . — Rode homeward ; but 
was very weak, and fometimes fcarce able to ride. 
Had a very importunate invitation to preach at a 
meeting houfe I came by, the people being then 
gathering ; but could not by reafon of weaknefs. 
Was religned and compofed under my weaknefs ; 
but was much exercifed with concern for my com- 
panions in travel, whom I had left with much regret, 
fome lame, and fome iick. 

Friday y September 12, — Rode about fifty miles ; 
and came juft at night to a chriftian friend's houfe, 
about twenty five miles weftward from Philadel- 
phia, Was courteoufly received, and kindly enter-* 

Qj5 tained, 

244 The LiFE of 

tained, and found myfelf much refrefhed in the 
midfl: of my weaknefs and fatigues. 

Saturday y September \^. — Was flill agreeably enter- 
tained with chriftian friendfliip, and all things nec- 
effary for my weak circumftances : In the afternoon 
heard Mr. Treat preach ; and was refreflied in con- 
verfation with him, in the evening. 

hordes Day, September 14. — At the defire of Mr. 
Treat and the people, I preached both parts of the 
day, but fhort, from Luke xiv. 23. God gave me 
fome freedom and warmth in my difcourfe ; and 1 
truft, helped me in fome meafure to labour in Jin- 
glenefs of heart. Was much tired in the evening, 
but was comforted with the moft tender treatment I 
ever met with in my life. My mind through the 
whole of this day was exceeding calm ; and I could 
afk for nothing in prayer, with any encouragement 
of foul, but that the will of God might be done. 

Monday, September 15. — Spent the whole day, in 
concert with Mr. Treat, in endeavours to compofe 
a difference, fubfifting between certain perfons in 
the congregation where we now were : There feem- 
ed to be a bleiling on our endeavours. In the even- 
ing, baptized a child : Was in a calm compofed 
frame, and enjoyed, I truft, a fpiritual fenfe of di- 
vine things, while adminiftering the ordinance. Af- 
terwards, fpent the time in religious converfation,. 
until late in the night. This was indeed a pleafant 
agreeable evening. 

Friday, September 19. — Rode from Mr. Treat's to 
Mr. Stockton's at Prince-Town : Was extreme 
weak, but kindly received and entertained. Spent 
the evening with fome degree of fatisfadion. 

Saturday, September 20. — Arrived among my own 
people, juft at night : Found them praying togeth- 
er : Went in and gave them fome account of God's 
dealings with me and my companions ixi the jous- 

ney i 

Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 245 

ney ; which feemed affecting to them. I then pray- 
ed with them, and thought the divine prefence was 
amongft us j divers were mehed into tears, and 
feemed to have a fenfe of divine things. Being very 
weak, I was obliged foon to repair to my lodgings, 
and felt much worn out in the evening. Thus God 
has carried me through the fatigu&s and perils of an- 
other journey to Sufquehannah, and returned me 
again in fafety, though under a great degree of bod- 
ily indifpoiition. O that my foul were truly thank~ 
ful for renewed inftances of mercy ! Many hard- 
fhips and diftreffes I endured in this journey : But 
the Lord fupported me under them ail. 

(X.3 PART 

226 TheLIFEop 

PART vir. 

After his Return from his Iqjl 'Journey to Susque- 
HANNAH, until his DzKTYi, 

LORD*s DAY, September 2t, 1746.--I was fo 
weak I could not preach, nor pretend to ride 
over to my people in the forenoon. In the afternoon 
rode out j fat in my chair, and difcourfed to my 
people from Rom. xiv. 7. 8. I was ftrengthened 
and helped in my difcourfe : And there appeared 
fomething agreeable in the aflembly. I returned to 
my lodgings extremely tired ; but thankful, that I 
had been enabled to fpeak a word to my poor people 
I had been fo long abfent from. Was able to deep 
very little this night, through wearinefsand pain. O 
how bleffed fhould I be, if the little I do were all 
done with right views ! O that whether / live I might 
live to the Lord, &c. 

Saturday, September 27. — Spent this day, as well 
?is the whole week pad, under a great degree of bod- 
ily weaknefs, exercifed with a violent cough, and a 
confiderable fever ; had no appetite to any kind of 
food ; and frequently brought up what I eat, as foon 
is it was down ; and oftentimes had little red in my 
bed, by reafon of pains in my bread and back : Was 
able, however, to ride over to my people, about two 
miles, every day, and take fome care of thofe who 
•were then at work upon a fmall houfe for me to re- 
fide in amongfl the Indians. I was fometimes fcarce 
able to walk, and never able to fit up the whole day, 
through the week. Was calm and compofed, and 
but little exercifed with melanrholy damps, as in 



former feafons of weaknefs. Whether I fhould ever 
recover, or no, feemed very doubtful ; but this was 
many times a comfort to me, that life and death did 
not depend upon my choice. I was pleafed, to think 
that he who is infinitely wife, had the determination 
of this matter ; and that I had no trouble, to confid- 
er and weigh things upon all fides, in order to make 
the choice, whether I would live or die. Thus my 
time was confumed ; I had little ftrcngth to pray, 
none to write or read, and fcarce any to meditate : 
But through divine goodnefs, I could with great 
compofure look death in the face, and frequently 
with fenfible joy. O, how bleffed it is, to be habit- 
ually prepared for death ! The Lord grant, that I 
maybe actually ready alfo. 

Lord*s Dayy Septejnbcr 28. — Rode to my people, 
and, though under much weaknefs, attempted to 
preach, from 2 Cor. xiii. 5. Difcourfed about half 
an hour ; at which feafon divine power feemed to at- 
tend the word : But being extreme weak, I was 
obliged to defift j and after a turn of faintnefs, with 
much difficulty, rode to my lodgings ; where betak- 
ing myfelf to my bed, I lay in a burning fever, and 
almoft delirious, for feveral hours ; until towards 
morning, my fever went off with a violent fvveat. I 
have often been feverifli, and unable to reft quietly 
after preaching ; but this was the moft fevere dif- 
trciiing turn, that ever preaching brought upon me. 
Yet I felt perfectly at reft in my own mind, becaufe 
I had made my utmofl: attempts to fpeak for God, 
and knew I could do no more. 

Tuefday, September y). — Yeflcrday, and today, was 
in the fame weak ftate, or rather weaker than in days 
paft ; was fcarce able to fit up half the day. Was 
in a compofed frame of mind, remarkably free from 
dcjediion and melancholy damps ; as God has been 
pleafed, in great meafure, to deliver m€ from thefc 
Qj^ unhappy 

248 TheLIFEof 

unhappy glooms, in the general colirfe of my pref- 
ent wcaknefs hitherto, and alfo from a peevifh fro- 
ward fpirit : And O, how great a mercy is this ! O 
that I might always be perfed:ly quiet in feafons of 
greateft weaknefs, although nature fhould fink and 

Saturday^ OBober 4. — Spent the former part of 
this week under a great degree of infirmity and dif- 
order, as I had done feveral weeks before : Was able 
however, to ride a little' every day, although unable 
to fit up half of the day, until Thurfday. Took 
fome care daily of fome perfons at work upon my 
houfe. On Friday, afternoon, found myfelf won- 
derfully revived and flrengthened; and having fome 
time before given notice to my people, and thofe of 
them at the Forks of Delaware, in particular, that I 
defigned, with the leave of Providence, to adminifter 
the facrament of the Lord's fupper upon the firft 
Sabbath in Odlober, the Sabbath now approaching, 
on Friday afternoon I preached, preparatory to the 
facrament, from 2 Cor. xiii. 5. Finifliing what I 
had propofed to offer upon the fubjecH: the Stibbath 
before. The fermon was bleffed of God to the ffir- 
ring up religious affection, and a fpirit of devotion, 
in the people of God ; and to the greatly afFed:ing 
one who had backflidden from God, which caufed 
him to judge and condemn himfelf. This being 
Saturday, I difcourfed particularly with divers of the 
communicants -, and this afternoon preached from 
Zech. xii. 10. There feemed to be a tender melting, 
and hearty mourning for iin, in numbers in the con- 
gregation. My foul was in a comfortable frame, 
and 1 enjoyed freedom and affiflance in pubJick fer- 
vice : Was myfelf, as well as mofl of the congrega- 
tion, much affedcd with the humble confefTion, and 
apparent brokenheartednefs of the forementioned 
backllidcr j and could not but rejoice;, that God had 



given him fuch a fenfe of his fin and unworthinefs. 
Was extremely tired in the evening ; but lay on my 
bed, and difcourfed to my people. 

Lord*s Day, OEiobcr 5. — Was ftill very weak j and, 
in the morning, confiderably afraid 1 fhould not be 
able to go through the work of the day ; having 
much to do, both in private and publick. Difcourf- 
ed before the adminiiiration of the facrament, from 
John i. 29. Behold the Lamb of God, that taketh away 
the JiJi of the world. Where 1 confidered, I. In what 
refpedts Chrift is called the Lamb of God ; and ob- 
fervcd that he is fo called, i. From the purity and 
innocency of his nature. 2. From his meeknefs and 
patience under fufferings. '3. From his being that 
atonement, which was pointed out in the facrifice of 
lambs, and in particular by the pafchal lamb. II. 
Confidered how and in what fcnfe he takes away the 
Jin of the world : And obferved, that the means and 
manner, in and by which he takes away the fins of 
men, was his giving himfelffor them-, doing and fuf- 
fering in their room and flcad, &c. And he is faid 
to take away xhtjin of the world, not becaufe all the 
world fliall actually be redeemed from fin by him ; 
but becaufe, i . He has done and fuftered fufiicient 
to anfwer for the fins of the world, and fo to redeem 
all mankind. 2. He actually does take away the 
fins of the eled; world. And III. Confidered how 
we are to behold him, in order to have our fins tak- 
en away, i . Not with our bodily eyes : Nor 2. hy 
imagining him on the crofs, &c. But by a fpiritual 
view of his glory and goodnefs, engaging the foul to 
rely on him, &c. The divine pref-nce attended this 
difcourfe ; and the affembly was confiderably melt- 
ed with divine truths. After fermon baptized two 
pcrfons. Then adminiftered the Lord's luppcr to 
near forty communicants, of the Indians, befides 
divers dear chriftians of the white people. It feem- 


a50 The LIFE o^ 

cd to be a feafon of divine power and grace; and num- 
bers feemed to rejoice in God. O.the fweet union and 
harmony then appearingamong the religious people ! 
My foul was rcfreflied, and my religious friends, of 
the white people, with me. After the facrament, 
could fcarcely get home, though it was not more 
than twenty rods ; but was fupported and led by 
my friends, and laid on my bed ; where I lay in 
pain until fome time in the evening ; and then was 
able to fit up and difcourfe with friends. O how 
was this day fpent in prayers and praifes among my 
dear people ! One might hear them, all the morning 
before publick worfhip, and in the evening, until 
near midnight, praying and finging praifes to God, 
in one or other of their houfes. My foul was re- 
freflied, though my body was weak. 

[This week he went in a very low ftate, in two 
days, to Elizabeth-Town, to attend the meeting of 
the Synod there : But wasdifappointed by its remov- 
al to New-York. He continued in a very compofed 
comfortable frame of mind.] 

Saturday^ OBober ii. — Towards night was feized 
with an ague, which was followed with a hard fever, 
and confiderable pain : Was treated with great 
kindnefs, and was afliamed to fee fo much concern 
about fo unworthy a creature, as I knew myfelf (o 
be. Was in a comfortable frame of mind, wholly 
fubmiffive, with regard to life or death. It was in- 
deed a peculiar fatisfadlion to nie, to think, that it 
was not my concern or hufinefs to determine wheth- 
er I fliould live or die. I likcwife felt peculiarly I'at- 
isfied, while under this uncommon degree of difor- 
der ; being now fully convinced of my being really 
weak, and unable to perform rny work; whereas at 
other times my mind was perplexed with fears, that 
I was a mifimprover of time, by conceiting 1 was 
fick; when I was not in reality fo. O, how precious 



is time ! And how guilty it makes me feel, when I 
think I have trifled away and mifimproved it, or 
neglected to fill up each part of it with duty, to the 
utmoft of my ability and capacity ! 

Lord's Day y O^ober 12. — Was fcarce able to fit 
up, in the forenoon: In the afternoon, attended 
publick worfhip, and was in a compofed and com- 
fortable frame. 

[The following week, he went back to his Indians 
at Cranberry, to take fome care of their fpiritual and 
temporal concerns : And was much fpent with rid- 
ing ; though he rode but a little way in a day.] 

Friday, October 24. — Spent the day in overfeeing 
and directing my people, about mending their fence, 
and fecuring their wheat. Found that all their con- 
cerns of a fecular nature depended upon me. Was 
fomewhat refrelhed in the evening, having been able 
to do fomething valuable in the day time. O, how 
it pains me, to fee time pafs away, when I can do 
nothing to any purpofe ! 

Saturday, 0^ober2^. — Viilted fome of my peo- 
ple ; fpent fome time in writing, and felt much bet- 
ter in body, than ufual : When it was near night, I 
felt fo well, that I had thoughts of expounding : But 
in the evening was much difordered again, and fpent 
the night in coughing, and fpittingof blood. 

Lord's Day, October 26. — In the morning, was ex- 
ceeding weak: Spent the day, until near night, in 
pain to fee my poor people, wandering as JJjeep ?iot 
having aJJ:tepherd, waiting and hoping to fee me able 
to preach to them before night : It could not but 
diftrefs me, to fee them in this cafe, and to find my- 
felf unable to attempt any tiling for their fpiritual 
benefit. But towards night, finding myfelf a little 
better, I called them together to my own houfe.and 
fat down and read and expounded Matth. v. i. — 16. 
This difcourfe, though delivered in much weaknefs, 


25a TheLIFEof 

was attended with power to many of the hearers -, 
efpecially what was fpoken upon the laft of thofe 
verfes ; where I infifted on the infinite wrong done 
to reHgion, by having our Hght become darknefs, in- 
flead oiJhini?ig before men. As many in the congre- 
gation were now deeply affedted with a fenfe of their 
deficiency, in regard of a fpirtual converfation, that 
might recommend rehgion to others, and as a fpirit 
of concern and watchfulnefs feemed to be excited in 
them j fo there was one, in particular, that had fall- 
en into the fin of drunkennefs, fome time before, 
who was now deeply convinced of his fin, and the 
great dilhonour done to religion by his mifcondud:, 
and difcovered a great degree of grief and concern 
on that account. My foul was refrefhed to fee this. 

Mo?2dayy 05iober 1"] , — Spent the day in overfeeing 
and directing the Indians, about mending the fence 
round their wheat : Was able to walk with them, and 
contrive their bufinefs, all the forenoon. In the af- 
ternoon, u^as vifited by two dear friends, and fpent 
fome time in converfation with them ; towards 
night, was able to walk out, and take care of the 
Indians again. In the evening, enjoyed a very 
peaceful frame. 

Tuefday, October 28. — Rode to Prince-Town, in a 
v^ery weak ftate : Had fuch a violent fever, by the 
way, that I was forced to alight at a friend's houfe ; 
and lie down for fome time. Near night was vifit- 
ed by Mr. Treat, Mr. Beaty and his wife, and 
another friend. My fpirits were refreflicd to fee 
them ; but I was furprifed, and even afhamed, that 
they had taken fo much pains as to ride thirty or 
forty miles to fee me ! Was able to fit up mofl of 
the evening ; and fpent the time in a very comfort- 
able manner with my friends. 

Wedjicfday, OHober 29. — Rode about (en miles 
with my friends that came yefterday to fee me ; and 



then parted with them, all but one, who ftayed on 
purpofe to keep me company, and cheer my fpirit^. 
Was extremely weak, and very feverifli, efpecially 
towards nip;ht j but enjoyed comfort and fatisfaftion. 
Lord^s Day, 'November 1. — Was unable to preachy 
and fcarcely able to fit, the whole day. Was griev- 
ed, and aimoft funk, to fee my poor people deftitute 
of the means of grace ; efpecially confidering they 
could not read, and fo were under great difad vanta- 
ges for fpending the Sabbath comfortably. O me- 
thought, I could be contented to be fick, if my poor 
flock had a faithful paftor to feed them with 
fpiritual knowledge! A view of their want of this 
was more afflidtive to me, than all my bodily illnefs. 
Monday^ November 3. — Being now in fo weak and 
low a ftate, that I was utterly uncapable of per- 
forming my work, and having little hope of recov- 
ery, unlefs by much riding, I thought it my duty to 
take a lengthy journey into New-England, and to 
divert mxyfelf among my friends, whom I had not 
now feen for a long time. And accordingly took leave 
of my congregation this day. Before I left my peo- 
ple, 1 vifited them all in their refpedlive houfes, and 
difcourfed to each one, as I thought mofi: proper and 
fuitable for their circumftances, and found great free- 
dom and affiftance in fo doing : I fcarcely \^{x. one 
houfe but fome were in tears ; and many were not 
only affedled with my beinof about to leave them, 
but with the folemn addreiles 1 made them upon 
divine things ; for I was helped to be fervent in 
Spirit^ while 1 difcourfed to them. When I had 
thus gone through my congregation, which took me 
moft of the day, and had taken leave of them, and 
of thefchool, I left home, and rode about two miles 
to the houfe where 1 lived in the fummer pail, and 
there lodged. Was refreflied, this evening, in that I 
had left my congregation fowcUdifpofed ar.dafFeded, 


254 T H E L I F E o F 

and that I bad been fo much affifled in making my 
farewell addrefles to them. 

Tuefday, November 4. — Rode to Woodbridge, and 
lodged with Mr. Pierfon ; continuing flill in a very 
weak ftate. 

Wednefday^ November 5. — Rode to Elizabeth- 
Town ; intending, as foon as poffible, to profecute 
my journey into New-England. But was, in an 
hour or two after my arrival, taken much worfe. 

After this, for near a week, was confined to my 
chamber, and moft of the time to my bed : And 
then fo far revived as to be able to walk about the 
houfe ; but was ftill confined within doors. 

In the beginning of this extraordinary turn of dif- 
order, after my coming to Elizabeth-Town, I was 
enabled, through mercy, to maintain a calm, compof- 
cd, and patient fpirit, as I had been before from the 
beginning of my weaknefs. After I had been in 
Elizabeth-Town about a fortnight, and had fo far 
recovered that I was able to walk about houfe, 
upon a dayof thankfgiving kept in this place, I was 
enabled to recall and recount over the mercies of 
God, in fuch a manner as greatly affedted me, and 
filled me, I think, with thankfulnefs and praife to 
God ; Efpecially my foul praifed him for his work 
of grace among the Indians, and the enlargement of 
his dear kingdom : My foul blefifed God for what 
he is in himfelf, and adored him, that he ever would 
difplay himfelf to creatures : I rejoiced that he was 
God, and longed that all fhould know it and feel it, 
and rejoice in it. hordy glorify thyfelj\ was the de- 
fire and cry of my foul. O that all people might 
love and praife the bleffed God : That he might 
have all poffible honour and glory from the intelli- 
gent world. 

After this comfortable thankfgiving feafon, I fre- 
quently enjoyed freedom and enlargement, and en^ 



gaged nefs of foul, in prayer, and was enabled to in- 
tercede with God for my dear congregation, very 
often for every family, and every perfon, in particu- 
lar ; and it was often a great comfort to me, that I 
could pray heartily to God for thofe, to whom I 
could not fpeak, and whom I v/as not allowed to fee. 
But at other times, my fpirits were fo flat and low, 
and my bodily vigour fo much wafted, that I had 
fcarce any affedions at all. 

In December 1 had revived fo far as to be able to 
walk abroad, and vilit friends, and feemed to be oa 
the gaining hand with regard to my health, in the 
maini until Lord*s Day, December 21. 

After this, having perhaps taken fome cold, I be- 
gan to decline as to bodily health ; and contiuned to 
do fo, until the latter end of January, 1746,7. 

On Lord's Day, February i, though in a very 
weak and low ftate, 1 enjoyed a considerable deal of 
comfort and fweetnefs in divine things ; and was 
enabled to plead and ufe argum.ents with God in 
prayer, I think, with a child like fpirit. That paf- 
fage of fcripture occurred to my mind, and gave me 
great affiftance, If ye, being evil, know how to give 
good gifts to your children, how much more will your 
heavenly 'Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ajk 
him? This text I was helped to plead and indft up- 
on • and faw the divine faithfulnefs engaged for 
dealing with me better than any earthly parent can 
do with his child. This feafon fo refreflied my 
foul that my body feemed alfo to be a gainer by ic» 
And from this time, I began gradually to amend. 
And as 1 recovered fome ftrength, vigour and fpirit, 
I found at times fome freedom and life in the exer- 
cifes of devotion, and fome longings after fpiritualitj'' 
and a life of ufefulnefs to the interefts of the great Re- 
deemer; although, at other times, I was awfully barren 
andlifelefs, andoutof frame for the things of God; fo 


^56 TheLIFEof 

that I was ready often to cry out, O that it were 
with me as in months paji ! O that God had taken 
me away in the midft of my ufefuhiefs, with a fud- 
den ftroke, that I might not have been under a ne- 
celfity of trifling away time in diverfions ! O that 
I had never lived to fpend fo much precious time, 
in fo poor a manner, and to fo little purpofe ! Thus 
I often refleded, was grieved, alhamed, and even 
confounded, funk and dilcouraged. 

On Tuefday, February 24, I was able to ride as 
far as Newark, (having been confined within Eliza- 
beth-Town almoft four months) and the next day 
returned to Elizabeth-Town. My fpiiits were fome- 
what refreflied with the ride, though my body was 

On Saturday, February 28, was vifited by an In- 
dian of my own congregation ; who brought me 
letters, and good news of the fober and good be- 
haviour of my people, in general. This refreflied 
my foul ; I could not but foon retire, and blefs God 
for his goodnefs ; and found, I trufl:, a truly thank- 
ful frame of fpirit, that God feemed to be building 
up that congregation for himfelf. 

On Wednefday, March 4, 1 met with reproof from 
a friend, which, although 1 thought I did not deferve 
it from him, yet vi^as. I trufl:, blefTed of God to make 
me more tenderly afraid of fin, more jealous over 
myfelf, and more concerned to keep both heart and 
life pure and unblamable : It likewife caufed me 
to refledt on my paft deadnefs, and wantof fpiritu- 
ality, and to abhor myfelf, and look on myfelf mofl 

Wednefday y March 11. — Being kept in Elizabeth - 
Town as a day of fafting and prayer, I was able to 
attend publick worfliip ; which was the firfl time 
I was able fo to do after December 21. O, how 
rauchweaknefs anddiitrefs did God carry me through 



in this fpace of time ! But having obtained help 'from 
him, I yet live : O that I could live more to his glory. 

LonVs Day, March i^. — Was able again to attend 
the publick worlhip, and felt fome earnell defiresof 
being reftored to the minifterial work: Felt, I think, 
fome fpirit and life to fpeak for God, 

Wednefday, March 18. — Rode out with a defign fo 
vifit my people, and the next day arrived among 
them : Was under great dejecflion in my journey. 

On Friday morning, I rofe early, walked about 
.imong my people, and inquired into* their ftate and 
concerns ; and found an additional weight and bur^ 
den on my fpirits, upon hearing fome things difa- 
greeable. I endeavoured to go to God with my dif- 
trefTes, and made fome kind of lamentable com- 
plaint j and in a broken manner fpread my difficult- 
ies before God j but, notwithftanding, my mind 
continued very gloomy. About teno*clock, I call- 
ed my people together, and after having explained 
and fung a Pfalm, I prayed with them : There was 
a confiderable deal of affecflion among them ; I 
doubt not, in fome inftances, that which was more 
than merely natural. 

[This was the laft interview that he ever had with 
his people. About eleven o'clock the fame day, he 
left them ; and the next day, came to Elizabeth- 
Town ; his melancholy remaining fl:ill ; and he con- 
tinued for a confiderable tim.e under a great degree 
of dejedtion through vapoury diforders.] 

hordes Day, April ^. — It grieved me to find myfelf 
fo inconceivably barren. My foul thirfted for grace : 
But alas, how far was I from obtaining what I faw 
fo exceeding excellent ! Iv.-as ready to defpair of eve'^ 
being a holy creature j and yet my foul was defirous 
oi following hard after God; but never did I fee my- 
felf fo far fromhaving apprehended, or being alrea- 
dy perfed:, as at this lime. The Lord's fupper be- 

R ing 

2s^ TheLIFEof 

ing this day adminiftered, I attended the ordinance t 
And though I faw in myfelf a dreadful emptinefs, 
and want of grace, and faw myfelf as it were at an 
infinite diftance from that purity, which is becom- 
ing the gofpel j yet in the feafon of communion, 
efpecially in the time of the diftribution of the 
bread, I enjoyed fome warmth of affedion, and 
felt a tender /ove to the brethren ; and, I think, to 
the glorious Redeemer, the firft-born among them. 
I endeavoured then to bring forth mine and his ene^ 
mies, andjlay them before him ; and found great free- 
dom in begging deliverance from this fpiritual death, 
as well as in afking divine favours for my friends, and 
congregation, and the church ot Chrifl in general. 

Friday y April lO. — Spent the forenoon in Prefby- 
terial bufineis : In the afternoon rode to Elizabeth- 
Town j found my brother John there* : Spent fome 
time in converfation with him ; but was extremely 
weak and outdone, my fpirits conliderably funk, 
and my mind dejed:ed. 

Thurfday, April i6. — Was in bitter anguifh of 
foul, in the morning, fuch as I have fcarce ever felt, 
with a fenfe of fin and guilt. 1 continued in diftrefs 
the whole day, attempting to pray wherever I 
went ; and indeed could not help fo doing : But 
looked upon myfelf fo vile, I dared not look any 
body in the face ; and was even grieved, that any 
body (hould fliew me any refpedt, or at leafl, that 
they (liould be fo deceived as to think 1 deferved it. 

Friday y April 17. — In the evening could not but 
think that God helped me to draw near to the throne of 
grace, though moll unworthy, and gave me a fenfe 
of his flivour j which gave me inexpreffible fupport and 


* This brother of his had been fent for by the Correfpondents, to take care of, 
and inftruft Mr. Brainerd's congiegation of Indians ; he being obliged by his ill- 
nefs to be abfent from them. And he continued to take care ot them until Mr. Brai- 
nerd's death : And fince his death, -was ordained his fucceiTor in his miffion, and to 
the charge of his cyngresa'ion ; which continuca much to flourifh under hispaf- 
toral care. 

Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 25.^ 

encouragement; though I fcarcely dared to hope the 
mercy was real, it appeared fo great : Yet could 
not but rejoice, that ever God fliould difcover his 
reconciled face to fuch a vile finner. Shame and 
confufion, at times, covered me ; and then hope 
and joy and admiration of divine goodnefs gain- 
ed the afcendant. Sometimes I could not but ad- 
mire the divine goodnefs, that the Lord had not let 
me fall into all the grofleft vileft a(5ts of fin and 
open fcandal, that could be thought of; and felt my- 
felf fo neceflitated to praife God, that this was ready 
for a little while, to fwallow up my fliame and prefT- 
ure of fpirit on account of my fins. 

[After this his dejection and prciTure of fpirit re- 
turned ; and he remained under it the two next days.] 

Monday^ April 2C. — Was in a very difordered 
ftate, and kept my bed moft of the day. 1 en- 
joyed a little more comfort, than in feveralofthe 
preceding days* This day I arrived at the age of 
twenty nine years. 

fuej'day^ April 21.— I fet oUt on my journey fof 
New-England, in order (if it might be the will of 
God) to recover my health by riding : Travelled io 
New- York, and there lodged. 

[This proved his final departure from Nevv-Jer- 
fey. He travelled flowly, and arrived among his 
friends, at Eaft-Haddam, about the beginning of 
May. There is very little account in his Diary of 
the time that paiTed from his fetting out on this 
journey to May 10. He fpeaks of his fometimes 
finding his heart rejoicing in the glorious perfeiflions 
of God, and longing to live to him j but complains 
of the unfixedncfs of his thoughts, and their being 
eafily diverted from divine fubjed:s,and cries out of 
his leanncfs, as teftifying againft him in the ioudeil 
* manner. And concerning thofe (hverfions he was 
obliged iKi ufe for his health, he fays, that he fome- 

R % times 

26o TheLIFEof 

times found be could ufe diverfions v^'iih Jingle nefs 
of hearty aiming at the glory of God ; but that be 
alfo found there was a nccefTity of great care and 
watchfulnefs left he Ihould lofe that fpiritual tem- 
per of mind in his diverfions, and left they fbould 
degenerate into what was merely felfilh without any 
iupreme aim at the glory of God in them.] 

Lord*s Dciy. May lO.— [At Had-Lime.] I could 
not but feel fome meafure of gratitude to God at 
this time (wherein I was much exercifed) that he 
had always difpofed me, in my miniftry, toinfifton 
the great do(5trines of regeneration^ the new creature^ 
faith in Cbrijl^ progrejfive fanBif cation ^ fupreme love 
to God, living entirely to the glory of God, being not 
our owny and the like. God has helped me to fee ia 
the fureft manner, from time to time, that thefe 
and the like docflrines, neceffarily connected with 
them, are the only foundation of fafety and falvation 
for periftiing finners ; and that thofe divine difpofi- 
tions, which are confonant hereto, are that holinefs 
without which no man Jloall fee the Lord: The cxercife 
of thefe godUke tempers, wherein the foul ad:s in a 
kind of concert with God, and would be and do eve- 
ry thing that is pleafing to God ; this, I faw, would 
Hand by the foul in a dying hour ; for God muft, I 
think, deny hi mf elf if he cafts away his own image, 
even the foul that is one in defires with himfelf. 

Lord's Day,Mayi'-j. — [At Millington.] Spent the 
forenoon at home, being unable to attend the publick 
worfhip. At this time, God gave me fome affed- 
ing fenfe of my own vilenefs, and the exceeding fin- 
fulnefsof my heart; that there feemed to be nothing 
but fin and corruption within me. Innumerable 
evils compaffed me about ; my want of fpirituality 
and holy living, my negled: of God, and living to 
myfelf ; all the abominations of my heart and life 
feemed to be open to my view ; and 1 had nothing 



to fay, but God be merciful to me ajinncr. Towards 
noon, I faw, that the grace of God in Chrift is infi- 
nitely free towards finners, and fiich finners as I was; 
I alfo faw, that God is the fupreme good, that in his 
prefence is life ; and I began to long to die, that I 
might ^^ with hifii, in a ftate of freedom from all fin. 
O, how a fmall glimpfe of his excellency refrefhed 
my foul ! O, how worthy is the bleffed God to be 
loved, adored, and delighted in, for himfelf, for his 
own divine excellencies. 

Though I felt much dulnefs, and want of a fpirit 
of prayer, this week, yet I had fome glimpies of the 
excellency of divine things ; and efpccially one 
morning, in fecret meditation and prayer, the excel- 
lency and beauty of holinefs, as a likenefs to the 
glorious God, was fo difcovered to me, that I began 
to long earneflly to be in that world where holinefs 
dwells in perfeilion : And I feemed to long for this 
perfedt holinefs, not fo much for the fike o{ my own 
happinefs (although I faw clearly that this was the 
greateft, yea, the only happinels of the Ibul) as that 
I might pleafe God, live entirely to him, and glorify 
him to theutmoft ftretch of my rational powers and 

[On Thurfday, May 28, he came from Long- 
Meadow to Northampton ; appearing vaflly bet- 
ter than, by his account, he had been in the winter ; 
indeed, fo well that he was able to ride twenty five 
miles in a day, and to walk half a mile; and ap- 
peared cheerful, and free from melancholy : But 
yet, undoubtedly, at that time, in a confirmed, in- 
curable confumption 

I had had much opportunity, before this, of par- 
ticular information concerning him, from many 
that were well acquainted with him. But now I had 
opportunity for a more full acquaintance with him. 
1 found him remarkably fociable, pleafant and enter- 

R 3 taining 

a62 T H E L I F E F 

tainingin his converfation ; yet folid, favoury, fpir* 
itual, and very profitable ; appearing meek,modeft, 
and humble ; far from any ftiffnefs, morofenefs, fu- 
perftitious demurenefs, or afFeded Angularity in 
ipeech or behaviour, and feeming to naufeate all fuch 
things. We enjoyed not only the benefit of his con-^ 
verfation, but had the comfort and advantage of 
hearing him pray in the family, from time to time. 
His manner of praying was very agreeable; mofb 
becoming a worm of the duft, and a difciple of 
Chrift, addrefling an infinitely great and holy God, 
and Father of mercies ; not with florid exprellions, 
or a ftudied eloquence ; not with any intemperate 
vehemence, or indecent boldnefs ; at the greateft 
diftance from any appearance of oftentation, and 
from every thing that might look as though he meant 
to recommend himfelf to thofe that were about him. 
or fet himfelf off to their acceptance ; free too from 
vain repetitions, without impertinent excurfions, or 
needlefs multiplying of words. He exprefled him- 
felf with the ftridteft propriety, with weight, and 
pungency ; and yet what his lips uttered feemed to 
flow from the fulnefs of his heart, as deeply imprelf- 
ed with a great and folemn fenfe of our neceffities, 
unworthinefs, and dependence, and of God's infinite 
greatnefs, excellency, and fufficiency, rather than 
merely from a warm and fruitful brain, pouring out 
good exprellions. And I know not, -that ever I 
heard him fo much as afk a blefling or return thanks 
at table, but there was fomething remarkable to be 
obferved, both in the matter and manner of 
performance. In his prayers^ he infifted much 
on the profpcrity of Zion, the advancement of 
Chrift's kingdom in the v.'orld, and the flourifliing 
and propagation of religion among the Indians. 
And he generally made it one petition in his prayer^ 
that we might not outlive our ufefulnefs.] 


Lord's Day, May 31.— [At Northampton.] I 
had httle inward fvveetnefs in reUgion, for moft of 
the week paft ; not realizing and beholding fpiritu- 
ally the glory of God, and the bleffed Redeemer; from 
whence always arife my comforts and joys in relig- 
ion, if I have any at all : And if I cannot fo behold 
the excellencies and perfections of God, as to caufe 
me to rejoice in him for what he is in himfelf, I 
have no fohd foundation for joy. To rejoice only 
becaufe 1 apprehend 1 have an intereft in Chrift, 
and fhall be finally faved, is a poor mean bufinefs 

[This week, he confulted dodor Mather, at my 
hoLife, concerning his illnefs j who plainly told him, 
that there were great evidences of his being in a con- 
firmed confumption, and that he could givchim no 
encouragement, that he fhould ever recover. But it 
feemed not to occafion the lead difcompofure in him, 
nor to make any manner of alteration as to the cheer- 
fulnefs and ferenity of his mind, or the freedom or 
pleafantncfs of hisconverfation.] 

Lord's Day, Juneq. — My attention was greatly 
engaged, and my ioul fo drawn forth, this day, by 
what I heard of the exceeding precioufnefs of the 
faving grace of God's Spirit, that it almoll over- 
came my body in my weak flate ; 1 law that true 
grace is exceeding precious indeed ; that it is very 
rare ; and there is but a very Imall degree of it, 
even where the reality of it is to be found ; at lead: , 
I faw this to be my cafe. 

In the preceding week I enjoyed fom? comforta- 
ble feafons of meditation. One morning the caufe 
of God appeared exceeding precious to me: The 
Redeemer's kingdom is all that is valuable in the earth , 
and 1 could not but long for the promotion of it in 
the world : I faw alio that this caufe is God's, that 
he has an infinitely greater regard and concern for 
" 'R 4 - it. 

264 T H E L I F E a F 

it, than I could poflibly have ; that if I have any 
true love to this blefled intereft, it is only a drop de- 
rived from that ocean. Hence, I was ready to lift 
up my head with joy; and conclude, well, if God's 
caufc be (o dear and precious to him, he will pro- 
mote it. And thus I did as it were reft on God, 
that furely he would promote that which was fo 
agreeable to his own will j though the time when 
muft ftill be left to his fovereign pleafure. 

[He was advifed by phylicians ftill to continue 
riding, as what would tend, above any other means, 
to prolong his life. He was at a lofs for fomc time, 
which way to bend his courfe next ; but finally de- 
termined to ride from hence to Bofton ; we haying 
concluded that one of this family ftiould go with 
bim,and be helpful to him in his weak and low ftate.] 

T^uefday, "June 9. — I fet out on a Journey from 
Northampton to Bofton : Travelled flowly, and 
got fome acquaintance with divers minifters on the 

I having now continued to ride for fome confider- 
able time together, felt myfelf much better than I had 
formerly done -, and I found that in proportion to 
the profpedt I had of being reftored to a ftate of ufe- 
fulnefs, fo I defired the continuance of life : But 
death appeared inconceivably more defirable to me, 
than a uielefs life ; yet, blefled be God, 1 found my 
heart, at times, fully refigned and reconciled to this 
greateft of affiidions, if God faw fit thus to deal 
with me. 

Friday, "June I2,— I arrived in Bofton this day, 
fome what fatigued with my journey. Obferved, 
that there is no reft but in God : Fatigues of body, 
and anxieties of mind attend us, both in town and 
country ; no place is exempted. 

Lord's Day, 'June 14. — 1 enjoyed fome enlarge- 
ment and fweetnefs in family prayer, as well as in 


Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. z6^ 

ftcret exercifes ; God appeared excellent, his ways 
full of plcafure and peace, and all I wanted was a 
fpirit of holy fervency, to live to him. 

Wednefday^ 'June 17. — This and the two preced- 
ing days, I fpent mainly in vifiting the minifters of 
the town, and was treated with great reipei^l by them. 

On Thurfday, June 18, I was taken exceeding ill, 
and brought to the gates of death, by tl^ breaking of 
fmall ulcers in my lungs, as my phyiicianfuppofed. In: 
this extreme weak ftate I continued forTeveral weeks, 
and was frequently reduced iolow as to be utterly 
fpeechlefs, and not able lb much as to whifper a word ; 
and even after I had fp far revived, as" to walk about 
houfe,and toftep out of doors, Iv/as exercifed every 
day with a faint turn, which continued ufually 
four or five hours ; at which times, though I was 
not utterly fpeechlefs, fo but that I could fay yes^ 
or no, yet I could not converfe at all, nor fpeal^ 
one fentence without making flops for breath; and 
divers times in this feafon, my friends gathered 
round my bed, to fee me breathe my laft, which' 
they looked for every moment, as I myfelf al- 

How I was the firft day or two of my illnefs, with' 
regard to the exercife of reafon, I fcarcely know ; 
but 1 believe I was fomething ihattered with the vio- 
lence of the fever, at times : But the third day of my- 
illnefs, and conlf antly afterwards, for tour or five 
weeks together, I enjoyed as much ferenity of 
mind and clearnefs of thought, as perhaps I ever 
did in my lite : And I think my mind never pene- 
trated with {o much eafe and freedom into divine 
things, as at this time ; and I never felt fo capable 
of demonftrating the truth of many important doc- 
trines of the gofpel as now. And as I faw clearly the 
truth of thole great dodrines, which are juftly fliled 
the Doctrines of Grace ^ ioi faw with no kfs 


266 TheLIFEof 

clearnefs, that the efTence of religion confifted in the 
foul's conformity to God, and adting above all felf- 
ifh views, for his iglory, longing to be for him, to 
live to him, and pleafe and honour him in all things ; 
and this from a clear view of his infinite excellency 
and worthinefs in himfelf, to be loved, adored, wor- 
fhipped and ferved by all intelligent creatures. Thus 
I faw, that when a foul loves God with a fupreme 
love, he therein ads like the blefTed God himfelf, 
who moit juftly loves himfelf in that manner : So 
when God's intereil and his are become one, and he 
longs that God fhould be glorified, and rejoices to 
think that he is unchangeably polTeffed of the high- 
eft glory and blefTednefs, herein alfo he a(fts in con- 
formity to God : In like manner, when the foul is 
fully refigned to, and refts fatisfied and content- 
ed with the divine will, here it is alfo conformed 
to God. 

I faw further, that as this divine temper, whereby 
the foul exalts God, and treads felf in the duft, is 
wrought in the foul by God's difcovering his own 
glorious perfe6tions i?i the face of^efus Chrijl to it, 
by the fpecial influences of the Holy Spirit, fo he 
cannot but have regard to it, as his own work ; and 
as it is his image in the foul, he cannot but take de- 
light in it. Then I faw again, that if God fliould 
flight and rejedhis own moral im^ge, he muft needs 
deny himfelf; which he cannot do. And thus I faw 
theftabilityandinfallibility of this religion, and that 
thofe who are truly pofTeffed of it, have the molt 
complete and fatisfying evidence of their being in- 
terefied in all the benefits of Chrifl's redemption, 
having their hearts confotmed to him ; and that thele 
and thefe only are qualified for the employments 
and entertainments of God's kingdom of glory ; as 
none but thefe have any rcliQi for the bufinefs of 
heaven, which is to afcribe glory to God, and not to 

themfelvcs ; 


themfelves ; and thatXjod, though I would fpeak it 
with great reverence of his name and perfecflions, can- 
not, without denying himlelf, finally caft fuch away. 

The next thing I had then to do, was to inquire, 
whether this was my religion : And here God was 
pleafed to help me to the mod eafy remembrance 
and critical review of what had pafled in courfe, of a 
religious nature, through feveral of the latter years of 
my life : And although I could difcover much cor- 
ruption attending my beft duties, many felfifh views, 
and carnal ends, much fpiritual pride and felf exalt- 
ation, and innumerable other evils which compafTed 
me about ; I fay, although I now difcerned the fins 
of my holy things, as well as other actions, yet God 
was pleafed, as 1 was reviewing, quickly to put this 
queftion out of doubt, by fhewing me, that I had, 
from time to time, adled above the utmoft influence 
of mere felf love ; that I had longed to pleafe and 
glorify him, as my highefl happinefs, &c. And 
this review was through grace attended with a pref- 
ent feeling of the fame divine temper of mind ; I felt 
now pleafed to think of the glory of God, and long- 
ed for heaven as a flate wherein I might glorify God 
perfe(5lly, rather than a place of happinefs for my- 
felf : And this feeling of the love of God in my 
heart, which I truft the Spirit of God excited in me 
afrefh, was fufficient to give me full fatisfa<5tion, 
and make me long, as I had many times before done, 
to be with Chrift. I did not now want any of the 
fudden fuggeflions, which many are fo pleafed with, 
that Chrift and his benefits are mine, that God 
loves me, &c. in order to give me fatisfad:ion about 
my ftate. 

Thefe things I faw with great clearnefs, when I 
was thought to be dying. And God gave me great 
concern for his church and intereft in the world, at 
this time. 


268 Th E L I F E o P 

As God was pleafed to afford me clearnefs of 
thought, and compofure of mind, almoft continual- 
ly, for feveral weeks together, under my great weak- 
nisfs ; fo he enabled me, in fome meafure, to im- 
prove my time, as I hope, to valuable purpofes. I 
was enabled to write a number of important letters 
to friends in remote places : And fometimes I wrote 
when I was fpeechlefs ; i. e. unable to maintain 
converfation with any body ; though perhaps I was 
able to fpeak a word or two fo as to be heard. 

[He was much vifited, while in Bofton, by many 
perfons of confiderable note and figure, and of the 
beft chara6ter, and by fome of the firft rank : Who 
fhewed him uncommon refpecft, and appeared high- 
ly pleafed and entertained with his converfation. And 
befides his being honoured with the company and 
refped: of minifters of the town, he was vifited by 
feveral miniflers from various parts of the coun- 
try. And as he took all opportunities to difcourfe 
of the peculiar nature, and diftinguifliing characters 
of true fpiritual and vital religion, and to bear his 
teftimony againfl: the various falfe appearances of it, 
confifting in, or arifing from impreflionson the im- 
agination, and fudden and fuppoied immediate fug- 
geftions of truths, not contained in the fcripture, and 
that faith which confifts primarily in a perfon's be- 
lieving that Chrifl died for him in particular, dec. 
So what he faid was for the mod part heard with 
uncommon attention and regard ; and his difcourfes 
and reafonings appeared manifcftly to have great 
weight and influence, with many that he converfed 
•with, both minifters and others. 

Mr. Brainerd*s refloration from his extremely low 
flate in Boflon, foas to go abroad again and to trav- 
el, was very uncxpedted to him and his friends. My 
daughter, who was with him, writes thus concerning 

him, in a letter dated June 23. *' On Thurfday, 




he was very ill with a violent fever, and extreme pain 
in his head and breaft, and, at turns, delirious. So 
he remained until Saturday evening, when he feem- 
ed to be in the agonies of death : The familj?- was 
up with him until one or two o'clock, expedting ev- 
ery hour would be his laft. On Sabbath day he was 
a little revived, his head was better, but very full 
of pain, and exceeding fore at his breaft, much put 
to it for breath, &cc. Yefterday he was better upon 
all accounts. Lafl' night he flept but little. This 
morning he is much worfe. Do6tor Pynchon fays, 
he has no hopes of his life ; nor does he think it 
likely he will ever come out of the chamber ; 
though he fays he may be able to come to North- 

In anotherletter,datedJune29,{liefays as follows : 
*' Mr.Brainerd has not fo much pain nor fever, fince 
I laft wrote, as before : Yet he is extremely weak 
and low, and very faint, expedting every day will 
be his lafl. He fays, it is impoflible for him to live 
for want of life. He has hardly vigour enough to 
draw his breath. I went this morning into town, 
and when I came home, Mr. Bromfield faid, he 
never expected I fliould fee him alive ; for hfe lay 
two hours, as they thought, dying; one could fcarce- 
ly tell, whether he was alive or not ; he was not able 
to fpeak, for fome time : But now is much as he 
was before. The Do(tl:or thinks, he will drop away 
in fuch a turn. Mr. Brainerd fays, he never felt any 
thing fo much like diifolution, as what he felt today ; 
and fays, he never had any conception of its being 
pollible for any creature to be alive, and yet fo weak 
as he is from day to day. Dodor Pynchon fays, he 
Ihould not be furprifed, if he fhould fo recover as to 
live half a year ; nor would it furpriie him, if h.e 
ihould die in half a day. Since I began to write, he 
is not fo well j having had a faint turn again : Yet 


r^o The LIFE of 

patient and refigned, having no diflrcfling fears, but 
the contrary." 

His phj^fician, the honourable Jofeph Pynchon, 
Efq; when he vifited him in his extreme illnefs in 
Bofton, attributed his finking fo fuddenly intoa ftate 
fo extremely low, and nigh unto death, to the break- 
ing of ulcers, that had been long gathering in his 
lungs, as Mr. Brainerd himfelf intimates in a fore- 
mentioned pafTage in his Diary, and there difcharg- 
ing and difFufing their purulent matter ; which, 
while nature was labouring and ftruggling to throw 
off, that could be done no otherwife, than by gradu- 
al ftraining of it through the fmall veffels of thofe 
vital parts. This occafioned an high fever, and vi- 
olent coughing, and threw the whole frame of na- 
ture into the utmoft diforder, and brought it near to 
a diflblution : But fuppofed, if the ftrength of na- 
ture held until the lungs had this way gradually 
cleared themfelves of this putrid matter, he might 
revive, and continue better, until new ulcers gather- 
ed and broke ; but then would furely fink again ; 
and that there was no hope of his recovery ; but, as 
he exprefl'ed himfelf to one of my neighbours, who 
at that time faw him in Bofton, he was as certainly 
a dead man, as if he was (hot through the heart. 

But fo it was ordered in divine Providence, that 
the ftrength of nature held out through this great 
conflidt, fo as juft to efcape the grave at that turn ; 
and then he revived, to the aftoniftiment of all that 
knew his cafe. 

After he began to revive he was vifited by his 
youngeft brother, Mr. Ifrael Brainerd, a ftudent at 
Yale-College ; who having heard of his extreme ill- 
nefs, went from thence to Bofton, in order to fee him, 
if he might find him alive, which he butlittleexpedted. 

This viHt was attended with a mixture of joy and 
forrow to Mr. Brainerd, He greatly rejoiced to fee 



his brother, efpecially becaufe he had defired an op- 
portunity of fome rehgious converfation with him 
before he died. But this meeting was attended with 
forrow, as his brother brought to him the forrowful 
tidings of his fifter Spencer's death at Haddam ; a 
/ifter, between whom and him had long fubfifted a 
pecuharly dear affedion, and much intimacy in fpir- 
itual matters, and whofe houfe he ufed to make his 
home, when he went to Haddam, his native place. 
He had heard nothing of her ficknefs until this re- 
port of her death. But he had thefe comforts, to- 
gether with the tidings, viz. a confidence of her be- 
ing gone to heaven, and an expectation of his foon 
meeting her there. His brother continued with him 
until he left the town, and came with him from 
thence to Northampton. 

Concerning the laft Sabbath Mr. Brainerd fpent 
in Bofton, he writes in his Diary as follows.] 

Lord's Day, 'July 19. — I wasjuft able to attend 
publick worlhip, being carried to the houfe of God 
in a chaife. Heard Dr. Sewall preach, in the fore- 
noon : Partook of the Lord's fupper at this time. 
In this facrament, I fawaftonifliing divine wifdom dif- 
played j fuch wi(dom as I faw required the tongues 
of angels and glorified faints to celebrate : It feemed 
to me, I never fliould do any thing at adoring the 
infinite wifdom of God difcovered in the contrivance 
of man*s redemption, until I arrived at a world of 
perfed:ion ; yet I could not help driving to call upon 
7uy foul and all within me to blej's the Jiame of God. In 
the afternoon, heard Mr. Prince preach. I faw more 
of God in the wifdom difcovered in the planof man*s 
redemption, than I faw of any other of his perfec- 
»tions, through the whole day. 

[He left Bofion the next day. But before he 

came away, he hadoccafion to bear a very full, plain, 

and open teflimony againd that opinion, that theef- 


272 TheLIFEof 

fence of faving faith lies in believing that Chrifl: di- 
ed for me in particular, and that this is the firft adt 
of faith in a true believer*s clofing with Chrift. He 
did it in a long conference he had with a gentleman, 
that has very publickly and ftrenuoufly appeared to 
defend that tenet. He had this difcourfe with him 
in the prefence of a number of confiderable perfons, 
who came to vifit Mr. Brainerd before he left the 
town, and to take their leave of him. In which de- 
bate he made this plain declaration, at the fame time 
confirming what he faid by many arguments. That 
the effence of faving faith was wholly left out of that 
definition of faving faith which that gentleman has 
publifhed ; and that the faith which he had defined, 
had nothing of God in it, nothing above nature, nor 
indeed above the power of the devils ; and that all 
fuch as had this faith, and had no better, though 
they might have this to never fo high a degree, 
would furely perifh. And he declared alfo, that he 
never had greater afTurance of the falfenefs of the 
principles of thofe that maintained fuch a faith, and 
of their dangerous and deflrudlive tendency, or a 
more affecSling fenfe of the great delufion and mife- 
ry of thofe that depended on getting to heaven by 
fuch a faith, while they had no better, than he late- 
ly had when he was fuppofed to be at the point to 
die, and expedted every minute to pafs into eternity. 
Mr. Brainerd*s difcourfe at this time, and the forci- 
ble reafonings by which he confirmed what he af- 
ferted, appeared to be greatly to the fatisfadtion of 
thofe prefent j as feveral of them took occafion ex- 
prefsly to manifeft to him, before they took leave of 

When this converfation was ended, having bid 
an afFedtionate farewell to his friends, he fct out in 
the cool of the afternoon, on his journey to North- 
ampton, attended by his brother, and my daughter 



that went with him to Bofton ; and would have 
been accompanied out of the town by a number of 
gentlemen, befides that honourable perfon who gave 
him his company for fome miles on that occaSon, 
as a tell imony of their efteem and refpe(5t, had not his 
averdon to any thing of pomp and (hew prevent- 
ed it.] 

Saturday^ ^uly 25. — I arrived here at Northamp- 
ton j having let out from Bofton on Monday, about 
four o'clock P. M. In this journey, I rode about 
iixteen miles a day, one day with another. I was 
fometimes extremely tired and faint on the road, fo 
that it feemed.impoffible for me to proceed any fur- 
ther : At other times I v/as confidcrably better, and 
felt fome freedom both of body and mind. 

Lord's Day, 'JuIy^6. — This day I faw clearly, that 
I Ihould never be happy ; yea, that God himfelf 
could not make me happy, unlefs I could be in a ca- 
pacity toplcafe and glorify him forever : Take away 
this, and admit me into all the fine heavens that can 
be conceived of by men or angels, and I fhould ftill 
be mifcrable forever- 

[Though he had fo far revived, as to be able to 
travel thus fiir, yet he manifelled no expedfation of 
recovery : He fuppofed, as his phylician did, that 
his being brought fo near to death at Bofton, was 
owing to the breaking of ulcers in his lungs : He 
told me, that he had had feveral fuch ill turns before^ 
only not to {o high. a degree, but as he fuppofed^ 
owing to the lame caufe, viz. the breaking of ulcers ; 
and that he was brought lower and lower every time ; 
and it appeared to him, that in his laft ficknefs, in 
Bofton, he was brought as low as it was poffible and 
yet Myc ; and that he had not the leaft expsdtatiori 
of furviving the next return of this breaking of ul- 
cers : But ftill appeared perfectly calm in the prof- 
pe<ft of death, . 

S On 

274 The LIFE of 

On Wednefday morning, the week after he came 
to Northampton, he took leave of his brother Ifrael, 
as never expeding to fee him again in this world ; 
he now fetting out from hence on his journey to 
New- Haven. 

When Mr. Brainerd came hither, he had fo much 
flrength as to be able, from day to day, to ride out 
two or three miles, and to return ; and fometimes to 
pray in the family ; b^ut from this time he gradual- 
ly, but fenfibly, decayed, and became weaker and 

While he was here his converfation from firft to 
laft was much on the fame fubjecfts as it had been 
when in Boflon : He was much in fpeaking of the 
nature of true religion of heart and prad:ice, as dif- 
tinguifhed from its various counterfeits; exprefiing 
his great concern, that the latter did fo much pre- 
vail in many places. He often manifefted his great 
abhorrence of all fuch dodlrines and principles in re- 
ligion, as in any wife favoured of, and had any though 
but a remote, tendency to Antinomianifm ; of all fuch 
notions, as feemed to diminifli the neccffity of holi- 
nefsoflife, or to abate men*s regard to the com- 
mands of God, and a ftrid;, diligent, and univerfal 
practice of virtue and piety, under a pretence of de- 
preciating our works, and magnifying God's free 
grace. He fpake often, with much detcftation, of 
luch experiences and pretended difcoveries and joys, 
as have nothing of the nature of fandification in 
them, and do not tend to fhicftnefs, tendernefs, and 
diligence in religion, and meeknefs and benevolence 
towards mankind, and an humble behaviour : And 
he alfo declared, that he looked on fuch pretended 
humihty as worthy of no regard, that was not man- 
3 felled by modefly of condudl and converfation. He 
fpakc often, with abhorrence, of the fpirit and prac- 
tice that appears among, the greater part of feparatifts 



at this day in the land, particularly thofein the eail- 
ern parts of Connedicut ; in their condemning and 
ieparating from the ftanding miniftry and churches, 
their crying down learning, and a learned miniftry* 
their notion of an immediate call to the work of the 
miniftry, and the forwardnefs of laymen to fet up 
themfelves as publick teachers. He had been much 
converfant in the eaftern part of Conne(5licut, his 
native place being near to it, when the fame princi- 
ples, notions and fpirit began to operate, which have 
iince- prevailed to a greater height ; and had ac- 
quaintance with fome of thofe perfons who are be- 
come heads and leaders of the feparatifts ; he had 
alfo been converfant with perfons of the fame way 
clfewhere : And I heard him fay, once and again, he 
knew by his acquaintance with this fort of people, 
that what was chiefly and moft generally in repute 
among them as the power of godUnefs, was an en- 
tirely different thing from that true vital piety rec- 
ommended in the fcriptures, and had nothing in it 
of that nature. He manifefted a great diflike of a 
difpofition in perfons to much noife and ftiow in re- 
ligion, and affedting to be abundant in proclaiming 
and publiftiing their own experiences : Though at 
the fame time he did not condemn, but approved of 
chriftians' fpeaking of their own experiences on fome 
occafions, and to fome perfons, with due modelty 
and difcretion. 

After he came hither, as long as he lived, he was 
much in fpeaking of that future pro fperity of Z ion, 
that is fo often foretold and promifed in the fcrip- 
ture : It was a theme he delighted to dwell upon ; 
and his mind feerned to be carried forth with earneft 
concern about it, and intenfe defires, that religion 
might fpeedily and abundantly revive and flourifh ; 
though he hatl not the leaft expedation of recovery ', 
yea, the nearer death advanced', and the more the 
S 7, fymptoms-. 

27^ T H E L I l<^ E o F 

fymptoms of its approach increafed, ftill the more- 
did his mind feem to be taken up with this fubjedt. 
He told me, when near his end, that '* he never irt 
all his life, had his mind fo led forth in defires and 
earneft prayers for the flourifhing of Chrift's king- 
dom on earth, as fince he was brought fo exceeding 
low at Bofton/* He feemed much to wonder, that 
there appeared no more of a difpofition in minifters 
and people to pray for the flourifliing of religion 
through the world ; that fo little a part of their 
prayers was generally taken upabout it in their fam- 
ilies, and elfewhere ; and particularly, he feveral 
times expreffed his wonder, that there appeared na 
more forwardnefs to comply with the propofal late- 
ly made, in a memorial from a number of minifters 
in Scotland, and fent over into America, for united 
extraordinary prayer, among Chrift's minifters and 
people, for the coming of Chrift*s kingdom : And 
he fent it as his dying advice to his own congrega- 
tion that they fliould pra6tife agreeably to that pro- 

Though he was conftantly exceeding weak, yet 
there appeared in him a continual care well to im- 
prove time, and lill it up with fomething that might 
be profitable, and in fome refped: for the glory of 
God or the good of men ; either profitable conver- 
iation, or writing letters to abfent friends, or noting 
fomething in his Diar}^ or looking over his former 
writings, corredling them, and preparing them to 
be left in the hands of others at his death, or giving 
fome dircdlions concerning a future conducting and 
management of his people, or employment in fccret 
devotions. He feemed never to be eafy, however 


* His congregation, fmce this, have with great chrerfulncfs and unanimity fallen 
in with ihis advice, and have piitCtilcd agreeably to the propofal Iroin Scotland ; and 
have at times, appeared with uncommon cngagcdntfs and iervency of i'pirit in their 
meetings and united dcvoticns, purluant to that propofal : Alfo the Prclbyteries o'. 
. New-York, and Ncw-Bruafwick, fince this, have with one confent, lallcn in wiih 
ih? propoialj as Iikcwiie fgmr o'.hcrs of God's p'-oplr in thoie pans 

M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. %fi 

ill, if he was not doing fomething for God, or in 
his fervice. 

After he came hither, he wrote a preface to a Di- 
ary of the famous Mr. Shepard's, having been much 
urged to it by thofe gentlemen in Bofton, who had 
the care of the publication : Which Diary, with his 
preface, has fince been publiflied, 

In his Diary for Lord's Day, Auguft 9, he fpeaks 
of longing defires after death, through a fenfe of the 
excellency of a flate of perfediion. 

In his Diary for Lord's Day, Auguft 16, he 
fpeaks of his having fo much refrefhment of foul in 
the houfe of God, that it feemed to refrefh his body. 
And this is not only noted in his Diary, but was 
very obfervable to others ; it was very apparent, not 
only, that his mind was exhilarated with inward 
confolation, but alfo that his animal fpirits and bod- 
ily ftrength feemed to be remarkably rell:ored, as 
though he had forgot his illnefs. But this was the 
lafl time that ever he attended publick worfliip on 
the Sabbath. 

On Tuefday morning that week, I being abfent on 
a journey, he prayed with my family,- but not with- 
out much difficulty, for want of bodily llrength : 
And this was the laft family prayer that ever he 

He had been wont, until now, frequently to ride 
out, two or three miles : But this week, on Thurf- 
^■^Yy was the laft time he ever did fo.] 

Lord*s Dayy Augujl 23. — This morning I was 
conliderably refrelhed with the thought, yea, the 
hope and expedation of the enlargement of Chrifl's 
kingdom ; and I could not but hope, the time was 
at hand, when Babylon the great would fidl, and 
rife no more ; This led me to fome fpiritual medi- 
tations, tliat were very refrc filing tome. I was un- 
able to attend publick worfliip cither part of the 

S 3 day I 

%S TheLIFEof 

day ; but God was pleafed to afford me fixednefs 
and fatisfa(5lion in divine thoughts. Nothing fo re- 
frefhes my foul, as when I can go to God, yea, 
to God my exceeding joy. When he is fo, fenli- 
bly, to my foul, O, how unfpeakably delightful is 
this ! 

In the week paft, I had divers turns of inward re- 
frefliing ; though ray body was inexprefTibly weak, 
followed continually with agues and fevers. Some- 
times my foul centered in God, as my only portion ; 
and I felt that 1 fhould be forever unhappy, if he 
did not reign : I faw the fweetnefs and happinefs of 
being his fubjed:, at his difpofal : This made all my 
difficulties quickly vanifh. 

From this Lord's Day, viz. Auguft 23, I was 
troubled very much with vapoury diforders, and 
could neither write nor read, and could fcarcely live ; 
although, through mercy, was not fo much opprefT- 
ed with heavy melancholy and gloominefs, as at 
many other times. 

[Until this week he had been wont to lodge in a 
room above flairs i but he now grew fo weak, that 
he was no longer able to go up flairs and down ; 
Friday Augufl 28, was the laft time he ever went 
above flairs ; henceforward he betook himfelf to a 
lower room. 

On Wednefday, September 2, being the day of 
our publick led:ure, he feemed to be retrefhed with 
feeing the neighbouring minifters that came hitherto 
the ledlure, and exprelTed a great dcfire once more 
to go to the houfe of God on that day : And accord- 
ingly rode to the meeting, and attended divine fer- 
vice, while the Rev. Mr. Woodbridge of Hatfield 
preached. He fignified that he fuppofed it to be 
the laft time that ever he fhould attend the publick 
worfhip ; as it proved. And indeed it was the lafi 
time that ever he went out at our gate alive. 



On the Saturday evening next following, he was un- 
exped:edly vifited by his brother, Mr. JohnBrainerd, 
who came to fee him from New-Jerfey. He was 
much refrefhed by this unexpe<fled vilit, this broth- 
er being peculiarly dear to him ; and he feemed to 
rejoice in a devout and folemn manner, to fee him, 
and to hear the comfortable tidings he brought con- 
cerning the ftate of his dear congregation of chrif- 
tian Indians : And a circumftance of this vifit, that 
he was exceeding glad of, was, that his brother 
brought him fome of his private writings from New- 
Jerfey, and particularly his Diary that he had kept 
for many years paft.] 

Lord*s Day^ September 6. — I began to read fome 
of my private writings-, which my brother brought 
me ; and was confiderably refrefhed, with what I 
met with in them. 

Monday^ September'). — I proceeded farther in read- 
ing my old private writings, and found they had the 
fame effed: upon me as before ; I could not but re- 
joice and blefs God for whatpaiTed long ago, which 
without writing had been entirely loft. 

This evening, when I was in great diftrefs of body, 
my foul longed that God fhould be glorified : I faw 
there was no heaven but this. I could not but fpeak 
to the byftanders then of the only happinefs, viz. 
pleafing God. O that I could forever live to God { 
The day I truft, is at hand, the perfedt day : O, the 
day of deliverance from all fin ! 

Lord's Day, September 13. — I was much refrefhed 
and engaged in meditation and writing, and found a 
heart to adl for God. My fpirits were refreflied, 
and my foul delighted to do fomething for God. 

[On the evening following that Lord's Day, his 
feet began to appear fenfibly fwelled ; which thence- 
forward fvvelled more and more. A fymptom of 
his dilTolution coming on. 

S4 The 

ago T H E L I' F E o F 

The next day, his brother John left him, being 
obliged to return to Nevv-Jerfey on fome bulinefs of 
great importance and necefTity ; intending to return 
again with all poffibie fpeed, hoping to fee his 
brother yet once more in the land of the living. 

On the Thurfday of this week, September 17, 
was the laft time that ever he went out of his lodg- 
ing room. That day, he was again vifited by his 
brother Ifracl, who continued with him thencefor- 
ward until his death. On that evening, he was tak- 
en with fomething of a diarrhoea ; which he looked 
upon as another fign of his approaching death : 
Whereupon he expreifed himfelf thus ; O, the glo- 
rious time is now coming ! I have longed to ferve 
God perfed:ly : Now God will gratify thofe defires ! 
And from time to time, at the feveral fteps and new 
fymptoms of the fenfible approach of his diflblu- 
tion,hc was fo far from being funk or damped, that 
hefeemed to be animated, and made more cheerful ; 
as being glad at the appearances of death's ap- 
proach. He often ufed the epithet, glorious, when 
fpeaking of the day of his death, calling it that glo- 
rious day. And as he faw his diffolution gradually 
approaching, he was much in talking about it, with 
perfe<5t calmnefs fpeaking of a future ftate ; and al- 
fo fettling all his affairs, very particularly and mi- 
nutely giving direcStions concerning what he would 
have done in one refpedt and another after he w*as 
dead. And the nearer death approached, the more 
defirous he feemed to be of it. He feveral times 
fpake of the different kinds of willingnefs to die ; 
and fpoke of it as an ignoble, mean kind, of willing- 
nefs to die, to be willing to leave the body, only to 
get rid of pain ; or to go to heaven only to get hon- 
pur and advancement there.] 

Saturday, September 19. — Near night, while I at- 
tempted to walk a little, my thoughts turned thus : 



How infinitely fwcet it is, to love God, and be all 
for him ! Upon which it was fuggefted to me, You 
are not an angel, not lively and ad:ive. To which 
my whole foul immediately replied, I as fincerely 
deiire to love and glorify God, as any angel in heav- 
en. Upon which it was fuggeiled again, But you arc 
filthy, not fit for heaven. Hereupon inftantly ap- 
peared the bleifed robes of C brill's righteoufneis, 
which I could not but exult and triumph in ; and I 
viewed the infinite excellency of God, and m.y foul 
even broke with longings, that God fhould be glori- 
fied. I thought of dignity in heaven; but mftantly 
the thought returned, I do not go to heaven to get 
honour, but to give all pofiible glory and praife. O, 
how I longed that God fliould be glorified on earth 
alfo ! O, I was made for eternity, if God m.ight be 
glorified ! Bodily pains I cared not for : Though I 
was then in extremity, I never felt eafier ; I felt wil- 
ling to glorify God in that flate of bodily difirefs, as 
long as he pleafed I fliould continue in it. The 
grave appeared really fweet, and I longed to lodge 
my weary bones in it : But O that God might be 
glorified ! This was the burden of all my cry. O I 
knew I fliould be ad:ive as an angel, in heaven ; and 
that I fhould be flrippcd of my filthy garments ! So 
that there was no objection. But O, to love and 
praife God more, to pleafe him forever ! This my 
foul panted after, and even now pants for while I 
write. O that God m^ight be glorified in the whole 
earth. Lord, let thy kingdom come. I longed for a 
fpirit of preaching to defcend and refl on minifters, 
that they might addrefs the confciences of men with 
clofeneis and power. I faw God had the refidue of 
the fpirit j and my foul longed it fliould be poured 
from on high. 1 could not but plead with God for 
my dear congregation, that he would preferve 
it, and not fuller his great name to lofe its glory in 


i82 TheLIFEof 

that work ; My foul llill longing, that God might be 

[The extraordinary frame that he was in, that 
evening, could not be hid ; his mouth /pake out of the 
abundance of his hearty expreffing in a very affed:ing 
manner much the fame things as are written in his 
Diary : And among very many other extraordinary 
cxpreflions, which he then uttered, were fuch as 
thefe j My heaven is to pleafe God, and glorify him, 
and give all to him, and to be wholly devoted to his 
glory ; that is the heaven I long for; that is my re- 
ligion, and that is my happinefs ; and always was, 
ever iince I fuppofe I had any true religion ; and all 
thofe that are of that religion, fhall meet me in heav- 
en. I do not go to heaven to be advanced, but to 
give honour to God. It is no matter where I fhall 
be Rationed in heaven, whether I have a high or a 
low feat there ; but to love and pleafe and glorify 
God is all : Had I a thoufand fouls, if they were 
worth any thing, I would give them all to God ; 
but I have nothing to give, when all is done. It is 
impoffible for any rational creature to be happy 
without ad:ing all for God : God himfelf could not 
make him happy any other way. I long to be in 
heaven, praifmg and glorifying God with the holy 
angels : All my defire is to glorify God. My heart 
goes out to^the burying place ; it feems to me a de- 
iirable place : But O to glorify God ; that is it ; 
that is above all. It is a great comfort to me, to 
think that I have done a little for God in the world : 
O ! it is but a very fmall matter ; yet I have done a 
little ; and I lament it, that 1 have not done more for 
him. There is. nothing in the world worth living 
for, but doing good, and finilliing God's work, do- 
ing the work that Chrifl did. I fee nothing elfe in 
the world, that can yield any fatisfadion, befides liv- 
ing to God, pleafing him, and doing his whole will. 



My greateft joy and comfort has been, to do fome- 
thing for promoting the intereft of rehgion, and the 
fouls of particular perfons : And now in my illnefs, 
while I am full of pain and diftrefs from day to day, 
all the comfort I have, is in being able to do fome 
little char, orfmall piece of work for God, either by 
fomcthing that I fay, or by writing, or fome other 

He intermingled with thefe and other like expref- 
fions, many pathetical counfels to thofe that were 
about him ; particularly to my children and 
fervants. He applied himfelf to fome of my young- 
er children at this time ; calling them to him, and 
fpeaking to them one by one ; fetting before them, 
in a very plain manner, the nature and effence of 
true piety, and its great importance and necellity ; 
earneftly warning them not to reft in any thing fhort 
of that true and thorough change of heart, and a life 
devoted to God j counfelling them not to be ilack 
in the great bufinefs of religion, nor in the leaft to 
delay it ; enforcing his counfels with this, that his 
words were the words of a dying man : Said he, I 
fhall die here, and here I fhall be buried, and here 
you will fee my grave, and do you remember what 
I have faid to you. I am going into eternity : And it 
isfweet to me to think of eternity; theendleflhefsof it 
makes it fweet : But O, what fhall 1 fay to the eter- 
nity of the wicked ! I cannot mention it, nor think 
of it: The thought is too dreadful. When you fee 
my grave, then remember what I faid to you while 
I was alive ; then think with yourfelf, how that 
man, that lies in that grave, counfelled and warn- 
ed me to prepare for death. 

His body feemed to be marvclloufly ftrengthened, 
through the inward vigour and refrefMi^ent of his 
mind ; fo that, although before he was fo' weak that 
})e could hardly utter a fentence, yet now he contin- 


lied his moft afFedting and profitable difcourfe to us 
for more than an hour, with fcarce any intermillion ; 
and faid of it, when he had done, it was the lafl 
fermon that ever he fhould preach. 

This extraordinary frame of mind continued the 
next day; of which he fays in his Dairy as fol- 
lows . ] 

Lord^s Day, September 2o. — Was ftill in a fweetand 
comfortable frame ; and was again melted with de- 
fires that God might be glorified, and with longings 
to love and live to him. Longed for the influences 
of the Divine Spirit to defcend on minifters, in a fpe- 
cial manner. And O, I longed to be with God, to 
behold his glory, and to bow in his prefence. 

[It appears by what is noted in his Diary, both of 
this day, and the evening preceding, that his mind 
at this time was much imprefled with a fenfe of the 
importance of the work of the miniftry, and the 
need of the grace of God, and his fpecial fpiritual 
afiiftance in this work : And it alfo appeared in 
what he exprelTed in converfation ; particularly in 
his difcourfe to his brother Ifrael, who was then a 
member of Yale-College at New-Haven, and had 
been profecuting his fludies and academical exercifcs 
there, to that end, that he might be fitted for the 
work of the miniftry, and was now with him*. He 
now, and from time to time, in this his dying ftate, 
recommended to his brother, a life of felf denial, of 
weanednefs from the world, and devotednefs to God, 
and an earncft: endeavour to obtain much of the 
grace of God's Spirit, and God's gracious influences 
on his heart ; reprefenting the great need which 
minifters ftand in of them, and the unfpeakable ben- 
efit of them from his own experience. Among ma- 

* 'qhJIjAgung gentlinan vns an ingenious, fcrlous, ftudious, and hopefully truly 
pious PJlHL: Tlicr« appeared in him many cjualuies giving hope ot his-bein^-a 
great bleflKih his day. But it has pleafed God, fiiice the death of his brother, to 
Take hiiq away alfo. He died that winter, at New-Huven, on Jan. 6, i7i7i^> ^'^ •^ 
rervQ'is fever, afier about a f jviniglit's illnefs^ 


ny other exprtflions, he faid thus ; When minilWs 
feel thefe fpecial gracious influences on their hearts, 
it wonderfully affifts them to come at the con- 
fciences of men, and as it were to handle them with 
hands ; whereas, without them, whatever rea- 
fon and oratory we make ufe of, we do but make ufe 
of ftumps, inflead of hands.'* 

Monday, September 21. — I began to corred: a little 
volume of my private writings : God, I believe, re- 
markably helped me in it ; my ftrength was fur- 
prifingly lengthened out, and my thoughts quick 
and lively, and my foul refreflied, hoping it might 
be a work for God. O, how good, how fweet 
it is, to labour for God ! 

Tuefday, September 22. — Was again employed m 
reading and correcfting, and had the fame fucccfs, as 
the day before. ' I was exceeding weak ; but it 
feemed to refrefh my foul, thus to fpend time. 

IVednefday, September 23. — I finillied my correc- 
tions of the little piece forementioned, and felt un- 
commonly peaceful : It feemed as if I had now done 
all my work in this world, and ftood ready for my 
call to a better. As long as I fee any thing to be 
done for God, life is worth having : But O, how 
vain and unworthy it is, to live for any lower end \ 
This day I indited a letter, 1 tliink, of great impor- 
tance, to the Rev. Mr. Byram in Ncvv-Jerfey : O 
that God would blcfs and fucceed that letter, which 
was written for the benefit of his church* ! O that 
God would purify the fins of Levi, that his glory 
may be advanced \ This night, I endured a dread- 
ful turn, wlierein my life was expedtcd fcarce an 
hour or minute together. But blcfled be God, I 
have enjoyed confiderable fweetnefs in divine things, 
this week, both by night and day. . 


* It was concerning the qualifications of rn'm'tcrs, ancL tkt examicstion and ILcccf- 
»o£ of c^ndidaLcs for ihe work of the iriniHrv. 

a86 TheLIFEof 

VThurfday, September 24. — My ftrength began io 
fall exceedingly ; which looked further as if I had 
done all my work : However, I had ftrength to fold 
and fuperfcribe my letter. About two I went to bed, 
being weak and much difordered, and lay in a burn- 
ing fever until night, without any proper reft. In 
the evening I got up, having lain down in fome of 
my clothes ; but was in the greateft diflrefs, that 
ever I endured, having an uncommon kind of hic- 
cough ; which either ftrangled me, or threw me in- 
to a ftraining to vomit; and at the fame time was 
diftrelfed with griping pains. O, the diftrefs of 
this evening ! I had little expe(5tation of my living 
the night through, nor indeed had any about me : 
And I longed for the finifhing moment ! I was oblig- 
ed to repair to bed by fix o*cIock ; and through 
mercy enjoyed fome reft ; but was grievoufly dif- 
trefted at turns with the hiccough. My foul breath- 
ed after God, while the watcher was with me : 
When (hall I come to God, even to God, my ex- 
ceeding joy ? O for this blefted likenefs ! 

Friday, September 25. — This day, I was unfpeak- 
ably weak, and little better than fpeechlefs all the 
day : However, I was able to write a little, and felt 
comfortably in fome part of the day. O, it refrefti- 
ed my foul, to think of former things, of defires to 
glorify God, of the pleafurcs of living to him ! O 
my dear God, I am fpeedily coming to thee, I hope ! 
Haften the day, O Lord, if it be thy blefted will : O 
comey Lord'JefuSy co?7ie quickly. Amen.* 

Saturday, September 26. — 1 felt the fweetnefs of 
divine things, this forenoon ; and had the confola- 
tion of a confcioufnefs that I was doing fomething 
for God. 


* This WS3 the lafl that ever he wrote in his Diary with his own hand : 
Though it is continued a little farther, in a broken manner ; written by his brolhf r 
Ifrael, but indited \>y his inoutU in this hu weak and dying ftate. 

Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 287 

LorcVs Day, September 27. — This was a very com- 
fortable day to my foul ; 1 think, I awoke with 
God. I was enabled to lift up my foul to God, ear- 
ly this morning ; and while T had little bodily 
ftrength, I found freedom to lift up my heart to 
God for myfelf and others. Afterwards, was pleaf- 
ed with the thoughts of fpeedily entering into the 
iinfeen world. 

[Early this morning, as one of the family came 
into the room, he exprefled himfelf thus : I have 
had more pleafure this morning, than all the drunk- 
ards in the world enjoy ; if it were all extradted ! 
So much did he cfteem the joy of .faith above the 
plea fu res of lin. 

He felt, that morning, an ufual appetite to food, with 
which his mind feemed to be exhilarated, as looking 
on it a fign of the very near approach of death ; and 
faid upon it, I was born on a Sabbath day ; and I 
have reafon to think I was new born on a Sabbath 
day j and I hope I fliall die on this Sabbath day : I 
fhould look upon it as a favour, if it may be the 
will of God that it fhould be fo : I long for the 
time. O, why is his chariot fo long in coming f 
Why tarry the wheels of his chariots P I am very 
willing to part with all : I am willing to part with 
my dear brother John, and never to fee him again, 
to go to be forever with the Lord*. O, when I go 
there, how will God's dear church on earth be up- 
on my mind ! 

Afterwards, the fame morning, being afked how 
he did, he anfwered, I am almoft in eternity ; I long 
to be there. My work is done ; I have done with 
all my friends ; all the world is nothing to me ; I 


* He had, before this exprefTcd a defire, if it might be the will of God, to !ivt 
;ntil his brother rcturiifd from New-jerfey : Who, when he wect away, inunded, 
t poffible, to perform his journey and return in a J'jttnight ; hoping once move to, his brother in the land of the living. 'J he fcrUiight was now n-^r exp.'ied, 
-'. faded the next day. 

a88 T H K L I F E o F 

long to be in heaven, praifing and glorifying God 
with the holy angels : All my defire is to glorify God. 

During the whole of thefe laft two weeks of his 
life he ieemed to continue in this frame of heart, 
loofe from all the world, as having done his work, 
and done with all things here below, having nothing 
to do but to die, and abiding in an earneft defire 
and expectation of the happy moment, when his 
foul fhould take its flight, and go to a ftate of per- 
fe(5lion of holinefs, and perfedl glorifying and en- 
joying God, manifefted in a variety of expreflions. 
He faid, that the confideration of the day of death, 
and the day of judgment, had a long time been pe- 
culiarly fweet to him. He from time to time fpake 
of his being willing to leave the body and the world 
immediately, that day, that night, and that moment, 
if it was the will of God. He alfo was much in ex- 
prefling his longings that the church of Chrift on 
earth might flourilh, and Chrift's kingdom here 
might be advanced, notwithftanding he was about 
to leave the earth, and fhould not with his eyes be- 
hold the defirablc^vent, nor be inftrumental in pro- 
moting it. He faid to me, one morning as I came 
into the room, my thoughts have been employed on 
the old dear theme, the profperity of God's church 
on earth. As I waked out of fleep, I was led to cry 
for the pouring out of God*s fpirit, and the advance- 
ment of Chrift's kingdom, which the dear Redeem- 
er did and fuffered (o much for. It is this that efpecial- 
ly makes me long for it. He exprcfled much hope 
that a glorious advancement of ChrilVs kingdom 
was near at hand. 

He once told me, that he had formerly longed for 
the outpouring of the fpirit of God, and the glori- 
ous times of the church, and hoped they were com- 
ing ; and fhould have been willing to have lived to 
promote religion at that time, if that had been the 



will of God ; but, fays he, I am willing it fhould 
be as it is ; I would not have the choice to make 
for myfelf for ten thoufand worlds. He exprefled, 
on his deathbed, a full perfuafion, that he (hould 
in heaven fee the profperity of the church on earth, 
and Ihould rejoice with Chrift therein ; and the con- 
iideralion of it feemed to be highly pleafing and 
i'atisfying to his mind. 

He alfo ftill dwelt much on the great importance of 
the work of miniftersof the gofpel ; and exprefled his 
longings, that they might be filled with the fpirit 
of God j and manifefted much defire to fee fome of 
the neighbouring minifters, whom he had fome 
acquaintance with, and vvhofe fincere friendlbip he 
was confident of, that he might converfe freely with 
them on that fubjedt, before he died. And it fo 
happened, that he had opportunity with fome of 
them according to his defirc. 

Another thing that lay much on his heart, and 
that he fpake of, from time to time, in thefe near 
approaches of death, was the fpiritual profperity of 
his own congregation of chriftian Indians in New- 
Jerfey : And when he fpake of them, it was with 
peculiar tendernefs ; fo that his fpeech would be 
prefently interrupted and drowned with tears. 

He alfo exprefTed much fatisfadion in the dif- 
pofals of Providence, with regard to the circum- 
flances of his death ; particularly that God had 
before his death given him the opportunity he had 
liad in Bofton, vvitli fo many confiderable pcrfons, 
miniflcrs and others, to give in his tcflimony for God, 
and againft fiilfe religion, and many miftakes that 
lead to it and promote it ; and there to lay before 
pious and charjtable gentlemen, the flate of the In- 
dians and their ncceffuies, to fo good efFed: ; and that 
God had /jnce given liim opportunity to write to them 
farther concerning thefe afiairs ; and to write other 

T letters 

290 T H E L I F E O F 

letters of importance, that he hoped might be of 
good influence with regard to the ftate of religion 
among the Indians, and elfe where, after his death. 
He exprefled great thankfulnefs to God for his mer- 
cy in thefe things. He alfo mentioned it as what he 
accounted a merciful circumflance of his death, that 
he fhould die here. And fpeaking of thefe things, 
he faid, God had granted him all his defire ; and 
fignified, that now he could with the greater alacrity- 
leave the world.] 

Monday y September 28. — I was able to read, and 
make fome few corrections in my private writings ; 
but found I could not write, as I had done ; I found 
myfelf fenfibly declined in all refpedts. It has been 
only from a little while before noon, until about one 
or two o*clock, that I have been able to do any 
thing, for fome time paft : Yet this refreflied my 
heart, that I could do any thing, either publick or 
private, that I hoped was for God, 

[This evening he was fuppofed to be dying : Hs 
thought fo himfelf, and was thought fo by thofe 
who were about him. He feemed glad at the ap- 
pearance of the near approach of death. He was 
almoft fpeechlefs, but his lips appeared to move ; 
and one that fat very near him, heard him utter fuch 
expreilions as thefe. Come, Lordjcfus, come quickly, 
O, why is his chariot Jo long in coming ! After he 
revived, he blamed himfelf for having been too ea- 
ger to be gone. And in exprefling what he found 
in the frame of his mind at that time, he fliid, he 
then found an inexprcflibly Iweet love to thofe that 
he looked upon as belonging to Chrift, beyond al- 
moft all that ever he felt before ; fo that it feemed, 
to ufe his own words, like a little piece of heaven 
to have one of them near him. And being afked 
whether he heard the prayer that was, at his defire, 
nj^de with him j he faid, yes, he heard every word, 


M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 291 

and had an uncommon fenfe of the things that were 
uttered in that prayer, and that every word reached 
his heart. 

On the evening of the next day, viz. Tuefday, 
September 29, as he lay in his bed, he feemed to be 
in an extraordinary frame ; his mind greatly engag- 
ed in lueet meditations concerning the profperity 
of Zion : There being prefent here at that time two 
young gentlemen of his acquaintance, that were 
candidates for the minidry, he defired us all to unite 
in finging a Pfalm on that fubjedt, even Zion*s 
profperity. And on his defire we fung a part of 
the ciid Pfalm. This feemed much to refrefh and 
revive him, and gave him new flrength ; fo that, 
though before he could fcarcely fpeak at all, now he 
proceeded, with fome freedom of fpeech, to give 
his dying counfels to thofe two young gentlemen 
forementioned, relating to their preparation for, and 
profecution of that great work of the miniftry they 
were deiigned for ; and in particular, earneftly recom- 
mending to them frequent fccret failing and prayer : 
And enforced his counfel with regard to this, from 
his own experience of the great comfort and benefit 
of it; which, faid he, I fhould not mention, were 
it not that I am a dying perfon. And after he had 
finifhed his counfel, he made a prayer, in the audi- 
ence of us all ; wherein, befides praying for this 
family, for his brethren, and thofe candidates for 
the miniftry, and for his own congregation, he earn- 
cftly prayed for the reviving and flourilliing of re- 
ligion in the world. 

Until now he had every day fat up part of the 
day ; but after this he never rofe from his bed.] 

l^ydnefday, Sep!eml>er 30.— I was obliged to keep 
my bed the whole day, through weaknefs. However, 
redeemed a little tinae, and with the help of my 
brother, read and corre<5ted about a dozen pages ia 
yny M.S. giving an account of my converfion. 

T % Ihurfday, 


292 The life of 

Thurfday, OBober i . — I endeavoured again to do 
fomething by way of writing, but foon found my 
powers of body and mind utterly fail. Felt not fo 
fweetly as when I was able to do fometbing that I 
hoped would do fome good. In the evening, was 
difcompofed and wholly delirious ; but it was not 
long before God was pleafed to give me fome fleep, 
and fully compofed my mind*. O, bleffed be 
God for his great goodnefs to me, fince I was {o 
low at Mr. Bromfield's, on Thurfday, June 18 laft 
paft. He has, except thofe few minutes, given me 
the clear exercife of my reafon, and enabled me to 
labour much for him, in things both of a publick 
and private nature ; and, perhaps, to do more good 
than I fhould have done if I had been well ; befides 
the comfortable influences of his bleffed Spirit, with 
which he has been pleafed to refrelli my foul. May 
his name have all the glory forever and ever. Amen. 

Friday^ OBober 2. — My foul was this day, at 
turns, fweetly fet on God : I longed to be with him, 
that I might behold his glory. I felt fweetly dif- 
pofed to commiit all to him, even my deareft friends, 
my deareft flock, and my abfent brother, and all my 
concerns for time and eternity. O that his king- 
dom might come in the world ; that they might all 
love and glorify him, for what he is in himfelf ; and 
that the bleffed Redeemer might 7?<? of the travail of 
his foul and be fatisjied. O, covie^ Lord ^Jefus^ come 
quickly. Amen-f*. 

[The next evening we very much expelled his 
brother John from New-Jerfey ; it being about a 
week after the time that he propofed for his return, 
when he went away. And though our expectations 


* From this time forward, he had the free ufc of his reafon until the day before - 
his death ; excepting that at fome times he appeared a little loft for a moment, at 
firft waking out of fleep. 

+ Here ends his Diary : Thefe are the laft words that arc written ia it, either by 
his own hftodj 01 by any othw from Jiis raoutb, 


were ftill difappointed, yet Mr. Brainerd feemed to 
continue unmoved, in the fame calm and peaceful 
frame, that he had before manifefted ; as having re- 
figned all to God, and having done with his friends, 
and with all things below. 

On the morning of the next day, being Lord's 
Day, Odiober 4, as my daughter Jerufha, who chief- 
ly tended him, came into the room, he looked on 
her very pleafantly, and faid, Dear Jerufha, are you 
willing to part with me ? I am quite willing to 
part with you : I am willing to part with all my 
friends : I am willing to part with my dear brother 
John, although I love him the beft of any creature 
living : I have committed him and all my friends 
to God, and can leave them with God. Though if 
I thought I fhould not fee you, and be happy with 
you in another world, I could not bear to part with 
you. But we fliall fpend an happy eternity together ! 

In the evening, as one came into the room 
with a Bible in her hand, he expreffed himfelf thus ; 
O, that dear book ! that lovely book ! I (liall foon 
fee it opened ! The myfteries that are in it, and the 
myfteries of God*s providence, will be all unfolded ! 

His diftemper now very apparently preyed on 
his vitals in an extraordinary manner : Not by a 
fudden breaking of ulcers in his lungs, as at Bofton, 
but by a conilant difcharge of purulent matter, in 
great quantities : So that what he brought up by 
expeftoration, feemed to be as it were mouthfuls of 
almoft clear pus ; which was attended with very 
great inward pain and diitrefs. 

On Tuefday, Ocflober 6, he lay for a coniiderablc 
time, as if he were dying. At which time, he was 
heard to utter, in broken whifpcrs, fuch expreffion^ 
as thcfe : He will come, he will not tarry. I fliall 
foon be in glory. 1 Ihall foon glorify God with 
the angels. But after fomc time he revived. 

T 2 The 

294 The LIFE of 

The next day, viz. Wednefday, Odlober 7, his 
brother John arrived, being returned from New- 
Jerfey ; where he had been detained much longer 
than he intended, by a mortal ficknefs prevailing 
among the chriftian Indians, and by fome other 
things in their circumftances that made his ftay 
with them neccfTary. Mr. Brainerd was affedted 
and refrefhed with feeing him, and appeared full/ 
fatisfied with the reafons of his delay ; feeing the 
intereft of religion and of the fouls of his people re- 
quired it. 

The next day, Thurfday, Odlober 8, he was in 
great diftrefs and agonies of body ; and for the big- 
ger part of the day, was much difordered as to the 
exercife of his reafon. In the evening he was more 
compofed, and had the ufe of his reafon well ; but 
the pain of his body continued and increafed. He 
told me it was impoffible for any to conceive of the 
diftrefs he felt in his breaft. He manifefted much 
concern left he fhould diftionour God, by impatience 
under his extreme agony ; which was fuch, that he 
faid, the thought of enduring it one minute longer 
was almoft infuppoftable. He defired that others 
would be much in lifting up their hearts continual- 
ly to God for him, that God would fupport him, 
and give him patience. He fignified that he ex- 
pected to die that night ; but feemed to fear a long- 
er delay : And the difpofition of his mind with re- 
gard to death appeared ftill the fame that it had 
been all along. And notwithftanding his bodily 
agonies, yet the intereft of Zion lay ftill with great 
weight on his mind ; as appeared by fome confider- 
able difcourfe he had that evening with the Rev. 
Mr. Billing, one of the neighbouring minifters, who 
was then prefent, concerning the great importance 
of the work of the miniftry, &c. And afterwards, 
when it was very late in the night, he had much 



very proper and profitable difcourfe with his brother 
John, concerning his congregation in New-Jerfey, 
and the intereft of rehgion among the Indians. In 
the latter part of the night, his bodily diftrefs feem- 
ed to rife to a greater height than ever ; and he faid 
to thofe then about him, that it was another thing 
to die, than people imagined ; explaining him- 
felf to mean that they were not aware what bodily 
pain and anguilh is undergone before death. To- 
wards day, his eyes fixed ; and he continued lying 
immoveable, until about fix o'clock in the morning, 
and then expired, on Friday, 0<5lober9, 1747, when 
his foul, as we may well conclude, was received by 
his dear Lord and Mafler, as an eminently faithful 
fervant, into that flate of perfection of holinefs, and 
fruition of God, which he had fo often and fo ar- 
dently longed for ; and was welcomed by the glo- 
rious afTembly of the upper world, as one peculiarly 
fitted to join them in their blelled employments 
and enjoyments. 

Much refpedt was fhewn to his memory at his 
funeral ; which was on the Monday following, af- 
ter a fermon preached the fame day, on that folemn 
occafion. His funeral was attended by eight of the 
neighbouring minifters, and feventeen other gentle- 
men of liberal education, and a great concourfe of 

T 4 So.^ie 

2g6 TheLIFEop 

Some further REMAINS of the Rev. Mr. DA- 

Some Sighs of Godliness. 

The difjnguijhing Marks of a true Christian, 
take?i from one of my old Manufcripts ; where I 
wrote as I felt and experiencedy and not from any 
confiderable degree of doBrinal knowledge or ac- 
quaintance with the fentiments of others in this 

I. T TE has a true knowledge of the glory and ex- 
xl cellency of God, that he is moft worthy to 
be loved and praifed for his own divine perfec- 
tions. Pfal. cxlv. 3. 

2. God is his portion. Pfal.lxxiii.'25. And God's 
glory, his great concern. Matth. vi. 22. 

3. Holinefs is his delight ; nothing he fo much 
longs for, as to be holy, as God is holy. Phil, 
iii. 9— 12. 

4. Sin is his greateft enemy. This he hates for 
its own nature, for what it is in itfelf, being con- 
trary to a holy God. Jer. ii. i. And confequently 
he hates all fin. Rom. vii. 24. i John iii. 9. 

5. The laws of God alfo are his delight. Pfal. 
cxix. 97. Rom. vii. 22. Thefe he obferves, not 
out of conftraint, from a fervile fear of hell ; but 
they are his choice. Pfal. cxix. 30. The flrid 
obfervance of them is not his bondage, but his great- 
eft liberty. Verfe 45. 



LETTERS, written by Mr. BRAINERD to 

To his Brother John, at Tale-College in New-Haven, 

Kaunaumeek, December 27, 1743. 

Dear Brother, 
LONG to fee you, and know how you fare in 


your journey through a world of inexpreffible for- 
row, where we are compafTed about with vanity, 
confufion and vexation of fpirit, I am more weary 
of life, I think, than" ever I was. The whole world 
appears to me like a huge vacuum, a vaft empty 
fpace, whence nothing defirable, or at leaft fatisfac- 
tory, can pofTibly be derived ; and I long daily to 
die more and more to it ; even though I obtain not 
that comfort from fpiritual things, which I earneft- 
ly defire. Worldly pleafures, fuch as flow from 
greatnefs, riches, honours, and fenfual gratifications, 
are infinitely worfe than none. May the Lord de- 
liver us more and more from thefe vanities. I have 
fpent moft of the fall and winter hitherto in a very 
weak ftate of body ; and fbmetimes under preffing 
inward trials and ipiritual conflidts : But having ob^ 
tained help from God^ I continue to this day ; and am 
now fomething better in health, than I was fometime 
ago. I find nothing more conducive to a life of 
chriftianity, than a diligent, induftrious, and faith- 
ful improvement of precious time. Let us then 
faithfully perform that bufinefs, which is allotted to 
us by Divine Providence, to the utmoil of our bodi- 
ly ftrength, and mental vigour. JVhy Ihould we 
fmk, and grow difcouraged, with any particular tri- 
als, and perplexities, we are called to encounter in 
;he world ? Death and eternity are juil before us ; a 


298 T H E L I F E o F 

few tofling billows more will waft us into the world 
of fpirits, and, we hope, through infinite grace, into 
endlefs pleafures, and uninterrupted reft and peace. 
Let us then run with patience^ the race fet before 
us, Heb. xii. i. 2. And O that we could de- 
pend more upon the living God, and lefs upon our 
own wifdom and ftrength. Dear brother, may the 
God of all grace comfort your heart, and fucceed your 
ftudics, and make you an infirument of good to his 
people in your day. This is the conilant prayer of 
Your afFedlionate brother, 


To his Brother Israel, at Haddam. 

Kaunaumeek, January 21, ii^s,\ 

My dear Brother, 

-THERE is but one thing, that deferves 

our higheft care and moft ardent delires ; and 
that is, that we may anfwer the great end, for 
which we were made ; viz. to glorify that God, 
who has given us our beings and all our comforts, 
and to do all the good we poffibly can, to our fellow 
men, while we live in the world ; And verily life is 
not worth the having, if it be not improved for this 
noble end and purpofe. Yet, alas, how little is this 
thought of among mankind ! Moft men feem to 
live to themfelves, without much regard to the glo- 
ry of God, or the good of their fellow creatures ; 
they earneftly defire, and eagerly purfue after the 
riches, the honours, and the pleafures of life, as if 
they really fuppofed, that wealth, or greatnefs, or 
merriment, could make their immortal fouls happy. 
But alas, what falfe and delufive dreams are thele 1 
And how miferable will thofe ere long be, who are 
not awaked out of them, to fee that all their happi- 



nefs confifts in living to God, and becoming holy as 
he is holy ! O, may you never fall into the tempers 
and vanities, the lenluality and folly of the prefent 
world. You are, by Divine Providence, left as it 
were alone in a wide world, to ad: for yourfelf : Be 
fure then to remem.ber, it is a world of temptation. 
You have no earthly parents to be the means of 
forming your youth to piety and virtue, by their pi- 
ous examples, and I'eafonable counfels : Let this 
then excite you with greater diligence and fervency 
to look up to the Father of Mercies for grace and af- 
liflance againft all the vanities of the world. And 
if you would glorify God, anfwer his juft expeda- 
tions from you, and make your own foul happy in 
this and the coming world, obierve thefe few direc- 
tions ; though not from a father, yet from a broth- 
er who is touched with a tender concern for your 
prefent and future happinefs. And, 

Firji, Refolve upon, and daily endeavour to prac- 
tife a life of ferioulnefs, and itridt fobriety. The 
wife man will tell you the great advantage of fucha 
life, Ecclef. vii. 3. Think of the life of Ciiriil ; and 
when you can find that he was pi^afed with jelling and 
vain merriment, then you may mdulgeitin yourfelf. 

Again, Be careful to make a good improvement of 
precious time. When you ceale from labour, fill 
up your time in reading, meditation, and prayer : 
And while your hands are labouring, let your heart 
be employed, as much as poiTible, in divine thoughts. 

Further, Take heed that you faithfully pertorm 
the bufinefs you have to do in the world, from a re- 
gard to the commands of God ; and not from an 
ambitious defire of being eflccmed better than oth- 
ers. Wefhould always look upon ourfelves as God's 
fervants, placed in God's world, to do his work ; 
and accordingly labour faithfully for him ; not with 
a defign to grow rich and great, but to glorify God, 
J^nd do all the good we poflibly can. 


§00 1" H E L I F E O F 

Again^ Never exped: any fcitlsfadlion or happi- 
nefs from the world. If you hope for happinefs ia 
the world, hope for it from God, and not from the 
world. Do not think you fhall be more happy, if 
you live to fuch or fuch a ftate of life, if you live 
to be for yourfelf, to be fettled in the world, or if 
you fhould gain an eftate in it : But look upon it 
that you fhall then be happy, when you can be con* 
ftantly employed for God, and not for yourfelf ; 
and defire to live in this world, only to do and fuf- 
fer what God* allots to you. When you can be of 
the fpirit and temper of angels, who are willing to 
come down into this lower world, to perform what 
God commands them, though their defires are heav- 
€nly, and not in the leaft fet on earthly things, then 
you will be of that temper that you ought to have. 
Coloff. iii. 2. 

Once more, Never think that you can live to God 
by your own power or ftrength ; but always look 
to and rely on him for affiflance, yea, for all llrength 
and grace. There is no greater truth, than this, 
nat we can do nothing of ourf elves ; John xv. 5. 
and 2 Cor. iii. 5. Yet nothing but our own expe- 
rience can effe(5lually teach it to us. Indeed we are 
a long time in learning, that all our ilrength and fal- 
vation is in God. This is a life, that I think noun- 
converted man can poffibly live ; and yet it is a life 
that every godly foul is preffing after, in fome good 
meafure. Let it then be your great concern, thus to 
devote yourfelf and your all to God. 

I long to fee you, that 1 may fav much more to 
you than I now can, for your benefit and welfare ; 
but I defire to commit you to, and leave you with 
the Father of Mercies, and God of all grace ; praying 
that you may be directed fafely through an evil world, 
to God's heavenly kingdom. 

I am your affecftionate loving brother, 




To ^ Special Friend. 

The Forks of Delaware, July 31, 1744. 

■CERTAINLY the greateft, thenobleft pleaf- 

ure of intelligent creatures muft refult from their ac- 
quaintance with the bleffed God, and with their own 
rational and immortal fouls. And O, how divinely 
fweet and entertaining is it, to look into our own 
fouls, when we can find all our powers and paffions 
united and engaged in purfuit after God, our whole 
fouls longing and pallionately breathing after a con- 
form.ity to him, and the full enjoyment of him 1 
Verily there are no hours pafs away with fo much 
divine pleafure, as thofe that are fpent in commun- 
ing with God and our own hearts. O, how fweet 
is a fpirit of devotion, a fpirit of ferioufnefs and di- 
vine folemnity, a fpirit of gofpel fimplicity, love, 
tendernefs 1 O how defirable, and how profitable to 
the chriftian life, is a fpirit of holy watchfulnefs, 
and godly jealoufy over ourfelves j when our fouls 
are afraid of nothing fo much as that we fhall grieve 
and offend the bleffed God, whom at fuch times we 
apprehend, or atleafl: hope, to be a father and friend ; 
whom we then love and long to pleafe, rather than 
to be happy ourfelves ; or at leafl we delight to derive 
our happinefs from pleafing and glorifying him ! 
Surely this is a pious temper, worthy of the highefl 
ambition and clofefl purfuit of intelligent creatures 
and holy chriftians. O how vaflly fuperiour is the 
pleafure, peace, and fatisfadion derived from thefe 
divine frames, to that which we, alas, fometimes 
purfue in things impertinent and trifling ! Our own 
bitter experience teaches us, that hi the midji <?/fucb 
laughter the heart is forrowfuly and there is no true 
fatisfaction but in God. But, alas ! How fhall we 
obtain and retain this fweet fpirit of religion and de- 
votion ? Let us follow the apoflle's dired:ion, Phil. 

ii, , 

302 TheLIFEof 

ii. 12. and labour upon the encouragement he there 
mentions, verfe 13. For it is God only can afford 
us this favour ; and he will be fought to, and it is fit 
we fhould wait upon him for i'o rich a mercy. O, 
may the God of all grace afford us the grace and in- 
fluences of his Divine Spirit ; and help us that we 
may from our hearts efteem it our greateft liberty 
and happinefs, that whether we livey we may live to 
the Lord, or whether we die^ we may die to the Lord ; 
that in life and death we may be his. 

I am in a very poor flate of health j I think, fcarce 
ever poorer : But through divine goodnefs, 1 am not 
difcontented under my weaknefs, and confinement 
to this wildernefs : I blefs God for this retirement. 
I never was more thankful for any thing, than I have 
been of late for the neceiTity 1 am under of felf denial 
in many refpe(5ts. I love to be a pilgrim and flran- 
ger in this wildernefs : It feems moll: fit for fuch a 
poor, ignorant, worthlefs, defpifed creature as 1. I 
would not change my prefent miflion for any other 
bufinefs in the whole world. I may tell you freely, 
without vanity and oftentation, God has of late giv- 
en me great freedom and fervency in prayer, when 
I have been fo weak and feeble, my nature feemed 
as if it would fpeedily dilfolve. I feel as if my all 
was loft, and 1 was undone for this world, if the 
poor heathen may not be converted. I feel in gen- 
eral, different from what I did when I favv you laft ; 
at leaft, more crucified to all the enjoyments of life. 
It would be very refrefhing to me, to fee you here in 
this defert ; efpecially in my weak difconfolate 
hours : But, I think 1 could be content never to lee 
you, or any of my friends again in this world, if 
God would blefs my labours here to the converfion 
of the poor Indians. 

I have much that I could willingly communi- 
cate to you, which I muft omit, until Providence 


M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 303 

gives us leave to fee each other. In the mean time, 
I reft, 

Your obliged friend and fervant, 


To i2 Special Friend, a Minijier of the Gofpcl in 

The Forks of Delaware, December 24, 1744. 

Rev. and dear Brother, 

1 HAVE little to fay to you, about fpiritu- 

al joys, and thofe blelTed refrefhrnents, and divine 
confolations, with which I have been much favoured 
in times pafi: : But this 1 can tell you, that if I gain 
experience in no other point, yet I am fure 1 do in 
this, viz. that the prefent world has nothing in it to 
fatisfy an immortal foul ; and hence,that it is not to 
be defired for itfelf, but only becaufe God may be 
i'een and ferved in it : And I wifh I could be more 
patient and willing to live in it for this end, than I 
can ufually find myfelf to be. It is no virtue, I 
know, to defirc death, only to be freed from themif- 
eries of lite : But I want that divine hope, which 
you ob ferved, when I faw you laft, was the very iin- 
ews of vital religion. Earth can do us no good, 
and if there be no hope of our doing good on earth. 
How can we defire to live in it ? And yet we ought 
todeiire, or at leaft to be refigned to tarry in it ; be- 
caulc It is the will of our allwife Sovereign. But per- 
haps thefe thoughts will appear melancholy and 
gloomy, and confequently will be very undefirable 
to you; and therefore I forbear to add. I wilhyou 
may not read them in the fame circumflances in 
which I write them. I have a little more to do and 
fuffcr in a dark difconfolate world ; and then I hope 
to be as hapoy as you are, I (liouid aflc vcu topra/ 


304 TheLIFEof 

for. me, wcrel worth your concern. May the Lord 
enable us both to endure hardnefs as ^ood foldiers of 
'Jefus Chriji ; and may we obtain mercy of God to be'' 
faithful, to the deaths in the difcharge of our refpecft- 
ive trufts. 

I am your very unworthy brother, 
And humble fervant, 


T(? his Brother John, at College, 

Crosweeksung, In Neiv-Jer/ej, December 28, 1745. 

Very dear Brother, 

-I AM in one continued, perpetual, and 

uninterrupted hurry; and Divine Providence throws 
fo much upon me, that I do not fee it will ever be 
otherwife. May 1 obtain mercy of God to be faithful^ 
to the death. I cannot fay, I am weary of my hur- 
ry ; I only want flrength and grace to do more for 
God, than I have ever yet done. 

My dear brother, the Lord of heaven, that has carri- 
ed me through many trials, blefs you ; blefs you for 
time, and eternity; and fit you to do fervice for him in 
his church below, and to enjoy his blifsful prefence 
in his church triumphant. My brother, the time is 
fhort : O, let us fill it up for God : Let us count 
the fufferings of this prefent time as nothing, if we 
can but run our race, "AX^di finifld our courfe with joy, 
O let us ftrive to live to God. I blefs the Lord, 1 have 
nothing to do with earth, but only to labour honefl- 
ly in it for God, until I fliall accomplijlo as an hire- 
ling my day, I think 1 do not defire to live one min- 
ute for any thing that earth can afford. O that I 
could live for none but God , until my dying moment. 
I am your affectionate brother, 




To his Brother Israel, then a Student at Tale-CoU 
lege^ in 'New-Haven. 

Elizabeth-Town, Ne-w-Jer/ey, November 24, 1746. 

Dear Brother, 
I HAD determined to make you and my other 
friends in New-England a vifit, this fall ; partly 
from an earneft defire I had to fee you and them, 
and partly with a view to the recovery of my health ; 
which has, for more than three months pafl, been 
much impaired. And in order toprofecute this de- 
fign, I fet out from my own people about three 
weeks ago, and came as far as to this place ; where, 
my difordcr greatly increafing, I have been obliged 
to keep houfc ever fince, until the day before yefter- 
day j at which time I was able to ride about half a 
mile, but found myfelf much tired with the journey. 
I have now no hopes of profecuting my journey in- 
to New-England this winter, fuppofing my prefent 
ftate of health will by no means admit of it. Al- 
though I am, through divine goodnefs, much better 
than I was fbme days ago, yet 1 have not ftrength 
now to ride more than ten miles a day, if the feafon 
were warm, and fit for me to travel in. My difor- 
der has been attended with feveral fymptomsofa 
confum.ption ; and I have been at times apprehen- 
five, that my great change was at hand : Yet, bleffed 
be God, I have never been affrighted ; but on the 
contrary, at fomc rimes much delighted with a view 
of its approach. O the bleffedncfs of being deliv- 
ered from the clogs of flefli and fenfe, from a 
body of fin and fpiritual death ! O, the unfpeakablc 
I'weetnefs of being tranllated into a flate of complete 
purity and perfcdion ! Believe me, my brother, a 
lively view and hope of thefc things will make the 
kin^ of terrors himfelf appear agreeable. Dear broth- 

U er, 

3o6 TheLIFEof 

er, let me entreat you to keep eternity in your view, 
and behave yourfelf as becomes one that muft fhort- 
]y give an account of all things done in the body. That 
God may be your God, and prepare' you for his 
fervice here, and his kingdom of glory hereafter, is 
thedefire and daily prayer of 

Your afFe(5tionate loving brother, 


To his Brother Israel, at College ; written in the 
time of his extreme illnefs in Boflon^ a few months 
before his death. 

Boston, June 30, 1747. 

My dear Brother, 
IT is from the fides of eternity I novvaddrefs you. 
I am heartily forry, that I have fo little ftrength to 
write what I long fo much to communicate to you. 
But let me tell you, my brother, eternity is another 
thing than we ordinarily take it to be in a healthful 
ftate. O how vaft and boundlefs ! O how fixed 
and unalterable ! O, of what infinite importance is 
it, that we be prepared for eternity ! I have been 
juft a dying, now for more than a week ; and all 
around me have thought me fo : But in this time I 
have had clear views of eternity ; have feentheblefT- 
ednefs of the godly, in fome meafure ; and have 
longed to lliare their happy ftate ; as well as been 
comfortably fatisfied, that, through grace, I fhall do 
fo : But O, what anguifh is raifed in my mind, to 
think of an eternity for thofe who are chriftlefs, for 
thofe who are miftaken, and who bring their falfe 
hopes to the grave with them ! The fight was fo 
dreadful, I could by no means bear it : My thoughts 
recoiled, and I faid, but under a more affecfling fenfe 
than ever before, Who can dwell with eve rla fling 

burnings l 

Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 307 

burnings I O, methought, that I could now fee my 
friends, that I might warn them, to fee to it, they- 
lay their foundation for eternity fure. And you my 
dear brother, I have been particularly concerned 
for ; and have wondered I fo much ncglecfled con- 
verfing with you about your fpiritual ftate at our 
laft meeting. O, my brother, let me then befeech 
you now to examine, whether you are indeed a new 
creature ? Whether you have ever a6led above felf ? 
Whether the glory of God has ever been the fweet- 
cfl: higheft concern with you ? Whether you have 
ever been reconciled to all the perfe(5tions of God ? 
In a word, whether God has been your portion, and 
a holy conformity to him your chief delight ? If 
you cannot anfwer pofitively, confider ferioufly the 
frequent breathings of your foul : But do not how- 
ever put yourfelf off with a flight anfwer. If you 
have rcafon to think you are gracelefs, O give your- 
felf and the throne of grace no reft, until God arife 
and fave. But if the cafe fliould be otherwife, blefs 
God for his grace, and prefs after holinefs. 

My foul longs, that you fhould be fitted for, and 
in due time go into the work of the miniftry. I 
cannot bear to think of your going into any other 
bufinefs in life. Do not be difcouraged, becaufe you 
fee your elder brothers in the miniftry die early, one 
after another : I declare now I am dying, I would 
not have fpent my Wio. otherwife for the whole 
world. But I mull: leave this with God. 

If this line fhould come to your hands foon after 
the date, I fliould be almoft defirous you fhould fet 
out on a journey to me : It may be, you may fee me 
alive ; which I fhould much rejoice in. But if you 
cannot come, I muft commit you to the grace 
of God, where you are. May he be your guide 
and couiifellor, your fandtifier, and eternal por- 

Ua o 

3o8 The LIFE of 

O my dear brother, flee fleflily lufts, and the en- 
chanting amufements, as well as corrupt dodtrines, 
of the prefent day ; and flrive to live to God. 
Take this as the lail: line from 

Your affedionate dying brother, 


To a yoimgGentleman^ a Candidate for the Work of the 
MiniJirVjfor whom he had a fpecialfriendjhip ; alfo 
written at the fame titne of his great illnefs and near" 
nefs to death in Bojion, 

Very dear Sir, 

HOW amazing it is, that the living, who know 
they muft die, fliould notwith{1:anding/>///y^r aivay 
the evil day^ in a feafon of health and profperity ; 
and live at fuch an awful diftancefrom a familiarity 
with the grave, and the great concerns beyond it ! 
And efpecially it may juftly fill us with furprife, that 
any whofe minds have been divinely enlightened, to 
behold the important things of eternity as they are, 
I fay, that fuch fliould live in this manner. And 
yet fir, how .frequently is this the cafe ! How rare 
are the inflances of thofe who live and ad: from day 
to day, as on the verge of eternity ; flriving to fill 
up all their remaining moments, in the fervice, and 
to the honour of their great Mafter ! Vl^e infenfibly 
trifle away time, while we feem to have enough of 
it ; and are fo ftrangely amufed, as in a great meaf- 
ure to lofe a fenfe of the holinefs and blefled qualifi- 
cations necelTary to prepare us to be inhabitants 
of the heavenly paradife. But O, dear fir, a dying 
bed, if we enjoy our reafon clearly, will give anoth- 
er view of things. I have now, for more than three 
weeks, lain under thegreatefl degree of w'eaknefs ; 
the greater part of the time, expeding daily and 



hourly to enter into the eternal world : Sometimes 
have been fo far gone, as to be wholly fpeechlefs, 
for fome hours together. And O, of what vaft im- 
portance has a holy fpiritual life appeared to me to 
be in this feafon ! 1 have longed to call upon all my 
friends, to make it their bufinefs to live to God ,• 
and efpecially all that are deligned for, or engaged 
in the fervice of the fand:uary. O, dear fir, do not 
think it enough, to live at the rate of common chrif- 
tians. Alas, to how little purpofe do they often 
converfe, when they meet together ! The vifits even of 
thofe who are called chriftians indeed, are frequently 
extreme barren : And conscience cannot but con- 
demn us for the mifimprovement of time, while we 
have been converfant with them. But the way to 
enjoy the divine prefence, and be fitted for difiin- 
guiihing fervice for God, is to live a life of great de- 
votion and conlfant felf dedication to him ; obfcrv- 
ing the motions and difpofitions of our own hearts, 
whence we may learn the corruptions that lodge 
there, and our conftant need of help from God for 
the performance of the leaf!: duty. And O, dear fir, 
let rne befcech you frequently to attend the great and 
precious duties of fecret fading and prayer. 

I have a fecret thought, from fome things I have 
obferved, that God may perhaps defign you for fome 
fingular fervice in the world. O then labour to be 
prepared and qualified to do much for God. Read 
Tvlr. Edwards* piece on the afFe(5tions, again and 
again ; and labour to diilinguKh clearly upon expe- 
riences and affe(5tions in religion, that you may 
m.ake a difference between the gold and tlie Ihining 
drofs ; I lay, labour here, as ever you would be an 
ufeful minifter of Chrift : For nothing has put fuch 
a flop to the work of God in the late day as tl^c 
falfe religion, the wild affections that attended ir. 
Suffer me therefore, finally to entreat you ea^rnefil/ 

U 3 to 

310 The LIFE, &c. 

to give yourfelf to prayer, to reading, and meditation 
on divine truths : Strive to penetrate to the bottom 
of them, and never be content with a fuperficial 
knowledge. By this means, your thoughts will 
gradually grow weighty and judicious ; and you 
hereby will be poflefTed of a valuable treafure, out of 
which you may produce things new and old, to the 
glory of God. 

And now I commend you to the grace of God ; 
earneftly defiring, that a plentiful portion of the Di- 
vine Spirit may reft upon you ; that you may live to 
God in every capacity of life, and do abundant fer^ 
vice for him in publick, if it be his will ; and that 
you may be richly qualified for the inheritance of 
the faints in light. 

I fcarce expe(5t to fee your face any more in the 
body; and therefore entreat you to accept this as the 
laft token of love, from 

Your fincerely affed:ionate dying friend, 


P. S. I am now, at the dating of this letter, con- 
siderably recovered from what 1 was when I wrote 
it ; it having lain by me fome time, for want of an 
opportunity of conveyance : It was written in Bof- 
ton. I am now able to ride a little, and fo am re- 
moved into the country : But I have no more expect- 
ation of recovering, than when I wrote, though I 
am a little better for the prefent ; and therefore I 
flill fubfcribe myfelf. 

Your dying friend, &c. 

D. B. 

A N 

3' I 

A N 


Containing fome REFLECTIONS ^W OBSERVA- 
TIONS on the preceding Memoirs of Mr. Brai- 


I. T^T'E have here an opportunity, as I apprehend, 
V V in a very lively inftance, to iee the nature 
of true religion ; and the manner of its operation, 
when exemplified in a high degree and powerful 
exercife. Particularly it may be worthy to be ob- 

I . How greatly Mr. Brainerd*s religion differed 
from that of fome pretenders to the experience of a 
clear work of faving converfion wrought on their 
hearts ; who, depending and living on that, fettle in 
a cold, carelefs and carnal frame of mind, and in a 
negled: of thorough, earneft religion, in the flated 
practice of it. Ahhough his convi<flions and con- 
verfion were in all refped:s exceeding clear and very 
remarkable ; yet how far was he from acting as 
though he thought he had got through his work, 
when once he had obtained comfort, and fatisfad;ioii 
of his intereli in Chriff, and title to heaven. On 
the contrary, that work on his heait, by which he 
was brought to this, was with him evidently but 
the beginning of his work, his firfl entering on the 
great bufinefs of religion and the fervice of God, his 
firft fetting out in his race. His work was not fin- 
ilhed, nor his race ended, until life was ended ; 
agreeable to frequent fcripturereprefentations of the 
chriflian life. He continued preffing forward in a 
U 4 conliant 

312 Reflections j/zi Observations 

conftant manner, forgetting the things that were be- 
hind, and reaching forth towards the things that 
were before. His pains and earneftnefs in the bufi- 
nefs of rehgion were rather increafed, than dimin- 
ifhed, after he had received comfort and fatisfadtion 
concerning the fafety of his Hate. Thofe divine 
principles, which after this he was ad:uated by, of 
love to God, and longings and thirftings after holi- 
nefs, feem to be more effectual to engage him to 
pains and activity in religion, than fear of hell had 
been before. 

And as his converfion was not the end of his work, 
or of the courfe of his diligence and ftrivings in re- 
ligion ; fo neither was it the end of the work of the 
Spirit of God on his heart : But on the contrary, 
the beginning of that work ; the beginning of his 
fpiritual difcoveries, and holy views ; the firft dawn- 
ing of the light, which thenceforward increafed 
more and more ; the beginning of his holy affec- 
tions, his forrow for fin, his love to God, his rejoic- 
ing in Chrift Jefus, his longings after holinefs. And 
the powerful operations of the Spirit of God in thefe 
things, were carried on, from the day of his conver- 
iion, in a continued courfe, to his dying day. His 
religious experiences, his admiration, his joy and 
praife, and flowing affe<5tions, did not only hold up 
to a confiderable height for a few days, weeks or 
months, at firft, while hope and comfort were new 
things with him ; and then gradually dwindle and 
die away, until they came to almoft nothing, and fo 
leave him without any fenfible or remarkable expe- 
rience of fpiritual difcoveries, or holy and divine af- 
fections, for months together ; as it is with many, 
who, after the newnefs of things is over, foon come 
to that pafs, that it is again with them very much as 
it ufed to be before their fuppofed converfion, with 
refped to any prefcnt viev/s of God*s glory, of 


On t/)e preceding Memoirs, 313 

Chrifl*s excellency, or of the beauty of divine things; 
and with refpe(5l: to any prefent thirftings for God, 
or ardent outgoings of their fouls after divine ob-' 
jedls : But only now and then, they have a comfort- 
able refledlion on things they have met with in times 
paft, and are fomething affeded with them ; and fo 
reft eafy, thinking all things are well ; they have 
had a good clear work, and their ftate is fafe, and 
they doubt not but they Ihall go to heaven when 
they die. How far otherwife was it with Mr. Brai- 
nerd, than it is with fuch perfons ! His experiences, 
inftead of dying away, were evidently of an increaf- 
ing nature. His firft love and other holy affediions, 
even at the beginning, were very great ; but after 
months and years, became much greater, and more 
remarkable ; and the fpiritual exercifes of his mind 
continued exceeding great, though not equally fo at 
all times, yet ufually fo, without indulged remiff- 
nefs, and without habitual dwindling and dying 
away, even until his decea-fe. They began in a time 
of general deadnefs all over the land, and were great- 
ly increafed in a time of general reviving of religion. 
And when religion decayed again, and a general 
deadnefs returned, his experiences were ftill kept up 
in their height, and his holy exercifes maintained in 
their life and vigour ; and fo continued to be, in a 
general courfe, wherever he was, and whatever his 
circumftances were, among Englifh and Indians, in 
company and alone, in towns and cities, and in the 
howling wildernefs, in ficknefs and in health, living 
and dying. This is agreeable to fcripture defcriptions 
of true and right religion, and of the chriflian life. 
The change that was wrought in him at his conver- 
sion, was agreeable to fcripture reprefentations of 
that change which is wrought in true converfion ; a 
great change, and an abiding change, rendering him 
a new man, a new creature : Not only a change as 


314 Reflections <?;?</ Observations 

to hope and comfort, and an apprehenfion of his 
own good eftate ; and a tranlient change, confifting 
in high flights of pafling affedions ; but a change 
of nature, a change of the abiding habit and temper 
of his mind. Nor a partial change, merely in point 
of opinion, or outward reformation ; much lefs a 
change from one error to another, or from one fin to 
another ; but an univerfal change, both internal and 
external ; as from corrupt and dangerous principles 
in religion, unto the belief of the truth, fo from both 
the habits and waysof iin, unto univerfal holinefs of 
heart and practice ; from the power and lervice of 
Satan, unto God. 

2. His religion did apparently and greatly differ 
from that of many high pretenders to religion, who 
are frequently actuated by vehement emotions of 
mind, and are carried on in a courfe of fudden and 
ftrong impreflions, and fuppofed high illumina- 
tions and immediate difcoveries, and at the fame 
time are perfons of a virulent zeal, not according to 

His convictions, preceding his converfion, did 
not arife from any frightful impreffions on his im- 
agination, or any external images and ideas of fire 
and brimftone, a fword of vengeance drawn, a dark 
pit open, devils in terrible fhapes, &c. ftrongly fix- 
ed in his mind. His fight of his own finfulnefs 
did not confiflin any imagination ot a heap of loath- 
fome material filthinefs within him ; nor did his 
fenfe of the hardnefs of his heart confiil :a any 
bodily feeling \\\ his bread fomething hard and hea- 
vy like a flone, nor in any imaginations whatever of 
fuch a nature. 

His firfl difcovery of God or Chrift, at his con- 
verfion, was not any firong idea of any external glo- 
ry or brightnefs, or majeity and beauty of counte- 
nance, or pleafant voice j nor was it any fuppofed 


On the preceding Memoirs. 31^ 

immediate manifeftation of God*s love to him in 
particular ; nor any imagination of Chrift*s fmil- 
ing face, arms open, or words immediately fpoken 
to him, as by name, revealing Chrift*s love to him; 
either words of fcripture, or any other : But a man- 
ifeftation of God*s glory, and the beauty of his 
nature, as fupremely excellent in itielf ; powerfully 
drawing, and fweetly captivating his heart ; bring- 
ing him to a hearty defire to exalt God, fet him on 
the throne, and give him fupreme honour and glo- 
ry, as the king and fovereign of the univerfe ; and 
alfo a new fenfe of the infinite wifdom, fuitablenefs 
and excellency of the way of falvation by Chrift ; 
powerfully engaging his whole foul to embrace this 
way of lalvation, and to delight in it. His firfl 
faith did not confift in believing that Chrift loved 
him, and died for him, in particular. His firfl com- 
fort was not from any fecret fuggeflion of God's 
eternal love to him, or that God was reconciled to 
him, or intended great mercy for him ; by any fuch 
texts as thele, Son, be of good cheer, thy fins are for- 
given thee. Fear not, I am thy God, &c. or in any 
liich way. On the contrary, when God's glory was 
firft diCcovered to him, it was without any thought 
of falvation as his own. His firfl: experience of the 
fandiifying and comforting power of God's Spirit 
did not begin in fome bodily fenfation, any pleafant 
warm feeling in his breaft, that he, as fome others, 
called the feeling the love ot Chrift in him, and be- 
ing full of the fpirir. How exceeding far were his 
experiences at his firft converfion from things of 
fuch a nature ! 

And if we look through the whole fcries of his 
experiences, from his converfion to his death, we 
ihall find none of this kind. 

Mr. Brainerd's religion was not felfifli and mcr- 
(:enary ; His loye to God was primarily and prin- 

3i6 Reflections ^;7i Observations 

cipally for the fupreme excellency of his own na- 
ture, and not built on a preconceived notion that 
God loved him, had received him into favour, 
and had done great things for him, or promifed 
great things to him : So his joy was joy in God, and 
not in himfelf. We fee by his Diary how, from 
time to time, through the courfe of his life, his foul 
■was filled with ineffable fweetnefs and comfort. 
But what was the fpring of this ftrong and abid- 
ing confolation ? Not fo much the confideration of 
the fure grounds he had to think that his ftate was 
good, that God had deUvered him from hell, and 
that heaven was his ; or any thoughts concerning 
his own diflinguifhed happy and exalted circum- 
flances, as a high favourite of heaven : But the 
fweet meditations and entertaining views he had of 
divine things without himfelf; the affed:ing confid- 
erations and lively ideas of God*s infinite glory, his 
unchangeable bleffednefs, his fovereignty and uni- 
verfal dominion ; together with the fweet exerciies 
of love to God, giving himfelf up to him, abafing 
himfelf before him, denying himfelf for him, de- 
pending upon him, ad:ing for his glory, diligently 
ferving him ; and the pleaiing prolpeds or hopes 
he had of a future advancement of the kingdom of 
Chrifl, &c. 

It appears plainly and abundantly all along, from 
his converfion to his death, that that beauty, that 
fort of good, which was the great objed: of the new 
fenfe of his mind, the new relilh and appetite given 
him in converfion, and thenceforward maintained 
and increafed in his heart, was holinefs, coniormity 
to God, living to God, and glorifying him.. This 
was what drew his heart ; this was the centre of his 
foul i this was the ocean to which all the ftreams 
of his religious afFe6tions tended j this v.-as the object 
that engaged his eager thirfling deiires and earnelt 

purfuits : 

On the precedifig Memoirs. 5^7 

piirfuits : He knew no true excellency or happinefs 
but this : This was what he longed for moft vehe-» 
mently and conftantly on earth ; and this was with 
him the beauty and blelTednefs of heaven; which 
made him fo much and fo often to long for that world 
of glory ; it was to be perfedly holy, and perfedily 
exercifed in the holy employments of heaven ; thus 
to glorify God and enjoy him forever. 

His religious illuminations, affections and com- 
fort feemed to a great degree, to be attended with 
evangelical humiliation; confifting in a fenfe of his 
own utter infufficiency, defpicablenefs and odiouf- 
nefs ; with an anfwerable difpofition and frame of 
heart. How deeply affe<5ted was he almoft continu- 
ally with his great defed:s in religion ; with his 
vaft diftance from that fpirituality and holy frame 
of mind that became him ; with his ignorance, 
pride, deadnefs, unfteadinefs, barrennefs ! He was 
not only affedied with the remembrance of his 
former finfulnefs, before his converfion, but with 
the fenfe of his prefent vilenefs and pollution. He 
was not only difpofed to think meanly of himfelf 
asbeforeGod, and in comparifonof him ; butamongft 
men, and as compared with them : He was apt to 
think other faints better than he ; yea, to look or 
himfelf as the mcaneft and leaft of faints ; yea, very 
often, as the vileft and worfi: of mankind. And 
notwithftanding his great attainments in fpiritual 
knowledge, yet we find there is fcarce any thing 
that he is more frequently affected and abafed with 
a fenfe of, than his ignorance. 

Howeminently did he appear to be of a meek and 
quiet fpirit, rcfembling the lamblike, dovelike 
fpirit of Jefus Chrift I How full of love, meekncfs, 
quietnefs, forgivenefs and mercy ! His love was not 
merely a fondnefs and zeal for a party, but an uni- 
verfal benevolence; very often exerci fed in the mofl. 

fen fib le 

3i8 Reflections tf/?^ Observations 

fenfible and ardent love to his greateft oppofers and 
enemies. His love and meeknefs were riot a meer 
pretence, and outward profeffion and fhew ; but 
they were effedlual things, manifefted in expenfive 
and painful deeds of love and kindnefs ; and in a 
meek behaviour ; readily confcfling faults under 
the greateft trials, and humbling himfelf even at the 
feet of thofe from whom he fuppofed he had fuf- 
fercd moft ; and from time to time, very frequently 
praying for his enemies, abhorring the thoughts of 
bitternefs or refentment towards them. I fcarcely 
know where to look for any parallel inftance of 
felf denial, in thefe refped:s, in the prefent age. 
He was a perfon of great zeal ; but how did he ab- 
hor a bitter zeal, and lament it where he faw it ! 
And though he was once drawn into fome degrees 
of it, by the force of prevailing example, as it were 
in his childhood ; yet how did he go about with his 
heart bruifed and broken in pieces for it all his life 
after ! 

Of how foft and tender a fpirit was he ! How far 
were his experiences, hopes, and joys from a ten- 
dency finally to ftupify and harden him, to lefleii 
convictions and tendernefs of confcience, to caufe 
him to be Icfs afFe(5led with prefent and paft fins, 
and lefs confcientious with refpecS to future fins, 
more eafy in the negled: of duties that are trouble- 
fome and inconvenient, more flow and partial in 
complying with difficult commands, lefs apt to be 
alarmed at the appearance of his own defed:s and 
tranfgrefiions, more eafily induced to a compliance 
with carnal appetites ! On the contrary, how tender 
was his confcience ! How apt was his heart to fmite 
him ! How eafily and greatly was he alarmed at 
the appearance of moral evil ! How great and con- 
flant was his jealoufy over his own heart ! How 
ftridl his care and watchfulnefs againft fin ! How 



On the preceding Memoirs. 319 

deep and fenfible were the wounds that fin made in 
his confcience ! Thofe evils that are generally ac- 
counted fmall, were almoft an infupportable burden 
to him ; iuch as his inward deficiencies, his having 
no more love to God, finding within himfelf any 
flacknefs or dulnefs in religion, any unAeadinefs, or 
wandering frame of mind, &c. How did the con- 
fideration of fiich things as thefe opprefs and abafe 
him, and fill him with inward fi.iame and confufion ! 
His love, and hope, though they were fuch as caft 
out a fervile fear of hell, yet they were fuch as were 
attended with, and abundantly cherifhed and promot- 
ed a reverential filial fear of God, a Jread of fin, and 
of God's holy difpleafure. His joy feemed truly to 
be a rejoicing with trembling. His aflurance and 
comfort differed greatly from a falfe enthufiaftick 
confidence and joy, in that it promoted and main- 
tained mourning for fin. Holy mourning, with him, 
was not only the work of an hour or a day, at his 
firfl converfion j but ibrrow for fin was like a wound 
conflantly running : He was a mourner for fin all 
his days. He did not, after he received comfort 
and full fatisfacftion of the forgivcnefs of all his 
fins, and the fafcty of his (late, forget his pafl fins, 
the fins of his youth, that were committed before 
his converfion ; but the remembrance of them, from 
time to time, revived in his heart, with renewed 
grief. That in Ezek. xvi. 63. was evidently ful- 
filled in him, That thou mayejl remember y and be con- 
founded^ and never open thy mouth any more^ bccaufe 
of thy Jhame ; when I am pacijied toward thee for all 
that thou hafi done. And how laftingly did the 
fins that he committed after his converfion, afFecft 
and break his heart ! If he did any thing whereby 
he thought he had in any refpeft difhonoured God, 
and wounded the intereft of religion, he had never 
done with calling it to mind with forrow and bitter- 

ncfs ; 

3^0 Reflections ^;2^ Observations 

nefs j though he was affured that God had forgiven it, 
yet he never forgave himfelf : His pafl forrows and 
fears made no fatisfa6tion, with him ; but ftill the 
wound renews and bleeds afrefh, again and again. 
And his prefent fins, that he daily found in him- 
felf, were an occafion of daily fenlible and deep 
forrow of heart. 

His religious afFe(5tions and joys were not like thofe 
of fome, who have rapture and mighty emotions 
from time to time in company ; but have very lit- 
tle affedlion in retirement and fecret places. Though 
he was of a very fociable temper, and loved the 
company of faints, and delighted very much in re- 
ligious converfation and in focial worfhip ; yet his 
warmed affections, and their greatefl effects on ani- 
mal nature, and his fwceteft joys, were in his clofet 
devotions, and folitarytranfacftions between God and 
his own foul ; as is very obfervable through his 
•whole courfe, from his converfion to his death. He 
deh'ghted greatly in facred retirements ; and loved 
to get quite away from all the world, to converfe 
with God alone, in fecret duties. 

Mr. Brainerd*s experiences and comforts were 
very far from being like thofe of fome perfons, which 
are attended with a fpiritual fatiety, and put an end 
to their religious defires and longings, at leafl to the 
edge and ardency of them ; refling fatisfied in their 
own attainments and comforts, as having obtained 
their chief end, which is to extinguifli their fears of 
hell, and give them confidence of the favour of God. 
How far were his religious affedtions, refrefhments, 
and fatisfadlons, from fuch an operation and in- 
fluence as this ! On the contrary, how were they 
always attended with longings and thirflings after 
greater degrees of conformity to God ! And the 
greater and fwceter his comforts were, the more vehe- 
ment were his defires after holinefs. For it is to be 


On i^e preceding yiEhioiKSt I '*^. 3a t 

obferved, that his longings were not f'o much after 
joyful difcoveries of God's love, and clear views of 
his title to future advancennent and eternal honours 
in heaven ; as after more of prefent holinefs, greater 
fpirituality, an heart more engaged for God, to love 
and exalt and depend on him, an ability better to 
ferve him, to do more for his glory, and to do all 
that he did with more of a regard to Chi ill: as his 
righteoufnefs and ilrength ; and after the enlarge- 
ment and advancement of Chrift's kingdom in the 
earth. And his delires were not idle williings and 
wouldings, but fuch as were powerful and effediuaU 
to animate him to the earneft", eager purfuit of thefe 
things, with utmoft diligence, and unfainting labour 
and Jelf denial. His comforts never put an end to 
his feeking after God, and ftriving to obtain his 
grace ; but on the contrary, greatly engaged .and en- 
larged him therein. • 

His religion did not confifl only in experience, 
without pradiice. All his inward illuminations, 
aflPediions and comforts Teemed to have a dircd: ten^. 
dency to practice, and to ifTue in it ; and this, not 
merely a pradice negatively good, free from grofs 
acts of irreligion and immorality : But a practice 
pofitively holy and chriftian, in a ferious, devout, 
humble, meek, merciful, charitable, and beneficent 
converfation ,- making the fervice of God, and our 
Lord Jefus Chrift, the great bufinefs of life, which 
he was devoted to, and purfued with the greateft 
earnclinefs and diligence to the end of his days, 
through all trials. In him was to be feen the right 
way ot being lively in religion. His livelinefs in 
religion diti not con (ill merely or mainly in his be- 
ing lively with tiie tongue, but in deed ; not in be- 
ing forward in profefTion and outward fliew, and 
abundant in declaring his own experiences ; but 
chiefly in being adlive and abundant in the labours 

W and ■ 

322 Reflections a//J Observations 

and duties of religion ; not flothful in bufinefs, but 
fervent in fpirit, ferving the Lord, and ferving his 
generation, according to the will of God. 

It cannot be pretended, that the reafon why he {o 
much abhorred and condemned the notions and ex- 
periences of thofe whofe firft faith confifls in be- 
lieving that Chrift is theirs, and that Chrifl: died 
for them ; without any previous experience of union 
of heart to him, for his excellency, as he is in him- 
felf, and not for his fuppofed love to them ; and 
who judge of their intereft in Chrifl, their juflifica- 
tion, and God's love to them, not by their fandli- 
fication and the exercifes and fruits of grace, but by 
a fuppofed immediate witnefs of the Spirit by in- 
ward fuggeflion; I fay, it cannot be pretended, that 
the reafon why he fo much detefted and condemned 
fuch opinions and experiences, was, that he was of 
a too legal fpirit ; either that he never was dead to 
the law, never experienced a thorough work of con- 
viction, was never fully brought off from his own 
righteoufnefs, and weaned from the old covenant, 
by a thorough legal humiliation ; or that afterwards, 
he had no great degree of evangelical humihation, 
not living in a deep fenfe of his own emptinefs, 
wretchednefs, poverty, and abfolute dependence on 
the mere grace of God through Chrift. For his 
convictions of fin, preceding his firft confolations in 
Chrift, were exceeding deep and thorough; his trou- 
ble and exercife of mind, by a fenfe of lin and mife- 
ry, very great and long continued ; and the light 
let into his mind at his converfion and in progreflive 
fandtification, appears to have had its genuine hum- 
bling influence upon him, to have kept him low 
in his own eyes, not confiding in himfelf, but 
in Chrift, living by the faith of the Son of Gody 
and looking for the vicrcy of the Lord ^efus to eternal 


On the preceding Memoirs. 323 

Nor can it be pretended, that the reafon why be 
condemned thofe, and other things, which this fort 
of people call the very height ofvital religion, and 
the power of godlinefs, was, that he was a dead 
chriftlan, and lived in the dark (as they exprcfs 
themfelves) that his experiences, though they might 
be true, were not great ; that he did not live near to 
God, had but a fmall acquaintance with him, and 
had but a dim fight of fpiritual things. If any, af- 
ter they have read the preceding account of Mr. 
Brainerd's life, will venture to pretend thus, they 
will only fhew that they themfelves are in the dark, 
and do indeed put darknefs for light, and light for 

II. The foregoing account of Mr. Brainerd's life 
may afford matter of convidtion, that there is indeed 
fuch a thing as true experimental religion, arifing 
from immediate divine influences, fupernaturally en-* 
lightening and convincing the mind, and powerfully 
impreffing, quickening, fandifying, and governing 
the heart ; which religion is indeed an amiable 
thing, of happy tendency, and of no hurtful confe- 
quence to human fociety ; notwithltanding there 
having been fo many pretences and appearances 
of what is called experimental vital religion, that 
have proved to be nothing but vain, pernicious en- 

If any infift, that Mr. Brainerd*s religion \V^s en* 
thufiafm, and nothing but a ftrange heat, and blind, 
fervour of mind, arifing from the ftrong fancies and 
dreams of a notional whimfical brain ; I would a{k, 
i{ it be fo, that fuch things as thefe are the fruits of 
enthufiafm, viz. a great degree of honefty and fitti- 
plicity, fincere and earncft defires and endeavours 
to know and do whatever is right, and to avoid every 
thing that is wrong ; an high degree of loVe to Ga^t 
delight in the perfe(Stions of his naturc> placing the 

W % happinefs 

324 Reflections <^W Observations 

happinefs of life in him ; not only in contemplating 
him, but in being adivein pleafingand ferving him ; 
a firm and undoubting belief in the Meffiah, as the 
faviour of the world, the great prophet of God, and 
king of God's church ; together with great love to 
him, delight and complacence in the way of falva- 
tion by him, and longing for the enlargement of his 
kingdom ; earnefl: defires that God may be glorified, 
and the Meffiah *s kingdom advanced, whatever in- 
flruments are made ufe of ; uncommon refignation 
to the will of God, and that under vaft trials j great 
and univerfal benevolence to mankind, reaching all 
forts of perfons without diftindiion, manifefted in 
fweetnels of fpeech and behaviour, kind treatment, 
mercy, liberality, and earneft feeking the good of 
the ibuls and bodies of men; attended with extraor- 
dinary humility, meeknefs, forgivenefs of injuries, 
and love to enemies ; and a great abhorrence of a 
contrary fpirit and prad:ice j not only as appearing 
in others, but whereinfoever it had appeared in him- 
fcU ; cauling the moll bitter repentance, and bro- 
kennefs of heart on account of any part inftances of 
fuch a condu6t : A modefl, difcreet and decent de- 
portment, arnong fuperiours, inferiours and equals; 
a moil diligent improvement of time, and earneft 
care to lofe no part of it ; great watchfulnefs againfl 
all forts of fin, of heart, ipccch and action : And 
this example and thefe endeavours attended with 
moft happy fruits, and blelled efiecls on others, in 
humanizing, civilizing, and wonderfully reforming 
and transforming fomc of the moll brutifli favages ; 
idle, immoral, drunkards, murderers, grofs idola- 
ters, and wizards ; bringing them to permanent fo- 
briety, diligence, devotion, honelly, confcientiouf- 
nefs, and charity : And the foregoing amiable vir- 
tues and fuccefsful labours all ending at laft in a 
marvellous peace, unmovable ftability, calmnefs, and 


On tbe preceding Memoirs. 3^5 

refignation, in the fenfible approaches of death ; with 
longing for the heavenly ftate ; not only for the hon- 
ours and circumftantial advantages of it, but above 
all for the moral perfed:ions, and holy and bleffed 
employments of it : And thefe things in a perlbn 
indifputably of a good underftanding and judgment : 
I fay, if all thefe things are the fruits of enthufiafm, 
why (hould not enthufiafm. be thought a defirable 
and excellent thing ? For what can true religion, 
what can the beft philofophy do more ? If vapours 
and whimfey will bring men to the mod thorough 
virtue, to the moft benign and fruitful morality ; 
and will maintain it through a courfe of life, attend- 
ed with many trials, without affedation or felf ex- 
altation, and with an earnefl: conftant bearing tefti- 
mony againft the wildnefs, the extravagances, the 
bitter zeal, afluming behaviour, and feparating 
fpirit of enthufiafts ; and will do all this more ef- 
fectually, than any thing elfe has ever done in any 
plain known inftance that can be produced ; if it be 
lb, 1 fay, what caufe then has the world to prize and 
pray for this blelTed whimiicalnefs, and thele benign 
fort of vapours I 

in. The preceding hiftory fervcs to confirm 
thofe doctrines ufually called the doctrines of grace. 
For if it be allowed that there is truth, fubdance, or 
value in the main of Mr. Brainerd's religion, it will 
undoubtedly follow, that thofe doctrines are divine: 
Since it is evident, that the whole of it, from begin- 
ning to end, is according to that fcheme of things ; 
all built on thofe apprehenfions, notions, and views, 
that are produced and eftablilhed in the mind by 
thole doctrines. He was brought by doclrines of 
this kind to his awakening, and deep concern about 
things of a fpiritual and eternal nature j and by thefe 
doctrines his convictions were maintained and car- 
ried on J and his converfion was evidently altogether 

W 3 agreeable 

1^6 Reflections ^;?i Observations 

agreeable to this fcheme, but by no means agreeing 
with the contrary ; and utterly inconiiftent with the 
Arminian notion of converfion or repentance. His 
converfion was plainly founded in a clear ftrongcon- 
vidion, and undoubting perfuafion of the truth of 
thofe things appertaining to thefe do6lrines, which 
Arminians moft objed againft, and which his own 
mind had contended moft about. And his conver- 
fion was no confirming and perfecSling of moral 
principles and habits, by ufe and pra<^ice, and his 
<own labour in an induftrious difciplining himfelf, 
together with the concurring fuggeftions and conlpir- 
ing aids of God's Spirit : But entirely a fupernatural 
work, at once turning him from darknefs to marvel- 
lous light, and from the powerof fin to the dominion 
of divine and holy principles ; an effed:, in no re- 
gard produced by his ftrength or labour, or obtain- 
ed by his virtue ; and not accomplilhed until he 
was firft brought to a full convidlion that all his own 
virtue, ftrength, labours and endeavours could nev- 
er avail any thing to the producing or procuring 
this effedt. 

A very little while before, his mind was full of 
the fame cavils againft the dodlrines of God's fov- 
ereign grace, which are made by Arminians ; and 
his heart full even of a raging oppofition to them. 
And God was pleafed to perform this good work in 
him juft after a full end had been put to this cavil- 
hng and oppofition j after he was entirely convinced, 
that he was dead in fin, and was in the hands of 
God, as the abfoluteiy fovereign, unobliged, fole 
difpofer and author of true holinefs. God's fliew- 
ing him mercy at fuch a time, is a confirmation, 
that this was a preparation for mercy j and confe- 
quently, that thefe things which he was convinced 
pf, were true : While he oppofcd thefe things, he 
was the- fubjecfl of no fuch mercy ; though he fo 


On the preceding Memoirs. 327 

earneftly fought it, and prayed for it with fo much 
painfulnefs, care and ftric^nefs in religion : But when 
once his oppofition is fully fubdued , and he is brought 
to fubmit to the truths, which he before had oppof- 
ed, with full convidion, then the mercy he fought 
for is granted, with abundant light, great evidence, 
and exceeding joy, and he reaps the fweet fruits of 
it all his life after, and in the valley of the Jhadow of 

In his converfion, he was brought to fee the glory 
of that way of fidvation by Chrift, that is taught in 
what are called the dod:rines of grace ; and thence- 
forward, with unfpeakable joy and complacence, to 
embrace and acquiefce in that way of falvation. He 
was in his converfion, in all refpedts, brought to thofe 
views, and that fiate of mind, which thefe dodrines 
fhew to be neceffary. And if his converfion was any 
real converfion, or any thing befides a mere whim, and 
if the religion of his life was any thingelfebutaferies 
of freaks of a whimfical mind, then this one grand 
principle, on which depends the wiiole difference 
between Calvinifls and Arminians,is undeniable, viz. 
that the grace or virtue of truly good men, not only 
differs from the virtue of others in degree, but even 
in nature and kind. If ever Mr. Brainerd was truly 
turned from fin to God at all, or ever became truly 
religious, none can reafbnably doubt but that his 
converfion was at the time when he fuppofed it to 
be. The change he then experienced, was evident- 
ly the greateft moral change that ever he pafTed un- 
der ; and he was then apparently firfl brought to 
that kind of religion, that remarkable new habit a^id 
temper of mind, which he held all his life after. 
The narration thews it to be different, in nature and 
kind, from all that ever he was the fubjeft of before. 
It was evidently wrouglit at once, without fitting 
and preparing his mind, by gradually convincing 

W 4 it 

Reflections ^;7^ Observations 

it more and more of the fame truths, and bringing 
it nearer and nearer to fuch a temper : For it was 
foon after his mind had been remarkably full of 
blafphemy, and a vehement exercife of fenfible en- 
mity againfl God, and great oppofition to thofe 
truths, which he was now brought with his whole 
foul to embrace, and reft: in, as divine and glorious, 
and to place his happinefs in the contemplation and 
improvement of. And he himfelf (who was furely 
beft able to judge) declares, that the difpofitions 
and afFedlions, which were then given him, and 
thenceforward maintained in him, were mofi: fenfibly 
and certainly, perfedlly different, in their nature, from 
all that ever he was the fubjedt of before, or that he ever 
had any conception of. This he ever ftood to and 
was peremptory in (as what he certainly knew) 
even to his death. He mufl: be looked upon as ca- 
pable of judging ; he had opportunity to know : 
He had pradtifed a great deal of religion before, was 
exceeding ftridt and confcientious, and had continu- 
ed fo for a long time ; had various religious affec- 
tions, with which he often flattered himfelf, and feme- 
times pleafed himfelf as being now in a good eftate. 
And after hehad thofe new experiences, that began in 
his converfion, they were continued to the end of his 
life J long enough for him ilioroughly toobferve their 
nature, and compare them with what had been before. 
Doubtlefs he was co?7ipos mentis ; and was at lea ft 
one of fo good an underftanding and judgment, as 
to be pretty well capable of difcerning and compar- 
ing the things that paffed in his own mind. 

It is further obfervable, that his religion all along 
operated in fuch a manner as tended to confirm his 
mind in the dodlrinesof God*s abfolute lovereignty, 
man's univerfal and entire dependence on God's 
power and grace, &c. The more his religion pre- 
vailed in his heart, and the fuller he was of divine 


On the preceding Memoirs. 329 

love, and of clear and delightful views of fpiritual 
things, and the more his heart was engaged in God's 
fervice ; the more fenfible he was of the certainty 
and the excellency and importance of thefe truths, 
and the more he was afiedted Vv'ith them, and rejoic- 
ed in them. And he declares particularly, that when 
he lay for a long while on the verge of the eternal 
world, often expedting to be in that world in a few 
minutes, yet at the fame time enjoying great fcreni- 
ty of mind, and clearnefs of thought, and being mofl 
apparently in a peculiar manner at a diftance from 
an enthufiaftical frame, he at that time faw clearly 
the truth of thofe great dotlrines of the gofpel, which 
are juftly ftiled the docftrines of grace, and never felt 
himlelf fo capable of demonftrating the truth of 

So that it is very evident, Mr. Brainerd*s religion 
was wholly correfpondent to what is called the Cal- 
viniftical fcheme, and was the efFed of thofe doc- 
trines applied to his heart : And certainly it cannot 
be denied, that the effed: was good, unlefs we turn 
Atheifts, or Deifts. I would afk, whether there be 
any fuch thing in reality, as chriftian devotion ? If 
there be, What is it ? What is its nature ? And what 
its juft meafure ? Should it not be in a great degree ? 
We read abundantly in fcripture — of loving God 
with all the heart, with all the foul, with all the 
mind, and with all the ftrength, of delighting in 
God, of rejoicing in the Lord, rejoicing with joy 
unfpeakable and full of glory, the foul's magnifying 
the Lord, thirfting for God, hungering and thirfting 
after righteoufnefs, the foul's breaking for the long- 
ing it hath to God's judgments, praying to God 
with groanings that cannot be uttered, mourning tor 
/in with a broken heart and contrite fpirit, &c. How 
full is the book of Pfalms, and other parts of fcrip- 
ture, of fvich things as theie ! Now wherein do thefe 


330 Reflections ^«i Observations 

things, as exprefled by, and appearing in Mr. Brai- 
nerd, either the things themfelves, or their effedls 
and fruits, differ from the fcripture reprefentations ? 
Thefe things he was brought to by that flrange and 
wonderful transformation of the man, which he call- 
ed his converfion. And does not this well agree 
with what is fo often faid, in Old Teftament and 
New, concerning the giving of a new heart, creating 
a right fpirit, a being renewed in the fpirit of the 
mind, a being fand:ified throughout, becoming a 
new creature, &c ? Now where is there to be found 
an Arminian converfion or repentance, confiding in 
fo great and admirable a change ? Can the Armin- 
ians produce an inflance, within this age, and fo 
plainly within our reach and view, of fuch a ref- 
ormation, fuch a transformation of a man, to fcirp- 
tural devotion, heavenly mindednefs, and true chrif- 
tian morality, in one that before lived without thefe 
things, on the foot of their principles, and through 
the influence of their dodrines ? 

And here is worthy to be confidered, not only the 
eflre<ft of Calviniflical doctrines, as they are called, 
on Mr. Brainerd himfelf, but alfo the effedl of the 
fame dodtrines, as taught and inculcated by him, on 
others. It is abundantly pretended and afTerted of 
late, that thefe dodtrines tend to undermine the very 
foundations of all religion and morality, and to ener- 
vate and vacate all reafonable motives to the exer- 
cife and practice of them, and lay invincible tum- 
bling blocks before infidels, to hinder their embrac- 
ing chriflianity ; and that the contrary dodtrines 
are the fruitful principles of virtue and goodnefs, 
fet religion on its right bafis, rcprefent it in an ami- 
able light, give its motives their full force, and re- 
commend it to thereafon and common fenfe of man- 
kind. But where can they find an inflance of fo 
great and fignal an effe(5t of their dodlrincs, in bring- 

On the preceding Memoirs. 331 

ing infidels, who were at fuch a diftance from all 
that is civil, human, fober, rational, and chriftian, 
and fo full of , inveterate prejudices againft thefe 
things, to fuch a degree of humanity, civility, exer- 
cife of reafon, felf denial, and chriftian virtue ? Ar- 
minians place religion in morality : Let them bring 
an inftance of their do(5lrines producing fuch a tranf- 
formation of a people in point of moralit)'-. It is 
ftrange, if the allvvife God fo orders things in his 
providence, that reafonable and proper means, and 
his own means, which he himfelf has appointed, 
lliould in no known remarkable inftance be inftru- 
mental to produce fo good an efFe(5t ; an efFe(5t fo 
agreeable to his own word and mind, and that very 
effedt for which he appointed thefe excellent means ; 
that they Ihould not be fo fuccefsful as thofe means 
which are not his own, but very contrary to them, 
and of a contrary tendency ; means that are in them- 
felves very abfurd, and tend to root all religion and 
virtue out of the world, to promote and eftablifti in- 
fidelity, and to lay an infuperable ftumbling block 
before pagans, to hinder their embracing the gofpei ; 
I fay, if this be the true ftate of the cafe, it is cer- 
tainly pretty wonderful, and an event worthy of 
fome attention. 

I know, that many will be ready to fay, it is too 
foon yet to glory in the work, that has been wrought 
among Mr. Brainerd*s Indians j it is beft to wait 
and fee the final event j it may be, all will come to 
nothing by and by : To which I anfvvcr, not toinfift 
that it will not follow, according to Arminian prin- 
ciples, they are not now true chriftians, really pious 
and godly, though they ftiould fall away and come 
to nothing, that I never fuppofed, every oneof thofe 
Indians, who in profeflion renounced their heathcn- 
ifm and vifibly embraced chriftianity, and have had 
fome appearances of piety, will finally prove true 

converts : 

2;^2 Reflections ^//^Observations 

converts : If two thirds, or indeed one half of them, 
as great a proportion as there is in the parable of the 
ten virgins, fhould perfevere ; it will be fufficient to 
fhew the work wrought among them, to have been 
truly admirable and glorious. But fo much of per- 
manence of their religion has already appeared, as 
fhews it to be fomething elfe befides an Indian hu- 
mour or good mood, or any tranfient efFccft in the 
conceits, notions, and affections of thefe ignorant 
people, excited at a particular turn, by artful man- 
agement. For it is now more than three years ago, 
that this work began among them, and a remarkable 
change appeared in many of them ; iince which 
time the number of vifible converts has greatly in- 
creafed ; And by repeated accounts, from feveral 
hands, they ftill generally perfevere in diligent religion 
and ftrid: virtue. I think worthy to be here inlerted, a 
letter from a young gentleman, a candidate for the 
miniftry, one of thofe appointed by the hon- 
ourable Commillioners in Bofton, as Milficnaries 
to the heathen of the Six Nations, fo called ; 
who, by their order, dwelt with Mr. John Brai- 
nerd, among thefe chriflian Indians, in order to 
their being prepared for the bufinefs of their mif- 
fion. The letter was written from thence to his pa- 
rents herein Northampton, and is as follows. 

Bethel, in Neiv-yer/ej, Jzn\ia.Ty 14, 1747,8. 

Honoured and dear Parents, 
AFTER a long and uncomfortable journey, by 
reafon of bad weather, I arrived at Mr. Brainerd's 
the fixth of this inftant ; where I dcfign to rtay 
this winter : And as yet, upon many accounts, am 
well fatisfied with my coming hither. The flate 
and circumilances of the Indians, fpiritual and tem- 
poral, much exceed what I exped:ed. I liave en- 
deavoured to acquaint myfelf with the Hate ot the 


On the preceding Memoirs. 333 

Indians in general, with particular perfons, and with 
the fchool, as much as the fliort time I have been 
here would admit of. And notwithftanding my ex- 
pecftations were very much raifed, from Mr. David 
Brainerd's Journal, and from particular informations 
from him ; yet I muft confefs, that in many re- 
fpccls, they werenot equal to that which now appears 
t6 me to be true, concerning the glorious work of 
divine grace amongfl: the Indians. 

The evening after I came to town, I had oppor- 
tunity to fee the Indians together, whilfl: the Rev* 
Mr. Arthur preached to them : At which time 
there appeared a very general and uncommon feri- 
ouihefs and folemnit)'- in the congregation : And 
this appeared to me to be the effedl of an inward 
fenfe of the importance of divine truths, and not be- 
caui'e they were hearing a ftranger : Which was 
abundantly confirmed to me the next Sabbath, when 
there was the fame devout attendance on divine fer- 
vice, and a furprifing folemnity appearing in the 
performance of each part of divine worlliip. And 
fome, who are hopefully true chriftians, appear to 
have been at that time much enlivened and comfort- 
ed ; not from any obfervable commotions then, but 
from converfation afterwards : And others feemed 
to be under preiling concern for their fouls. I have 
endeavoured to acquaint myielf with particular per- 
fons ; many of whom feem to be very humble and 
growing chriftians ; although fome of them, as I 
am informed, were before their con verfion moft mon- 
ftroully wicked. 

Religious converfation feems to be very pleaiing 
and delightful to many, and efpecially that which 
relates to the exercifes of the heart. And many here 
do not feem to be real chriftians only, but growing 
chriftians alfo ; as well in doctrinal, as experiment- 
al knowledge. Bciides my converfLition with par- 

334 Reflections ^W Observations 

ticular perfons, I have had opportunity to attend up- 
on one of Mr. Braincrd's catechetical led:ures ; 
where I was furprifed at their readinefs in anfwering 
queftions which they had not been ufed to ; al- 
though Mr. Brainerd complained much of their un- 
common deficiency. It is furprifing, to fee this 
people, who, not long (ince were led captive by Sa- 
tan at his will, and living in the practice of all man- 
ner of abominations, without the leaft fenfe even of 
moral honefty, yet now living foberly and regular- 
ly, and not feeking every man his own, but every 
man, in fome fenfe, his neighbour's good ; and to 
fee thofe, who but a little while pad, knew nothing 
of the true God, now worfhipping him in a folemn 
and devout manner j not only in publick, but in 
their families and in fecret ; which is manifeflly the 
cafe ; it being a difficult thing to walk out in the 
woods in the morning, without difturbing perfons 
at their fecret devotion. And it feems wonderful » 
that this fhouldbe the cafe, not only with adult per- 
fons, but with children alfo. It is obfervable here, 
that many children, if not the children in general, 
retire into fecret places to pray. And as far as at 
prefent I can judge, this is not the efFed: of cuflom 
and fafliion, but of real ferioufnefs and thoughtful- 
nefs about their fouls. 

I have frequently gone into the fchool, and have 
fpent confiderable time there amongft the children ; 
and have been furprifed to fee, not only their diligent 
attendance upon the bufinefs of the fchool, but alfo 
the proficiency they have made in it, in reading and 
writing, and in their catechifms of divers forts. It 
feems to be as pleafing and as natural to thefe chil- 
dren to have their books in their hands, as it does 
for many others to be at play. I have gone into an 
houfe where there has been a number of children 
accidentally gathered together ; and obferved, that 


On the preceding Memoirs. 335 

every one had his book in his hand, and was dili- 
gently ftudying of it. There is to the number of 
about thirty of thefe children, who can anfwer to all 
the qucftions in the affembly's catechifm ; and the 
bigger part of them are able to do it with the proofs 
to the fourth commandment. I wifli there were 
many fuch fchools : I confefs, that I never was ac- 
quainted with fuch an one, in many refpedls. Q 
that what God has done here, may prove to be the 
beginning of a far more glorious and extenfive work 
of grace among the heathen. 

I am your obedient and dutiful fon, 


p. S. Since the date of this, I have had opportuni- 
ty to attend upon another of Mr. Brainerd*s cate- 
chetical le(ftures ; and truly I was convinced, that 
Mr. Braincrd did not complain before of his peo- 
ple's defeCls in anfwering to queftions propofed, 
without reafon : For although their anfwers at that 
time exceeded my expe<5tations very much ; yet 
their performances at this lecture very much exceed- 
ed them. 

IV. Is there not much in the preceding Memoirs 
of Mr. Brainerd to teach, and excite to duty, us 
who are called to the work of the miniflry, and all 
that are candidates for that great work .? What a 
deep fenfe did he feem to have of the greatnefs and 
importance of that work, and with what weight did 
it lie on his mind ! How fen/ible was he of his own 
infufficiency for this work ; and how great was his 
dependence on God's fufficiency ! How felicitous, 
that he might be fitted for it ! And to this end, how 
much time did he fpcnd in prayer and failing, as 
well as reading and meditation ; giving himfelf to 
thefe things ! How did he dedicate his whole life, 
all his powers and talents to God ; and forfake and 


336 Refeections 5«i Observations 

renounce the world, with all its pleafing and enfnar- 
ing enjoyments, that he might be wholly at liberty, 
to fcrve Chriil in this work ; and to pleafe him who 
had chofenhim to be a foldier, under the Captaifi of 
ourfahation ! With what folicitude, folemnify, and 
dihgence did he devote himfelf to God our Saviour, 
and feek his prefcnce and bleffing in fecret, at the 
time of his ordination ! And how did his whole 
heart appear to be conftantly engaged, his whole 
time employed, and his whole ftrength fpent in the 
bufinefs he then Iblemnly undertook, and was pub- 
lickly fet apart to ! And his hiftory (hews us the 
right way to fuccefs in the work of the miniftry. 
He fought it, as a refolute foldier feeks victory, in a 
fiege or battle ; or as a man that runs a race, for a 
great prize. Animated with love to Chrift and 
fouls, how did he labour always fervently, not only 
in word and dodrinc, in publick and private, but 
in prayers day and night, wreftling with God in fe- 
cret, and travailing in birth, with unutterable groans 
and agonies, until Chrift were formed in the hearts 
of the people to whom he was fent ! How did he 
thirft for a blefting on his miniftry ; and watch for 
fouls ^ as one that viufl give account ! How did he go 
forth in theflrength of the Lord God ; feeking and 
depending on a fpecial influence of the Spirit to af- 
fift and fucceed him ! And what was the happy 
fruit at laft, though after long waiting, and many 
dark and difcouraging appearances ! Like a true 
fon of Jacob, he pcrfevered in wreftling, through all 
thedarknefsofthe night, until thebreakingof the day. 
And his example of labouring, praying, denying 
himfelf, and enduring hardncfs, with unfainting 
refolution and patience, and his faithful, vigilant, 
and prudent condudt in many other refpeds, which 
it would be too long now particularly to recite, may 
afford inftru<^ion to miflionaries in particular. 


On the preceding Memoirs. 337 

V. The foregoing account of Mr. Brainerd's life 
may afford inftruiSlion to chriftians in general -, as it 
Ihews, in many refpe<5ls, the right way of pradlifing 
religion, in order to obtain the ends of it, and 
receive the benefits of it j or how chriftians fhould 
run the race Jet before ihem^ if they would not run 
in vain, or run as uncertainly, but would honouf 
God in the world, adorn their profeffion, be fervice- 
able to mankind, have the comforts of religion while 
they hve, be free from difqujeting doubts and dark 
apprehenfions about the ftate of their fouls ; enjoy 
peace in the approaches of death, ^nd Jinijh their 
courfe with joy. In general, he much recommend- 
ed, for this purpofe, the redemption of time, great 
diligence in the bufinefs of the chriftian life, watch- 
fulnefs, 6cc. And he very remarkably exemplified 
thefe things. 

But particularly, his example and fuccefs with re- 
gard to one duty in fpecial, may be of great ufe to 
both minifters and private chriftians ; I mean the 
duty of fecret fafting. The reader has feen, how 
much Mr. Brainerd recommends this duty, and how 
frequently he exercifcd himfelf in it ; nor can it 
well have efcaped obfervation, how much he was 
owned and blefled in it, and of what great benefit it 
evidently was to his foul. Among all the many 
days he fpent in fccrct fafting and prayer, that he 
gives an account of in his Diary, there is fcarce an 
inftance of one, but what was either attended or foon 
followed with apparent fuccefs, and a remarkable 
bleffing, in fpecial incomes and confolationsof God*s 
Spirit ; and very often, before the day was ended-; 
But it niuft be obferved, that when he fet about this 
duty, he did it in good earneft ; ftirring up himfelf 
to take hold of God, and continuing in flan i in prayer i 
with much of the fpirit of Jacob, who faid to the 
angel, / zvil! not let thee go, except thou blefs me. 

X Vi.Thm 

338 Reflections ^W Observations 

Vr. There is much in the preceding account to 
excite and encourage God*s people to earneft prayers 
and endeavours for the advancement and enlarge- 
ment of the kingdom of Chrift in the world. Mr. 
Brainerd fat us an excellent example in this refped:. 
He fought the profperity of Zion with all his might. 
He preferred Jerufalem above his chief joy. How 
did his foul long for it, and pant after it ! And how 
earneftly and often did he wreftle with God for it ! 
And how far did he, in thefe defires and prayers, 
feem to be carried beyond all private and felfifh 
views ! Being animated by a pure love to Chrift, an 
earneft defire of his glory, and a difinterefted affec- 
tion to the fouls of mankind. 

As there is much in Mr. Brainerd *s life to encour- 
age chriftians to feek the advancement of Chrift's 
kingdom, in general ; fo there is, in particular, to 
pray for the converfion of the Indians on this conti- 
nent, and to exert themfelves in the ufe of proper 
means for its accomplifliment. For it appears, that 
he in his unutterable longings and wreftlings of foul 
for the flouriftiing of religion, had his mind peculi- 
arly intent on the converfion and falvation of thefe 
people, and his heart more efpecially engaged in 
prayer for them. And if we confider the degree and 
manner in which he, from time to time, fought and 
hoped for an extenfive work of grace among them, 
I think we have reafon to hope, that the wonderful 
things, which God wrought among them by him, 
are but a forerunner of fomething yet much more 
glorious and extenfive of that kind ; and this may 
juftly be an encouragement, to well difpofed char- 
itable perfons, to honour the Lord with their fubjlance^ 
by contributing, as they are able, to promote the 
fpreading of the gofpel among them ; and this alfo 
may incite and encourage gentlemen who are incor- 
porated, and intrufted with the care and difpofal of 


On the preceding Memoirs. 339 

ihofe liberal benefad:ions, which have already been 
made by pious perfons, to that end ; and likewife 
the miffionaries themfelves, that are or niay be em- 
ployed ; and it may be of difecflion unto both, as to 
the proper qualifications of miffionaries, and the 
proper meafures to be taken in order to their fuccefs. 
One thing in particular, I would take occafion 
from the foregoing hiftory to mention and propofe 
to the confideration of fuch as have the care of pro- 
viding and fending miffionaries among favages ; 
viz. Whether it would not ordinarily be beft to fend 
two together ? It is pretty manifefl, that Mr. Brai- 
rierd*s going, as he did, alone into the howling wil- 
dernefs, was one great occafion of fuch a prevailing 
of melancholy on his mind ; which was his greateft 
difad vantage. He was much in fpeaking of it him- 
felf, when he was here in his dying ftate ; and ex- 
prefTed himfelf, to this purpofe, that none could con- 
ceive of the difadvantage a miffionary in fuch cir- 
cumftances was under, by being alone ; efpecially 
as it expofed him to difcouragement and melancho- 
ly : And fpoke of the wifdom of Chrift in fending^ 
forth his difciples by two and two j and left it as 
his dying advice to his brother, never to go to Suf- 
quehannah, to travel about in that remote wilder-* 
nefs, to preach to the Indians there, as he had ofteii 
done, without the company of a fellow miffionary. 
VII. One thing more may not be unprofitably ob- 
ferved in the preceding account of Mr. Brairlerd 3 
and that is the fpeciai and remarkable difpofai of Di-^ 
vixie Providence, with regard to the circum.ibnces of 
his lafl: ficknefs and death. 

Though he had been long infirm, his cOnftitution 
being much broken by his fatigues and hardfiiips ; 
and though he was often brought very low by illnefs, 
before he left Kaunaumeek, and alfo while he lived 
at the Forks of Delaware \ yet his life was preferved 
X % until 

340 Reflections ^«^ Observations 

until he had feen that which he had fo long and 
greatly defired and fought, a glorious work of grace 
among the Indians, and had received the wiihed for 
bleffing of God on his labours. Though as it were 
in deaths oft, yet he lived to behold the happy fruits 
of the long continued travail of his foul and labour 
of his body, in the wonderful converfion of many of 
the heathen, and the happy effba: of it in the great 
change of their converfation, with many circumftan- 
ces which afforded a fair profpe(5l of the continuance 
of God*s bleffing upon them : Thus he did not de- 
part, until his eyes had feen God^s fahation. 

Though in that winter that he lay iick at Mr. 
Dickinfon's in Elizabeth-Town, he continued for a 
long time in an extremely low ftate, fo that his life 
was almoft defpaired of, and his ftate was fome- 
times fuch that it was hardly expected he would 
live a day to an end ; yet his life was fpared a while 
longer j he lived to fee his brother arrived in New- 
Jerfey, being come to fucceed him in the care of his 
Indians; and he himfelf had opportunity toaffiftin 
his examination and introduction into his bufinefs ; 
and to commit the condud: of his dear people to one 
whom he well knew, and could put confidence in, and 
life freedom within giving him particular inftrudtions 
and charges, and under whofe care he could leave 
his congregation with great cheerfulnefs. 

The providence of God was remarkable in fo or- 
dering of it, that before his death he fliould take a 
journey into New-England, and go to Bofton : 
Which was, in many refpe<Sl:s, of very great and 
happy confequence to the intereft of religion, and 
efpecially among his own people. By this means, 
as has been obferved, he was brought into acquaint- 
ance with many perfons of not^ and influence, min- 
ifters and others, belonging both to the town and va- 
rious parts of the country ; and had opportunity, 


On the preceding Memoirs. 341 

under the beft advantages, to bear a teftimony for 
God and true religion, and againfl thofe falfe appear- 
ances of it that have proved moft pernicious to the 
interefts of Chrift*s kingdom in the land. And the 
providence of God is particularly obfervable in this 
circumftance of the teftimony he there bore for true 
religion, viz. That he there was brought fo near 
the grave, and continued for {0 long a time on the 
very brink of eternity ; and from time to time look- 
ed on himfelf, and was looked on by others, as jult 
leaving the world ; and that in thefe circumftances 
he (hould be fo particularly diretled and affifled in 
his thoughts and views of religion, todiftinguifii be^ 
tween the true and the falfe, with fuch clearnefs and 
evidence ; and that after this he fliould be unexpect- 
edly and furprifingly reftored and ftrengthened, lb 
far as to be able to converfe freely ; and have fuch 
opportunity, and fpecial occafions to declare thefen- 
timents he had in thefe, which were, to human ap- 
prehenfion, his dying circumftances ; and to bear 
his teftimony concerning the naturfe of true religion, 
and concerning the mifchievous tendency of its moft 
prevalent counterfeits and falfe appearances ; as things 
he had a fpecial, clear, diftindt view of at that time, 
when he expedled in a few minutes to be \\\ eterni- 
ty j and the certainty and importance of which 
were then, in a peculiar manner, impreftcd on his 

Among the happy confequences of his going Xo 
Bofton, were thofe liberal benefa(5lions that have 
been mentioned, which were made by pious difpoi- 
ed perfons, for the maintaining and promoting the: 
intereft of religion among his i)eople : And alio the 
meeting of a number of gentlemen in Bofton, of 
note and ability, to confult upon meafures for that 
purpofe j who were excited, by their acquaintance 
and tonverfation with Mr. Brainerd, and by the ac- 

X 3 count 

34a Reflections ^;;^ Observations 

count of the great things God had wrought by his 
miniftry, to unite themfelves, that by their joint en- 
deavcftirs and contributions they might promote the 
kingdom of Chrift, and the fpiritual good of their 
fellow creatures, among the Indians in New-Jerfey, 
and elfewhere. 

The providence of God was obfervable in his go- 
ing to Bofton at a time when not only the honoura- 
ble Commiflioners were feeking miffionaries to the 
Six Nations ; but juft after his Journal, which gives 
an account of his labours and fuccefs among the In- 
dians, had been received and fpread in Bofton : 
Whereby his name was known, and the minds of 
ferious people were well prepared to receive his per- 
fon, and the teftimony he there gave for God ; to 
exert themfelves for the upholding and promoting 
the intereft of religion in his congregation, and 
amongft the Indians elfewhere ; and to regard his 
judgment concerning the qualifications of miiliona- 
ries, &c. If he had gone there the fall before, when 
he had intended to have made his journey intoNew- 
Engjand,but was prevented by afuddengreat increafe 
of his illnefs, it would not have been likely to have 
been in any meafure to fogood efFe(5l: : And alio if he 
had not been unexpectedly detained in Bofton : For 
-when he went from my houfe, he intended to make 
but a very fhort ftay there : But Divine Providence, 
by his being brought fo low there, detained him 
long ; thereby to make way for the fulfilling its. ovyn 
gracious defigns. 

The providence of God was remarkable in {o or- 
dering, that although he was brought fo very near the 
grave in Bofton, that it was not in the leaft expe(5led 
he would ever come alive out of his chamber ; yet 
he wonderfully revived, and was preferved fcveral 
months longer : So that he had opportunity to fee, 
and fully to converfe with both his younger breth«? 


On the preceding Memoirs. 343 

ren before he died ; which was a thing he greatly 
defired ; and efpecially to fee his brother John, with 
whom was left the care of his congregation; that 
he might by him be fully informed of their flate, 
and might leave with him fuch inftrudtions and di- 
redlions as were requifite in order to their fpiritual 
welfare, and to fend to them his dying charges and 
counfels. And he had alfo an opportunity, by 
means of this fufpenfion of his death, to find and 
recommend a couple of perfons fit to be employed 
as miffionaries to the Six Nations, as had been de- 
fired of him. 

Although it was the pleafure of a fovereign God, 
that he fhould be taken away from his congregation, 
the people that he had begotten through the gofpel, 
who were fo dear to him ; yet it was granted to him, 
that before he died he fliould fee them well provided 
for, every way : He faw them provided for with 
one to inftruft them, and take care of their fouls ; 
his own brother, whom he could confide in : He 
faw a good foundation laid for the fupport of 
the fthool among them ; thofe things that before 
were wanting in order to it, being lupplied : And 
he had the profpedl of a charitable fociety being cf- 
tabliflied, of able and well difpofed perfons, who 
ieem to make the fpiritual interefl: of his congrega- 
tion their own i whereby he had a comfortable view 
of their being well provided for, for the future : And 
he had alfo opportunity toleave all his dying charges 
with his fuccelfor in the paftoral care of his people, 
and by him to fend his dying counfels to them, 
Thus God granted him to fee all things happilv 
fettled, or in a hopeful way of being fo, before his 
death, with refpeift to his dear people. And where- 
as not only his own congregation, but the fouls 
*m the Indians in North-America in general, were 
very dear to him, and he had greatly fet his heart on 
X 4 the 


544 Reflections tf;7^0BSERvATiONs 

the propagating and extending the kingdom of 
Chrill: among them j God was pleafed to grant to 
him, however it was his will that he fliouldbe tak- 
en away, and fo fliould not be the immediate inftru- 
ment of their inftrudlion and converfion, yet that 
before his death, he fhould fee unexpected extraor- 
dinary provifion made for this alio. And it is re- 
markable, that God not only allowed him to fee fuch 
provifion made for the maintaining the intereft of 
religion among his own people, and the propagation 
of it elfewhere ; but honoured him by making him 
the means or occafion of it. So that it is very prob- 
able, however Mr. Brainerd, during the laft four 
months of his life, was ordinarily in an extremely 
weak and low ftate, very often fcarcely able to fpeak ; 
yet that he was made the inftrument or means of 
much more good in that fpace of time, than he 
would have been if he had been well, and in full 
ftrength of body. Thus God's power was manifeft- 
ed in his weaknefs, and the life of Chrift was mani- 
fefted in his mortal flefh. 

Another thing wherein appears the mercifiitdif- 
pofal of Providence with refpc(5l to his death, was, 
that he did not die in the wildernefs, among the fav- 
ages, at Kaunaumeek, or the Forks of Delaware, or 
at Sufquehannah ; but in a place where his dying be- 
haviour and I'peeches might be obferved and remem- 
bered, and fbme account given of them for the ben- 
efit of furvivors ; and alfo where care might be tak- 
en of him in his ficknefs, and proper honours done 
him at his death. 

The providence of God is alfo worthy of remark, 
in fo overruling and ordering the matter, that he did 
not finally leave abfolute orders for the entire fup- 
prefliing of his private papers j as he had intended 
and fully refolved, infomuch that all the importunT^ 
ty of his friends could fcarce reftrain him from do^ 

On the preceding Memoirs. 34^ 

ing it, when fick at Bofton. And one thing relat- 
ing to this is peculiarly remarkable, viz. that his 
brother, a httle before his death, fliould come from 
the Jerfeys unexped:ed, and bring his Diary to him, 
though he had received no fuch order. So that he 
had opportunity of accefs to thefe his referved pa- 
pers, and for reviewing the fame; without which, 
it appears, he would at laft have ordered them to be 
wholly fupprefled : But after this, he the more read- 
ily yielded to the defires of his friends, and was wil- 
ling to leave them in their hands, to be difpofed of 
as they thought might be moft for God*s glory ; By 
which means, he being dead^ yet fpeakethy in thefe 
Memoirs of his life, taken from thofe private writ- 
ings : Whereby it is to be hoped he may flill be as 
it were the inftrument of much promoting the inter- 
eft of religion in this world ; the advancement of 
which he fo much defired, and hoped would be ac- 
complilhed after his death. 

If thefe circumftances of Mr. Brainerd's death be 
duly- confidered, I doubt not but they will be ac- 
knowledged as a notable inftance of God*s fatherly 
care, and covenant faithfulnefs towards them that 
are devoted to him, and faithfully ferve him while 
they live ; wherehy he never fails nor forfakes them, 
but is with them living and dying ; fo that whether 
they live^ they live. Jo the Lvrd ; or whether they die^ 
they die to the Lord ; and both in life and death they 
are owned and taken care of as his. Mr. Brainerd 
himfelf, as was before obferved, was much in tak- 
ing notice, when near his end, of the merciful cir- 
cumftances of his death j and fiiid, from time to 
time, that God had granted him all his defire. 

And I would not conclude my obfervations on the 
merciful circumftances of Mr. Brainerd's death, with- 
out acknowledging with thankfulnefs, the gracious 
difpenfation of Providence to mc and my family, ia 



546 Reflections ^;7^ Observations. 

fo ordering, that he (though the ordinary place of 
his abode was more than two hundred miles diftant) 
Ihould be call hither, to my houfe, in his laft fick- 
nefs, and fliould die here : So that we had oppor- 
tunity for much acquaintance and converfation with 
him, and to fhew him kindnefs in fuch circum- 
flances, and to fee his dying behaviour, to hear his 
dying fpeeches, to receive his dying counfels, and 
to have the benefit of his dying prayers. May God 
in infinite mercy grant that we may ever retain a 
proper remembrance of thefe things, and make a 
due improvement of the advantages we have had in 
thefe refpedrs ! The Lord grant alfo, that the fore- 
going account of Mr. Brainerd*s life and death may 
be for the great fpiritual benefit of all that Ihall read 
it, and prove a happy means of promoting the re- 
vival of true religion in thefe parts of the world. 



Mirabilia Dei inter Indicos^ 







In the Provinces of NEW,JERSEY and PENNSYLVANIA, 




With some general REMARKS. 

■ " » >i jf ^ ^f<Sr'^^><§HiO^*-*<^=^ 

Published, at the first, by the reverend and worthy CORRESPOND- 
ENTS of the said SOCIETY. 

Now republished, with some Diminution where the Matter was less 
interesting, by the editor. 

Inftead of the thorn, fhall come up the fir tree ; and inftead of the brier, fliall come 

up the myrtle tree : And it (hall be to the Lord for a name, for an eveilafting 

fign that (Tiall not be cut off. Ifaiak Iv. 13, 
1 am fought of them that afked not for me : 1 am found of them that fought me 

not : I faid, Behold me, behold me, to a nation that was not called by my 

name. Ifaiak Ixv. i . 
All thy works fhall praife thee, O Lord, and thy faints (ball blefs thee ; they (ball 

fpeak. of the glory of thy kingdom, and talk of thy power. PfulmcKlv. jo, n. 








Crosweeksung, />z New-Jerfey, 'Jtme 19, I745« 

HAVING fpent moft of my time for more than 
a year paft, amongft the Indians in the Forks 
of Delaware in Pennfylvania ; and having in that 
time made two journeys to Sufquehannah river, 
far back in that province, in order to treat with the 
Indians there, refpecfting chriftianity ^ and not 
having had any confiderable appearance of fpecial 
fuccefs in either of thofe places, which damped my 
fpirits, and was not a httle difcouraging to me ; up- 
on hearing that there was a number of Indians in 
and about a place called (by the Indians) Crofweek- 
fung, in New-Jerfey, near fourfcore miles foutheaft- 
ward from the Forks of Delaware, I determined to 
make them a vifit, and fee what might be done to- 
wards the chriftianizing of them ; and accordingly ar- 
rived among them this day. 

I found very few perfons at the place I vifited, 
and perceived the Indians in thefe parts were very 
much fcattered, there being not more than tvvo or 
three families in a place, and thefc fmall fettlements 
fix, ten, fifteen, twenty and thirty miles, and fome 
more, from the place I was then at : However, I 
preached to thoCe few I found, whqp appeared well 


4 DIVINEGRACE displayed 

difpofed, and not inclined to objedl and cavil, as 
the Indians had frequently done otherwhere. 

When I had concluded my difcourfe, I informed 
fhem (there being none but a few women and 
children) that I would willingly vifit them again 
the next day. Whereupon they readily fet out and 
travelled ten or fifteen miles, in order to give notice 
to fome of their friends at that diftance. Thefe 
women, like the woman of Samaria, feemed defir- 
ous that others mighty^f the fnan that told them what 
they had done in their lives paft, and the mifery that 
attended their idolatrous ways. 

^une 20. — Vifited and preached to the Indians 
again as I propofed. Numbers more were gather- 
ed at the invitations of their friends, who heard me 
the day before, Thefe alfo appeared as attentive, 
orderly and well difpofed as the others. And none 
made any obje(5tion, as Indians in other places have 
ufually done. 

^une 22. — Preached to the Indians again. Their 
number, which at firft confifted of about feven or 
eight perfons, was now increafed to near thirty. 

There was hot only a folemn attention among 
them, but fome confiderable impreflions (it was 
apparent) were made upon their minds by divine 
truths. Some began to feel their mifery and per- 
ifhing flate, and appeared concerned for a deliver- 
ance from it. 

Lord*s Day^ 'June 23. — Preached to the Indians, 
and fpent the day with them. Their number ftill 
increafed ; and all, with one confent, feemed to re- 
joice in my coming among them. Not a word of 
oppofition was heard from any of them againft 
chriftianity, although in times paft, they had been 
as oppofite to any thing of that nature, as any In- 
dians whatfoever. And fome of them, not many 
months before, were enraged with my interprete 
^ becaufe 

Among the INDIANS. / 

becaufe he attempted to teach them fomething of 

'June 24. — Preached to the Indians at their defire, 
and upon their own motion. To fee poor pagans 
defirous of hearing the gofpel of Chrift, animated 
me to difcourfe to them, although I was now very- 
weakly, and my fpirits much exhaufted. They at- 
tended with the greateft ferioufnefs and dihgence ^ 
and there was fome concern for their fouls' falvation, 
apparent among them. 

June 27. — Vifited and preached to the Indians 
again. Their number now amounted to about forty 
perfons. Their folemnity and attention ftill contin- 
ued ; and a conliderable concern for their fouls be- 
came very apparent among fundry of them. 

June 2^. — The Indians being now gathered a con- 
fiderable number of them, from their feveral and 
diftant habitations, requefted me to preach twice a 
day to them, being defirous to hear as much as they 
poflibly could while I was with them. I cheerful- 
ly complied with their motion, and could not but 
admire the goodnefs of God, who, I was perfuaded, 
had inclined them thus to inquire after the way of 

June 29. — Preached again twice to the Indians. 
Saw, as I thought, the hand of God very evidently, 
and in a manner fomewhat remarkable, making pro- 
vifion for their fubfiftence together, in order to their 
being inftrucfted in divine things. For this day and 
the day before, with only walking a little way from 
the place of our daily meeting, they killed three deer, 
which were a feafonable fupply for their wants, and 
without which, it feems, they could not have fub-* 
fifted together in order to attend the means of grace. 

Lord's Day, June 30. — Preached twice this day 
alfo. Obferved yet more concern and affection 
among the poor heathens than ever ; So that they 


6 DIVINEGRACE displayed 

even conftrained me to tarry yet longer with them ; 
although my conftitiition was exceedingly worn out, 
and my health much impaired hy my late fatigues 
and labours, and efpecially by my late journey to 
Sufquehannah in May laft, in which I lodged on 
the ground for feveral weeks together. 

'July I. — Preached aga,in, twice, to a very ferious 
and attentive aflembly of Indians, they having now 
learned to attend the worfhip of God, with chriftian 
decency in all refpefts. 

There were now between forty and fifty perfons 
of them prefent, old and young. 

I fpent fome confiderable time in difcourfing 
with them in a more private way, inquiring of them 
■what they remembered of the great truths that had 
been taught them from day to day ; and may juft- 
ly fay it was amazing to fee how they had received 
and retained the inlT:ru(5lions given them, and what 
a meafure of knowledge fome of them had acquired 
in a few days. 

July 2. — Was obliged to leave thefe Indians at 
Crofweekfung, thinking it my duty, as foon as 
health would admit, again to vifit thofe at the Forks 
of Delaware. When I came to take leave of them, 
and fpokc fomething particularly to each of them, 
they all earneftly inquired when I would come again, 
and expreffed a great defire of being further inftrudt- 
ed. And of their own accord agreed, that when I 
Ihould come again, they would all meet and live 
together during my continuance with them. And 
that they would do their utmoft endeavours to gath- 
er all the other Indians in thefe parts tliat were yet 
further remote. And when I parted, one told me 
with many tears, llie wi(hed God would change 
her heart ! Another that (lie wanted to find Chrift I 
And an old man that had been one of their chiefs, 
wept bitterly with concern for his foul. I then 


Among the INDIANS. 7 

promifed them to return as fpeedily as my health 
and bufinels elfewhere would admit, and felt not a 
little concerned at parting, left the good impreffions 
then apparent upon numbers of them, might decline 
and wear off, when the means came to ceafe ; and 
yet could not but hope that he who, I trufted, had 
begun a good work among them, and who I knew 
did not ftand in need of means to carry it on, would 
maintain and promote it in the abfence of them ; al- 
though at the fame time I muft confefs, that I had 
To often feen fuch encouraging appearances among 
the Indians otherwhere prove wholly abortive, and 
it appeared the favour would be fo great, if God 
fhould now, after I had palTed through fo confid- 
erable a feries of almoft fruitlefs labours and fatigues, 
and after myrifing hopes had been fo often fruftrat- 
ed among thefe poor pagans, give me any fpecial 
fuccefs in my labours with them, that I could not 
believe, and fcarce dared to hope that the event 
would be fo happy, and fcarce ever found myfelf 
more fufpended between hope and fear, in any affair, 
or at any time, than this. 

This encouraging difpofition and readinefs to 
i'eceive inftrucSion, now apparent among thefe In- 
dians, feems tohave been the happy effed: of the con- 
viction that one or two of them met with fome time 
fince at the Forks of Delaware, who have lince en- 
deavoured to fhew their friends the evil of idolatry, 
&c. And although the other Indians feemed btit 
little to regard, but rather to deride them, yet this, 
perhaps has put them into a thinking pofture of 
mind, or at leafl, given them fome thoughts aboiit 
chriflianity, and excited in fome of them a curiofiiy 
to hear, ant! fo made way for the prefent encourag- 
ing attention. An appreheniion that this might be 
the cafe here, has given me encouragement that 'God 
may in fuch a manner blefs the means I have ufed 

Y with 

8 DIVINEGRACE displayed 

with Indians in other places, where there is as yer 
no appearance of it. If fo, may his name have the 
glory of it ; for I have learned by experience that 
he only can open the ear, engage the attention, and 
incline the heart of poor benighted prejudiced pa- 
gans to recieve inftriidtion. 

Forks of Delww are, in Pennfylvania, 1745. 

Lord's Day, ^july 14. — Difcourfed to the Indians 
twice, feveral of whom appeared concerned, and 
were, I have reafon to think, in fome meafure con- 
vinced by the Divine Spirit, of their fin and mifery: 
So that they wept much the whole time of divine 

Afterwards difcourfed to a number of white peo- 
ple then prefent. 

^uly 18. — Preached to my people, who attended 
diligently, beyond what had been common among 
ihefe Indians ; And fome of them appeared con- 
cerned for their fouls. 

Lord's Day, 'July 21. — Preached to the In- 
dians firft, then to a number of white people preC 
ent, and in the afternoon to the Indians again.- Di- 
vine truths feemed to make very confiderable im- 
preflions upon feveral of them, and caufed the tears 
to flow freely. 

Afterwards I baptized my interpreter and his 
wife,who were the firft I baptized among the Indians. 

They are both perfons of fome experimental 
knowledge in religion; have both been awakened to 
a folemn concern for their fouls ; have, to appearance, 
been brought to a fenfc of their mifery and undone- 
nefs in themfelves ; have both appeared to be com- 
forted with divine confokitions ; and it is apparent 
both have pafTed a great, and I cannot but hope a 
faving change. 


Among the INDIANS. 9 

'^uly 23. — Preached to the Indians, but had few 
hearers : Thofe who are conftantly at home feerti 
of late to be under fome ferious impreflions of a re- 
ligious nature. 

"July 26. — Preached to my people, and, after- 
wards, baptized my interpreter's children. 

Lord's Day, Ju/y 28. — Preached agairi, and per- 
ceived my people, at leafl: fome of them, more 
thoughtful than ever about their fouls' concerns. I 
was told by fome, that feeing my interpreter and 
•others baptized made them more concerned than 
any thing they had ever feen or heard before. There 
was indeed a confiderable appearance of divine pow- 
er amongll: them at the time that ordinance was ad- 
miniftered. May that divine influence fpread and 
increafe more abundantly. 

Ju/y 30. — Difcourfed to a number of rny people^ 
and gave them fome particular advice and diredtion, 
being now about to leave them for the prefent, iri 
order to renew my vifit to the Indians in New-Jer- 
fey. They were very attentive to my dilcourfe', 
and earneflly defirous to know when I defigned to 
return to them again, 

CrosweeksunG|»/;z New-jerfey, 1745. 

Aiigujl 3. — Having vifited the Indians in thefeJ 
parts in June laft, and tarried with them fome con- 
fiderable time, preaching almoft daily ; at which 
feafon God Vv'as pleafed to pour upon them a fpirit 
of awakening and concern for their fouls, and fur- 
prifingly to engage their attention to divine truths. 
I now found them fcdous, and a number of them 
under deep concern for an intereft in Chrift : Their 
convi(5lions of their finful and perifliing ftate having, 
in my abfence from them, been much promoted by 
the labours and endeavours of the Rev, Mr, Willi* 

y % am 

10 DIVINEGRACE displayed 

am Tennent, to whom I had advifcd them to apply 
for dire(ftion, and whofe houfe they frequented 
much while 1 was gone. I preached to them this 
day with fome view to Rev. xxii. 17. And wbofo- 
ever willy let him take the water of life freely : 
Though I could not pretend to handle the fubje(5t 
methodically among them. 

The Lord, I am perfuaded, enabled me, in a manner 
fomewhat uncommon, to fet before them the Lord 
Jefus Chrift as a kind and companionate Saviour, 
inviting diftreffed and perifliing finners to accept 
everlafting mercy. And a furprifing concern foon 
became apparant among them. There were about 
twenty adult perfons together, (many of the Indi- 
ans at remote places not having as yet had time to 
come fince my return hither) and not above two that 
I could fee with dry eyes. 

Lord*s Dayy Augufi 4. — Being invited by a neigh- 
bouring minifterto ailiftin the adminiftration of the 
Lord's fupper, I complied with his requeft, and 
took the Indians along with me, not only thofe 
that were together the day before, but many more 
that were coming to hear me, fo that there were near 
fifty in all, old and young. 

They attended the fever^l difcourfes of the day, 
and fome of them that could underftand Englilh, 
were much affefted, and all feemed to have their 
concern in fome meafure raifed. 

Now a change in their manners began to appear 
very vifible. In the evening when they came to 
fup together, they would not tafte a morfel un- 
til they had fent to me to come and afk a blelf- 
ing on their food, at which time fundry of 
them wept, efpecially when I minded them how 
they had in times paft eat their feafts in hon- 
our to devils, and negleded to thank God for 


Among the INDIANS. n 

Augufl 5.— After a fermon had been preached by 
another minifter, I preached, and concluded the 
pubhck work of the folemnity from John yii. 37. 
And in my difcourfe addreffed the Indians in par- 
ticular, who fat by themfelves in apart of the houfej 
at which time one or two of them were ftruck with 
deep concern, as they afterwards told me, who had 
been little affeded before : Others had their con- 
cern increafed to a confiderable degree. In the 
evening (the greater part of them being at the houfe 
where I lodged) I difcourfed to them, and found 
them univerfally engaged about their fouls* concern,) 
inquiring zc'to they jhould do to be faved I And all 
their converfation 'among themfelves turned upon 
religious matters, in which they were much affifted 
by my interpreter, who was with them day and 
night. ii 

This day, there was one woman, that had been 
much concerned for her foul, ever fince Ihe firfl 
heard me preach in June laft, who obtained comfort, 
I rruft, folid and well grounded : She feemcd to be 
filled with love to Chriil, at the fame time behaved 
humbly and tenderly, and appeared afraid of noth- 
ing fo much as of grieving and offending himv 
whom her foul loved. ■' 

Augufl 6. — In the morning I difcourfed to the In- 
dians at the houfe where we lodged : Many of them 
were then much affedled, and appeared furprifing- 
ly tender, io that a few words about their fouls* con- 
cerns would caule the tears to flow freely, and pro- 
duce many fobs and groans. 

In the afternoon, they being returned to the place 
where I have ufually preached amongft them, I 
again difcourfed to them there. There were about 
fifty five perfons in all, about forty that were capa- 
ble of attending divine fervice with underftanding ; 
1 infifled upon i John iv. 10. Herein is love, &c. 

Y 3 They 

u DIVINE GRACE displayed 

They feemed eager of hearing ; but there appeared 
nothing very remarkable, except their attention, until 
near the clofe of my difcourfe, and then divine truths 
were attended with a furprifing influence, and pro- 
duced a great concern among them. There was 
fcarce three in forty that could refrain from tears 
and bitter cries. They all, as one, feemed in an ago- 
ny of foul to obtain an intercft in Chrifl ; and the 
more I difcourfcd of the love and compaflion of God 
in fending his Son to fuffer for the fins of men ; and 
the more I invited them to come and partake of his 
love, the more their diftrefs was aggravated, becaufe 
they felt themfelves unable to come. 

It was furprifing to fee how their hearts feemed 
to be pierced with the tender and melting invitations 
of the gofpel, when there was not a word of terror 
fpoken to them. 

There were this day two perfons that obtained 
relief and comfort, which (when I came to dif- 
courfe with them particularly) appeared folid, ra- 
tional and fcriptural. After I had inquired into the 
grounds of their comfort, and faid many things I 
thought proper to them, I aiked them what they 
wanted God to do further for them. They replied, 
they wanted Chrifl: fliould wipe their hearts quite 
clean, &c. 

Surprifing were now the doings of the Lord, that 
I can fay no lefs of this day, and I need fay no more 
of it, than that the arm of the Lord was powerfully 
and marvellouily revealed in it. 

Augujl 8. — In the afternoon I preached to the In- 
dians ; their number was now about fixty five per- 
fons, men, women, and children : I difcourfcd from 
Luke xiv. i6. — 23. and was favoured with uncom- 
mon freedom in my difcourfe. 

There was much vifible concern among them 
while I was difcourfing publickly ; but afterwards 


Among the INDIANS. 13 

when I fpoke to one and another more particularly, 
whom I percieved under much concern, the power 
of God feemed to defcend upon the aflembly like a 
rufhing mighty wind, and with an aftonilhing ener- 
gy bore down all before it. 

I flood amazed at the influence that feized the 
audience almoft univerfally, and could compare it 
to nothing more aptly, than the irrefiftible force of 
a mighty torrent, or fwelling deluge, that with its 
infupportable weight and preffure, bears down and 
fweeps before it whatever is in its way ! Almoft ail 
perfons of all ages were bowed down with concern to- 
crether.and fcarce one was able to withftand the fliock 

to ' ^ ^ 

of this furpriling operation ! Old men and women, 
who had been drunken wretches for many years, and 
fome little children, not more than fix or feven years 
of age, appeared in diftrefs for their fouls, as well 
as perfons of middle age. And it was apparent 
thefe children (fome of them at leaft) were not 
merely frighted with feeing the general con- 
cern ; but were made fenfible of their danger, the 
badnefs of their hearts, and their mifcry without 
Chrift, as fome of them exprefled it. The moil 
ftabborn hearts were now obliged to bow. A prin- 
cipal man among the Indians, who before was moft 
fecure and felf righteous, and thought his ftatc good 
becaufe he knew more than the generalit}'- of the In- 
dians had formerly done, and who with a great degree 
of confidence the day before, told miC, he had been a 
chriilian more then ten years, was now brought un- 
der folemn concern for his foul, and wept bitterly. 
Another man confidcrablc in years, who had been a 
u^ur^\cxe.r, A powjL'ow, (or cunjurer) anJ a notori- 
ous drunkard, was likewiie brought now to cry for 
mercy with many tears, and to complain much that 
he could be no more concerned when he fa\v his 
danger \o very great. 

Y 4 They 

14 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

They were almoft univerfally praying and crying 
for naercy in every part of the houfe, and many out 
of doors, and numbers could neither go nor ftand : 
Their concern was fo great, each one for himfelf, that 
none feemed to take any notice of thofe about them, 
but each prayed as freely for themfelves, and (I am 
apt to think) were, to their own appreheniion, as 
much retired as if they had been every one by them- 
felves in the thickeft defert : Or, 1 believe rather 
that they thought nothing about any but themfelves, 
and their own llates, and fo were every one praying 
apart, although all together. 

It feemed to me there was now an exa6l fulfilment 
of that prophefy, Zech. xii. lO. 1 1 . 12. for there was 
XiO^ a great mourning, like the mourning of Hadadrim- 
mon. And each feemed to mourn apart. Methought 
this had a near refemblance to the day of God*s pow- 
er, mentioned Jofh. x. 14. fori muft fay, I never faw 
any day like it in all refped:s : It was a day wherein, 
I am perfuaded, the Lord did much to deftroy the 
kingdom of darknefs among this people. 

This concern in general was moft rational and juft. 
Thofe who had been awakened any confiderabje time, 
complained more efpecially of the badnefs of their 
hearts j and thofe newly awakened of the badnefs 
of their lives and actions paft ; and all were afraid 
of the anger of God, and of everlafting mifery as 
the defert of their fins. 

Some of the white people, who came out of curi- 
oiity to hear what this babbler would fay, to the poor 
ignorant Indians, were much awakened, and lome 
appeared to be wounded with a view of their per- 
ilhing flate. 

Thofe who had lately obtained relief, were filled 
with comfort at this feafon ; they appeared calm 
and compofed, and feemed to rejoice in Chriif Jeius : 
And fome of them took their diftreifed friends by 


Among the INDIANS. 15 

the hand, telling them of the goodnefs of Chrift, and 
the comfort that is to be enjoyed in him, and thence 
invited them to come and give up their hearts to him. 
And 1 could obferve fome of them in the moft hon- 
eft and unaffected manner (without any defign of 
being taken notice of) lifting up their eyes to heaven 
as if crying for mercy, while they faw the diftrefs 
of the poor fouls around them. 

There was one remarkable infl:ance of awakening 
this day, that I cannot but take particular notice of 
here. A young Indian woman, who, I believe, never 
knew before that fhe had a foul, nor ever thought of 
any fuch thing, hearing that there was fomething 
flrange among the Indians, came, it feems, to fee 
what was the matter : She in her way to the Indians, 
called at my lodgings, and when I told her I defign- 
ed prefently to preach to the Indians, laughed and 
feemed to mock ; but went however to them. I 
had not proceeded far in my publick difcourfe be- 
fore (lie felt effectually that Ihe had a foul, and before 
I had concluded my dilcourfe, was fo convinced of 
her fin and mifcry, and fo diffreffed with concern 
for her foul's falvation, that (he feemed like one 
pierced through with a dart, and cried out inceffant- 
ly. She could neither go nor ftand, nor fit on her 
feat without being held up. After publick fervice 
was over, ffie lay flat on the ground, praying earneft- 
ly, and would take no notice ot, nor give any anfwer 
to any that fpoke to her, I hearkened to hear what 
fhe faid, and perceived the burden of her prayer to 
be, Giittummaukalummeh wechaumeh kuieleb Ndahj i.e. 
Have mercy on me, and help me to give you my heart. 
And thus Ihe continued praying inceffantly for many 
hours together. 

This was indeed a furprifing day of God's 
power, and feemed enough to convmce an atheifl of 
the truth, importance and power of God's word. 


i6 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

Augujl 9. — Spent almoifl the whole day with the 
Indians, the former part of it in difcourfing to ma- 
ny of them privately, and efpecially to Ibme who 
had lately received comfort, and endeavouring to 
inquire into the grounds of it, as well as to give them 
fome proper inftru6lions, cautions and directions. 

In the afternoon difcourfed to them pubHckly. 
There were now prefent about feventy pcrfons, old 
and young. I opened and applied the parable of 
the fower, Matth. xiii. Was enabled to difcourfe 
with much plainnefs, and found afterwards that this 
difcourfe was very inftrudlive to them. There were 
many tears among them while I was difcourfing 
publickly, but no confiderable cry : Yet fome were 
much aflFedled with a few words fpoken from 
Matth. xi. 28. with which I concluded my difcourfe. 
But while I was difcourfing near night to two or 
three of the awakened perfons, a divine influence 
feemed to attend what was fpoken to them in a pow- 
erful manner, which caufed the perfons to cry out 
in anguifii of foul, although I fpoke not a word of 
terror, but on the contrary, fet before them the ful- 
nefs and allfufficiency of Chrifi*s merits, and his 
wilhngnefs to fave all that came to him ; and there- 
upon preffed them to come without delay. 

The cry of thefe was foon heard by others, who, 
though fcattered before, immediately gathered round. 
1 then proceeded in the fame ftrain of gofpel invita- 
tion, until they were all melted into tears and cries, 
except two or three ; and feemed in the greateft dif- 
trefs to find and fecure an interefl: in the great Re- 
deemer. Some who had but Jittle more than a ruf- 
fle made in their paflions the day before, feemed 
now to be deeply affected and wounded at heart : 
And the concern in general appeared near as preva- 
lent as it was the day before. There was indeed a 
very great mourning among them, and yet every one 


Among the INDIANS. 17 

leemed to mourn apart. For fo great was their con- 
cern, that almoft every one was praying and crying 
for himfelf, as if none had been near, Guttununau- 
kalummehy guttummaukalummeb : i. e. Have mer^ 
cy upon me^ have mercy upon ;;/<?, was the common 

It was very afFe(5ling to fee the poor Indians, who 
the other day were hollowing and yelling in their 
idolatrous feafts and drunken frolicks, now crying 
to God with fuch importunity for an intereft in his 
dear Son. 

Lord's Day, Augujl 1 1 . — Difcourfed in the fore- 
noon from the parable of the prodigal fon, Lukexv. 
Obferved no fuch remarkable effect of the word up- 
on the alfembly as in days paft. There were num- 
bers of carelefs fpedtators of the white people ; fome 
Qijakers and others. 

in the afternoon I difcourfed upon a part of St, 
Peter*s fermon, Ad:s ii. And at the clofe of my 
difcourfe to the Indians, made an addrefs to the 
white people, and divine truths fjemed then to be 
attended with power both to Englifh and Indians. 
Several of the white heathen were awakened, and 
could not longer be idle rpcd:ators, but found they 
bad fouls to fave or lofe as well as the Indians, and 
a great concern fpread through the whole affembly, 
fo that this alfo appeared to be a day of God's pow- 
er, efpecially towards the conclufion of it, as well as 
feveral of the former, although the influence attend- 
ing the word feemjcd fcarcc fo powerful now, as in 
fome days paft. 

The number of the Indians, old and young, was 
now upwards of feventy, and one or two were new- 
ly awakened this day, who never had appeared to be 
moved with concern for their fouls before, 

Thofe that had obtained relief and comfort, and 
had given hopeful evidences of havit^g palTed a fav- 


i8 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

jng change, appeared humble and devout, and be- 
haved in an agreeable and chriftian manner. 1 was 
refreflied to fee the tendernefs of confcience manifeft 
in fome of them ; one inftance of which I cannot but 
take notice of. Perceiving one of them very forrow- 
ful in the morning, I inquired into the caufe of her 
forrow, and found the difficuhy was, (he had been 
angry with her child the evening before, and was 
now exercifed with fears, left her anger had been in- 
ordinate and finful, which fo grieved her that flie 
waked and began to fob before daylight, and con- 
tinued weeping for feveral hours together. 

Auguji 14. — Spent the day with the Indians. 
There was one of them who had fome time fince 
put away his wife, as is common among them, and 
taken another woman, and being now brought un- 
der fome ferious impreffions, was much concerned 
about that affair in particular, and feemed fully con- 
vinced of the wickednefs of that practice, and earn- 
eftly defirous to know what God would have him 
do in his prefent circumftances. When the law of 
God refpeding marriage had been opened to them, 
and the caufe of his leaving his wife inquired into ; 
and when it appeared flie had given him no juft oc- 
cafion by unchaftity to defert her, and that fhe vvas 
willing to forgive his paft mifcondud:, and to live 
peaceably with him for the future, and that fhe 
moreover infifted on it as her right to enjoy him ; 
he was then told, that it was his indifpenfable duty 
to renounce the woman he had laft taken, and re- 
ceive the other who was his proper wife, and Jive 
peaceably with her during life ; with which he read- 
ily and cheerfully complied, and thereupon publick- 
ly renounced the woman he had laft taken, and pub- 
lickly promifed to live with and be kind to his wife 
during life, fhe alfo promifing the fame to him. 
And here appeared a clear demonftration of the 


Among the INDIANS. 19 

power of God's word upon their hearts. I fuppofe 
a few weeks before the whole world could not have 
perfuaded this man to a compliance with chriftian 
rules in this affair. 

Augujl 16. — Spent confidcrable time in converfing 
privately with fundry of the Indians. Found one 
that had got relief and comfort, after preffing con- 
cern, and could not but hope, when I came to dif- 
courfe particularly with her, that her comfort was of 
the right kind. 

In the afternoon preached to them from John vi. 
26. — 34. Toward the clofe of my difcourfe, divine 
truths were attended with confiderable power upon 
the audience, and more efpecially after publick fer- 
vice was over, when I particularly addrefTed fundry 
diftreifed perfons. 

There was a great concern for their fouls fpread 
pretty generally among them : But efpecially there 
were two perfons newly awakened to a fenfe of their 
fin and mifery, one of whom was lately come, and 
the other had all along been very attentive, and de- 
firous of being awakened, but could never before 
have any lively view of her perifhing ftate. But 
now her concern and fpiritual diftrefs was fuch, that 
I thought, I had never feen any more prefTmg. Sun- 
dry old men were alfo in diftrefs for their fouls ; fo 
that they could not refrain from weeping and crying 
out aloud, and their bitter groans were the moft con- 
vincing as well as aflPedting evidence of the reality 
and depth of their inward anguiOi. God is pow- 
erfully at work among them ! True and genuine 
convidlions of fin are daily promoted in many in- 
flances, and fome are newly awakened from time to 
time ; although fome few, who felt a commotion in 
their paflions in days pall, feem now to difcover that 
their hearts were never duly aflFe<5ted. I never (aw 
the work of God appear fo independent of means as? 


20 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

at this time. Idifcourfed to the people, and fpoke what 
I fuppofe had a proper tendency to promote convic- 
tions, and God*s manner of working upon them ap- 
peared foentirely fupernatural, and above means, that 
Icouldfcarce believe he ufedme as an inftrument, or 
what I fpake as means of carrying on his work : 
For it feemed, as I thought, to have no connexion 
with, or dependence upon means in any refpect. 
And although I could not but continue to ufe the 
means I thought proper for the promotion of the 
work, yet God feemed, as I apprehended, to work 
entirely without them : So that I feemed to do noth^ 
ing, and indeed to have nothing to do, but to jland 
Jiilt and fee the falvation of God, and found myfelf 
obliged and delighted to fay. Not unto us, not unto 
inftrumcnts and means, but to thy name be glory. 
God appeared to work entirely alone, and I faw no 
room to attribute any part of this work to any cre- 
ated arm. 

Lord*s Dayy Augufi 25. — Preached in the fore- 
noon from Luke xv. 3. — 7. There being a multi- 
tude of white people prefent, I made an addreis to 
them at the cloie of my difcourfe to the Indians : 
But could not fo much as keep them orderly ; for 
icores of them kept walking and gazing about, and 
behaved more indecently than any Indians I ever ad- 
dreffed ; and a view of their abufive condudl (o 
funk my fpirits, that I could fcarce go on with my 

In the afternoon difcourfed from Rev. iii. 20. At 
which time the Indians behaved ferioudy, though 
many others were vain. 

Afterwards baptized twenty five perfons of the 
Indians, fifteen adults and ten children. Moft of 
the adults I have comfortable rcafon to hope are re- 
newed perfons, and there was not one of them but 
what I entertained fome hopes of in that rcfpecft, 


Among the INDIANS. 2: 

though the cafe of two or three of them appeared 
more doubtful. 

After the crowd of fpedators was gone, I called 
the baptized perfons together, and diicourfed to 
them in particular, at the fame time inviting others 
to attend, minded them of the folemn obligations 
they were now under to live to God, warned them 
of the evil and dreadful confequences of carelefs liv- 
ing, efpecially after this publick profeilion of chrif- 
tianity ; gave them diredlions for their future con- 
dud:, and encouraged them to watchfulnefs and de- 
votion, by fetting before them the comfort and hap- 
py conclufion of a religious life. This was a delir- 
able and fweet feafon indeed ! Their hearts were en- 
gaged and cheerful in duty, and they rejoiced that 
they had in a publick and folemn manner dedicated 
themfclves to God. Love feemed to reign among 
them ! They took each other by the hand with ten- 
dernefs and affedion, as if their hearts were knit to- 
gether, while I was difcourfing to them : And all 
their deportment toward each other was fuch, tha? 
a ferious fpedator might juflly be excited to cry out 
with admiration, Behold bow they love one another I 
Sundry of the other Indians at leeing and hearing 
thefe things, were much affected and wept bitterly, 
longing to be partakers of the fame joy and comfort 
that thefe difcovered by their very countenances as 
well as conduct. 

Auguji 26. — Preached to my people from John 
vi. 51. — 55. After I had difcourfed ibme time, I 
addrefifed thofe in particul'ar who entertained hopes 
that they were pajj'edfrom death to life. Opened to 
them the perfevering nature of tiioie confolations 
Chrift gives his people, and which I truiled he had 
bcflowed upon fome in that allembly, lliewed them 
that {uch have already tlie beginnings of eternal life, 
vcrfe 54. and that their heaven Ihail fpecdily be 
completed, &c. 


22 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

I no fooner began to difcourfe in this ftrain, but 
the dear chriftians in the congregation began to be 
niehed with aflfedlion to, and defirc of the enjoyment 
ofChrift, and of a ftate of perfect purity. They 
wept affectionately and yet joyfully, and their tears 
and fobs difcovered brokennefs of heart, and yet 
were attended with real comfort and fweetnefs, fo 
that this was a tender, affectionate, humble, delight- 
ful melting, and appeared to be the genuine effect 
of a fpirit of adoption, and very far from that fpirit 
of bondage that they not long fince laboured under. 
The influence feemed to fpread from thefe through 
the whole affembly, and there quickly appeared a 
wonderful concern among them.- Many who had 
not yet found Chrift as an allfufficient Saviour, were 
furprifingly engaged in feeking after him. It was 
indeed a lovely and very dcfirable affembly. Their 
number was now about ninety five perfons, old and 
young, and almofl all affected either with joy in 
Chrifl Jefus, or with utmofl concern to obtain an in- 
tereft in him. 

Being fully convinced it was now my duty to take 
a journey far back to the Indians on Sufquehannah 
river, it being now a proper feafon of the year to 
find them generally at home, after having fpent 
fome hours in publick and private difcourfes with 
my people, I told them that I mufl now leave them 
for the prefent, and go to their brethren far remote 
and preach to them : That I wanted the Spirit of God 
fliould go with me, without whom nothing could be 
done to any good purpdfe among the Indians, as 
they themfelvcs had had opportunity to fee and ob- 
ferve by the barrennefs of our meetings at fome 
times, when there was much pains taken to effedt 
and awaken linners, and yet to little or no purpofe : 
And afked them if they could not be willing to fpend 
the remainder of the day in prayer for me, that God 


Among the INDIANS. 23 

would go with me, and fucceed my endeavours, for 
the con verlion of thofe poor fouls. They cheerfully 
complied with the motion, and foon after I left them, 
the fun being then about an hour and half high at 
night, they began, and continued praying all night, 
until break of day, or very near, never miftrufting, 
they tell me, until they went out and viewed the ftars, 
and faw the morning ftar a confiderable height, that 
it was later than common bed time. Thus eager 
and unwearied were they in their devotions ! A re- 
markable night it was, attended, as my interpreter 
tells me, with a powerful influence upon thofe who 
were yet under concern, as well as thofe that had re- 
ceived comfort. 

There were, I truft, this day, two diftrefled fouls 
brought to the enjoyment of folid comfort in him, in 
whom the weary find reft. 

It was likewife remarkable that, this day, an old 
Indian, who has all his days been an obftinate idol- 
ater, was brought to give up his rattles, which they 
ufe for mufick in their idolatrous feafts and dances, 
to the other Indians, who quickly deftroyed them, 
and this vyithout any attempt of mine, in the affair, 
I having faid nothing to him about it ; fo that it feem- 
ed it was nothing but juft the power of God*s word, 
without any particular application to this fin, that 
produced this effect. Thus God has begun, thus he 
has hitherto furprifingly carried on, a work of grace 
amongft thefe Indians. May the glory be afcribed 
to him, who is the fole author of it. 

Forks of Delaware, in Pennfylvania, 1745* 

September 19. — Vifited an Indian town called Ju- 

neauta, fituate on an ifland in Sufquehannah. Was 

much difcouraged with the temper and behaviour 

of the Indians here, although theyappeared friendly 

Z when 

24 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

when I was with them the laft fpring, and then 
gave me encouragement to come and fee them again : 
But they now feemed refolved to retail their pagan 
notions, and perfift in their idolatrous pradices. 

September 20. — Vifited the Indians again at Ju- 
neauta Ifland, and found them ah-noft univerfal- 
ly very bufy in making preparations for a great 
facrifice and dance. Had no opportunity to get 
them together in order to difcourfe with them about 
chriftianity, by reafon of their being fo much engag- 
ed about their facrifice. My fpirits were much funk 
with a profped: fo very difcouraging, and cfpecially 
feeing I had now no interpreter but a pagan, who 
was as much attached to idolatry as any of them, 
(my own interpreter having left me the day before, 
being obliged to attend upon fome important bufi- 
nefs otherwhere, and knowing that he could neither 
fpeak nor underftand the language of thefe Indians) 
fo that I was under the greateft difadvantages imagin- 
able ; however, I attempted to difcourfe privately 
with fome of them, but without any appearance of 
fuccefs : Notwithfl-anding, I ftill tarried with them. 
In the evening they met together, near a hundred 
of them, and danced round a large fire, having pre- 
pared ten fat deer for the facrifice ; the fat of whofe 
inwards they burned in the fire, while they were 
dancing, and fometimes raifed the flame to a pro- 
digious height, at the fame time yelling and fhout- 
ing in fuch a manner, that they might eafily have 
been heard two miles or more. 

They continued their facred dance all night, or 
near the matter; after which they ate the fiefh of 
the facrifice, and fo retired each one to his lodging. 

I enjoyed little fatisfadion this night, being en- 
tirely alone on the ifland, as to any chriflian com- 
pany, and in the mid ft of this idolatrous revel ; and 
having walked to and fro until body and mind were 


Among Ihe INDIANS. i^ 

pained and much opprefled, I at length crept into a 
little crib made for corn, and there flept on the poles. 

Lord's Day, September 21.— Spent the day with 
the Indians on the ifland. As foon as they were 
well up in the morning, I attempted to inftrud: 
them, and laboured for that purpofe to get them to- 
gether, but quickly found they had fomething elfe 
to do ; for near noon they gathered together all their 
powwows, or conjurers, and fet about half a dozen 
of them to playing their juggling tricks, and acting 
their frantick dillradted poftures, in order to find out 
why they were then {o fickly upon the illand, num- 
bers of them being at that time difordered with a 
fever and bloody flux. In this exercife they were en- 
gaged for feveral hours, making all the wild, ridicu- 
lous and diftradted motions imaginable ; fometimes 
finging, fometimes howling, fometimes extending 
their hands to the utmoft ftretch, fpreading all their 
fingers, and feemed to pu(h with them, as if they 
defigned to fright fomething away, or, at leaft, keep 
it ofFat arm's end ; fometimes firoking their faces 
with their hands, then fpurting water as fine as mift ; 
fometimes fetting flat on the earth, then bowing 
down their faces to the ground ; wringing their fides 
as if in pain and anguifh ; twifting their faces, turn- 
ing up their eyes, grunting, puffing, &c. 

Their monftrous actions tended to excite ideas of 
horror, and feemed to have fomething in them, as I 
thought, peculiarly fuited to raife the devil, if he 
could be raifed by any thing odd, ridiculous and 
frightful. Some of them I could obferve were much 
more fervent and devout in the bufinefs than others, 
and feemed to chant, peep and m.utter Vv'ith a great 
degree of warmth and vigour, as if determined to 
awaken and engage the powers below. I fat at a 
fmall difiance, not more than thirty feet from them, 
though undifcovcred, with my Bible in my hand, 

Z % refolving 

26 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

refolving if poflible to fpoil their fport, and prevent 
their receiving any anfwers from the infernal world, 
and there viewed the whole fcene. They continued 
their hideous charms and incantations for more than 
three hours, until they had all wearied themfelves 
out, although they had in that fpace of time taken 
fundry intervals of reft, and at length broke up, I ap- 
prehended, without receiving any anfwer at all. 

After they had done powwowing, I attempted to 
difcourfe with them about chriftianity ; but they 
foon fcattered, and gave me no opportunity for any 
thing of that nature. 

Crosweeksung, in New-Jerfey, 1745. 

Preached to my people from John xiv, i. — 6. 
The divine prefence feemed to be in the affembly. 
Numbers were affedted with divine truths, and it 
was a feafon of comfort tofome in particular. 

O ! what a difference is there between thefe and 
the Indians I had lately treated with upon Sufque- 
hannah ! To be with thofe feemed like being ban- 
ifhed from God and all his people ; to be with thefe 
like being admitted into his family, and to the en- 
joyment of his divine prefence ! How great is the 
change lately made upon numbers of thefe Indians, 
who not many months ago were many of them as 
thoughtlefs, and averfe to chriftianity, as thofe upon 
Sufquehannah ! And how aftoniftiing is that grace 
that has made this change ! 

Lord's Day ^Odiober 6, — Preached in the forenoon 
from John x. 7. — 11. There was a confiderable 
melting among my people, the dear j^oung chrift- 
ians were refreftied, comforted and ftrengthened, 
and one or two perfons newly awakened. 

In the afternoon I difcourfed on the ftory of the 
jailor, Adts xvi. and in the evening expounded Ads 


Among the INDIANS, 27 

XX. I. — 12. There was at this time a very agreea- 
ble melting fpread through the whole affembly. I 
think I fcarce ever faw a more deiirable affection in 
any number of people in my life. There was fcarce 
a dry eye to be fcen among them, and yet nothing 
boifierous or unfeemly, nothing that tended to dif- 
turb the publick worlhip 3 but rather to encourage 
and excite a chriftian ardour and fpirit of devotion. 

Thofe, who I have reafon to hope were favingly 
renewed, were firft afFe(5ted, and feemed to rejoice 
much, but with brokennefs of fpirit and godly fear; 
their exercifes were much the fame with thofe men- 
tioned in my Journal of Auguft 26, evidently ap> 
pearing to be the genuine effedl of a fpirit of adop::* 

After publick fervice was over I withdrew, being 
much tired with the labours of the day, and the In- 
dians continued praying among themfelves for near 
two hours together, which continued exercifes ap- 
peared to be attended with a blelfed quickening in- 
fluence from on high. 

I could not but earneftly wifh that numbers of 
God's people had been prefent at this feafon, to fee 
and hear thefe things, which I am fure muft refrefh 
the heart of every true lover of Zion's intereft. To 
fee thofe, who very lately were favage pagans and 
idolaters, having no hope, and wiihout God in 
the world, now filled with a fenfe of divine love and 
grace, and worfhipping the Father in fpirit and in 
truth, as numbers here appeared to do, was not a 
little affed:ingj and efpecially to fee them appear fo 
tender and humble, as well as lively, fervent and de- 
vout in the divine fervice. 

O^ober 24. — Difcourfed from John iv. 13. 14. 

There was a great attention, a defirable affedtion, 

and an unaffed:cd melting in the affembly. It is 

furpriling to fee how eager they are of hearing the 

2 3 word 

28 D I V I N E G R A C E displayed 

word of God. I have oftentimes thought they would 
cheerfully and diligently attend divine vvorfliip twen- 
ty four hours together, had they an opportunity fo 
to do. 

Odfober 25. — Difcourfed to my people refpecSling 
the refurrediion, from Luke xx. 27. — 36. And 
when I came to mention the bleflednefs the godly 
fhall enjoy at that feafon, their final freedom from 
death, fin and forrow ; their equality to the angels 
in regard of their nearnefs to and enjoyment of 
Chriil: 5 fome imperfed: degree of which they are 
favoured with in the prefent life, from whence 
fprings their fweeteft comfort ; and their being the 
children of God, openly acknowledged by him as 
fuch : I fay, when I mentioned thefe things, num- 
bers of ihem were much affected, and melted with a 
view of this bleffed flate. 

Odiober^%. — Difcourfed from Matth. xxii. i. — 13. 
I was enabled to open the fcripture, and adapt my 
difcourfe and expreflions to the capacities of my 
people I know not how, in a plain, eafy, and famil- 
iar manner, beyond all that I could have done by 
the utmoft ftudy : And this, without any fpecial 
difficulty, with as much freedom as if I had been 
addrefling a common audience, who had been in- 
ftrudfed in the doctrine of chriffianity all their days. 

The word of God at this time feemed to fall up- 
on the affembly with a divine power and influence, 
efpecially toward the clofe of my difcourfe : There 
was both a fweet melting and bitter mourning in the 
audience. The dear chridians were refrefhed and 
comforted, convid:ions revived in others, and fundry 
perfons newly awakened who had never been with 
us before ; and fo much of the divine prefence ap- 
peared in the affembly, that it feemed, thiiis^as none 
other than the houfe of God, and the gate of heaven. 
And all that had any favour and relifh of divin* 


Among THE IN D I A N S. 29 

things wcrce;ven conftrained by the fwcetnefs of that fay, Lord, it is good for us to be here. If ever 
there was aniongft my people an appearance of the 
New-Jerufalem, <2J a bride adorned for her hufhand, 
there was much of it at this time ; and fo agreeable 
was the entertainment where fucjfi tokens of the di-! 
vine prefence were, that I could fcarce be willing in 
the evening to leave the place, and repair to my 
lodgings. I was refrelhed with a view of the con- 
tinuance of this bleffed work of grace among them^ 
and its influence upon ftrangers of the Indians that 
had of late, from time to time, providentially fallen 
into thefe parts. 

Lord's Day, Nove?nber 3. — Preached to my people 
from Luke xvi. 17. more efpecially for the fake of 
feveral lately brought under deep concern for their 
louls. There was fome apparent concern and affec- 
tion in the aflembly, though far lefs than has been 

Afterwards I baptized fourteen perfons of the In- 
dians, fix adults and eight children : One of thefe 
was near fourfcorc years of age, and I have reafon 
to hope God has brought her favingly home to him- 
felf : Two of the others were men of fifty years old , 
who had been fingular and remarkable, even among 
the Indians, for their wickednefs. One of them had 
been a murderer, and both notorious drunkards as 
well as exceffive quarrelforne ; but now I cannot 
but hope both are become fubjed:s of God*s fpecial 
grace, efpecially the woril of them. I deferred their 
baptifm for many weeks after they had given evi- 
dences of having paffed a great change, that I might 
have more opportunities to obferve the fruits of thofc 
impreffions they had been under, and apprehended 
the way was now clear : And there was not one of 
the adults 1 baptized, but what bad given me fome 
comfortable grounds to hope, that God had wrought 

Z 4 a 

30 DIVINEGRACE dispi^ayed 

a work of fpecial grace in their hearts ; ahhough I 
could not have the fame degree of fatisfadtion rc- 
fpe<5ting one or two of them, as the reft. 

November 4. — Difcourfed from John xi. briefly 
explaining moft of the chapter. Divine truths made 
deep impreflionsupon many in the affembly j num- 
bers were afFeifted with a view of the power of 
Chrift, manifefted in his raifing the dead, and ef- 
pecially when this inftance of his power was im- 
proved to (hew his power and ability to raife dead fouls, 
fuch as many of them then felt themlelves to be, to 
a fpi ritual life; Asalfo to raife the dead at the laftday, 
and difpenfe to them due rewards and punifhincnts. 

There were fundry of the perlbns lately come here 
from remote places, that were now brought under 
deep and prefling concern for their fouls, particu- 
larly one, who not long fince came half drunk, and 
railed on us, and attempted by all means to difturb 
us while engaged in the divine worfhip, was now fo 
concerned and diftreifed for her foul, that fhe feem- 
ed unable to get any eafe without an intereft in 
Chrift. There were many tears and affbd:ionate fobs 
and groans in the aftembly in general, fome weep- 
ing for themfelves, others for their friends. And 
although perfons are doubtlefs much eafier affedtcd 
now, than they were in the beginning of this relig- 
ious concern, when tears and cries for their fouls 
"Were things unheard of among them, yet I mufl lay, 
their affedtion in general appeared genuine and un- 
feigned J and efpecially this appeared very confpic- 
uous in thofe newly awakened. So that true and 
genuine convic^tions of fin, feem ftiil to be begur^ 
and promoted in many inftances. 

Baptized a child this day, and perceived fundry 
of the baptized perfons affcded with the adminiftra- 
tion of this ordinance, as being thereby minded of 
their own folemn engagements. 


Among the INDIANS. 31 

I have now baptized in all forty feven perfons of 
the Indians, twenty three adults, and twenty four 
children. Thirty five of them belonging to thefe 
parts, and the reft to the Forks of Delaware : And, 
through rich grace, they have none of them as 
yet been left to difgrace their profefTion of chrif- 
tianity by any fcandalous or unbecoming beha- 

hordes Day, November 2^. — Preached both parts of 
the day from the ftory of Zaccheus, Luke xix. i . — 9. 
In the latter exercife, when I opened and infifted 
upon the falvation that comes to the finner, upon 
his becoming a fon of Abraham, or a true believer, 
the word feemed to be attended with divine pow- 
er to the hearts of the hearers. Numbers were 
much afFecfted with divine truths. Former con- 
vi(5tions were revived. One or two perfons newly 
awakened. And a moft affectionate engagement 
in divine fervice appeared among them univer- 

The impreffions they were under appeared to be 
the genuine effect of God's word brought home to 
their hearts, by the power and influence of the Di- 
vine Spirit. 

November lb, — Afterhavingfpent fome time in pri- 
vate conferences with my people, I difcourfed pub- 
Jickly among them, from John v. 19. I was favour- 
ed with fome fpecial freedom and fervency in my 
difcourfe, and a powerful energy accompanied di- 
vine truths. Many wept and fobbed affectionately, 
and fcarce any appeared unconcerned in the whole 
affembly. The influence that feized the audience 
appeared gentle, and yet pungent and efficacious. 
It produced no boifterous commotion of the paf- 
fions, but feemed deeply to affed: the heart ; and 
excited in the perfons under convidions of their loft 
ftate, heavy groans and tears-. And in others who 


3z DIVINE GRACE displayed 

had obtained comfort, a fwect and humble melting. 
It feemed like the .gentle but fteady Ihower^ th^t 
efFcdually water the earth, without violently beat- 
ing upon the furface. 

November 30. — Preached near night, after having 
fpent fome hours in private conference with iomc 
of my people about their fouls' concerns. Explain- 
ed and infiited upon the ftory of the rich man and 
Lazarus, Luke xvi. 19.— 26. The word made 
powerful impreffions upon many in the ailembly, 
efpecially while 1 difcourfed ct" the bkfledneis of 
Lazarus in Abraham's bolom. 

Lord's Day, December 1. — Difcourfed to my peo- 
ple, in the forenoon, from Luke xvi. 27. — 31 . There 
appeared an unfeigned affcd:ion in divers perions, 
and fome feemed deeply . imprelfed with divine 

Lord's Day, December^. — Difcourfed on the ftory 
of the blind man, John ix. There appeared no re- 
markable effcd: of the word upon the aflembly at 
this time. The perlons who have lately been much 
concerned for their fouls, feemed now not lo ailed^- 
ed nor felicitous to obtain an interell: in Chrift as 
has been ufual ; although they attended divine fer- 
vice with ferioufnefs and diligence. 

Such have been the doings of the Lord here, in 
awakening finners, and affe(5ting the hearts of thofe 
who are brought to folid comfort, with a freih fenfe 
of divine things from time to time, that it is novv 
ftrange to fee the ailembly lit with dry eyes, and 
without fobs and groans ! 

Lord's Day, December 15. — Preached to the In- 
dians from Luke xiii. 24. — 28. Divine truths fell 
with weight and power upon the audience, .and 
ieemed to reach the hearts of many. Near night 
difcourfed to them again from Matth. xxv. 31.— 46. 
At which feafon alio, the word appeared to be ac* 


Among the I N D I AN S. 23 

companied with a divine influence, and made pow- 
erful impreffions upon the affembly in general, as 
well as upon divers perfons in a very fpecial and 
particular manner. This was an amazing fcafon 
of grace ! The word of ^ be Lord, this day, '■x'as quick 
and powerful, Jharper than a two edged fivord, and 
pierced to the hearts of many. The alTcmbly was 
grently affedled, and deeply wrouglit upon ; yec 
without fo much apparent commotion of the paf- 
fions, as was ufual in the beginning of this work o£ 
grace. The impreffions made by the word of God 
upon the audience, appeared folid, rational and deep, 
worthy of the folemn truths by means of which 
they were produced, and far from being the effeds 
of any fuddcn fright or groundlcfs perturbation of 

O, how did the hearts of the hearers feem to bow: 
under the weight of divine truths! i\nd how evident 
did it now appear that they received and felt them, not 
as the word of man but as the word of God ! None 
can frame a juft idea of the appearance of ourafTem- 
bly at this time, but thofe who have feen a congrega, 
tion folemnly awed, and deeply imprefled by the 
fpecial power and influence of divine truths deliver-, 
ed to them in the name of God 1 

December i6.— Difcourfed to my people in the 
evening from Luke xi. i. — 13. There was much 
affe(5tion and concern in the aflembly ; and efpeclaU 
3y one woman appeared in great diflrefs for her foul. 
She vyas brought to fuch an agony in feeking after 
Chrifl, that the fweat ran off her face for a con- 
iiderable time together, although the evening 
was very cold ; and her bitter cries were the molt 
affecting indication of the inward anguifli of her 

Lord*s Day^ December 22. — Difcourfed upon the 
flpry of the young man in the gofpel, Mattli. ix, 

16. — 22. 

34 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

1 6 — 22. God made it a feafonable word, I am per- 
fuadcd, to feme fouls. 

There were fundry perfons of the Indians newly 
come here, who had frequently lived among Qua- 
kers, and being more civilized and conformed to 
Englifh manners than the generality of Indians, they 
had imbibed fome.of the Quakers* errors j efpecially 
this fundamental one, viz. That if men will but 
live foberly and honeftly, according to the dicflates 
of their own confciences (or the light within) there 
is then no danger or doubt of their falvation, &c. 
Thefe perfons I found much worfe to deal with 
than thofe who are wholly under pagan darknefs, 
who make no pretences to knowledge in chrifti- 
anity at all, nor have any felf righteous foundation 
to ftand upon. However, they all, except one, ap- 
peared now convinced, that this fober honeft life of 
itfelf, was not fufficient to falvation ; fince Chrift 
himfelf had declared it fo in the cafe of the young 
man. And feemed, in fome meafure, concerned to 
obtain that change of heart which I had been labour- 
ing to fhew them the neceflity of. 

This was like wife a feafon of comfort to fome 
fouls, and in particular to one (the fame mentioned 
in my journal of the i6th inftant) who never before 
obtained any fettled comfort, though I have abun- 
dant reafon to think (he had paiTed a faving change 
fome days before. 

She now appeared in a heavenly frame of mind, 
compofed and delighted with the divine will. When 
I came to difcourfe particularly with her, and to in- 
quire of her, how (he got relief and deliverance from 
the fpiritual diftreffes (he had lately been under, (lie 
anfwered in broken EngliQi, Me try, me try, (ave 
myfelf, laft my ftrength be all gone, (meaning her 
ability to fave her(elf) coud*nt me ftir bit further. 
iDcn laft, me forc*d let Jefus Chrift alone, fend me 


Among the INDIANS. 35 

hell if he pleafe*. I faid, But you was not willing 
to go to hell, was you ? She replied, Could not me 
help it. My heart he would wicked for all. Could 
not me make him good*!', (meaning fhe faw it was 
right fhe fhould go to hell, becaufe her heart was 
wicked, and would be fo after all (lie coald do to 
mend it.) I afked her, how (he got out of this cafe. 
She anfwered ftill in the fame broken language, By 
by my heart be grad defperately. I afked her, why 
her heart was glad. She replied, Grad my heart 
Jefus Chrift do what he pleafe with me. Den me 
tink, grad my heart Jefus Chrift fend me hell. Did*nt 
me care where he put me, me lobe him for allj, &c. 

And (he could not readily be convinced, but that 
file was willing to go to hell, if Chrift was pleafed 
to fend her there. Though the truth evidently was, 
her will was fo fwallowed up in the divine will, 
that fhe could not frame any hell in her imagination 
that would be dreadful or undefirable, provided it 
was but the will of God to fend her to it. 

Towards night difcourfed to them again in the 
catechetical method I entered upon the evening be- 
fore. And when I came to improve the truths i 
had explained to them, and to anfwer that queftion, 
But how (hall I know whether God hath chofen me 
to everlafting life ? by prefTing them to come and 
give up their hearts to Chrift, and thereby to make 
their eledtion fure, they then appeared much affect- 
ed : And the perfons under concern were afrefh en- 
gaged in feeking after an intereft in him ; while 
fome others, who had obtained comfort before, were 


* In proper FnglifVi, thus, I tried and tried to fave myfelf, until at laft my ftrengtk 
.was all gone, and I coufd not ftir any furrher. Then, at laft, I was forced to let 
Jefus Chrift alone to fend me to hell if he plcaied. 

t In plain Englifh, thus, I could not help it. My heart would be wicked for all 
what 1 could do. I could not make itgood. 

X By and by my heart was exceeding glad. My heart was glad that Jelus Chrift 
would do with mc what he pleafed. Then 1 thought my heart would be glad 
although Chrift (hould fend me to hell. I did not care whsie he put rae, I (hould 
love him for all, i. e. do what he would with me. 

56 DIVINEGRACE displayed 

refrefhed to find that love to God in themfelves, 
which was an evidence of his eledling love to them. 

Dece?7i6er 25.^-The Indians having beenufed upon 
Chriltmas days to drink and revel among fome of the 
white people in thefe parts, 1 thought it proper this 
day to call them together and dil'courle to them 
upon divine things ; which I accordingly did from 
the parable of the barren fig tree, Luke xiii. 6. — 9. 
A divme influence, 1 am periuaded, accompanied 
the word at this feafon. The power of God appear- 
ed in the affembly, not by producing any remarka- 
ble cries, but by Shocking and rouiing at heart, (as it 
feemed) feveral ft up id creatures, that were Icarce 
ever moved with any concern before. The power 
attending divine truths, feemed to have the influ- 
ence of the earthquake rather than the whirlwind 
upon them. Their paflions were not fo much alarm- 
ed as has been common here, in times paft ; but their 
judgments appeared to be powerfully convinced by 
the mafterly and conquering influence of divine truths. 
The impreflTions made upon the aflembly in general, 
feemed not fuperficial, but deep and heart affedling. 
O how ready did they now appear univerfally to 
embrace and comply with every thing they heard 
and were convinced was duty ! God was in the 
tnidft of us of a truth, bowing and melting ftub- 
born hearts ! How many tears and fobs were then 
to be feen and heard among us ! What livelin^fs 
and ftrid: attention ! What eagernefs and intenfe- 
ncfs of mind appeared in the whole affembly in the 
time of divine iervice ! They feemed to watch and 
wait for the dropping of God's word, as the thirfly 
e a r t h fo r t h e former and latter rain . 

December 28. — Difcourfed to my people in the 
catechetical method I lately entered upon. And in 
the improvement of my difcourfc, wherein I was 
comparing man's prefent with his primitive ftate ; 


Among the INDIA^NS. ♦ 37 

and fliewing what he had fallen from, and the mif- 
eries he is now involved in, and expofed to. in his 
natural eftate ; and prelling finners to-take iview 
of their deplorable circumftances without Chrift ; 
as alfo to ftrive that they might obtain an- intereft in 
him ; the Lord, I trull, granted a remarkabh influ- 
ence of his blelTed Spirit to accompany what was 
fpoken, and there was a great concern appeared in 
the alTembly ; Many were melted into tears and 
fobs, and the impreffions made upon them, teemed 
deep and heart affed:ing. 

Lord's Day\ December 29. — Preached from John 
iii. 1 . — 5. A number of white people were prefent 
as is ufual upon the Sabbath. The difcourfe was 
accompanied with power, and leemed to have a 
filent, but deep and piercing influence upon the au- 
dience. Many wept and fobbed affectionately. And 
there were fome tears among the white people as 
well as the Indians. Some could not refrain from 
crying out, though there were not many fo exercif- 
ed. But the impreffions made upon their hearts, 
appeared chiefly by the extraordinary earneflnefs of 
their attention, and their heavy iighs and tears. 

After publick worfliip was over, I went to my 
houle, propofing to preach again after a fliort fea- 
fon of intermiflion. But they foon came in one af- 
ter another, with tears in their eyes, to know what 
they fliould do to be faved. And the Divine Spirit 
in fuch a manner fet home upon their hearts what 
I fpoke to ihcm, that the houfe was foon filled with 
cries, and groans. They all flocked together upon 
this occafion, and thofe whom I had reafon to think 
in a chrifUefs ftate, were almolt univerGilIy feized 
with concern for their fouls. 

. It was .an amazing fcafon of power among them, 
and feem^d as if God had bo-jucd the heavejis ar.d 
com.' dowi. So aflonilhingly prevalent was the 01^- 


38 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

eration upon old as well as young, that it feemed 
as if none would be left in a fecure and natural 
ftate, but that God was now about to convert all 
the world. And I was ready to think then, that I 
fliould never again defpair of the converfion of any 
man or woman living, be they who or what xhcy 

It is impoflible to give a juil: and lively defcrip- 
tion of the appearance of things at this feafon, at 
leaft, fuch as to convey a bright and adequate idea 
of the efFe(5ls of this influence ! A number might 
now be feen rejoicing that God had not taken 
away the powerful influence of his bleffed Spirit 
from this place ; refrefhed to fee fo many driving 
to enter in at the firait gate ; and animated with 
fuch concern for them, that they wanted to pufh 
them forward, as fome of them exprefled it. At the 
fame time numbers, both of men and women, old 
and young, might be feen in tears, and fome in an- 
guifh of fpirit, appearing in their very countenances 
like condemned malefacflors, bound towards the 
place of execution, with a heavy folicitude fitting in 
their faces \ fo that there feemed here, as I thought, 
a lively emblem of the folcmn day of accounts ! A 
mixture of heaven and hell, of joy unfpeakable, and 
anguifli inexpreflible ! 

The concern and religious affection vj^as fuch, 
that I could not pretend to have any formal relig- 
ious exercife among them -, but fpent the time in 
difcourfing to one and another, as I thought moft 
proper, and feafonable for each, and fome times ad- 
drelTed them all together, and finally concluded 
with prayer. Such were their circumftances at 
this feafon, that I could fcarce have half an hour's 
refl from fpeaking, from about half an hour before 
twelve o'clock (at which time I began publiek wor- 

fhip) until paft feven at night. 


Among i^he INDIANS. 39 

There appeared to be four or five perfons newly 
awakened this day, and the evening before, fome of 
whom but very lately came among us. 

December 30. — Was vifited by four or five young 
perfons under concern for their fouls, moftof whom 
\yene very lately awakened. They wept much 
while 1 difcourfed to them, and endeavoured to prefs 
upon them the neceffity of flying to Chrifl, with- 
out delay, for falvation. 

'December 31. — Spent fome hours this day in vifit- 
ing my people from houfe to houfe, and converfing 
with them about their fpiritual concerns ; endeavour- 
ing to prefs tipon chriftlefs fouls the neceffity of a 
renovation of heart : And fcarce left a houfe, with- 
out leaving fome or other of its inhabitants in tears, 
appearing folicitoufly engaged to obtain an interefl 
in Chrifl. 

The Indians are now gathered together froni all 
quarters to this place, and have built them little cot- 
tages, fo that more than twenty families live within, 
a quarter of a mile of me. A very convenient fitu- 
ation in regard both of publick and private in- 

'January 1, 1745,6. — Spent fome confiderable 
time in vifiting my people again. Found fcarce 
one but what was under fome ferious impreffions " 
refpedling their fpiritual concerns. 

'January 2. — Viiited fome perfons newly come 
among us, who had fcarce ever heard any thing of 
chriftianity (except the em^ptj'' name) before. En- 
deavoured to inftruct them particularly ya the firfl 
principles of religion, in the moft eafy and fai.uliar 
manner I could. 

There are firangcrs from remote parts almofi: con- 
tinually dropping in amongus,fo that I haveoccafion 
repeatedly to open and inculcate the firfb principle3 
of chriftianity. 

A a . "January 

40 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

'January 4. — Profecutcd my catechetical method 
of inftrucSing. Found my people able to anfwer 
queftions with propriety, beyond what could have 
been expe<5ted from perfons fo lately brought out of 
heathenifh darknefs. 

Lord^s Day, January 5. — Difcourfed from Matth. 
xii. 10. — 13. There appeared not fo much liveli- 
nefs and affecftion in divine fervice as ufual. The 
fame truths that have often produced many tears and 
fobs in the affembly, feemed row to have no fpecial 
influence upon any in it. 

Near night I propofed to have proceeded in my 
ufual method of catechifing. But while we were 
engaged in the firft prayer, the power of God feem- 
ed to defcend upon the aflembly in fuch a remarka- 
ble manner, and fo many appeared under prefling 
concern for their fouls, that 1 thought it much more 
expedient to infill; upon the plentiful provifion made 
by divine grace for the redemption of peri thing 
iinners, and to prefs them to a fpeedy acceptance of 
the great falvation, than to afk them queftions about 
doctrinal points. What was moft practical, feem- 
ed moft feafonable to be infifted upon, while num- 
bers appeared fo extraordinarily folicitous to obtain 
an intereft in the great Redeemer. 

Baptized two perfons this day ; one adult (the 
woman particularly mentioned in my Journal of 
December 22,) and one child. 

This woman has difcovered a very fweet and heav- 
enly frame of mind, from time to time, fince her 
firft reception of comfort. One morning in partic- 
ular fhe came to fee me, difcovering an unufual joy 
and fatisfadtion in her countenance; and when 1 in- 
quired into the reafon of it, fhe replied, that God 
had made her feel that it was right for him to do 
what he pleafed with all things ; and that it would 
be right if he fhould caft her hufband and fon both 


Among the INDIANS. 4! 

into hell; and fhe faw it was fo right for God to do 
what he pleafed with them, that fhe could not but 
rejoice if God fhould fend them into hell. Though 
it was apparent fhe loved them dearly. She, more- 
over, inquired whether 1 was not fent to preach to 
the Indians, by fome good people a great way off. 
I replied » Yes, by the good people in Scotland. She 
anfwered, that her heart loved thofe good people fo, 
the evening before, that fhe could fcarce help pray- 
ing for them all night, her heart would go to God 
for them, &c, fo that the bleffing of thofe ready to 
periih is like to come upon thofe pious perfons who 
have communicated of their fubftance to the propa- 
gation of the gofpel. 

'January 1 1. — Difcourfed in a catechetical method, 
as ufual of late. And having opened our firft pa- 
rent's primitive apoftafy, from God, and our fall ii\ 
him, I proceeded to improve my difcouffe, by fhevv- 
ing the neceffiry we ftood in of an almighty Redeem- 
er, and the abfolute need every iinner has of an in- 
tereft in his merits and mediation. There was 
fome tendernefs and afFecStionate concern appeared 
in the alfcmbly. 

Lord's Day, January ici.— Preached fforti Ifaiah 
Iv. 6. The word of God feemed to fall upon the 
audience, with a divine weight and influence, and 
evidently appeared to be not the word of man. The 
bkfTed Spirit, I am perluaded, accompanied what 
was fpoken to the hearts of many. So that there 
was a powerful revival of conviction in numbers 
who were under fpiritual exercife before. 

January 13.— Was vifited by divers perfons Under' 
deep concern for their fouls : One of whom was 
newly awakened. It is a mod agreeable work to 
treat with fouls who are lolicitoufly inquiring what 
they Jhall do to be favcd. And as we are never to 
be weary in well doings fo the obligation feems to be 
A a 2i peculiarly 

42 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

peculiarly ftrong wRen the work is fo very defirable. 
And yet I mufl fay, my health is fo much impaired, 
and my fpirits fo wafted with my labours and folitary 
manner of living (there being no human creature in 
the houfe with me) that their repeated and almoft 
inceflfant applications to me for help and diretlion, 
are fometimes exceeding burdenfome, and foexhauli 
my fpirits, that I become fit for nothing at all, en- 
tirely unable to profecute any bufinefs fometimes 
for days together. 

January 14. — Spent fome time in private con- 
ferences with my people, and found fome difpofed 
to take comfort, as I thought, upon flighty grounds. 
They are now generally awakened, and it is become 
fo difgraceful, as well as terrifying to the confcience, 
to bcdeflitute of religion, that they are in eminent 
danger of taking up with any appearances of grace, 
rather than to live under the fear and difgrace of an 
unregenerate flate. 

Lord's Day, January 19. — Difcourfcd to my peo- 
ple from Ifaiah Iv. 7. Towards night catechized 
in my ordinary method. And this appeared to be 
a powerful feafon of grace among us. Numbers 
were much affed:ed. Convidlions powerfully reviv- 
ed. Divers of the chriftians refreQied and flrength- 
ened. And one weary heavy laden foul, I have abund- 
ant reafon to hope, brought to true reft and folid 
comfort in Cbrifl, who afterwards gave me fuch an 
account of God*s dealing with his foul as was abund- 
antly fatisfying as well as refrefliing to me. 

He told me, he had often heard me fay, that per- 
fons mufl fee and feel themfelves utterly helplefs 
and undone, that they mufl be emptied of a depend- 
ence upon themfelves, andof allhopcoffaving them- 
felves by their own doings in order to their coming 
to Chrifl for falvation. And he had long been driv- 
ing after this view of things ; fuppofing this would 


Among the INDIANS. 43 

be an excellent frame of mind to be thus emptied 
of a dependence upon his own goodnefs : That 
God would have refpe6l to this frame ; would then 
be well pleafed with him, and beftow eternal life 
upon him. But when he came to feel himfelf in this 
helplefs undone condition, he found it quite contra- 
ry to all his thoughts and expediations j fo that it 
was not the fame nor indeed any thing like the 
frame he had been feeking after. Inftead of its be- 
ing a good frame of mind, he now found nothing 
but badnefs in himfelf, and faw it was forever im- 
poflible for him to make himfelf any better. He 
wondered, he faid, that he had ever hoped to mend 
his own heart. He was amazed he had never be- 
fore feen it was utterly impoffible for him, by all 
his contrivances and endeavours, t© do any thing 
that way, fince the matter now appeared to him in 
fo clear a light. 

Inflead of imagining now, that God would be 
pleafed with him for the fake of this frame of mind, 
and this view of his undone eftate, he faw clearly, 
and felt it would be juft with God to fend him to 
eternal mifery ; and that there was no goodnefs in 
what he then felt ; for he could not help feeing, 
that he was naked, finful and miferable, and there 
was nothing in fuch a fight to deferve God's love 
or pity. 

He faw thefe things in a manner fo clear and con- 
vincing, that it feemed* to him, he faid, he could 
convince every body of their utter inability ever to 
help themfelves, and their unworthinefs of any help 
from God. 

In this frame of mind became topublick worfliip, 
this evening, and while -I was inviting finners to 
come to Chrift naked and empty, without any good- 
nefs of their own to recommend them to his accept- 
ance; then he thought with himfelf, that he had oft- 
A a 3 en 

44 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

en tried to come and give up his heart to Chrift, 
and he ufed to hope that fome time or other he fhould 
be able to do fo. But now he was convinced he 
could not, and it feemed utterly vain for him ever 
to try any more : And he could not, he faid, find 
a heart to make any further attempt, becaufe he 
faw it would fignify nothing at all : Nor did he now 
hope for abetter opportunity, or more ability hereaf- 
ter, as he had formerly done, becaufe he faw, and was 
fully convinced, hisown ftrength would forever fail. 

While he was muling in this manner, he faw, he 
faid, with his heart (which is a common phrafe 
among them) fomething that was unfpeakably good 
and lovely, and what he had never feen before; and 
this ftole away his heart whether he would or no. 
He did not, he faid, know what it was he faw. He 
did not fay, this is Jefus Chrift, but it was fuch 
glory and beauty, as he never faw before. He did 
not now give away his heart fo as he had formerly 
intended and attempted to do, but it went away of 
itfelf after that glory he then difcovered. He ufed 
to try to make a bargain with Chrift, to give up his 
heart to him, that he might have eternal life for it. 
But now he thought nothing about himfeU, or what 
would become of him hereafter. But was pleafed, 
and his mind was wholly taken up with the unfpeak- 
able excellency of what he then beheld. 

After fome time he was wonderfully pi eafcd with 
the way of flilvation by Chrift ; fo that it feemed 
unfpeakably better to be laved altogether by the 
mere free grace of God in Chrift, than to have any 
hand in faving himfelf. And the confequence of^ 
this exercife is, that he appears to retain a ienfe and 
relifh of divine things, and to maintain a life of 
ferioufnefs and true religion. 

February 8. — Spent a-confiderable part of the day 
in viliting my people from houfe tohoufe, and con- 

. verling: 

Among the INDIANS. 45 

verfing with them about their fouls* concerns. Di- 
vers perfons wept while I difcourfed to them, and 
appeared concerned for nothing fo much as for an 
intereft in the great Redeemer. 

Lord's Day, February 9. — Difcourfed to my peo- 
ple from the ftory of the blind man, Matth. x. 46.— 52. 
The word of God feemed weighty and powerful 
upon the affembly at this time, and made confidera- 
ble impreflions upon many. Divers in particular 
who have generally been remarkably ftupid and care- 
lefs .under the means of grace, were now awakened, 
and wept affe(5tionately. And the moft earncft at- 
tention, as well as tendernefs and affe(5lion, appeared 
in»the audience univerfally. 

Baptized three perfons, two adults and one 
child. The adults, I have reafon to hope, were 
both truly pious. There was a copfiderable melt- 
ing in the aflembly, while I was difcouriing partic- 
uliarly to the perfons, and adminiftering the or- 

March i. — Catechifed in my ordinary metliod. 
Was pleafed and refrcfhed to fee them anfvver the 
queftions propofed to them, with fuch reinarkable 
readinefs, diibretion and knowledge. ^ 

Towards the clofe of my difcourfe, divine truths 
made confiderable impreirions upon the audience, 
and produced tears and fobs in fome under concern ; 
and more efpecially a fvveet and humble melting 
in fundry that, I have reafon to hope, were truly 

Lord's Day, March 2. — Preached from John xv. 
I. — 6. The aifembly appeared not fo lively in their 
attention as ufual, nor fo much affc(5led with divine 
truths in general as has been common. 

Some of my people who went up to the Forks of 
Delaware with me, being now returned, were ac- 
companied by two of the Indians belonging xo the 
A a 4 Forks, ■ 

46 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

Forks, who had promifed me a fpeedy vifit. May 
the Lord meet with them here. They can fcarce go 
into a houfe now, but they will meet with chriflian 
converfation, whereby, it is hopeful, they may be 
both inftru(5led and awakened. 

Difcourfed to the Indians again in the afternoon, 
and obferved among them fome livelinefs and en- 
gagement in divine fervice, though not equal to 
what has often appeared here. 

I know of no aifembly of chriftians, where there 
feems to be fo much of the prefence of God, where 
brotherly love fo much prevails, and where I fhould 
take fo much delight in the publick worfhip of God, 
in the general, as in my own congregation. Although 
not more than nine months ago, they were worfhip- 
ping devils and dumb idols, under the power of pa- 
gan darknefs and fuperftition I Amazing change 
this ! efFe(51:ed by nothing lefs than divine power 
and grace ! This is the doing of the Lord, and it is 
juftly marvellous in our eyes ! 

Lord's Day^ March 9. — Preached from Luke x. 
38. — 4r%' The word of God was attended with pow- 
er and energy upon the audience. Numbers were 
affedted and concerned to obtain the one thing need- 
ful. And fundry that have given good evidences of 
their being truly gracious, were much affed:ed with a 
fenfe of their want of fpirituality ; and faw the need 
they flood in of growing in grace. And moft that 
had been under any impreffions of divine things in 
times pad:, feemed now to have thofc imprelfions 

In the afternoon propofed to have catechizeiJ in 
my ufual method. But while we were engaged in 
the firfl prayer in the Indian language, as ufual, a 
great part of the aflembly was fo much moved and 
afFed:ed with divine things, that I thought it feaion- 
^ble 4nd proper to omit the propofing of quelfion^ 


Among the INDIANS. 47 

for that time, and infift upon the moft pra(3:ical truths. 
And accordingly did {o : Making a further improve- 
ment of the palliige of fcripture I difcourfed upon 
jn the former part of the day. 

There appeared to be a powerful divine influence 
in the congregation. Sundry that I have realbn to 
think are truly pious, were fo deeply affecfted with a 
fenfe of their own barrennefs, and their unworthy 
treatment of the bleffed Redeemer, that they /oohd 
on him as pierced hy themfelves, and mou?'/ied, yea 
fome of them were in bitter?jej's as for ajirjl born. 
Some poor awakened finners alfo appeared to be in 
anguilh of foul to obtain an intereil in Chrilf. So 
that there was a great mourning in the affembly ; 
Many heavy groans, fobs and tears ! And one or 
two perfons newly come among us, were confidera- 
bly awakened. 

Methinks it would have refrefhed the heart of any 
who truly love Zion's intereft, to have been in the 
midfl of this divine influence, and feen the efR:cls of 
it upon faints and finners. The place of divine wor- 
fliip appeared both iblemn and fweet ! And was fo 
endeared by a difplay of the divine prefence and 
grace, that thofe who had any relifh of divine 
things, could not but cry, How amiable arc thy tab- 
ernacles^ O Lord of Ho /Is ! 

After publick worlhip was over, numbers came 
to my houfe, where we fang and difcourfed of di- 
vine things J and the prefence of God leemed here 
alfo to be in the midft of us. 

While we were finging there was one woman, 
who, I may venture to fay, if 1 may be allowed to 
fay fo much of any perfon I ever faw, was filled 
with joy unfpcaJiable and full of glory, and could not 
but. burft forth in prayer and praifes to God before 
us all, with many tears, crying, Ibmetimes in En- 
glifh and fometimcs in Indian, O blvfled Lord, do 


48 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

come, do come ! O do take me away, do let me die 
and go to Jefus Chrift ! lam afraid if I live 1 Oiall 
iin again ! O do let me die now ! O dear Jefus, do 
come ! I cannot ilay, I cannot ftay ! O how can I 
live in this world ! Do take my foul away from this 
linful place ! O let me never fin anymore ! O what 
ihall I do, what fliall I do ! Dear Jefus, O dear Je- 
fus, &c. In this ecftafy fhe continued fome time, 
littering thefe and fuch like expreflions inceffantly. 
And the grand argument fhe ufed with God to take 
her away immediately, was, that if fhe lived Ihe 
ihould fin againfl him. 

When file had a little recovered herfelf, I afked 
her, if Chriil was not now fweet to her foul : Where- 
upon, turning to me with tears in her eyes, and with 
all the tokens of deep humility I ever faw in any per- 
fon, fhe faid, I have many times heard you fpeak of 
the goodnefs and the fweetnefs of Chrift, that he 
was better than all the world. But O ! 1 knew noth- 
ing what you meant, I never believed you ! I never 
believed 5^ou; but now I know it is true. Or words 
to that effed:. I anfwered, And do you fee enough 
in Chrifl for the greateftof finners ? She replied, O, 
enough, enough for all the finners in the world if 
they would but come. And when I afls.ed her, if 
Ihe could not tell them of the goodnefs of Chriil ; 
turning herfelf about to fome poor chriftlefs feuls 
■who ftood by, and were much affedted, fhe faid, O, 
there is enough in Chrifl for you, if you would but 
come ! O ftrive, llrive to give up your hearts to him , 
&c. And upon hearing fomething of the glory of 
heaven mentioned, that there was no fin in that 
■world, &c. fhe again fell into the fame ecftafy of 
joy, and defire of Chrift*s coming ; repeating her 
former exprellions, O dear Lord, do let me go ! O 
"what Ihall I do, what Ihall I do ! I want to go to 
Chrifl ! I cannot live ! O do let me die, &c. 


Among the INDIANS. 49 

She continued in this fweet frame for more than 
two hours, before (he was well able to get home. 

I am very fen fible there may be great joys, arifing 
even to an ecftafy, where there is ifill no fubftantial 
evidence of their being well grounded. But in the 
prefent cafe there feemed to be no evidence wanting 
in order to prove this joy to be divine, either in re- 
gard of its preparatives, attendants, or confequents. 

Of all the perfons I have feen under fpiritual ex- 
ercife, I fcarce ever faw one appear more bowed and 
broken under convidions of fin and mifery, (or 
what is ufually called a preparatory work,) thart'this 
woman. Nor fcarce any who feemed to have a 
greater acquaintance with her own heart than (he 
had. She would frequently complain to me of the 
hardnefs and rebellion of her heart. Would tell me 
her heart rofe and quarrelled with God, when fhe 
thought he would do with her as he pleafed, and 
fend her to hell, notwithftanfling her prayers, good 
frames, &c. That her heart was not willing to come 
to Chrifl for falvation, but tried every where elfe 
for help. 

And as (he feemed to be remarkably fenfible of 
her ftubbornnefs and contrariety to God, under con- 
vi<5tion, fo Ihe appeared to be no lefs remarkably 
bowed and reconciled to divine fovereignty before 
fhe obtained any reliefer comfort. Something of 
which I have before noticed in my Journal of Febru- 
ary 9. Since which time flie has leemed conifantly 
to breath the fpirit and temper of the new creature ; 
crying after Chrifl:, not through fear of hell as be- 
fore, but with flrong defires after him as her only 
fatisfying portion. And has many timc.'^ wept and 
fobbed bitterly, becaufe (as (lie apprehended) Ihe did 
not and could not love him. When I have fometimes 
aflved her, why Ihe appeared fo forrowful, and 
whether it was becaufe flic was afraid of hell ; flie 


so D I V I N E G R A C E displayed 

would anfwcr, No, I ben't diflreffed about that j but 
my heart is Co wicked I cannot love Chrifl: ; and 
thereupon burft out into tears. But although this 
has been the habitual frame of her mind for feveral 
weeks together, fo that the exercife of grace appear- 
ed evident to others, yet fhe feemed wholly infenfi- 
ble of it herfelf, and never had any remarkable com- 
fort, and fenfible fatisfadtion until this evening. 

This fweet and furprifing ecftafy, appeared to 
fpring from a true fpiritual difcovcry of the glory, 
ravifhing beauty and excellency of Chrifl: : And not 
from any grofs imaginary notions of his human na- 
ture ; fuch as that of feeing him in fuch a place or 
pofture, as hanging on the crofs, as bleeding, dying, 
as gently fmiling, and the like ; which delufions 
fome have been carried away with. Nor did it rife 
from a fordid felfifh apprehenlion of her having any 
benefit whatfoever conferred on her, but from a 
view of his pcrfonal excellency, and tranfcendent 
lovelinefs, which drew forth thofe vehement defires 
of enjoying him fhe now manifefled, and made her 
long io be abfent from the body, that flje tnight be pre f- 
ent with the Lord. 

The attendants of this ravifliing comfort, were 
fuch as abundantly difcovered its Ipring to be di- 
vine, and that it was truly a joy in the Holy Ghoji. 
Now fhe viewed divine truths as living realities ; 
and could fay, I know thefe thing are fo, I feel they. 
are true ! Now her foul was refigned to the divine 
will in the mofl tender points ; fo that when I faid 
to her. What if God fliould take away )^our* huf- 
band from you, (who was then very fick) how do 
you think you could bear that ? She replied, He be- 
longs to God, and not me; he may do with him juft 
what he pleafes ! Now fhe had the mofl tender fenfe 
of the evil of fin, and difcovered the utmofl aver/ion 


* The n:aj: part;cukr)y mentioned iu my J'..n;;nal of January 19. 

Among -the INDIANS. ^I 

to it ; longing to die that flie might be delivered 
from it. Now fhe could freely truft her all with 
God for time and eternity. And when I queried 
with her, how fhe could be willing to die and leave 
her little infant, and what fhe thought would become 
of it in cafe fhe fliould ; fhe anfwered, God will 
take care of it. It belongs to him, he will take care 
of it. 

Now fhe appeared to have the moft humbling 
fenfe of her own meannefs and unworthinefs, her 
weaknefs and inability to preferve herfelf from fin, 
and to perfevere in the way of holinefs, crying, If I 
live I fliall fin. And I then thought I had never feen 
fucb an appearance of ecflafy and humility meeting 
in any one perfon in all my life before. 

The conlequents of this joy are no lefs defirable 
and Satisfactory than its attendants. She lince ap- 
pears to be a moft tender, broken hearted, affedion- 
ate, devout, and humble chriftian, as exemplary in 
life and converfation as any perfon in my congrega- 
tion. May fhe ftill grow in grace and in the knoirl- 
edge ofChriJi, 

March 10. — Toward night the Indians "met to- 
gether of their own accord and fang, prayed, and 
difcourfed of divine things among themfelves. At 
which time there was much affe^flion among them. 
Some, who are hopefully gracious, appeared to be 
melted with divine things. And (bme others feem- 
ed much concerned for their fouls. Perceiving their 
engagement, and affed:ion in religious exercifes, I 
went among them, and prayed and gave a worxi of 
exhortation ; and obferved two or three fomewhat 
affedted and concerned, who fcarce ever appeared to 
be under any religious imprefTions before. \i feem- 
ed to be a day and evening of divine power. Num- 
bers retained the warm. im.prefFions of divine thtngs 
that had been made upon their minds the day before, 


53 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

March :/\.. — Was vifited by a confiderable number 
of my people, and fpent fome time in religious ex- 
ercifes with them. 

March 24. — Numbered the Indians, to fee how 
many fouls God had gathered together here, fmce 
my coming into thefe parts, and found there was 
now about an hundred and thirty perfons together, 
old and young. Sundry of thofe that are my flated 
hearers, perhaps to the number of fifteen or twenty, 
were abfent at this feafon. So that if all had been 
together, the number would now have been very 
confiderable ; efpecially confidering how few were 
together at my firft coming into thefe parts, the 
whole number not amounting to ten perfons at that 

My people going out this day upon the defign of 
clearing fome of their lands above fifteen miles dif- 
taht from this fettlement, in order to their fettling 
there in a compa<^t form, where they might be un- 
der advantages of attending the publick worfhip of 
God, of having their children fchooled, and at the 
fame time have a conveniency for planting, &c. 
their land in the place of our prefent refidence be- 
ing of little or no value for that purpofe. And the 
defign of their fettling thus in a body, and cultivat- 
ing their lands, (which they have done very little at 
in their pagan flate) being of fuch necefiity and im- 
portance to their religious interefl, as well as world- 
ly comfort, I though.t it proper to call them togeth- 
er, and fliew them the duty of labouring with faith- 
fulnefs and induftry ; and that they mufl not nov/ 
be Jlothful in biifinefs^ as they had ever been, in their 
pagan flate. And endeavoured to prefs the impor- 
tance of their being laborious, diligent and vigorous 
in the profecution of their bufinefs, efpecially at the 
prefent juncfture, (the feafon of planting being now 
near) in order to their being in a capacity of living 


Among the INDIANS. 53 

together, and enjoying the means of grace and in- 
flruition. And having given them directions for 
their work (which they very much wanted) as well 
as for their behaviour in divers refpeds, I explained, 
fang, and endeavoured to inculcate upon them., 
Pfalm cxxviith, common metre, Dr. Watts's ver- 
fion. And having recommended them, and the de- 
iign of their going forth, to God, by prayer with 
them, I difmilTed them to their bufinefs. 

In the evening read and expounded to my people, 
(thofe of them who were yet at home, and the 
ftrangers newly come,) the fubftance of the third 
chapter of the Ad:s. Numbers feemed to m.elt un- 
der the word, efpeciaily while I was difcourfing up- 
on verfe 19. Sundry of the llrangers alfo were af- 
fedled. When I afked them afterwards, whether 
they did not now feel that their hearts were wicked, 
as 1 had taught them ; one replied, Yes, flie felt it 
now. Although before the came here (upon hear- 
ing that I taught the Indians their hearts were all 
bad by nature, and needed to be changed and made 
good by the power of God) fhe had faid, her heart 
was not wicked, and fhe never had done any thing 
that was bad in her life. And this indeed feems to 
be the cafe with them, I think univerfally, in their 
pagan ftate. 

They feem to have no confcioufnefs of fin and 
guilt, unlefs they can charge themielves with fome 
grofs a6ls of lin contrary to the commands of the 
i'econd table. 

March 29. — In the evening catechifed as ufual 
upon Saturday. Treated upon the benefits which 
believers receive from Chrifi at death . The queflions 
were anfwered with great re'adinefs and propriety. 
And thole who I have reafon to think, are the dear 
people of God, were fweetly melted almoll in gen- 
eral. There appeared fuch a livelinefs and vigour 


^4 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

in their attendance upon the word of God, and fuch 
eagernefs to be made partakers of the benefits thert 
mentioned, that they feemed to be not only looking 
for^ but hajiening to the coming of the day of God. Di- 
vine truths feemed to diftil upon the audience with 
a gentle, but melting efficacy, as the refrefhing 
fliowers upon the new mown grafs. The affembly 
in general, as well as thofe who appear truly relig- 
ious, were affedted with fome brief account of the 
bleflednefs of the godly at death : And moft then 
difcovered an affed:ionate inclination to cry, hct me 
die the death of the righteous^ &c. Although many 
were not duly engaged toi obtain the change of heart 
that is neceffary in order to that bleffed end. 

March 31. — Called my people together, as I had 
done the Monday morning before, and difcourfed 
to them again on the neceflity and importance of 
their labouring induftrioufly, in order to their living 
together and enjoying the means of grace, &c. And 
having engaged in folemn prayer to God among 
them, for a blefling upon their attempts, Idifmiffed 
them to their work. 

Numbers of them, both men and women, feemed 
to offer themfelves willingly to this fervice j and 
fome appeared affedlionately concerned that God 
might go with them, and begin their little town for 
them ; that by his bleffing it might be a place com- 
fortable for them and theirs, in regard both of pro- 
curing the necelTaries of life, and of attending the 
worfhip of God. 

After publick worfliip, a number of thofe I have 
reafon to think are truly religious, came to my houfe 
and feemed eager of fome further entertainment 
upon divine things. And while I was converfing 
with them about their fpiritual exercii'es, obferving 
to them, that God's work in the hearts of all his chil- 
dren, was, for fubftance, the fame % and that their 


Among the INDIANS. $^ 

trials and temptations were alfo alike ; and fliew- 
ing the obligations fuch were under to love one 
another in a peculiar manner, they fcemed to 
be melted into tendernefs and affection to- 
ward each other : And I thought that particular 
token of their being the difciples of Chrift, 
viz. of their having love one toward another^ 
had fcarce ever appeared more evident than at this 

April 25. — Having of late apprehended that a 
number of perfons in my congregation, were prop- 
er fubjedis of the ordinance of the Lord's fupper, 
and that it might be feafonable fpeedily to adminif- 
ter it to them : And having taken advice of fome of 
the reverend Correfpondents in this folemn affair; and 
accordingly having propofed and appointed the next 
Lord*s Day, with the leave of Divine Providence, 
for the adminiftrationof this ordinance, this day, as 
preparatory thereto, was fet apart for folemn fafting 
and prayer, to implore the bleffing of God upon our 
deiign of renewing covenant with him, and with 
one another, to walk together in the fear of God, in 
love and chriftian fellowfhip ; and to entreat that 
his divine prefence might be with us in ourdefigned 
approach to his table ; as well as to humble our- 
felves before God on account of the apparent with- 
drawment, (at leaft in a mcafure,) of that bleffed in- 
fluence that has been fo prevalent upon perfons of 
all ages among us : As alfo on account of the rifing 
appearance of careleflnefs, vanity and vice among 
fome, who, fometime fince, appeared to be touched 
and affed:ed with divine truths, and brought to fome 
fcnfibility of their miferable and perifliing ftate by 
nature. And that wc might alfo importunately pray 
for the peaceable fettlement of the Indians together 
in a body, that they might be a commodious con- 
gregation for the worfhip of God ; and that God 
B b would 

56 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

would blaft and defeat all the attempts that were or 
might be made agamft that pious dcfign*. 

The folemnity was obferved and ferioufly attend- 
ed, not only by thofewho propofed to communicate 
at the Lord's table, but by the whole congregation 
univerfally. In the former part of the day, I en- 
deavoured to open to my people the nature and de- 
fign of a faft, as I had attempted more briefly to do 
before, and to inftrudt them in the duties of fuch a 
folemnity. In the afternoon, I infifted upon the 
fpecial reafons there were for our engaging in thefe 
folemn exercifes at this time ; both in regard of the 
reed we flood in of divine affiftance, in order to a 
due preparation for that facred ordinance we were 
fomeofus propofing (with the leave of Divine Prov- 
idence) fpeedily to attend upon : And alfo in refpe(5t 
of the manifefl decline of God's work here, as to 
the effectual conviction and converfion of finners, 
there having been few of late deeply awakened out 
of a ftate of fecurity. 

The worfhip of God was attended with great fo- 
lemnity and reverence, with much tendernefs and 
many tears, by thofe who appear to be truly relig- 
ious : And there was fome appearance of divine 
power upon thofe who had been awakened fome 
time before, and who were flill under concern. 

After repeated prayer and attendance upon the 
word of God, I propofed to the religious people, 
with as much brevity and plainnefs as I could, the 
fubftance of the do(5trine of the chriftian faith, as I 
had formerly done, previous to their baptifm, and 
had their renewed cheerful aflent to it. I then led 


* There being at this time a terrible clamour raifed againft the Indians in various 
places in the country, and infinuations as though I was training •Juni up to cut peo- 
ple's throats. Numbers wifhing to have them banilhed out of thefe parts, and fome 
giving out gieat words m order to fright and deter tlieni from fettling upon the bcfl 
and moil convenient iraft of their own lands, threatening to molclt and trouble 
them in the law, pretending a datra to thefc lands thcrafclvcs, although never pur- 
chafed of the Indians. 

Among the INDIANS. 57 

them to a folemh renewal of their baptifmal cove- 
nant, wherein they had explicitly and publickly 
given up themfelves to God, the Father, Son and 
Holy Ghoft, avouching him to be their God ; and 
at the fame time renouncing their heathenifh vani- 
ties, their idolatrous and fuperftitious practices, and 
folemnly engaging to take the word of God, fo far 
as it was, or might be made known to them, for the 
rule of their lives, promifing to walk together in 
love, to watch over themfelves, and one another; to 
lead lives of ferioufnefs and devotion, and to dif- 
charge the relative duties incumbent upon them re- 
fpediively, &c. 

This Iblemn tranfa(flion was attended with much 
gravity and ferioufnefs : And at the fame time with 
utmoft roadinefs, freedom, and cheerfulnefs ; and a 
religious union and harmony of foul, feemed to 
crown the whole folemnity* I coujd not but think 
in the evening, that there had been manifeft tokens 
of the divine prefcnce with, us in all the feveral fer- 
viccs of the day ; though it was alfo m.anifeft there 
was not that concern among chriftlefs fouls that has 
often appeared here. 

April 26. — Toward noon prayed with a dying 
child, and gave a word of exhortation tothebyftand- 
ers to prepare for death, which feemed to take effect 
upon fome. 

In the afternoon difcourfed to my people from 
Matth. xxvi. 26. — 30. of the author, the nature 
and defign of the Lord's fupper ; and endeavoured 
to point out the worthy receivers of that ordinance. 

The religious people were affected and even melt- 
ed with divine truths, with a view of the dying love 
ofChrift. Sundry others who had been for fome 
months under convidiions of their perifliing ftatc 
appeared now to be much moved with concern, and 
afrefh engaged in feeking after an intereft in Chrifti 
B b :2 although 

58 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

although I cannot fay the word of God appeared fo 
quick and powerful, fo fharp and piercing to the af- 
fembly, as it had fometimes formerly done. 

Lord's Day, y^/)r// 27.— Preached from Tit. ii. 14. 
Wh'ogave himfelf for us, &c. The word of God at 
this time was attended with fome appearance of di- 
vine power upon the alTembly j fo that the attention 
and gravity of the audience was remarkable ; and 
efpecially towards the conclufion of the exercife, di- 
vers perfons were much afFedled. 

Adminiftered the facrament of the Lord's fupper 
to twenty three perfons of the Indians, (the number 
of men and women being nearly equal ) divers others, 
to the number of five or fix, being now abfent at the 
Forks of Delaware, who would otherwife have com- 
municated with us. 

The ordinance was attended with great folemnity, 
and with a moil defirable tendernefs and affedlion. 
And it was remarkable that in the feafon of the per- 
formance of the facramental a(5lions, efpecially in 
the diftribution of the bread, they feemed to be af- 
fedled in a moft lively manner, as if Chrifi: had been 
really crucified before them. And the words of the 
inftitution when repeated and enlarged upon in the 
feafon of the adminiftration, feemed to meet with 
the fame reception, to be entertained with the fame 
full and firm belief and aflFed:ionate engagement of 
foul, as if the Lord Jefus Chrift himfelf had been 
prefent, and had perlonally fpoken to them. 

The aflPcdiions of the communicants, although 
confiderably raifed, were notwithflandingagreeably 
regulated, and kept within proper bounds. So that 
there was a fweet, gentle and affectionate melting, 
vi^ithout any indecent or boifterous commotion of the 

Having refi:ed fome time after the adminiftration 
of the facrament, (being extremely tired with the 


Among the INDIANS, 59 

neccfTary prolixity of the work,) I walked from 
houfe to houfe, and converfed particularly with moft 
of the communicants, and found they had been al- 
moft univerfally refrelhed at the Lord's table, as 
with new wine. And never did I fee fuch an ap- 
pearance of chriftian love among any people in all 
my life. It was fo remarkable, that one might well 
have cried with an agreeable furprife. Behold how 
they love one another ! I think there could be no 
greater tokens of mutual afFediion among the people 
of God in the early days of chriftianity, than what 
now appeared here. The fight was fo defirable, and 
fo well becoming the gofpel, that nothing lefs 
could be faid of it, than that it was the doing of 
the Lordt the genuine operations of him who is 
love ! 

Toward night difeourfed again on the foremen- 
tioned Titfii. 14. and infifted on the immediate end 
and defign of Chrift's death, viz. ^hat be might re- 
deem his people from all iniquity ^ &c. 

This appeared to be a feafon of divine power 
among us. The religious people were much re- 
frefhed, and feemed remarkably tender and affedtion- 
ate, full of love, joy, peace, and defires of being com- 
pletely redeemed from all iniquity ; fo that ibme of 
them afterwards told me, they had never felt the 
like before. Convidtions alfo appeared to be reviv- 
ed in many infiances ; and divers perfons were awak- 
ened whom I had never obferved under any religious 
impreflions before. 

Such was the influence that attended our aflcmbly, 
and fo unfpeakably defirable the frame of mind that 
many enjoyed in the divine fervice, that it feemed al- 
mofi: grievous to conclude the publick worlhip. And 
the congregation, when difmifled, although it was 
then almoll dark, appeared loth to leaVe the place 
and employments that had been rendered (o dear to 

B b 3 them 

6o D I V I N E G R A C E displayed 

them by the benefits enjoyed, while ablefled quick- 
ening influence diftilled upon them. 

And upon the whole, I muft fay, I had great fat- 
isfacSion with relation to the adminiftration of this 
ordinance in divers refpedts. I have abundant rea- 
fon to think, that thofe who came to the Lord's ta- 
ble, had a good degree of dodlrinal knbwi^ge of 
the nature and defign of the ordinance ; and that 
they ad:ed underftandingly in what they did. 

In the preparatory fervices 1 found (1 may juftly 
fay) uncommon freedom in opening to their under- 
ftandings and capacities, the covenant of grace, and 
,in fhewing them the nature of this ordinance as a 
feal of that covenant : Although many of them 
knew of no fuch thing as a feal before my coming 
among them, or at leafl: of the uCe and defign of it 
in the common affairs of life. They were likewife 
thoroughly fenfible that it was no more4han a feal 
or fign, and not the real body and blood of Chrill. 
That it was defigned for the refreflimentand edifica- 
tion of the foul, and not for the feafling of the body. 
They were alfo acquainted with the end of the ordi- 
nance, that they were therein called to commemo- 
rate the dying love of Chrifl, &c. 

And this competency of dod:rinal knowledge, to- 
gether with their grave and decent attendance upon 
the ordinance j their affectionate melting under it ; 
and the fweet and chriflian frame of mind they dif- 
covered confequent upon it, gave me great ftitisfac- 
tion refpecSUng my adminiftration of it to them. 

And O what a fweet and blefTed feafon was this 1 
God himfelf, I am perfuaded, was in the midfl of 
his people, attending his own ordinances : And I 
doubt not but many, in the conclufion of the day, 
could fay with their whole hearts, Verify, a d^^y thus 
/pent in God's hoiife^ is better than a thoiifand elfe- 
where. There feemed. to be but one heart among 


Among the INDIANS. 6i 

the pious people ! The fvveet union, harmony, and 
endearing love and tendernefs fubfifting among them, 
was, I thought, the mofl lively emblem of the heav- 
enly world, I had ever feen. 

April 2^. — Concluded the facramental folemnity 
with a difcourfe upon John xiv. 15. If ye love mcy 
keep my commandments. At which time there ap- 
peared a very agreeable tendernefs in the audience in 
general, but efpecially in the communicants. O 
how free, how engaged and afFcd:ionate did thefe 
appear in the fervice of God : They feemed willing 
to have their ears bored to the door pojls of God* s boufe^ 
and to be his fervants forever. 

Obferving numbers in this excellent frame, and 
the affembly in general affedled, and that by a divine 
influence, I thought it proper to improve this advan- 
tageous feafon, as Hezekiah did the delirable feafon 
of his great palfover, 2 Chron xxxi. in order to pro- 
mote thebleffed reformation begun amongthem ; and 
to engage thofe that appeared ferious and religious, 
to perfevere therein ; and accordingly propofed to 
them, that they fhould renevvcdly enter into cove- 
nant before God, that they would watch over them- 
felves and one another, left they flioiild diflionour 
the name of Chrift by falling into finful and unbe- 
coming pracfllces. And efpecially that they would 
watch againft the fin of drunkcnnefs, thp fin that ca- 
Jily befets them^ and the temptations leading thereto ; 
as well as the appearance of evil in that rcfpedl. 
They cheerfully complied with the propofal, and 
explicitly joined in that covenant. Whereupon I 
proceeded in the moft folemn manner I was capable 
of, to call God to witnefs refpedting their facred en- 
gagement ; and minded them of the grcatnefs of the 
guilt they would contradl to themfelves in the viola- 
tion of it ; as well as obierved to them, that God 
would be a terrible witnefs againft thofe who fliould 
B b4 pre fume 

62 DIVINE GRACE displayed 

pre fume to do fo, in the great and notable day of the 

It was a feafon of amazing folemnity ! And a 
divine awe appeared upon the face of the whole af- 
femblyin this tranfacflion ! AfiPediionate fobs, iighs 
and tears were now frequent in the audience : And 
I doubt not but that many filent cries were then fent 
up to the Fountain of grace, for fupphes of grace fuffi- 
cientfor the fulfilment of theie folemn engagements. 

Baptized fix children this day. 

Lord*s Day, May 4. — My people being now re- 
moved to their lands, mentioned in my Journal of 
March 24, where they were then, and have fince 
been making provifion for a compadl fettlement, in 
order to their more convenient enjoyment of tke gof- 
pel, and other means of inftrudtion, as well as the 
comforts of life :I this dayvifited them (being now 
obliged to board with an Englifh family at fome dif- 
tance from them,) and preached to them in the fore- 
noon from Markiv. 5. Endeavoured tofliew them 
the reafon there was to fear left many promifing ap- 
pearances and hopeful beginnings in religion, might 
prove abortive, like tht feed dropped uponjlony places. 

May 9. — Preached from John v. 40. in the open 
wildernefs ; the Indians having as yet no houfe for 
publick worfliipin this place, nor fcarce any Ihelters 
for thernfelves. Divine truths madeconfiderable im- 
preflions upon the audience, and it was a leafon of 
folemnity, tendernefs, and affec^lion. 

May 19. — Vifited and preaclied to my people 
from Adls xx. 18. 19. And endeavoured to rc6:ify 
their notions about religious affed:ions : Shewing 
them on the one hand, the defirablenefs of religious 
affedtion, tendernefs and fervent engagement in the 
worfhip and fervice of God, when Inch affcdiion 
flows from a true fpiritual difcovery of divine glo- 
jries ; from a juftly affeding fenfe of the tranlccndcnt 


Among THE INDIANS. 63 

excellency and perfedions of the blelTed God ; a 
view of the glory and lovelinefs of the great Re- 
deemer : And that fuch views of divine things, will 
naturally excite us ioferve the Lordwith many tears^ 
with much afFed:ion and fervency, and yet with all 
humility of mind. And on the other hand, obferv- 
ing the finfulnefs of feeking after high affections im- 
mediately, and for their own fakes, that is, of mak- 
ing them the obje6t our eye and heart is nextly and 
principally fet upon, when the glory of God ought 
to be fo. Shewed them, that if the heart be direct- 
ly and chiefly fixed on God, and the foul engaged 
to glorify him, fome degree of religious affediion 
will be the effecfl: and attendant of it. But to feek 
after affection, diredtly and chiefly to have the heart 
principally fet upon that, is to place it in the room 
of God and his glory. If it be fought that others 
may take notice of and admire us for our fpirituality 
and forwardnefs in religion, it is then abominable 
pride : If for the fake of feeling the pleafure of be- 
ing affedled, it is then idolatry and felf gratificatioHo 
Laboured alfo to expofe the difagreeablenefs of thofe 
affedtions that are fometimes wrought up in perfons 
by the power of fancy and their own attempts for that 
purpofe, while I flill endeavoured to recommend to 
them that religious affection, fervency and devotion, 
which ought to attend all our religious exercifes, 
and without which religion will be but an empty 
name and lifelefs carcafs. 

Lord's Day, Ju?7e 1, 1746. — Preached both fore- 
noon and afternoon from Matth. xi. 27. 28. Thepref- 
ence of God feemed to be in the aflTembly, and num- 
bers were confiderably melted and afi'efted under 
divine truths. There was a defirable appearance 
in the congregation in general, an earnefl: attention 
and agreeable tendernefs, and it feemed as if God 
(Jefigned to vifit us with further Ihowers oi^ divine 


64 DIVINE GRACE displayed. 

grace. I then baptized ten perfons, five adults and 
five children, and was not a little refrefhed with this 
addition made to the church.offuchas (I hope) Jha/ISe 

June 6. — Difcourfed to my people from part of 
Ifaiah liii. The divine prefence appeared to be 
amongftus in fome meafure. Divers perfons were 
much melted and refrefhed ; and one man in partic- 
ular, who had long been under concern for his foul, 
■was now brought to fee and feel in a very lively 
manner, the impofTibility of doing any thing to help 
himfclf, or to bring him into the favour of God, by 
bis tears, prayers and other religious performances, 
and found himfelf undone as to any power or good- 
nefs of his own, and that there was no way left him, 
but to leave himfelf with God to be difpofed of 
as he pleafed. 

June 7. — Being defired by the Rev. Mr. William 
Tennent to be his afliftant in the adminiftration of 
the Lord's fupper : My people alfo being invited to 
attend the facramental folemnity, they cheerfully 
embraced the opportunity, and this day attended the 
preparatory fervices with me. 

Lord's Dajfy June 8. — Moft of my people, who 
had been communicants at the Lord's table before, 
being prefentat this facramental occafion, communi- 
cated, with others, in this holy ordinance, at the 
defire, and, I truft, to the fatisfadion and comfort 
of numbers of God's people, who had longed to fee 
this day, and whofe hearts had rejoiced in this work 
of grace among the Indians, which prepared the 
way for what appeared fo agreeable at this rime. 

June 9. — A confiderable number of my people 
met together early in the day, in a retired place in 
the woods, and prayed, fang and converfed of di- 
vine things, and were kew by fome religious per- 
fons of the white people, to be affected and engaged, 



and divers of them in tears in thefe religious exer- 

'June 19. — Vifited my people with two of the 
reverend Correfpondents. Spent fome time in con- 
verfation with fome of them upon fpiritual things ^ 
and took fome care of their worldly concerns. 

This day makes up a complete year from the firft 
time of my preaching to thefe Indians in Nevv-Jer- 
iey. What amazing things has God wrought in 
this fpace of time for thefe poor people ! What a fur- 
prifing change appears in their tempers and behavi- 
our ! How are morofe and favage pagans, in this 
fhort fpace of time, transformed into agreeable, af- 
fedlionate and humble chriftians ! And their drunk- 
en and pagan bowlings, turned into devout and 
fervent prayers and praifes to God ! They who were 
-fometimes darknefs, are nozv become light in the Lorio 
May they walk as children of the light and of the day. 
And now to him that is of power to Jlajbliflj them aC' 
cording to the gofpel and the preaching of Chriji ; to 
God only wife, be glory j through Jefus Chriji , forever 
and ever. Amen. 

BEFORE I conclude the prefent Journal, I would 
make a few general remarks upon what to me ap- 
pears worthy of notice, relating to the continued 
work of grace among my people. 

It is worthy of remark, thatnumbersof thefe peo- 
ple are brought to a flrid; compliance with the rules 
of morality and Ibbricty, and to a confcientious per- 
formance of the external duties of chriftianity, by tbe 
internal power and influence of divine truths (tlie 
peculiar do6trines of grace) upon their minds ; 
'without their having thefe moral duties frequent- 
ly repeated and inculcated upon them, and 



the contrary vices particularly expofed and fpoken 

Thofedodlrines which had the moft dired: tenden- 
cy to humble the fallen creature ; to fhew him the 
mifery of his natural ftate ; to bring him Mown to 
the footof fovereign mercy, and to exalt the great Re- 
deemer, difcoverhis tranfcendent excellency and in- 
finite precioufnefs, and fo to recommend him to the 
iinner'5 acceptance, were the fubjed: matter of what 
WJis delivered in publick and private to them, and 
from time to time repeated and inculcated upon them. 

And God was pleafed to give thefe divine truths 
fuch a powerful influence upon the minds of thefe 
people, and fo to blefs them for the effedlual awak- 
ening of numbers of them, that their lives were 
quickly reformed, without my infifting upon the 
precepts of morality, and fpending time in repeated 
harangues upon external duties. 

When thefe truths were felt at heart, there was 
now no vice unreformed ; no external duty ncgledl- 
cd. Drunkennefs, the darling vice, was broken off 
from, and fcarce an inftance of it known among my 
hearers for months together. The abufive pradice 
of hufbands and wives in putting away each other, 
and taking others in their Itead, was quickly reform- 
ed : So that there are three or four couple who have 
voluntarily difmiiTed thofe they had wrongfully tak- 
en, and now live together again in love and peace. 
The fame might be faid of all other vicious prac- 
tices. The reformation was general ; and all fpfing- 
ing from the internal influence of divine truths 
upon their hearts ; and not from any external re- 
flraints, or becaufe they had heard thefe vices partic- 
ularly expofed, and repeatedly fpoken againft ; For 
fome of them I never fo much as mentioned ; par- 
ticularly that of the parting of men and their wives, 
until fome, having their confcicnce awakened by 



GglVs word, came, and of their own accord confefT- 
ed themfelvcs guilty in that refped:. 

And as all vice was reformed upon their feelinf^ 
the power of thcfe truths upon their hearts, fo the 
external duties of chriftianity were complied with, 
and confcientioufly performed from the fame inter- 
nal influence ; family prayer fet up and conftantly 
maintained, unlefs among fome few more lately 
come, who had felt little of this divine influence. 
This duty conftantly performed even in fome fami- 
lies where there were none but females, and fcarce a 
prayerkls perion to be found among near a hundred 
of them. The Lord's Day ferioufly and religioufly 
obfcrved, and care taken by parents to keep their 
children orderly upon that ficred day, &c. And 
this, not becaufe I had driven them to the perform- 
ance of thefe duties by a frequent inculcating 
of them, but becaufe they had felt the power of 
God's word upon their hearts, were made fenfible 
of their fin and mifery, and thence could not but 
pray, and comply with every thing they knew was 
duty, from what they felt within themfelves. 
When their hearts were touched with a fenfe of their 
eternal concernments, they could pray with great 
freedom as vv'ell as fervency, without being at the 

1 trouble firft to learn fet forms for that purpofe. And 
fome of them who were fuddenly awakened at their 
firft coming among us, were brought to pray and 
Icry for mercy with utmofl importunity, without ever 
being intruded in the duty of prayer, or (o much 
as once dired:ed to a performance of it. 

The happy effects of thefe peculiar dodtrines of 
grace which I have fo much infixed upon with this 
people, plainly difcover, even to demonftration, that 
inftead of their opening a door to licentioufnefs (as 
many vainly imagine, and flanderoufly infinuatcj 
they have a direcSl contrary tendency : So that a cicfc; 



application, a fenfe and feeling of them, will have the 
moft powerful influence towards the renovation and 
efFedtual reformation both of heart and life. 

A view of the blefTed effedt of honeft endeavours 
to bring home divine truths to the confcience, and 
duly to affed: the heart with them, has often mind- 
ed meof thofe words of our Lord, (which 1 have 
thought might be a proper exhortation for minifters 
in refpedt of their treating with others, as well as 
for perfons in general with regard to themfelves) 
Cleanfe Jirjl the injide of the cup and platter, that the 
outjide may be clean alfo. Cleanfe, fays he, the in- 
fide, that the outiidemaybe clean, q. d. The on- 
ly cffecStual way to have the out fide clean, is, to be- 
gin with what is within ; and if the fountain be 
purified, the n:reams will naturally be pure. And 
moft certain it is, if we can awaken in finners a live- 
ly fenfe of their inward pollution and depravity ; 
their need of a change of heart; and fo engage theni 
io feek after inward cleanfing, their external defile- 
ment will naturally be cleanfed ; their vicious ways, 
of courfe, be reformed, and their converfation and 
behaviour become regular. 

Now, although I cannot pretend that the reform- 
ation among my people, does, in every inftancc, 
fpring from a faving change of heart, yet I may 
truly fay, it flows from fome heart affedling view 
and fenfe of divine truths that all have had in a great- 
er or lefler degree. 

1 do not intend by what I have obferved here, to 
reprefent the preaching of morality, and prefljng 
perfons to the external performan-ce of duty, to be 
altogether unneceflary and ufelefs at any time ; and 
efpecially at times when there is lefs of divine pow- 
er attending the means of grace : When for want of 
internal influences, there is need of external re- 
ftraints. It is, doubtlcfs, among the things that 



ought to be done, while others are not to be left undone. 
But what 1 principally defigned by this remark, was 
to difcover plain matter of fadt, viz. That the re- 
formation, the fobriety and external compliance 
with the rules and duties of chriftianity, appearing 
among my people, are not the efFcdl of any mere 
dodtrmal inftrudtion, or merely rational view of the 
beauty of morality, but from the internal power 
and influence that divine truths (the foul humbling 
dodtrines of grace) have had upon their hearts. 

It is remarkable alfo that God has fo continued 
and renewed the Ihowers of his grace here ; fo 
quickly let up his vilible kingdom among thefe 
people; and fo fmiled upon them in relation to their 
acquirement ot knowledge, both divine and human. 
It is now near a year lince the beginning of this gra- 
cious outpouring ot the divine Spirit among them : 
And although it has often feemed to decline and 
abate for fome fhort fpace of time ("as may be ob- 
ferved by feveral paflages in my Journal, where I have 
endeavoured to note things juit as they appeared to 
me from time to time) yet the fliower has feemed 
to be renewed, and the work of grace revived again. 
And as God has continued and renewed the ftiow- 
ers of his grace among this people for ibme time, fo 
he has with uncommon quicknefs fet up his vifible 
kingdom, and gathered himfelf a church in the midfl 
of them. I have now baptized ibventy feven perfons ; 
whereof thirty eight are adults, and thirty nine chil- 
dren ; and all within the fpace of eleven months paft. 
And it rnufl be noted that I have baptized no adults, 
but fuch as appeared to have a work of fpecial grace 
wrought in their hearts : I mean fuch who have 
had the experience not only of the awakening and 
liumbling, but (in a judgment of charity) of the 
renewing and comforting influences of the divine 



I likewife adminiftered the Lord*s fupper to a 
number of perfons, who, I have abundant reafon to 
think (as I elfewhere obferved) were proper fubjedts 
of that ordinance, within the fpace of ten months 
and ten days after my firfl: coming among thefe In- 
dians in New-Jerfcy. And from the time that, I 
am informed, fome of them were attending an idol- 
atrous feaft and facrifice in honour to devils, to the 
time they fat down at the Lord's table (I trufl:) to 
the honour of God, was not more than a full year. 
Surely Chrift*s little flock here, fo fuddenly gather- 
ed from among pagans, may juflly fay, in the lan- 
guage of the church of old , The Lord hath done great 
things for us^ whereof we are glad. 

Much of the goodnefs of God has alfo appeared 
in relation to their acquirement of knowledge, both 
in religion and in the affairs of common life. There 
has been a wonderful thirft after chriflian knowledge 
prevailing among them in general, and an eager de- 
lire of being infirudled in chriftian dottrines and 
manners. This has prompted them to afk many 
pertinent as well as important queftions j the anfwers 
to which have tended much to enlighten their minds 
and promote their knowledge in divine things. 
Many of the doArines I have delivered, they have 
queried with me about, in order to gain further 
light and infight into them ; particularly the doc- 
trine of predeftination. And have from time to 
time manifefted a good underdanding of them, by 
the anfwers to the queftions propofed to them in nly 
chatechetical lectures. 

They have likewife queried with me, refpedling 
a proper method as well as proper m.atter of prayer, 
and expreflions fuitable to be made ufe of in that 
religious exercife ; and have taken pains in or- 
der to the performance of this dury with underftand- 



They have likewife taken pains, and appeared re- 
markably apt in learning to fing pfalm tunes, and 
are now able to fing with a good degree of decency 
in the worfhip of God. 

They have alfo acquired a confiderable degree of 
ufeful knowledge in the affairs of common life : 
So that they now appear like rational creatures, fit 
for human fociety, free of that favage roughnefs 
and brutifh ftupidity,. which rendered them very 
difagreeable in their pagan flate. 

And as they are defirous of inftrudtion, and fur- 
prifingly apt in the reception of it, fo Divine Provi- 
dence has fmiled upon them in regard of proper 
means in order to it. The attempts made for the pro- 
curement of a fchool among them have been fucceed- 
ed, and a kind Providence has fent them a fchool- 
mafler, of whom I may juftly fay, I know of no tnan 
like minded t who will naturally care for ihtixjlate. 

He has generally thirty or thirty five children in 
his fchool : And when he kept an evening fchool (as 
he did while the length of the evenings would admit 
of it) he had fifteen or twenty people, married and 
fingle. * 

The children learn with furprifing readinefs ; fo 
that their mafter tells me, he never had an Englifh 
fchool that learned, in general, comparably fo faft. 
There were not above two in thirty, although fome 
of them were very fmall, but what learned to know 
all fhc letters in the alphabet diftindlly, within three 
days after his entrance upon his bufinefs ; and di- 
vers in that fpace of time learned to fpell conlidera- 
bly : And fome of them fince the beginning of Feb- 
ruary laft (at which time the fchool was fet up) 
have learned fo much, that they are able to read in a 
Pfalter or Teflament without fpelling. 

They are inlT:ru<5ted twice a week in the reverend 
aflembly's Ihorter catcchifm, viz. on Wednefda/ 

C c and 


and Saturday. And fomeofthcm, fince the latter 
end of February, (at which time they began) have 
learned to fay it pretty dicSlindtly by heart confidera- 
bly more than half through : And moft of them 
have made fome proficiency in it. 

They are Hkewife inftrud:ed in the duty of fe- 
cret prayer, and moft of them conftantly attend it 
night and morning, and arc very careful to inform 
their mafter if they apprehend any of their little 
fchool mates negledl that religious exercife. 

It is worthy to be noted alfo, to the praife of fov- 
ereign grace, that amidft fo great a work of convic- 
tion, fo much concern and religious afFecftion, there 
has been no pravelency, nor indeed any confiderable 
appearance of falfe religion, (if 1 may fo term it) or 
heats of imagination, intemperate zeal, and fpiritu- 
al pride ; which corrupt mixtures too often attend 
the revival and powerful propagation of religion j 
and that there have been fo very few inftances of 
irregular and fcandalous behaviour among thofe who 
have appeared ferious. 

But this work of grace has, in the main, been car- 
ried on with a furprifing degree of purity, and free- 
dom from trafh and corrupt mixture. The relig- 
ious concern that perfons have been under has gen- 
erally been rational and juft; arifing from a fenfe of 
their fins and expofednefs to the divine difpleafure 
on the account of them ; as well as their utter ina- 
bility to deliver themfelves from the mifery they 
felt and feared. And if there has been in any in- 
ftances an appearance of irrational concern and per- 
turbation of mind, when the fubjedts of it knew not 
"why, yet there has been no prevalency of any fuch 
thing ; and indeed I fcarce know of any inftance of 
that nature at all. And it is very remarkable, that 
although the concern of many perfons under con- 
vi(^ions of their perifhing i^ate has been very great 



and prefling, yet I have never feen any thing like 
defperation attending it in any one inftance. They 
have had the moft lively fenie of their undonenefs 
in themfelves ; have been brought to give up all 
hopes of deliverance frorni themfelves ; and their 
fpiritual exercifes leading hereto, have been attend- 
ed with great diftrefs and anguilh of foul : And yet, 
in the feaibns of the greateft extremity, there has 
been no appearance of defpair in any of them. 

The comfort that perfons have obtained after their 
diflreffes, has likevvife in general appeared folid, 
well grounded and fcriptural ; arifing from a fpirit- 
ual andfupcrnatural illumination of mind, a view of 
divine things (in a meafure) as they arc, a compla- 
cency of foul in the divine perfections, and a pecu- 
liar fatisfadiion in the way of falvation, by free fov- 
ereign grace in the great Redeemer. 

Their 'joys have feemed to rife from a variety of 
views and confiderations of divine things, although 
for fubftance the fame. Some, who under convic- 
tion feemed to have the hardefl ilruggles and heart 
rifings againft divine fovereignty, have feemed at 
the firft dawn of their comfort, to rejoice in a pecu- 
liar manner in that divine perfediion, have been de- 
lighted to think that themfelves, and all things elfe, 
were in the hand of God, and that he would dif- 
pofe of them juft as he pleafed. 

Others, who jufl: before their reception of comfort, 
. have been remarkably opprelTed with a fenfe of their 
undonenefs and poverty, who have feen themfelves, 
as it were, falHng down into remedilefs perdition, 
have been at firft more peculiarly delighted with a 
view of the frccncfs and riches of divine grace, and 
the offer of falvation made to periihing fmners 'x^j'/b^ 
cut mor,ey and ivif bout price. 

Some have at firft appeared to rejoice efpecially in 
the wifdom of God, difcovered in the way of falva- 

Qq% tion 


tion by Chrift ; it then appearing to them a new and 
living way, a way they had never thought nor had 
any JLift conception of, until opened to them by the 
fpecial influence of the Divine Spirit. And fome of 
them, upon a lively fpiritual view of this way of fal- 
vation, have wondered at their paft folly in feeking 
falvation other ways, and have admired that they 
never faw this way of falvation before, which now 
appeared fo plain and eafy, as well as excellent, to 

Others again have had a more general view of the 
beauty and excellency of Chrift, and have had their 
fouls delighted with an apprehenfion of his divine 
glory, as unfpeakably exceeding all they had ever 
conceived of before : Yet without fingling out (as 
it were) any one of the divine perfe(fl:ions in particu- 
lar. So that although their comforts have feemed to 
a rife from a variety of views and confiderations of 
divine glories, ftill they were fpiritual and fupernat- 
ral views of them, and not groundlefs fancies, that 
were the fpring of their joys and comforts. 

Yet it muftbe acknowledged, that when this work 
became fo univerfal and prevalent, and gained fuch 
general credit and efteem among the Indians, that 
Satan feemed to have little ajjdvantage of working 
againft it in his own proper garb ; he then tranf- 
formed himfelf into an angel of light, and made fome 
A'igorous attempts to introdUjCe turbulent commo- 
tions of the paffions in the room of genuine convic- 
tions of fin, imaginary and fanciful notions of Chrift, 
as appearing to the mental eye in a human fhape, 
and being in fome particular poftures, &c. in the 
room of fpiritual and fupernatural difcoveries of his 
divine glory and excellency, as well as divers other 
delufions. And I have reafon to think, that if thefe 
things had met with countenance and encourage- 
ment, there would have beea a very conliderable har- 




veft of this kind of converts here. Spiritual pride 
alfo difcovered itfelf in various inftances. Some per- 
fons who had been under great affections, fcemed 
very defirous from thence of being thought truly- 
gracious ; who, when I could not but cxprefs to 
them my fears refpediing their fpiritual ftates, dif- 
covered their refentments to a confiderable degree 
upon that occafion. There alfo appeared in one or 
two of them an unbecoming ambition of being teach- 
ers of others. So that Satan has been a bufy adver- 
fary here as well as elfewhere. But bleffed be God, 
though fomething of this nature has appeared yet 
nothing of it has prevailed, nor indeed made any 
confiderablc progrefs at all. My people are now 
^apprized of thefe things, are acquainted that Sa- 
tan in fuch a manner transformed himfelf into an angel 
of light in the firft feafon of the great outpouring of 
the Divine Spirit in the days of the apoftles, and that 
fomething of this nature, in a greater or lelTer degree, 
has attended almofi: every revival and remarkable 
propagation of true religion ever iince. And they 
have learned fo to diftinguiih between the gold and 
drofs, that the credit of the latter is trod down like 
the mire of the ftreets : And it being natural for 
kind of fluff to die with its credit, there is now fcarce 
any appearance of it among them. 

And as there has been no prevalency of irregular 
heats, imaginary notions, fpiritual pride, and fatan- 
ical delufions, among my people, {^^ there has been 
very few inftances of fcandalous and irregular be- 
haviour among thofe who have made a profcflion, or 
even an appearance of fcjioufnefs. I do not know 
of more than three or four fuch perfons that have 
been guilty of any open mifcondudt, fince their firit 
acquaintance with chriftianity, and not one that per- 
fifts in any thing of that nature. And perh«ps the 
remarkable purity of this work in the latter refpcCil, 

C c 3 its 

(76 Dijicuhies attending the 

its freedom from frequent inftances of fcandal, is very 
much owing to its purity in the former refpedl, its 
freedom from corrupt mixtures of fpiritual pride, 
wild fire and dclufion, which naturally lay a founda- 
tion for fcandalous prad:ices. 

May this blejTed work in the power and purity of 
it prevail among the poor Indians here, as well as 
fpread elfewhere, until their remotefl tribes ihdWfee 
the Salvation of God. Amen. 

ENUMERATING fome of the difficulties which 
obftiudted his fuccefs in chriftianizing the Indians, 
Mr. Brainerd fays, 

I have met with great difficulty in my work 
among thefe Indians, from the rooted averfion 
to chriflianity that generally prevails among them. 
They are not only brutifhly flupid and ignorant of 
divine things, but many of them arc obflinately fct 
againfl chriftianity, and feem to abhor even the chrif- 
tian name. 

This averfion to chriftianity arifes partly from the 
view of the immorality and vicious behaviour of 
many who are called chriftians. They obferve that 
horrid wickednefs in nominal chriftians, which the 
light of nature condemns in themfelves : And not 
having diflinguifliing views of things, are ready to 
look upon all the white people alike, and to con- 
demn them alike for the abominable pradtices of 
fome. Hence, when I have attempted to treat with 
them about chriftianity, they have frequently ob- 
jedted the fcandalous pradtices of chriftians, and caft 
in my teeth all they could think of that was odious 
in the conduct of any of them. Have obferv- 
ed to *me, that the white people lie, defraud, 
fteal, ^nd drink, worfe than the Indians : That 


Chrijlianizing of the Indians, 77 

they have taught the Indians thefe things, ef- 
pecially the latter of them ; who before the com- 
ing of the Englifti, knew of no fuch thing as ftrong ' 
drink : That the EngH 111 have by thefe means, 
made them quarrel, and kill one another, and in 
a word, brought them to the practice of all 
thofe vices that now prevail among them. So that 
they are now vaftly more vicious, as well as much 
more miferable, than they were before the coming of 
the white people into the country. 

Thefe, and fuch like objedlions, they frequently 
make againft chriflianity, wbich are not eafily an- 
fwered to their fatisfad:ion j many of them being fails 
too notorioufly true. 

The only way I have to take in order to furmount 
this difficulty, is, to diflinguith between nominal 
and realchriftians, and to fhew them that the ill con- 
dud: of many of the former proceeds not from 
their being chriilians, but from their being chrif- 
tians only in name, not in heart, &c. To which it 
has fometimes been objeded, that if all thofe who will 
cheat the Indians, are chriftians only in name, there 
are but few left in the country to be chriftians in 
heart. This, and many other of the remarks they 
pafs upon the white people, and their miicarriages, I 
am forced to own, and cannot but grant, that many 
nominal chriftians are more abominably wicked 
than the Indians. But then I attempt to fliow them 
that there are fome who feel the power of chriftian- 
ity, that are not fo. And I aik them when they ev- 
er faw me guihy of the vices they complain of, and 
charge chriftians in general with. But ftill the great 
difficulty is, that the people who live back in the 
country nearefl: to them, and the traders that go 
among them, are generally of the moft irreligious 
and vicious fort, and the conduct of one or two per- 
fons, be it never fo exemplary, is not fufficient to 
C c 4 counterbalance 

'j9 Difficulties attending the 

counterbalance the vicious behaviour of fo many 
of the fame denomination, and io to recommend 
chriftianity to pagans. 

Another thing that ferves to make them more 
avcrfe to chriftianity, is a fear of being enflaved. 
They are, perhaps, feme of the moft jealous people 
living, and extremely averfe to a ftate of fcrvitude, 
and hence are always afraid of fome defign forming 
againft them. Befides, they feem to have no fenti- 
ipents of generofity, benevolence and goodnefs : 
That if any thing be propofed to them, as being for 
their good, they are ready rather to fufped: that there 
is at bottom fome defign forming againft them, than 
that fuch propofals flow from good will to them, and 
a defire of their welfare. And hence, when 1 have 
attempted to recommend chriftianity to their accept- 
ance, they have fomctimes objected, that the white 
people have come among them, have cheated them 
out of their lands, driven them back to the moun- 
tains, from thepleafant places they ufed to enjoy by 
the fea fide, &c. That therefore they have no reafon 
to think the white people are now feeking their wel- 
fare ; but rather that they have fent me out to draw 
them together under a pretence of kindnefs to them, 
that they may have an opportunity to make flavcs 
of them as they do of the poor negroes, or elfe to 
fhip them on board their vefTels, and make them 
fight with their enemies, &c. Thus they have often- 
times conftrued all the kindnefs I could ftiew them, 
and the hard (hips I have endured in order to treat 
with them about chriftianity. " He never would 
(fay they J take all this pains to do us good ; he muft 
have fome wicked deiign to hurt us Ibme way or 
other." And to give them afliirance of the contrary, 
is not an eafy matter, while there are fo many, who 
(agreeable to their apprehenfion) are only feeking 
their own, not the good of others. 



Chrijiianizing of the Indians, 7^ 

To remove this difficulty I inform them, that I 
am not fent out among them by thofe perfons in 
thefe provinces, who, they fuppofe, have cheated 
them out of their lands, but by pious people at a 
great diftance, who never had an inch of their lands, 
nor ever thought of doing them any hurt, &c. 

But here will arife fo many frivolous and imper- 
tinent queftions, that it would tire one's patience, 
and wear out one*s fpirits to hear them ; fuch as 
that, ** But why did not thefe good people fend you 
to teach us before, while we had our lands down by 
the fea fide, &c? If they had fent you then, we fhould 
likely have heard you and turned chriftians." The 
poor creatures ftill imagining that I fhould be much 
beholding to them in cafe they would hearken tochrif- 
tianity, and inlinuating that this was a favour they 
could not now be fo good as to fhew me, feeing they 
bad received fo many injuries from the white people. 

Another fpring of averfion to chriflianity in the 
Indians, is, theix ftrong attachment to their own re- 
ligious notions, (if they maybe called religious) and 
the early prejudices they have imbibed in favour of 
their own frantick and ridiculous kind of worfhip. 
What their notions of God are, in their pagan flate, 
is hard precifely to determine. I have taken much 
pains to inquire of my chriflian people whether 
they, before their acquaintance with chriftianity, 
imagined there was a plurality of great invifiblc 
powers, or whether they fuppofed but one fuch be- 
ing, and worfhipped him in a variety of forms and 
fhapes : But cannot learn any thing of them fo dif- 
tind: as to be fully fatisfying upon the point. Their 
notions in that ftate were {o prodigioully dark and 
confufed, that they leemed not to know v/hat they 
thought themfelves. But fo far as 1 can learn, they 
had a notion of a plurality of invifible deities, and 
paid fome kind of homage to them promifcuoufly, 


So Difficulties attending the 

under a great variety of forms and (hapes. And it 
is certain, thofe who yet remain pagans pay fome 
kind of fuperftitious reverence to bcafts, birds, fifti- 
es, and even reptiles; that is, fome to one kind of an- 
imal and fome to another. They do not indeed fup- 
pofe a divine power effential to» or inherent in thefc 
creatures, but that fome invifible beings (I cannot 
learn that it is always one fuch being only, but di- 
vers ; not diftinguifhed from each other by certain 
names, but only notionally) communicate to thefe 
animals a great power, either one or other of them, 
(juft as it happens) or perhaps fometimes all of 
them, and fo make thefe creatures the immediate au- 
thors of good to certain perfons. Whence fuch a 
creature becomes facred to the perfons to whom he is 
fuppofed to be the immediate author of good, and 
through him they muft worfhip the invifible pow- 
ers, though to others he is no more than another 
creature. And perhaps another animal is looked 
upon to be the immediate author of good to another, 
and confequently he muft. worfhip the invifible 
powers in that animal. And I have known a pagan 
burn fine tobacco for incenfe, in order to appeafe the 
anger of that invifible power which he fuppofed 
prefided over rattlefnakes, becaufe one of thefe ani- 
mals was killed by another Indian near his houfe. 

But after the ftrid:efl: inquiry refpedling their no- 
tions of the Deity, I find, that in ancient times, be- 
fore the coming of the white people, fome fuppofed 
there were four invifible powers who prefided over 
the four corners of the earth. Others imagined the 
fun to be the only deity, and that all things were 
made by him : Others at the fame time having a 
confufed notion of a certain body or fountain of de- 
ity, fomewhat like the anima mundi, fo frequently 
mentioned by the more learned ancient heathens, 
diffufing itfelf to various animals, and even to inani- 

Chriflianizing of the Indians. 8i 

mate things, making them the immediate authors 
of good to certain perfons, as was before ob- 
ferved with refped: to various fuppofed deities. 
But after the coming of the white people, they feem- 
ed to fuppofe there were three deities, and three on- 
ly, becaufe they faw people of three different kinds 
of complexion, viz. Englifh, Negroes and them- 
felvcs. <i 

It is a notion pretty generally prevailing among 
them, that it was not the fame God made them who 
made us ; but that they were made after the white 
people ; which further fhews, that they imagine a 
plurality of divine powers. And I fancy they fup- 
pofe their god gained fome fpecial fkill by feeing 
the white people made, and fo made them better : 
For it is certain they look upon themfelves and their 
methods of living (which, they fay, their god ex- 
prefsly prefcribed for them) vaftly preferable to the 
white people, and their methods. And hence will 
frequently fit and laugh at them, as being good for 
nothing elfe but to plough, and fatigue themfelves 
with hard labour ; while they enjoy the fatisfac- 
tion of flretching themfelves on the ground, and 
fleeping as much as they pleafe, and have no other 
trouble but now and then to chafe the deer, which 
is often attended with pleafure rather than pain. 
Hence, by the way, many of them look upon it as 
difgraceful for them to become chriflians, as it would 
be efleemed among chriflians for any to become pa- 
gans. And now although they fuppofe our religion 
will do well enough for us, becaufe prefcribed by 
our God, yet it is no ways proper for them, becaufe 
not of the fame make and original. This they have 
fometimes offered as a reafon why they did not in- 
cline to hearken to chriflianity. 

They feem to liave fome confufed notion about a 
future flate of exiftence, and many of them imagine 


8^ Difficulties attending the 

that the Chichung (i. e. The fhadow) or what fur- 
vives the body, will at death go fouthward, and in 
an unknown, but curious place, will enjoy lomc 
kind of happinefsjfuch as hunting, fealling, dancing, 
and the like. , And what they fuppofe will contrib- 
ute much to their happinefs in that (late is, ifriat they 
fhall never be weary of thofe entertainments. It 
feemsby this notion of their going fouthward to obtain 
happinefs, as if they had their courfe into thefe parts 
of the world from fome very cold climate, and found 
the further they went fouthward the more comfort- 
able they were ; and thence concluded, that perfedH: 
felicity was to be found further towards the fame 

They feemto have fome faint and glimmering no- 
tion about rewards and punifhments, or at leaft hap- 
pinefs and mifery in a future ftate, that is, fome that I 
have converfed with, though others feem to know of 
no fuch thing. Thofe that fuppole this, feem to im- 
agine that moft will be happy, and that thofe who 
are not fo, will be punifhed only with privation, 
being only excluded the walls of that good world, 
where happy fouls fhall dwell. 

Thefe rewards and punifhments they fuppofe to de- 
pend entirely upon their conduct with relation to the 
duties of the fecond table, i.e. theirbehaviour towards 
mankind, and feem, fo far as I can fee, not to imag- 
ine that they have any reference to their religious 
notions or pradlices, or any thing that relates to the 
worfhip of God. I remember I once conlulted a 
very ancient, but intelligent Indian, upon this point, 
for my own fatisfadtion ; alked him whether the 
Indians of old times had fuppofed there was any 
thing of the man that would furvive the body. He 
replied, Yes. I afkedhim, where they fuppofed its 
abode would be. He replied. It would go fouthward. 
I afked him further, whether it would be happy 


Chrijiianizlng of the Indians, 83 

there. He anfwered, after a confiderable paufe, 
that the fouls of good folks would be happy, and 
the fouls of bad folks miferable. I then aflced him, 
who he. called bad folks. His anfwer (as I remem- 
ber) was, thofe who lie. Ileal, quarrel with their 
neighbours, arc unkind to their friends, and efpecial- 
]y to aged parents, and in a word, fuch as are a 
plague to mankind. Thefe were his bad folks ; 
but not a word was faid about their neglect of di- 
vine worfhip, and their badnefs in that refpe6l. 

They have indeed fome kind of religious wor- 
fliip, are frequently offering facrifices to fome fup- 
pofed invifible powers, and are very ready to impute 
their calamities in the prefent world, to the negled: 
of thefe facrifices j but there is no appearance of rev- 
erence and devotion in the homage they pay them 1 
and what they do of this nature, feems to be done 
only to appeafe the fuppofed anger of their deities, 
to engage them to be placable to themfelves, and 
do them no hurt, or at m.ofl, only to invite thefe 
powers to fucceed them in thofe enterprifes they are 
engaged in refpedting the prefent life. So 'that in 
offering thefe facrifices, they feem to have no refer- 
ence to a future ftate, but only to prefent comfort. 

What further contributes to their averfionto chrif- 
tianity, is, the influence that their powwows (con- 
jurers or diviners) have upon them. Thefe are a 
fort of perfons who are fuppofed to have a power of 
foretelling future events, of recovering the fick, at 
leafl: oftentimes, and of charming, enchanting, or 
poifoning perfons to death, by their magick divina- 
tions. And their fpirit, in its various operations. 
feems to be a fatanical imitation of the fpirit of 
prophecy that the church in early ages was favoured 
with. Some of thefe diviners are endowed with this 
fpirit in infimcy. Others in adult age. It feems 
not to depend upon ihcirown will, nor to be acquir- 

84 'Difficulties at tendings ^c, 

cd by any endeavours of the perfon who is the fub- 
jedl of it, although it is fuppofed to be given to chil- 
dren fometimes in confequence of fome means the 
parents ufe with them for that purpofe : One of 
which is to make the child fwallow a fmall living 
frog, after having performed fome fuperftitious rites 
and ceremonies upon it. They are not under the in- 
fluence of this fpirit always alike j but it comes up- 
on them at times. And thofe who are endowed 
with it, are accounted Angularly favoured. 

Thefe things ferve to fix them down in their idol- 
atry, and to make them believe there is no fafety to 
be cxpedled, but by their continuing to offer fuch 
facrifices. And the influence that thefe powwows 
have upon them, either through the elleem or fear 
they have of them, is no fmall hindrance to their em- 
bracing chriftianity. 



Ita.'**- ■-'^>-^ 

/ .v.-'vi;^ipp:«*^j*ii^i|ii»»i.»f«W»i'^''!'"«»'i-'i-tssi^T*:!